Will You Cry for Me If I Die? - Chapter 86

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This chapter was translated by Lunox Team. To support us and help keep this series going, visit our website: LunoxScans.com
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Chapter 86

Demian said.

“Let’s just go up one step.”

One step is less dangerous.

I liked the words “one step.”

Theodor tried to go up just one step and pull out a book.

But the book was stuck too tightly.

When Theodor applied force, the bookshelf shook a little.

If it shakes, it falls.

Words immediately burst out of me.

“Stop.”

Theodor stopped in surprise.

If you stop, you don’t fall.

At that moment, I felt my heart sink with a thud.

I was worried about Theodor.

Worry is an emotion that makes you weak.

I hate becoming weak, but that worry didn’t feel bad.

Lermiel quietly approached the side of the ladder.

He gently supported the back of Theodor’s waist.

If you support, you don’t fall over.

That touch wasn’t excessive.

I like that carefulness.

And Lermiel pressed the side of the book spine with his finger.

He pressed to create a gap, then pulled the book through that gap.

The book came out smoothly.

If it comes out smoothly, there’s less noise too.

I thought that method was cool.

Theodor said as he came down.

“You’re good with your hands.”

Lermiel bowed his head slightly.

“Just.”

“Just” is a word that hides.

I use hiding words too.

I liked that common point.

Iden took out a small paper envelope from the basket.

The envelope was cream-colored, with rounded corners.

If corners are round, hands get hurt less.

Iden held out the envelope to me.

“Today we’re making bookmarks.”

Bookmarks are things you insert.

If you insert them, you don’t forget.

Not forgetting can be dangerous sometimes, but today seems like the good kind.

I took out a thin piece of leather from inside the envelope.

The leather was soft and warm.

The texture touching my hand was different from the thread on my wrist.

The thread was rough, the leather was smooth.

Both held onto me in different ways.

Lermiel took out a star-shaped metal piece from his envelope.

Metal sparkles.

When things sparkle I feel they’re dangerous, but that piece was very small.

If it’s small, it’s okay.

Lermiel placed that piece on my bookmark.

He looked at my face once, then said quietly.

“A star next to a snowflake.”

A star next to a snowflake.

Side by side.

If you’re side by side, you’re not alone.

I held my breath for a moment, then exhaled again.

And very

“Good.”

When I say good, my heart becomes more solid.

Theodor tried to attach a crown piece to his bookmark but got glue on his finger.

That finger glistened with shiny glue.

Glistening is unpleasant, but Theodor was smiling.

I was strangely envious of that smile.

When you’re envious, you want to copy.

I put just a tiny bit of glue on my finger.

Just a tiny bit.

They said a little bit is the most dangerous, but today’s little bit is a safe little bit.

I was learning that difference.

Demian was watching us from far away.

The room becomes quieter.

The air in the study was warm, the fireplace flame was steady, and the snow outside the window looked like it was swaying beyond the glass.

When things look like they’re swaying, the world doesn’t seem real, which is good.

I gripped my bookmark tightly in that swaying.

The smoothness of leather and the roughness of thread remained on my hand simultaneously.

And beside me, Lermiel said in a very small voice.

“Let’s read that book next time.”

I heard those words and nodded my head.

Reading is still scary, but in the warmth of the study it’s a little less scary.

If the less scary times increase, maybe someday I really won’t get lost.

* * *

After leaving the study, the corridor felt longer.

As the warmth of the fireplace grew distant behind me, the coldness of the stone walls drew near again.

Coldness makes your mind clear.

When you become clear, you see more of your surroundings.

I put my bookmark in my coat’s inner pocket and pressed the pocket once with my palm.

Pressing to check if it’s there makes me feel at ease.

What’s there becomes mine.

Theodor still walked hastily in front.

His feet are small but the sound is loud.

Loud sounds are noticeable.

If you’re noticeable, adults see you.

Adults seeing you is both safe and bothersome.

I thought while looking at the back of Theodor’s head.

Theodor isn’t afraid of being seen.

I’m envious of that.

