I Won’t Pick Up The T*ash I Threw Away Again - Chapter 201

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This chapter was translated by Lunox Team. To support us and help keep this series going, visit our website: LunoxScans.com
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#201

Sitting quietly at my desk reading documents, the words I had spat at Kalian kept coming back to me, making it impossible to concentrate.

At times like this, it would be better to move my body so I wouldn’t have time to think.

“I’ll go to the Outer Palace for a moment.”

I gathered up my documents and headed to the Outer Palace.

The corridor leading to the Outer Palace was filled with the spirit of spring.

The trees that had been bare were now dressed in fresh green leaf clothing. I could see trees blooming with flowers here and there.

When the wind blew, petals fluttered through the air.

“Beautiful.”

It was so beautiful that an exclamation escaped me naturally.

I stopped my steps toward the Outer Palace for a moment to watch the dance of petals.

“Count Aster?”

Then I heard someone calling and turned around. It was a man I’d never seen before.

“Who might you be?”

“Ah, I’m late with introductions. I’m Asildo Newren, recently selected as an Imperial Scribe.”

Newren. It wasn’t a family name I remembered. That meant he wasn’t from high nobility or central nobility.

But he had entered as an Imperial Scribe. It was surprising.

The administrators officially selected by the Imperial Court were generally chosen from among high nobility or central nobility.

This was because positions were often inherited along with titles.

Fillen too had naturally inherited his position because the Williot Duchy had traditionally held the posts of Defense Minister and Commander-in-Chief for generations.

“You seem surprised.”

Asildo Newren spoke as if reading my mind.

“I understand. I was also very surprised when I was told I’d been selected as an Imperial Scribe.”

“Were you?”

“Yes. I pinched my cheeks several times to make sure it wasn’t a dream.”

Watching Asildo Newren scratch his cheek with an embarrassed smile reminded me of when I first became His Majesty’s aide.

I too had been in a daze for a long time then, unable to distinguish whether it was a dream or reality.

I laughed.

“Congratulations, Kyung Newren.”

“Thank you. This is all thanks to you, Count.”

Thanks to me?

“What do you mean? I haven’t done anything.”

“That can’t be. Thanks to you breaking long-standing customs and becoming His Majesty the Emperor’s aide, we provincial nobles gained the courage and hope that we too could do it.”

Asildo Newren clasped his hands together like a girl and looked up at me. His sparkling eyes were full of respect for me.

“My younger sister and her friends are also studying hard to become Imperial administrators, using you as their role model, Count.”

“Ah…”

“Thank you, Count. Thank you so much.”

After Asildo Newren delivered this unexpected news and left.

I stood there dumbfounded, chewing over what he had said like a cow chewing cud.

‘I had no idea provincial nobles were thinking such things.’

I never dreamed of it. I had just been struggling to take care of myself.

The fact that my appearance had become a role model for someone else was surprising, burdensome, and grateful.

It was also joyful.

‘I should conduct myself more properly from now on.’

I didn’t want to disappoint the young hopefuls who were working hard with me as their goal.

For that, it would be even better to hide my relationship with His Majesty.

If they found out about that… they would think that my becoming an administrator was connected to my relationship with His Majesty the Emperor.

I put more strength into my hands holding the documents. A sigh rose from deep within.

I was trying to swallow the sigh and head to the Outer Palace when.

“Leilah?”

I saw Fillen walking toward me from the opposite corridor.

He wasn’t someone I was happy to see, but he also wasn’t someone I could ignore, so I bowed in greeting.

“I greet Duke Williot.”

“…”

When I greeted him businesslike, excluding all personal feelings, Fillen’s expression subtly hardened.

“…You must have heard that I’m leaving for Casiwood soon?”

“Yes, I heard.”

“Yet your reaction is so calm.”

Then what kind of reaction should I show?

When I looked at him with that meaning, Fillen let out a long sigh and rubbed his face.

“…Going to Casiwood isn’t my will.”

Then he spoke to me somewhat petulantly.

“I don’t want to go either, but I have no choice. I can’t tell you the reason, but… I wanted you to understand.”

Should I say that I know what the reason is?

Or should I continue pretending not to know?

“I see.”

I thought for a moment and decided to pretend not to know.

Pretending to know would only make the conversation longer without any benefit to me.

“Then I’ll be going now.”

I tried to leave before the conversation dragged on unnecessarily, but as always, Fillen didn’t let me go easily.

“Won’t you come to Casiwood with me?”

He was still saying strange things.

“Why should I go there with you?”

“So you don’t want to go.”

“You’re stating the obvious.”

