Will You Cry for Me If I Die? - Chapter 77

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This chapter was translated by Lunox Team. To support us and help keep this series going, visit our website: LunoxScans.com
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Chapter 77

What doesn’t collapse is safe.

Iden said as he took out the dough.

He lifted the dough placed on the wooden board with both hands.

The dough stretched and then gathered back together.

“Today Rumel decides the shape.”

The word “decides” tapped against my chest.

A small sound came from inside.

If I decide, it becomes mine.

A line is drawn.

Once it becomes mine, it’s hard to take away.

I raised my hand.

My ungloved hand floated in the air.

“I want a snowman.”

The words came out immediately.

Theodor spoke right away too.

It burst out overlapping.

“I want a wolf.”

Wolf is forest.

A deep and dark place.

Forest is a place to hide.

A place where you won’t be found.

I don’t dislike wolves.

Being able to hide isn’t bad.

Still, snowman cookies are cuter.

Round and simple.

Then Lermiel quietly entered.

The door opened slightly and closed again.

He stood with his hands in his pockets.

His shoulders were slightly curled inward.

Pockets are hiding places.

They conceal things inside.

I looked at Lermiel’s pocket.

The fabric was slightly bulging.

Something was inside.

Lermiel followed my gaze and asked.

He tilted his head just a little.

“What.”

I answered.

I didn’t make my words long.

“Pocket.”

Lermiel paused for a moment, then took out a small wooden frame from his pocket.

His hand slowly came out.

The small frame had a star shape carved into it.

It had five points.

The edges were clear.

Stars are sky.

They’re up above.

Sky is far away.

Unreachable.

I dislike distant things, but the star shape was pretty.

It was small enough to fit in my hand.

Lermiel spoke in a low voice.

The sound didn’t spread widely.

“Let’s use this.”

I stared at the star and asked.

I asked without taking my eyes off it.

“Why a star.”

Lermiel thought for a beat and answered.

He took a breath and spoke.

“So you won’t get lost at night.”

So I won’t get lost.

Those words tickled inside me.

They brushed lightly and remained.

I dislike tickling sensations, but that one was a little nice.

It was a feeling that stayed without disappearing.

Iden placed the dough in front of me.

The soft lump settled onto the wooden board.

It looked like it would leave marks if I pressed it with my hands.

The dough was soft.

Its shape changed even without applying force.

If it’s soft, it’s okay to press it.

It won’t break.

I took off my gloves and washed my hands.

My fingertips touched the water.

The water was warm.

It climbed up along my skin.

When it’s warm, my heart tries to soften, so I quickly dried my hands.

I pushed away the moisture with the towel.

The traces of medicine on my palms were still there.

They remained like a thin film.

Lermiel saw that and lowered his gaze.

His eyes lingered for a moment then fell away.

I didn’t try to hold onto that gaze.

If I hold onto it, my heart wavers.

The inside becomes loose.

I pressed the dough firmly with my palm.

A soft sensation spread beneath my palm.

My fingertips hurt slightly as I pressed down.

The inside pulled.

The pain is still there.

It hasn’t completely disappeared.

Still, it was bearable.

It was to a degree where I didn’t need to stop breathing.

If it’s bearable, I can do it.

I didn’t lift my hand.

I pressed again.

The shape became wider.

Theodor came close to my side.

Close enough that our shoulders almost touched.

He spoke in a whisper.

His voice lowered.

“Should I help you with that?”

I immediately shook my head.

I didn’t think about it.

“I’ll do it.”

My hand remained on the dough.

Theodor pouted his mouth.

His lips pushed forward.

That face was funny, so I smiled just a little.

The corners of my mouth lifted slightly.

I pressed the snowman mold.

I placed the mold on the dough.

I pressed down with force.

One.

The shape remained clearly.

Two.

I pressed again with some spacing.

Three.

A row formed.

Snowmen appeared in a line.

The shape of round heads and bodies connected repeatedly.

When they form a row, it looks like a procession.

The same shapes continue in the same direction.

I saw processions at the Founding Festival.

Many people wore the same clothes and matched their steps.

When that thought crossed my mind, my hand stiffened for a moment.

My palm stopped on the dough.

My breathing became shallow.

I took a small breath and pressed again.

I applied force slowly.

This is cookies now.

