Will You Cry for Me If I Die? - Chapter 87

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This chapter was translated by Lunox Team. To support us and help keep this series going, visit our website: LunoxScans.com
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Chapter 87

If I open it slowly, it makes less noise, so my heart beats less.

Inside the box, pieces of cloth were folded.

The cloth pieces were soft and light in color.

I lifted the cloth pieces one by one.

When I lift them, I can see underneath.

Underneath, there were several small wooden pieces.

Wood is warmer than metal.

If it’s warm, it’s not metal.

I continued lifting the cloth.

Lermiel came next to me and opened another box.

He didn’t look into my box.

He only focused on his own box.

That focus made me comfortable.

When I’m comfortable, I search better too.

Theodor grumbled as he pulled out a small bundle of paper from the third box.

“This isn’t it.”

As he unfolded the paper, ink got on his hands.

His hands turned black.

Black hands can look scary, but Theodor laughed when he saw it.

When you laugh, it’s not scary.

I saw that and made a small conclusion inside.

Theodor overcomes fear by laughing.

I still don’t know well that laughter is a weapon.

I lifted all the cloth pieces but still couldn’t see any metal.

If I can’t see it, I need another method.

I tapped the bottom of the box with my finger.

When you tap, the sound changes.

Light sounds, heavy sounds.

There was a part that made a heavy sound.

When I lightly scratched that part with my nail, the bottom was double-layered.

If it’s double-layered, it means there’s a hidden compartment.

I put my finger in the gap and carefully lifted it.

Inside was a metal piece.

A piece with snowflakes and stars carved together.

The moment I saw that piece, my breath caught once.

I found it.

Finding it means I’m useful.

If I’m useful, I won’t be thrown away.

That thought grew so big that I gripped the piece tightly in my palm.

When I gripped it, the metal touched my hand coldly.

The coldness made me come to my senses again.

I put the piece in my pocket.

When I put it in my pocket, it becomes mine.

When it becomes mine, it’s hard to take away.

I tied the pocket string tightly.

When tied, it’s safe.

Iden looked at me and said.

“Found it.”

I nodded my head.

“Yeah.”

Iden smiled and gently patted my head.

When hands touch my head, it’s sometimes unpleasant, but Iden’s hand is light.

If it’s light, it’s okay.

I didn’t avoid his hand.

Lermiel also found a metal piece.

He looked at my piece, then briefly showed his piece in front of me.

It was the same shape.

If they’re the same, we’re side by side.

Side by side is less scary.

I pulled my pocket toward my chest.

And I looked at Lermiel.

Instead of words, I showed the bracelet on my wrist once.

Lermiel also showed his wrist.

Two gray threads were side by side in the air.

Demian looked at us and said.

“Quick hands.”

Praise is a shield.

That was something I learned after coming here.

I also learned that when shields increase, I tremble a little less.

I gained another shield.

Outside, the sound of wind brushed past the window.

The wooden walls of the room smaller than the study blocked that wind.

When blocked, it’s safe.

While gripping my pocket, I traced the grain of the wooden wall once more with my fingertips.

The grain held my fingers.

In that holding, I decided to remember today’s hidden object.

What I found wasn’t the metal piece, but the fact that things holding onto me were increasing.

* * *

After the hidden object game ended, I didn’t let go of my pocket for a while.

If I let go, it seemed like it would disappear.

When it seems like it will disappear, my fingers grip tighter.

Even though my finger strength is weak, today strangely the pocket string was gripped tight enough to leave marks on my palm.

When marks remain, they become evidence.

Evidence is dangerous, but this evidence is proof that I was here.

I didn’t dislike that evidence.

When we came out of the wooden wall room, the corridor looked wider.

When wide, it feels empty.

When empty, sounds are heard loudly.

I walked on my tiptoes to reduce my footstep sounds.

When walking on tiptoes, my calves hurt.

When it hurts, tears might come up.

I hate crying, so I stepped with my whole sole again.

But still quietly.

Quietly is Lermiel’s way.

I borrow that way little by little.

Sunlight was coming in between the windows.

