I’m Sick of the Kind Protagonist, so I Might as Well Just Die - Chapter 51

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This chapter was translated by Lunox Novels. To support us and help keep this series going, visit our website: LunoxScans.com
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#51
A luxurious carriage emblazoned with the Imperial House’s crest. And Perenustus, adorned far more extravagantly than the carriage itself. Me, perched casually atop his thigh.
‘I can’t pinpoint a single thing that makes sense about this. Truly absurd.’
Helpless laughter spilled from my lips in quiet bursts, filling the silent carriage.
“It’s wonderful to see you smile, my lady.”
Perenustus, spouting such nonsense, deliberately produced a handkerchief with a flourish.
“You’d probably pick it up and deliver it to Perenustus even if it fell in the gutter.”
Amused by my words, he laughed aloud, then snapped the ornate fabric open with a light flick and began gently wiping my ear. The sensation of his long fingers, wrapped in soft cloth, brushing over the bite marks Leonas had left behind was….
“Ugh, this feels strange.”
Unable to find a better word than “strange,” I twisted away, but Perenustus paid no attention. He simply continued tending to my ear with the precision of someone handling the world’s most delicate enchanted stone.
“…Hey.”
“We’ll talk later.”
Goosebumps erupted each time my ear was pressed and brushed. My skin prickled, fine hairs standing on end, and I could feel Perenustus’s gaze keenly upon those spots as he methodically erased every trace of Leonas.
“I was aware the Grand Duke’s position within the Imperial Palace was precarious, but surely they wouldn’t starve him. Why bite your precious lady’s ear like some animal?”
“….”
“As one who would seize the throne, and as one who would claim another’s wife, it was a poor move indeed. If you’re going to be unoriginal and predictable, at least be entertaining. But there wasn’t even that. Frankly, it deserves a failing grade.”
He uttered an assessment that would have made Leonas’s heart sink, then drew back the carriage’s curtain. He flicked the handkerchief out the window as if discarding filth—and the handkerchief transformed into white petals that scattered beautifully in the wind.
“Are we really just leaving like this?”
I murmured without thinking, watching the Imperial Palace’s walls recede rapidly. The reality of our escape felt as unreal as the handkerchief transformed into petals.
“Do you miss it already, now that we’ve fled?”
Perenustus draped a blanket over my shoulders while spouting nonsense. I brushed away his pristine hand as though I hadn’t heard what I clearly had.
“I can do it myself.”
“I want to do it, so why not?”
I was left speechless for a moment. Perenustus had a talent for rendering people momentarily unable to respond.
Just as I was about to say something, the carriage lurched, and the vehicle swayed violently. My frail body lost its balance at such a tremor and tilted sharply toward his chest.
“Careful.”
He steadied my waist as though it were the most natural thing and warned me quietly. It was truly strange. In terms of frequency, intensity, and contact area, my physical interactions with Leonas were incomparable. Yet somehow, contact with Perenustus felt different.
‘It feels more ticklish somehow, more prickling somehow….’
Stimulating…perhaps? It was my own body, yet I couldn’t find the words to describe this sensation.
When I stopped fidgeting, unable to bear that peculiar stimulation, silence settled over the carriage. It was a pleasant quiet—a tranquility unmarred by the pressure to follow prescribed lines and actions. Within that peace, I began calculating quietly.
‘The gods are watching us right now, aren’t they?’
-Precisely. My goodness, Aurelia was once nameless dummy data, and now she’s reached the level of sensing the gaze of great beings? How moving.
‘….’
Even as I cast him a sidelong glance, he nodded steadfastly, as though genuinely moved.
-Aurelia is the mistress of a usurper, and I am her lawful husband. We are now in that sordid relationship, fleeing in the name of love. A thoroughly conventional stimulus that the old ones adore.
‘…So you’ve decided to just call them “old ones” now?’
-They won’t hear it anyway, so what’s the point in being polite?
‘Hah….’
-A conventional picture begets a conventional ending. When those old ones are complacent, striking them from behind will hurt quite a lot, won’t it?
I narrowed my eyes slightly as I looked at him. He twisted his mouth into an exaggerated mimicry of my expression.
—Didn’t I tell you? I came here to repay those who caused suffering to my purpose.
‘….’
It was somewhat absurd, yet not unpleasant. To be honest, I was delighted. It felt similar to the moment I met Bilateia Fernichiosa Venisike, who had been waiting for me after I drowned in poisoned bathwater.
‘Is that really your goal? To strike the Ancient Gods from behind even more painfully than I suffered?’
—I don’t look like someone who would lie.