Another snowman shape formed under my hand.

This is Winter Castle now.

It’s the same time as the snow outside the window.

I thought to myself over and over.

‘This place is different.’

Meanwhile, Lermiel was quietly pressing with the star mold.

The dough was spread thin on the wooden board, and star shapes appeared one by one on top.

He didn’t move his wrist much.

He pressed just enough, then slowly lifted the mold.

When the mold separated from the dough, the edges remained clean.

He didn’t apply too much force.

He didn’t press and ruin it.

Caution is a familiar habit.

It’s the habit of fingertips stopping first.

I liked that habit.

Steady hands are safe.

I approached Lermiel and asked.

I carefully lifted my hands with dough on them.

“Can you give me a star?”

Lermiel nodded.

He moved just once.

“Here.”

He pushed one star cookie toward me.

The star pushed by his fingertips slid slightly across the wooden board.

I tried placing that star on top of my snowman’s head.

The star sat on the round head.

The shape tilted slightly.

The snowman was carrying a star.

That was funny, so I said.

My mouth opened first.

“Snowman king.”

Lermiel laughed with a very small sound.

It was laughter mixed with breath.

The laughter was thin like wind.

It didn’t linger in my ears long.

Thin laughter doesn’t pierce me.

I liked that.

The time of putting cookies in the oven and waiting began.

Iden lifted the tray and slid it into the oven.

The door closed and the inside became dark.

A small light flickered inside.

Waiting is long.

Time that doesn’t move stretches out.

For a four-year-old, waiting is even longer.

When you don’t use your hands, time slows down.

I swung my legs on the chair.

My toes moved cutting through the air.

The chair legs swayed slightly.

Swinging makes time seem to go faster.

When there’s movement, it feels less stopped.

Theodor grabbed my legs.

His hands wrapped around my ankles.

“You’ll fall.”

He said.

I stopped my legs.

The movement was cut off.

When I stopped, I suddenly became bored.

Time became long again.

Iden brought paper and a pencil.

The paper was spread on the table.

Paper is white.

There’s a lot of empty space.

White things are still scary.

When there’s nothing, you have to fill it.

But the pencil smell is a wood smell.

The scent of shaved wood touched my nose.

Wood smell is forest.

Forest is a hiding place.

I felt a little relieved by that smell.

I took another breath.

Iden spoke.

He pushed the pencil toward me as he spoke.

“Practice writing your name while we wait.”

Name.

My name is mine.

It’s a mark that I possess.

I nodded my head.

Iden wrote it large on the paper.

The pencil made a sound as it scraped against the paper.

Rumel.

The letters looked like squares.

Lines bent and connected.

I gripped the pencil.

My fingers wrapped around the thin wood.

Gripping it made my fingers hurt.

The strength was concentrated to one side.

When it hurts, I want to let go.

My hand tried to loosen.

I didn’t let go.

I stiffened my fingers more.

Theodor asked from beside me.

He leaned his face close as he asked.

“Can you write letters?”

I nodded my head.

I moved it briefly.

“I can write.”

Lermiel gently pulled the paper so my writing would be easier to see.

The paper moved a little closer in front of me.

That action was quiet, so my heart was less shaken.

When there’s no loud noise, the inside moves less.

I traced the first letter.

The pencil tip touched the paper.

ㄹ.

The line bent once, then went down again.

My hand shook.

The line was crooked.

Crooked lines make me angry, but four-year-old hands are naturally crooked.

I pressed my lips because I didn’t want to accept that fact.

My lips curled inward.

Lermiel spoke quietly.

The sound came from right beside me.

“Slowly.”

Slowly is a good word.

If you reduce speed, things break less.

If you go slowly, failures decrease.

I drew the line again.

I moved a little more slowly.

The sound of the pencil scraping the paper grew longer.

A sweet smell began to spread from the oven.

It was the smell of butter and sugar mixed together.

It slowly spread into the air.

When the smell spreads, the waiting ends.

The end draws near.

I got down from the chair and stood in front of the oven.

My feet made a sound as they touched the floor.

I stopped in front of the oven door.

Theodor blocked my way.

He leaned his body forward.

“Be careful!”

I didn’t dislike those words.

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This chapter was translated by Lunox Team. To support us and help keep this series going, visit our website: LunoxScans.com
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