At my answer, Fillen repeatedly clenched and unclenched his fist while staring at me intently.

Surely he wasn’t going to hit me.

I became slightly tense having seen Fillen raise his hand to Sisly.

If he showed any sign of trying to hit me, I would scream with all my might.

I watched him closely, ready to scream at any moment.

Fortunately, he didn’t seem to have any intention of hitting me as Fillen opened his heavy mouth with a deep sigh.

“I’m sorry.”

His voice was damply wet. His eyes were the same. It looked like he might cry at any moment.

“…!”

No, Fillen was actually crying.

Him crying. It was absurd, yet I was scared that someone else might see this.

“I’m really sorry, Leilah…”

This made it look like I had made him cry. It was a perfect situation for anyone to misunderstand.

I glanced around. Fortunately, there was no one passing by.

I need to finish this conversation quickly.

Getting involved with Fillen again was absolutely out of the question.

“It’s all my fault. I shouldn’t have done that to you when you tried so hard for me…”

His apology contained more sincerity than before, but it couldn’t melt my already frozen heart.

No, whatever actions he took, our broken relationship could never be restored.

“Your Grace, I’ll be going now.”

Let’s go to the Outer Palace next time.

“I won’t look at another woman ever again. I won’t make remarks that ignore you either.”

As I was about to return to the Imperial Palace, he grabbed my arm.

“I promise. So please come back, Leilah.”

Seeing that her heart wasn’t swayed even slightly by his earnest request, it seemed she had truly sorted out all her feelings for him.

“Please, Leilah.”

“…It’s Count Aster, not Leilah, Your Grace.”

Though her heart wasn’t swayed, she was annoyed. She hated how he kept being clingy without any basis.

“And you promise? How can I believe those words?”

“Trust me. I’m sincere.”

“No. I can’t trust you. How could I trust Your Grace, who can’t even properly keep a single notarized wish?”

As if greatly shocked, Fillen’s eyes shook greatly and the strength left his hand that had been gripping my arm.

I didn’t miss that opportunity and shook off his hand.

“If Your Grace wants me to trust you, then first properly keep the notarized wish.”

It’s really fortunate that Fillen is going to Casiwood.

“Please disappear from my life.”

I was truly relieved.

* * *

The promised dinner time.

“Did something happen during the day?”

At the question that came before I had even finished the pre-dinner soup, I put down my spoon and looked at Kalian.

“You don’t look well.”

“Do I not?”

“Yes. Didn’t you know?”

When I nodded, Kalian clicked his tongue.

“Your complexion is that dark, and you didn’t know?”

Was it? When I looked in the mirror before coming to meet him, I thought I looked fine.

“You looked fine when I saw you at lunch, so something must have happened in the afternoon.”

Something did happen. Though I’m not sure if that’s the reason my expression is dark.

“What happened?”

“…I met Duke Williot in the corridor leading to the outer palace this morning.”

After debating whether to tell him about what happened with Fillen, I chose to speak since I didn’t want to create secrets from Kalian.

I told him everything from Fillen suggesting we go to Casiwood together to him shedding tears.

“Ha.”

Kalian’s brow furrowed after hearing the entire story.

“He’s insane.”

It was a brief review, but it was more accurate than any other review.

“It was good that we sent that bastard to Casiwood. Otherwise, he would have been a lasting problem.”

I inwardly agreed with Kalian’s words.

“So your expression was bad because you met Duke Williot?”

“I think so.”

I answered vaguely since I wasn’t sure what the reason was either.

Kalian looked at me quietly for a moment, then picked up his wine glass.

“I was going to discuss something important, but it seems difficult now.”

“It’s fine to tell me.”

“If you hear this story, your head will become even more complicated than it is now, won’t it?”

What story is he trying to tell that he’s scaring me like this?

My mouth went dry from the tension. As I clasped my hands tightly together, I finally realized why my complexion had been poor.

‘It was because of this.’

Because of Kalian, not Fillen.

I had been nervous because he dismissed all the attendants, saying he wanted to talk with me alone.

What important story could he have for me that required dismissing all the attendants?

Since he didn’t call Baron Delrond, it doesn’t seem to be work-related.

…Could it be that he’s planning to make me an Imperial Consort or Empress?

Though it was sudden, it was entirely possible if it was Kalian.

What should I do if that’s really it?

Though I had been thinking about marrying him someday, now wasn’t the time.

The timing wasn’t good either.

As I was thinking about how to refuse, Kalian opened his mouth.

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This chapter was translated by Lunox Team. To support us and help keep this series going, visit our website: LunoxScans.com
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