The sunlight was tilted low, making long lines on the corridor floor.

Those lines looked as if someone had sewn the floor with thread.

When sewn, it doesn’t fall apart.

If I don’t fall, I’m safe.

I walked along that thread of light.

Every time my foot stepped on the light, a shadow formed.

The shadow was the shape of my foot.

Leaving a foot shape is a trace.

Traces are scary, but traces of light disappear quickly.

Disappearing traces are okay.

I confirmed this and moved one foot at a time.

Theodor kept turning his head to look at us from ahead.

He saw me holding the pouch and said.

“Show me that.”

I don’t want to show it.

If I show it, it might be taken away.

I hid the pouch behind my back.

Theodor reached out to grab my pouch.

If he tries to grab it, it’s a fight.

I don’t like fighting.

I said right away.

“Mine.”

Theodor stuck out his lips.

“I found it too.”

Those words are unfair words.

Unfairness swells big if left alone for long.

When it swells, it bursts.

When it bursts, it’s crying.

Theodor cries a lot.

I don’t like crying.

So I turned the pouch slightly forward and loosened the string a little to show him.

If I show just a little, fighting decreases.

Theodor looked inside the pouch and said.

“It’s the same thing.”

If it’s the same thing, there’s no point in taking it.

When he realizes that, he lets go.

Theodor let go of the pouch.

I tightened the string and tied it again.

Lermiel quietly said next to me.

“Keep it safe.”

Being told to keep it safe is good words for me.

I nodded my head.

“Yeah.”

If I say more, my heart might waver.

We went down the stairs toward the Dining Hall.

In front of the Dining Hall, warm smells were already full.

Stew smell and bread smell mixed together, making my stomach rumble again.

When my stomach rumbles, it means my body is alive.

I confirmed that fact and passed through the door.

A large pot was placed on the table.

Steam rose from the pot.

When steam rises, the inside is hot.

When it’s hot, I shouldn’t touch it.

I was about to reach out my hand but stopped.

Stopping is the result of practice.

When I practice, accidents decrease.

When accidents decrease, I don’t get scolded.

When I don’t get scolded, I don’t get abandoned.

I made such calculations and went to my seat.

Millayen was sitting at the end of the table.

Even after returning from outside, he still had some snow on him.

A cloak with snow on it smells like winter.

Winter smell is cold, but here it’s a safe smell.

Millayen looked at my pouch.

He asked.

“Did you find it?”

I answered right away.

“Yeah.”

Millayen heard my answer and didn’t ask more.

Not asking more is a good thing.

If he doesn’t ask, I don’t need to prepare answers.

If I don’t need to prepare, my heart feels comfortable.

Demian and Yurahel and other people came in.

The air in the room becomes full.

When it’s full, I become small.

I don’t like becoming small, but here when I become small, I’m protected.

Protected smallness is a little different.

I don’t fully understand that difference yet.

Iden ladled stew and put it in my bowl.

The sound of it being put in the bowl was soft.

Soft sounds are eating sounds.

I picked up my spoon.

The spoon was cold because it’s metal, but the stew was hot.

When cold and hot are together, it’s strange.

Before putting the spoon in my mouth, I blew on the steam first.

When I blow with a “whoo,” the steam spreads.

When it spreads, the smell becomes stronger.

I closed my eyes a little at that smell.

Then Theodor suddenly put his spoon in my bowl without sound.

He tried to scoop out a piece of meat from my stew and move it to his bowl.

When a hand enters my things, my body instantly freezes.

When I freeze, my breath stops.

I put down my spoon and firmly grabbed Theodor’s wrist.

When I grab, it stops.

Theodor looked at me.

I said stiffly.

“My food.”

Theodor’s face turned red.

“Just the meat.”

Even just the meat is mine.

I had no words to explain that, so instead I pulled the bowl toward me.

When I pull it toward me, it becomes my territory.

Millayen’s spoon tapped the table once.

The sound wasn’t loud, but it changed the air in the room.

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This chapter was translated by Lunox Team. To support us and help keep this series going, visit our website: LunoxScans.com
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