Perenustus countered with a slight furrow between his brows. It was infuriating, but he was right. I gazed out the window at this man who always appeared exhausted and unmotivated, yet whose eyes occasionally gleamed with a peculiar satisfaction.
“How far have we come now?”
The Imperial Palace was already quite distant. The grand walls were no longer visible, and beyond where the long Shopping District ended, the rooftops of private residences filled the window.
“A bit further, and we’ll reach the townhouse I use when staying in the Imperial Capital.”
“Ah…. So we’re going to Perenustus’s house.”
“No, we’re going to our house.”
He corrected me without a moment’s hesitation. As I stared at this man whose thoughts were impossible to read, a sudden impulse surged within me.
‘I want to keep riding in this carriage.’
It was an honest desire. I didn’t want to return inside that Imperial Palace. I understood well enough why Leonas Hagpethar Yuletanis was so sick of a worldview that didn’t suit him. I didn’t want to experience Leonas’s touch again, nor Bilateia Fernichiosa Venisike’s poison, nor the gaze of the gods.
“Well then.”
I opened my mouth carefully, recalling the nature of the curse that nothing ever went according to my will.
“Let’s return to the Imperial Palace.”
Perenustus’s body stiffened rigidly. The man who carried himself as though he had awakened to all the world’s truths now wore an expression of utter incomprehension.
“What did you just….”
“Let’s return to the Imperial Palace.”
As I watched his stone-like face slowly contort into a frown, the corners of my mouth twitched.
‘I’m probably the only one in this world who can make Perenustus wear such an expression.’
—Ha. We can’t have two such beings, can we?
He shot the words at me quite sharply, regarding me with an expression of utter disbelief. I met his gaze head-on and shrugged.
‘You said you wanted to strike them painfully from behind.’
—….
‘The Ancient Gods, Bilateia Fernichiosa Venisike, Leonas Hagpethar Yuletanis—none of them would have anticipated us returning so quickly, would they?’
—You’re returning for such a trivial reason? Just to see their shocked expressions?
‘Well, that too, but more than that…’
I pulled my lips into a broad smile and revealed my true purpose.
‘I want to see how the curse activates. I really don’t want to go back, but I’m equally eager to see the bewildered faces of everyone there.’
—What….
‘I want to confirm how the curse responds to contradictory desires.’
Silence filled my mind. Perenustus stared at something—neither me nor the window—with an unfocused gaze. Just as I began to grow uneasy, wondering if I had misjudged, he finally spoke.
“Ha…. I knew from the moment I first saw you that you were a truly strange existence.”
It was a sigh that could have been admiration or reproach. At the end of a long breath, Perenustus shot me a sharp look and finally tapped on the window.
“Turn the carriage around. We’ve had sufficient diversion. Return to the Imperial Palace.”
With the coachman’s acknowledgment, the carriage tilted sharply. I watched as the distant castle walls drew near again and sighed openly.
“You shouldn’t make that expression after Aurelia suggested returning first.”
Something too delicate to call anticipation, yet too embarrassing to call a flutter, blocked my response. I opened and closed my mouth several times before finally gathering courage to ask.
“Perenustus.”
“Yes.”
“Do you think I’ve made the right choice?”
“I don’t know.”
An unexpected answer.
“…I was certain you’d tell me outright it was foolish, a stupid decision.”
“I did consider saying as much.”
“….”
“But I’ve decided to set aside doubt and disappointment, to hold only hope. After all, every first experience, every unfamiliar thing in my existence has stemmed from Aurelia.”
I found myself laughing at that—a strange, bubbling sound that escaped before I could stop it. Perenustus’s eyes narrowed in displeasure, which only made my laughter grow louder.
“I mean, it’s absurd hearing someone who acts like they know everything suddenly speak so earnestly about experiencing something for the first time.”
-It’s true though. I’ve only ever created worlds, never overturned one of my own making before.
‘…Overturned?’
-I’m considering whether I should merely overturn it, or tear it apart and shred it to pieces instead.
‘You came in with that level of resolve? I thought you were just going to twist things a little!’
-Your definition of “a little” and my definition of “overturn” amount to the same thing anyway.
‘Ah.’
When I accepted this without protest or excuse, Perenustus laughed aloud. I watched our laughter mingle in the narrow space that had been filled only with my own stifled chuckles moments before, and my lips curved upward once more.
‘This will be interesting.’
My heart quickened at the thought of what lay ahead.
Even as I stepped back into that beautiful prison, I couldn’t fathom why I felt this way.

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This chapter was translated by Lunox Novels. To support us and help keep this series going, visit our website: LunoxScans.com
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