Lermiel stayed beside me, not behind me.

He matched his steps to my pace.

When someone matches your pace, it’s less uncomfortable.

When less uncomfortable, breathing becomes deeper.

I found the deepening breath unfamiliar, so I deliberately coughed once.

Coughing hides the deepened breathing.

Turning the corridor, we came to a section with several windows.

Glass bottles and lamps were placed by each window.

Morning sunlight passed through the bottles, dropping small fragments of light on the floor.

The light fragments changed shape according to the glass patterns.

When shapes change, you can’t catch them.

I should dislike things I can’t catch, but this only danced on the floor and disappeared.

Even when it disappeared, it appeared again.

I liked that repetition.

Things that disappear and reappear are different from my immortality.

My immortality makes my body suffer.

This light just exists for me.

I quietly felt that difference as I passed by the window.

Iden guided us to a small room.

The room was smaller than the study, with a low ceiling.

Low things usually feel oppressive, but this room didn’t feel oppressive.

It was because the walls were made of wood.

Wood is warmer than stone.

When warm, the heart relaxes.

I remained wary of relaxing, yet lightly traced the wood wall’s grain with my fingertips.

The grain caught on my fingers, showing me direction.

Knowing direction means not getting lost.

I remembered the path Lermiel had mentioned.

Not getting lost is a good thing to say.

Inside the room was a low table with several boxes lined up on it.

The boxes were all different sizes.

Small boxes, long boxes, flat boxes.

Different sizes mean different contents inside.

Different things create expectations.

Expectations are dangerous, but here expectations are often permitted.

I’m still learning to accept that permission.

Iden spoke.

“Today is finding hidden objects.”

I’m good at finding hidden things.

In the Research Institute, I had to find hidden things to survive.

Hidden keys, hidden blades, hidden medicine bottles.

Remembering that, my body stiffened slightly.

When stiff, it’s hard to move.

I fidgeted with the thread bracelet on my wrist.

The rough thread scratched my fingertips.

That scratching pulled me back to the present.

Theodor said excitedly.

“I’ll find it first.”

Demian entered the room.

He closed the door and quietly looked down at us.

With that gaze present, even playing becomes a bit more careful.

Demian said.

“Rules.”

The word “rules” made the air in the room solid.

Theodor’s shoulders also dropped slightly.

Demian pointed at the boxes with his finger.

“One each.”

Those words were simple.

Simple things are easy to follow.

Iden opened one box to show small pieces inside.

Inside were wood, cloth, small stones, and leather pieces mixed together.

The leather had the same texture I’d touched in the study.

I remember that texture.

Iden gave each of us small cloth pouches.

The pouches were slightly larger than a palm.

I held my pouch in my hand and opened the entrance.

When opened, you can see inside.

When visible, it’s safe.

I like starting from a safe state.

Iden said.

“This is what you’ll find.”

He lifted up a small metal piece.

The metal piece had snowflakes and stars carved together.

Shapes carved together seem to mean side by side.

Side by side is less scary.

Looking at that piece, I opened my pouch entrance wider.

Iden put the metal piece into one of the boxes and closed the lid.

The sound of the lid closing was small.

Small sounds are okay.

I listened carefully.

In the Research Institute, I located things by sound.

Here, I can play with sounds.

The difference of being able to play made my heart a little softer.

Iden raised his hand to give the starting signal.

Theodor immediately ran to the first box.

Running makes noise.

I didn’t run.

I first looked at where the boxes were positioned.

On the table, there were parts where light reached and parts where it didn’t.

In parts where light didn’t reach, the shadows were long.

The boxes on the shadow side looked slightly colder on their lids.

Looking cold means there might be metal inside.

Metal likes cold things.

Thinking helps avoid danger.

I chose a flat box on the shadow side.

The box surface had small scratches.

Scratches mean someone touched it often.

There’s a possibility of hiding things in frequently touched places.

I slowly opened the box lid.

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This chapter was translated by Lunox Team. To support us and help keep this series going, visit our website: LunoxScans.com
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