I’m Sick of the Kind Protagonist, so I Might as Well Just Die - Chapter 35

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This chapter was translated by Lunox Novels. To support us and help keep this series going, visit our website: LunoxScans.com
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#35
“…Wow.”
I leaned against the Holy Sword, now drained of its radiance, overwhelmed by a profound satisfaction that defied words.
“Bilateia! You promised! You said you’d stay alive until I took the throne!”
Bilateia’s voice reached me. Beside her, Leonas Hagpethar Yuletanis was dimly visible, his face concealed by a mask below his nose.
“Get up! A promise must be kept!”
“Promises are meant to fade a little so they linger in memory all the longer.”
Bilateia shook her head frantically and pulled me into a tight embrace.
“Listen carefully, Bilateia. Whether you carry me or not, go to the Throne Hall. Show them that Keldrian’s true Emperor, guided by the Holy Sword, is you.”
“I didn’t need your permission to do that! I’ll prove with my life that Estella, the Empire’s first Grand Duchess, made the right choice! So don’t you dare die—watch me succeed!”
I smiled faintly.
“For a child, you speak with remarkable wisdom.”
I turned my gaze from the beautiful woman weeping because of me and looked up at the spires of the Imperial Palace.
‘Estella. Is Keldrian’s honor preserved now?’
-Perfectly.
The body’s true owner evaluated this death’s worth without a shred of hesitation, satisfied beyond measure. At last, I had earned the right to exit this tiresome stage. With that thought, I savored the meaning of a death that finally held value.
***
Each time I cycle through the Worlds, I realize one thing: the sensation of death is far more vivid than imagination could ever capture.
The creeping dread as my heart ceases, the metallic taste flooding deep into my lungs, the overwhelming loss as warmth drains from my body, and that cool, liberating numbness alongside it.
Whether it was habitual death or, like now, death suffused with the satisfaction of accomplishment—this sensation was never welcome.
‘Still, this time I’m quite proud of myself.’
It had been a precious moment to learn what it meant to give my all for a purpose, for a promise. Armed with this new understanding, I erased the unpleasantness of death and opened my eyes to the familiar ceiling.
‘Is this the Research Room or Classroom where Bilateia and Leonas study?’
I lay on that same sofa where I’d been forced to open my eyes not long ago because of Perenustus’s coercion. The only difference was that the gorgeous man with his cold, sharp features now gazed down at me with an expression far more troubled than ever before.
“Aurelia.”
In his voice calling my name, in the pupils of his eyes, there lingered a confusion difficult to put into words. Long fingers hesitated and hovered near my cheek before finally making contact.
“Aurelia.”
The second time he spoke my name, his voice had grown barely audible. Again and again, as if my name were the only word he knew, his lips trembled soundlessly. His hands, which had touched my skin as carefully as a child touching snow for the first time, soon cradled my face and buried his fingers deep into my hair. Though his touch was cool, that coolness scraped across my scalp and wrapped around the nape of my neck, sending heat blooming with each movement.
Before I could react, I found myself half-risen and held against him. I looked up at him in bewilderment.
“Why are you like this? Did something happen to Bilateia and Leonas?”
“…You worry people half to death, and the first thing you say when you wake is that?”
“No, then what should I…?”
Perenustus, who had been tilting his head to look at me, furrowed his brows sharply. Even with deep creases etched between his eyebrows, his handsome face remained flawless as he released his arms around me and clicked his tongue.
“Your body.”
“I’m fine. It was Estella’s body that died, not mine.”
“….”
I suppressed the urge to collapse back onto the sofa immediately and pushed myself up, my heavy body protesting. A dull ache shot through my neck as if the vertebrae had shifted. Rubbing the back of my neck, I looked around—and as expected, those two were nowhere to be seen.
“Bilateia and Leonas still haven’t escaped? So that’s why your face was so full of concern?”
Perenustus deliberated over this trivial question as if it were asking the universe’s greatest truth. After a long pause, he finally nodded.
