The Trashy PD Has To Survive as an Idol - Chapter 118

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This chapter was translated by Lunox Novels. To support us and help keep this series going, visit our website: LunoxScans.com
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118

“Delicious~.”
“Ha, right? Good to be here.”

Sung Ji-won chewed on the eel grilled by Kang Yi-chae’s song, acting as usual.
He laughed often, hummed occasionally, and even looked after the members evenly. His kindness reached its peak when he pulled cup noodles from his carry-on for the guys whining about being hungry even after coming back from the restaurant.

“Cup noodles really hit different when you’re starving.”
“Wow~, our maknae’s already lived a full life….”

While the younger members giggled at the thought of eating the noodles Sung Ji-won had pulled from his carry-on, he simply laughed and quietly stood up.
That’s when it happened.

“Where are you going?”

Seo Ho-yoon, who looked unusually out of sorts today, asked from beside me. Sung Ji-won rolled his eyes slightly but responded lightly.

“Isn’t your throat dry? I’ll grab us some drinks.”
“Hyung, it’s late at night~.”
“We could just order room service.”
“There were plenty of convenience stores nearby, right? I’ll just pop out for a bit and get some fresh air.”
“Ji-won hyung, want me to come with you?”

Kang Yi-chae started to stand, but Seo Ho-yoon grabbed his arm firmly. Kang Yi-chae frowned and turned his head, exchanging glances with him, but Sung Ji-won’s mind was already elsewhere and didn’t notice.

“I’ll be back soon.”

Sung Ji-won offered the members a slight smile before heading outside. Even though none of the members followed, his footsteps grew increasingly hurried as he moved away from the hotel.
The smile that had lingered at the corners of his mouth gradually faded.

“…Sigh.”

In front of the members chattering away cheerfully, I maintained a composed exterior, but truthfully, my mind was anxious.
It seemed the members still didn’t know.
Seo Ho-yoon had asked if it was a sasaeng, but hadn’t brought it up since. The other members hadn’t even mentioned it at all.
I sifted through my dizzy memories, retracing my steps to confirm I hadn’t made any mistakes.

‘Since they haven’t said anything yet, it should be fine.’

The members were probably still bickering and joking around at the dormitory, and I just needed to return naturally and blend in seamlessly. The thought alone was satisfying… and made me happy.
We were always teasing each other and occasionally fought, but it all stemmed from affection.
Such perceptive and kind members.

‘…I’m really grateful.’

They were incomparably different from the trainees at D.go’s agency.
Or perhaps it wasn’t the trainees’ fault.
It seemed they weren’t always like that either.
Under D.go’s policies where everything was decided by scores and rankings, subtly inciting trainees while making those eliminated feel like garbage, the trainees had few choices for how to survive.
Vigilance, envy, jealousy, endless rumors piled upon rumors. Occasionally, criticism that came in torrents thick enough to choke off speech. And that filthy, murky swamp that felt like drowning the moment you stepped into it.
Having heard, witnessed, and endured all of it, I truly—

“This is irritating.”

This time, I absolutely didn’t want to compromise.
Having resolved to finish quickly and return to the members, I stood alone in a narrow alley some distance from the hotel, staring blankly at my phone glowing through the dark night.
Actually, I hadn’t changed my phone number all this time. Rather, I had tried to memorize that sasaeng’s number.

Zzzzzt!

Watching the endless vibrations, I organized my thoughts with a rare, cold expression.
It wasn’t a question of cutting off the sasaeng or not.
It was whether I had the courage to take the risk here and dig deeper into that matter.
But the deliberation over the question was shorter than expected.

‘Of course I want to know.’

Grasping at fleeting memories, I let my gaze droop with exhaustion.

‘But this isn’t—.’

And just as his fingers were about to touch his phone.

“…!”
“Ji-won.”

Someone abruptly stopped his hand.
Ji-won, startled, nearly dropped his phone, but the person who caught it with impeccable timing was—.

“What are you doing right now.”

None other than Seo Ho-yoon, whose mood had been low all afternoon, staring at him with sharp, piercing eyes.

***

‘Has he lost his mind?’

I’d followed Ji-won here with a slight time delay, just to be sure.
But sneaking out here without the other members knowing, only to take a call from a sasaeng fan?
I stared at Ji-won in disbelief.
Ji-won looked at me with eyes wide as if he’d seen a ghost, then blinked.

“Oh, Ho-yoon. When did you get here?”
“What are you doing?”
“Me? I was just getting a drink….”
“A drink?”

I laughed. Not because I found it amusing, of course. My mood, which had been reasonably decent until moments ago, plummeted in an instant.

“Ji-won, hey….”
“….”
“Do you enjoy lying?”

I’d been relatively gentle with Ji-won, even by my own standards. When I spoke without hesitation, his shoulders shrank.
I pressed my fingers against my brow to calm the irritation rising within me.

“…Look, stop pretending you don’t know, please. Now answer me honestly.”
“…What?”
“You were about to take that call just now.”

