I’m Sick of the Kind Protagonist, so I Might as Well Just Die - Chapter 23

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This chapter was translated by Lunox Novels. To support us and help keep this series going, visit our website: LunoxScans.com
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#23
Though his voice and manner were as gentle as a freshly bloomed spring flower, Perenustus’s body temperature was unnervingly cool.
“Don’t even think about running away on your own. Until you keep the promise you made with me, don’t you dare leave my sight.”
It was a strange madness that resembled both worry and relief. I remained pinned against the man whose body heat I’d stolen, now warming to a tepid warmth, and swallowed hard.
The oppressive weight behind his gentle smile was suffocatingly vivid. Yet I refused to admit that I was intimidated by Perenustus’s intensity.
“Am I being scolded right now? No, I haven’t done anything wrong enough to deserve this. Why should I be punished?”
I grumbled with what I thought was confidence and flailed my arms to escape his grasp, but the arms wrapped around me only tightened their grip.
“Why are you like this? Are you worried, or are you angry? Let’s settle this once and for all—just one thing.”
The moment my question reached Perenustus’s ears, his smile vanished from his face.
“…Why that expression? Is choosing between worry and anger really something that demands such seriousness?”
“I absolutely despise being touched by anyone.”
“…Yet here you are, holding me like this. What are you saying?”
“Exactly. A person who hates this sort of thing is doing the very thing he hates without disliking it.”
Perenustus murmured as though speaking of someone else’s affair, hesitated for just a moment, then rested his cheek against my head.
Perhaps because he held me so tightly without any gap between us, my mouth inexplicably went dry in the subtle current that enveloped us.
“Pardon us, Professor!”
“Gasp—”
Bilateia and Leonas, who had entered the room the moment they knocked, caught their breath mid-gasp. Perenustus glanced at them without concern and pressed more weight into his cheek against me.
“She was trying to escape again. Currently in the process of capture.”
“No, I was just trying to take one step back….”
“One step or eternal sleep—either way, I never gave permission.”
Perenustus replied dryly and tilted his head toward the senior students.
“You’ve arrived at just the right moment. I was about to call for you anyway.”
The moment he finished speaking, he turned me around. Before I could react, a large hand settled on my shoulder and I found myself seated in a chair that had suddenly appeared.
“Now then. Let us analyze this World.”
A command wrapped in a gentle tone flowed out. Bilateia and Leonas, who had been reading the atmosphere—wondering if this meant they should remain silent until called upon—clasped their hands behind their backs with tense expressions.
“Let’s start by hearing from Aurelia, the one directly involved in this World.”
Perenustus briefly removed his hand from my shoulder and pointed toward me.
“Aurelia. What did you learn from the World you experienced this time?”
Learn.
I, who had been content merely to fulfill Rowan’s wish and escape cleanly, only now paused to consider what I had actually learned.
“That love is perhaps the most useless endeavor in the world…?”
It was an honest assessment, yet Bilateia and Leonas, standing with their hands clasped behind their backs, hastily shook their heads at me.
‘Is there a model answer for what I learned? Why do they look like that?’
Before I could even ponder the correct answer, Perenustus posed his next question.
“Then how do you intend to apply this lesson to future Worlds?”
“Um… absolutely no romance for my own safety?”
“And what is your ultimate goal in applying such a lesson?”
“Filling the quota of comedy and tragedy… I suppose? And then keeping the promise I made with you.”
Perenustus nodded with an expression difficult to read. Then he posed the same question to the increasingly tense senior students.
“What did Bilateia learn from the world where Aurelia was deployed this time?”
“What I confirmed in this world is the danger of excessive immersion.”
Bilateia, who had been looking at me as though I were the world’s greatest fool, her nose wrinkled in disdain, suddenly straightened her posture. With her spine rigid and her voice clear and confident, the contrast with my own answer felt painfully stark.
“Aurelia became excessively immersed in a person named Rowan. She was completely consumed by the host body’s emotions and nearly fell into eternal slumber. This despite the fact that the host body’s sole reason for existence was to die and disappear for the protagonist’s narrative.”