Perenustus pondered his answer carefully, as if that trivial question were asking about the great truths of the universe. And only after a very long time did he nod his head.
“That’s how it turned out.”
“Then what do we do? Should I go back in and search for them?”
“No. They remain there because of some reckless fool’s parting words, and we cannot forcibly extract them.”
I realized a moment too late that the “reckless fool” he spoke of was referring to me.
“Bilateia and Leonas are staying in that world because of me? Why?”
“Bilateia bound Aurelia with a constraint—to prove that the true Emperor had returned.”
“No, wait… if you call that a constraint, it’s a bit awkward…”
“That’s why Bilateia is now trying to prove through her own life that Aurelia’s choice was right. By living through each day with a ferocity more brutal than death itself.”
“Ugh. This is why model students are no fun. I was waiting to tease them about how affectionate they were being the moment they opened their eyes. This completely ruins the mood.”
Perenustus, who had been staring at me with his mouth slightly agape, soon shook his head with a deep sigh. Then he flicked his long, elegant fingers lightly.
“The one who placed the constraint should take responsibility and watch over them.”
“Yes, yes.”
“Oh, and if Bilateia happens to come back, absolutely don’t say what you just said!”
He hastily added the caveat, and when he saw me raise my pinky finger and place it against my lips, he burst into laughter.
The ripples from that laughter caused the empty space to undulate like water. In that translucent curtain of water, the “world” I had just escaped from was vividly projected.
There, Bilateia struggled as the Empire’s first queen, while Leonas, becoming her shadow, silently swept away the blood-stained path before them. The children who had once been boy and girl had become full-fledged young adults, supporting each other as they climbed to the pinnacle of power—a ceaseless flow of their ascension.
“This… feels strange somehow.”
I murmured softly as I watched their lives unfold. Walking a blade’s edge, loving fiercely yet pushing each other away, yet never letting go—their lives were as beautiful as they were fierce.
“Once, I enjoyed watching my creations struggle and writhe.”
Perenustus spoke in a low voice. I narrowed my eyes and turned to look at him.
“Wow. That’s seriously twisted taste. You enjoyed watching others suffer?”
“Watching them crawl, writhe, bite at each other, and ultimately shatter even their Creator’s will—making my world entirely their own through their lives. That used to be quite entertaining.”
Contrary to his ornately adorned appearance, the man’s voice carried an unusual melancholy. From his perfectly swept-back hair to his impeccably tied cravat and accessories—all that brilliance seemed to paradoxically testify to the vast emptiness he harbored within.
“The more I experience Aurelia, the less I understand myself. Was my former self twisted? Or is it more twisted of me now to have arranged a typical world where I no longer need to struggle, simply because I’m tired and exhausted?”
The shadow cast upon his sculpted profile was so deep that I could no longer bring myself to tease him, and I closed my mouth.
He gazed downward, lost in thought for a long while, before adding as if in confession to himself.
“It’s shameful, but Aurelia—before you came, I had never once contemplated such concerns.”
Now I was certain. Perenustus was a man who, unable to bear the emptiness within himself, adorned his exterior all the more lavishly and meticulously to compensate.
‘He was like that crystal chandelier hanging from Estella’s Room ceiling—so perfectly polished. A being so transparent it seemed to contain nothing, yet reflected all the world’s light back upon it.’
Watching Perenustus lost in deep contemplation despite his flawless appearance, a strange impulse suddenly stirred within me. I wanted to rob this impeccable man of his composure so thoroughly he wouldn’t even have time to comb his hair. I was curious what his perfect grooming would look like disheveled because of me. Such indecent impulses led one after another to quite appealing imaginings.
‘…If he found out about this, I’d get quite the lecture.’
Rolling my eyes, I concealed my thoughts and sat beside him. Now that Bilateia and Leonas had become fully grown adults, watching over them like this made me feel almost like a parent.

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This chapter was translated by Lunox Novels. To support us and help keep this series going, visit our website: LunoxScans.com
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