Sung Ji-won’s lips trembled slightly as he averted his gaze. It was an admission, and he knew that denying it here would be pointless.

“No, I was trying to end it.”
“….”
“I was genuinely conflicted about it.”

He admitted it. So came the second question.

“Are you dating someone?”
“…W-what, what did you just—?”

I’d always thought I wasn’t particularly dim-witted, but in a situation like this, the best provocation I could conjure to make Sung Ji-won spill the truth himself was something this crude.

“Are you dating a fan?”

Reframing the reason he was secretly taking fan calls without telling the other members in such an inflammatory way.

“Ha, haha….”

At my blunt words, Sung Ji-won heard them and… laughed, as if he found it absurd.
It wasn’t a laugh of amusement, and for once, he seemed genuinely angry.

“…Seo Ho-yoon, that’s too much. Me dating a fan?”

His voice was lower than his usual tone, and his lips were slightly pressed together.

“You don’t actually think I’d do something like that, right? Because if you do, I think I’d be pretty upset.”

‘Of course not, damn it….’

Did I think he was insane?
What was Sung Ji-won lacking? He had everything.
Wasn’t his head on straight like the others? No, it was.
Sung Ji-won had promised me he wouldn’t date, and he was the type to keep that promise to the end. Unless some once-in-a-century love appeared (and even then I’d probably tear it apart), dating a fan made absolutely no sense no matter how I thought about it.
Watching Sung Ji-won’s gaze keep dropping to the floor, I removed the cap I’d been wearing and scrubbed my head roughly.
I’d said it, but seeing him react this way to such a cheap provocation made my mood worse. Even though I was the one who’d pressured him.

After sighing and splashing my face with water, I put the cap back on. Sung Ji-won, who’d been carefully observing me while leaning against the wall, lowered his gaze. And in a tone slightly softer than before, he spoke.

“…You didn’t mean what you just said.”
“….”
“Then why did you say it that way?”

‘Impressive.’

Despite his youth, Sung Ji-won had been tossed around the entertainment industry long enough to read my true intentions from the briefest of gestures. His instincts were sharp. And even knowing what kind of person I was, he still chose to confront me head-on.
So,

“I’m curious, Ji-won.”

I needed to apply more pressure.

“What exactly are you doing right now?”

Sung Ji-won still couldn’t meet my gaze, only biting his lower lip tightly.
Seeing that, a wave of harsh reality crashed over me.
What was I doing with him? If it were anyone else, I would’ve laughed and pressed them without blinking, but doing this to Sung Ji-won felt… different.

‘…That’s not what matters right now.’

I decided to trace through Sung Ji-won’s actions from the beginning once more.
Being kind and being rational are two separate things.
When I said I’d rejoin The Dun, Sung Ji-won was the only one who showed warmth while everyone else was on guard. Perhaps he simply felt compassion for someone who’d been hurt returning. Either way, it meant he was a gentle and good person.
But fundamentally, Sung Ji-won was rational and had good judgment. Even compared to Kang Yi-chae, he was someone who kept his own boundaries.

‘Under normal circumstances, he would’ve cut contact the moment a sasaeng appeared.’

He would’ve told me right away, but the fact that he didn’t meant he had something to hide.

‘Don’t follow right away.’
‘What?’
‘Let’s just watch for now.’

That’s why I didn’t immediately follow Kang Yi-chae and Sung Ji-won.
That’s why I simply watched whenever Sung Ji-won grew restless.
But look at this. He’s willing to meet even while troubled.

‘I need to dig deeper.’

There had to be something more.
Things a private life manager would naturally know about.

I’d need to divide it into two categories even within that.
Either secrets Sung Ji-won wanted to protect even after meeting a private life manager… or things he wanted to know.
I tore my gaze away from Sung Ji-won.
Whether I should dig up something from the Item Shop and force him to spill it, or keep applying pressure as things stood….
While I was organizing my thoughts, Sung Ji-won, who had been silent the whole time, suddenly let slip something completely out of left field.

“…So this is what it’s like.”

Sung Ji-won’s lower lashes trembled.

“This is probably what other people feel like…”
“….”

I watched with a twitch of my brow, wondering if he was trying to slip away like last time, but that wasn’t it.
Sung Ji-won, his expression troubled, simply ran his fingers over his lips before answering honestly.

“…I have no intention of dating anyone while I’m active. You’re the same way, Ho-yoon.”
“Really? Then why did you try to hide it while being so cautious?”

Sung Ji-won fell silent for a long time. I spoke while trying to meet his eyes.

“A guy who was fine suddenly gets anxious, worries over a private life manager’s call, won’t even change his phone number, lies to the members, and now he’s standing in front of me keeping his mouth shut and watching my reaction?”
“….”
“Sung Ji-won, say something. Anything.”

Sung Ji-won is… strange.
I can never quite figure out which button gets pressed, but even though he practices like a madman, he always wears that detached expression—and every so often, he acts like someone cornered at a cliff’s edge. And that holds true even now.