“Rowan had that kind of role? No, but even so, saying that dying and disappearing is someone’s reason for existence is too harsh.”
“Precisely through this experience, I’ve come to understand exactly how dangerous it is to over-identify with individuals in a given world.”
Bilateia added cunningly. Perenustus nodded with a satisfied expression and posed his next question.
“How will this lesson be applied to subsequent worlds?”
“Going forward, when Aurelia is deployed into a world, I will focus more intently on observing and supporting whether she maintains an appropriate distance from the host body.”
The answer flowed out seamlessly, as though she’d rehearsed it beforehand.
“Before the next world deployment, I will practice real-time monitoring of Aurelia’s immersion level through her facial expressions, body temperature, and physical responses. To provide more stable care, I propose a system where I immediately intervene if Aurelia’s immersion reaches dangerous thresholds.”
“Excellent. I’ll consider it. Then, what is the next stage objective that Bilateia has established?”
“After deployment into a world, it is to contemplate methods of periodically and naturally reminding Aurelia of herself so she doesn’t forget who she is.”
This time, Perenustus turned his gaze toward Leonas.
“Leonas?”
“Overall, I am in complete agreement with Bilateia. Additionally, while observing this world, I analyzed the change patterns in the total quantity of comedy and tragedy. I request your review of the data.”
Leonas unfolded the notebook he’d been holding at his side. Perenustus raised his eyebrows with an approving expression and examined the notebook.
“In the next world, I intend to more concretely observe what emotions Aurelia experiences in what situations, and how those emotions are reflected in the total quantity of comedy and tragedy.”
I pressed my lips together and alternated my gaze between the two of them.
‘My answer level is so incomparable to theirs….’
When I awkwardly averted my gaze to empty space, Silpi appeared with a shimmer and winked at me with one eye. Being comforted by the dragon I’d killed with my own hands only deepened my shame.
The moment I rolled my eyes away, Perenustus leaned forward to meet my gaze at eye level.
“Aurelia. There’s no need to feel ashamed. You gave me exactly the answer I wanted, at precisely the level I expected.”
“….”
“Thanks to you, I’ve now confirmed what knowledge those old fools didn’t discard from your house. It seems they’ve never discarded knowledge related to affection and romance since ancient times.”
“….”
“Well, those elderly ones regarded love as an excellent tool for observing all manner of foolish human choices, so of course they wouldn’t have discarded it.”
It was clearly a mocking murmur. I looked at Perenustus. He continued speaking while maintaining eye contact with me.
“As I said, I poured all the positivity of my world into Aurelia. Never forget the weight and burden of that.”
I nodded sullenly. He nodded back at me and patted my shoulder twice.
“Put your mind at ease.”
“But I just heard you say not to forget the weight and burden—how am I supposed to put my mind at ease….”
Perenustus frowned this time as though genuinely disappointed.
“What did you just hear? I said that no matter what Aurelia does going forward, no matter what shocking mistakes she makes, those two will take responsibility and care for you.”
“….”
At Perenustus’s words, my heart grew heavier still. I looked at Bilateia and Leonas. The two executives received my gaze without any change in expression, as though they’d already resolved themselves to this.
Perenustus waited a moment for my guilt to deepen, then swept his hand through the air. Following his gesture, two cylinders appeared. Both glass vessels containing the total quantities of comedy and tragedy were nearly empty, their levels barely visible at the bottom.
“You see? Because unexpected events occurred in this world, both comedy and tragedy have become nearly zero.”
“It’s so painfully visible that my heart feels incredibly heavy.”
“Change your perspective a little. Approach it with the mindset of starting completely fresh from the beginning. Put your mind at ease.”
Perenustus stared at me with an intensity that burned with an unsettling, otherworldly madness in his eyes.
“So, let me ask again. What should Aurelia prioritize above all else in this new stage?”
“I’m thinking of filling in the tragedy first. Like we discussed before—inhabiting the body of some insignificant villain, burdening the world with worry and dread, then meeting execution.”
The moment I finished speaking, Perenustus’s brow furrowed deeply.

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This chapter was translated by Lunox Novels. To support us and help keep this series going, visit our website: LunoxScans.com
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