“…You’re right, what you said is right. I was suspicious… and I did wrong….”

Sung Ji-won hung his head and spent a long time choosing his words before mumbling quietly.

“…I just wanted to know something.”

My brow twitched. Sung Ji-won lifted his head again and met my gaze directly.

“You read the room, you lied, you hid things. …Even if you did all that, it was because there was something you wanted to know, Ho-yoon.”
“….”
“Everyone’s like that, aren’t they? Everyone has something they desperately want….”

It felt almost like being reproached.

‘…Ah.’

Hearing those words, I sighed inwardly.

‘Damn it….’

My head throbbed as if someone had struck the back of my skull.
Only then did I realize. The situation Sung Ji-won was in right now, staring straight at me, wasn’t so different from what I’d been doing to the members all this time.
Everyone has something they desperately want?

‘Is he actually threatening me right now?’

If he were just doing the same three-part routine—reading the room, lying, hiding—that would be one thing.
But me? I’d been threatening people, insisting on my way, swallowing my pride and playing nice. Because I also had something I wanted to know.

‘Sung Ji-won, so this is how you come at me.’

Clearly, I was in the worse position.
The laughter and chatter I’d shared with the members just moments ago vanished like a lie. So I lowered my head for a moment.
Could I really pull off a double standard without telling them? Should I actually borrow the power of a real item?
While my mind was busily calculating… Sung Ji-won tapped the ground lightly with the tip of his foot.

“…Ho-yoon.”
“….”
“Let’s do this. I… wasn’t planning to contact you, but not changing my phone number itself was already insane, and thanks for stopping me. Really… I won’t go any further than this.”

Sung Ji-won slowly laid out the situation.

“So you….”

Sung Ji-won played his hand.
He clearly knew I was hiding something. And I also knew Sung Ji-won had something going on. Already understanding each other’s situations, there were only two things we could do.

Either we both come clean, or we bury it all as a secret.
Just like I had with Kim Jae-yeon and countless others.
I studied him, mentally weighing what bargaining chips I could lay on the table—.

“…Give me a little more time.”

—Sung Ji-won made his request.

“…What?”
“I’m sorry for worrying you when you’re busy, and for asking something like this.”

Sung Ji-won’s expression was complicated. But unlike me, stupidly floundering for footing, he seemed to have already sorted through everything in his mind and nodded.

“Right now… I just can’t bring myself to say it. Once I’m mentally prepared, I’ll tell you first.”

It looked somewhat deflating.

“…Is it too shameless of a request?”

I couldn’t find an answer.
Sung Ji-won just….
Simply dropped my matters without pressing further.

So all those conditions I’d been frantically weighing in my head evaporated entirely.
Sung Ji-won, who’d been watching my expression, finally smiled faintly.

“You’re going to grant it.”

Yet I hadn’t said a word.
In the atmosphere where silence stacked upon itself and settled heavily, I—like a cowardly loser who hadn’t even fought properly—bowed my head, still feeling the vibration from Sung Ji-won’s phone that I was gripping tightly.

[Hyun-sung]

…It was Kim Sung-hyun.
I looked at him with deflation, sighed, and handed the phone to Sung Ji-won. Sung Ji-won lifted his eyes slightly to gauge my reaction, then carefully accepted the phone.

“Yeah, ah… Hyun-sung. Yeah. I’ll head over soon. …Yeah, Ho-yoon’s here too.”

I stood there, listening to the cheerful chatter flowing from the receiver. Sung Ji-won spoke gently as usual until the end, hung up, then took a step closer to me.

“Hmm, Ho-yoon.”

And he was studying my expression with an almost frantic intensity.
I dodged those kind eyes and answered.

“…What?”
“Da-jun asked me to buy cola.”

Jung Da-jun….
This youngest member, seriously….
The moment I heard that, the irritation I’d been holding back exploded. I abandoned Sung Ji-won and spun around, striding away with long, heavy steps. My frustration wasn’t directed at Sung Ji-won. It was directed at myself.
Sung Ji-won called out from behind, his voice noticeably flustered.

“Should I, should I just buy it myself?”
“Do whatever you want.”
“…Okay!”

At times like this, a single cigarette would clear my stuffy chest. With that chain-smoker’s thought, I habitually rummaged through my pockets… but there wasn’t even a scrap of candy that Kang Yi-chae had given me, let alone a cigarette. I tilted my head back and exhaled a heavy sigh.

“Man, nothing’s going right today….”

My luck today is absolutely dead.
I’d walked all the way to near the hotel before turning back to a convenience store for candy, and I regretted not just walking a bit further to the next one. I’d been so indecisive that I ran straight into Sung Ji-won, who was just pulling out a cola with an awkward smile.

“Oh.”
“….”
“I, I was going to buy the cola?”

Seriously… my luck today is absolutely dead.

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This chapter was translated by Lunox Novels. To support us and help keep this series going, visit our website: LunoxScans.com
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