Will You Cry for Me If I Die? - Chapter 74

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This chapter was translated by Lunox Team. To support us and help keep this series going, visit our website: LunoxScans.com
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Chapter 74

Theodor asked.

“If it hurts, why say you’re okay!”

I chose my answer.

I didn’t immediately continue speaking.

“If it hurts, do you die?”

I asked.

Theodor opened his mouth then closed it.

“D-die, you ask.”

For some reason, he couldn’t answer.

The words stopped briefly in his mouth.

The air inside the bathroom felt a little quieter.

The sounds that had bounced off the white walls disappeared, leaving only the thin sound of water.

I tilted my head. A four-year-old doesn’t know many things.

Not knowing isn’t strange.

‘I hope I become an adult quickly.’

Adults know fewer unknown things.

Then Demian applied medicine to my palm.

Where his fingertips touched moved steadily.

The medicine was cold.

It felt even colder in the space filled with warm water.

When it’s cold, I get startled.

I opened my eyes wide.

My vision became a little brighter for a moment.

“It’s cold!”

The words burst out immediately.

Theodor laughed in that gap.

The laughter spread quickly.

That laughter strangely relaxed my heart.

What I had been holding tightly became a little loose.

Loosening is dangerous, but right now this is the bathroom.

The bathroom has a closed door and is separated from the outside.

The bathroom is a safe place.

I decided to try believing that fact.

The steam floating on the water slowly dispersed.

White steam rose toward the ceiling and spread thinly.

After washing, I put on a large shirt.

The shirt was much bigger than my body.

The shoulder line came down, and the sleeve ends covered the backs of my hands.

The shirt came down to my knees.

If it comes below the knees, it gets caught when walking.

The fabric touched my feet.

If it gets caught, I might fall.

I didn’t want to fall, so I held up the shirt hem with both hands.

Both hands grabbed the fabric and pulled it up.

Holding it with both hands makes me look like a baby.

My hands aren’t free.

I don’t know the word cute, but I now understand when people look at me with smiling faces.

Their gazes become gentle.

Theodor spoke.

He bent down and looked down at me.

“You look like a doll right now!”

Doll was a word they used for test subjects at the Research Institute.

Something that doesn’t move.

Something that doesn’t speak.

Theodor immediately changed his words.

His expression wavered for a moment then changed again.

“No, a snowman!”

Snowman is the forest.

A place where snow piles up, a place to hide.

I was okay with that.

So I nodded.

“I’m a snowman.”

I said.

Theodor laughed loudly.

The laughter spread into the room.

I didn’t dislike that laughter.

It was a sound I didn’t need to cover my ears for.

When I returned to the room, bread and soup were placed on a small tray.

The tray was wooden, with edges raised low around it.

Steam rose thinly from the soup bowl.

It smelled good.

A warm and gentle smell.

Good smells make your stomach rumble.

The inside slowly gets pulled.

When your stomach rumbles, you’re alive.

I climbed up and sat on the chair.

The chair was big, so my bottom slid forward.

My sitting position wasn’t stable.

I grabbed the edge of the table with both hands and climbed back up.

I pulled my body up while putting strength in my fingertips.

That small struggle was fun.

I could feel my body moving.

When it’s fun, the heart comes alive.

I found it strange that my heart was alive.

I wasn’t used to it.

The door opened slightly.

The doorway opened thinly and shadows from outside entered inside.

Lermiel quietly entered.

There was almost no sound of footsteps.

He hadn’t taken off his cloak.

Black fabric hung down long along his body.

A cloak is clothing that hides.

It covers the inside.

Hiding clothes resembled me.

I held my spoon and looked at him.

The soup remaining on the spoon tip slowly dripped down.

Lermiel placed a small box in front of me.

His hand moved slowly.

The box was made of black wood.

The surface was smooth, and light reflected weakly off it.

Trees are the forest.

The forest is a place to hide.

I stopped before touching the box.

My hand stopped in mid-air.

You shouldn’t touch things you don’t know.

I learned that at the Research Institute.

Lermiel spoke.

“Sorry.”

No embellishment.

I asked him.

I tilted my head slightly.

“What.”

Lermiel opened the box.

The lid lifted smoothly.

Inside were small gloves.

Gloves just the size of my hands.

The size was perfect.

White fur was attached inside.

The fur was densely packed.

Warm fur is good for winter.

It blocks the cold.

My eyes widened.

My gaze stayed fixed.

Lermiel said quietly.

“Your hands.”

Those words weren’t an explanation or a command.

They were just fact.

Facts are less scary.

They aren’t embellished.

I picked up the gloves.

The texture touching my fingertips was soft.

The feeling against my skin spread lightly.

Soft things are dangerous.

They make you let your guard down.

But when your hands hurt, you need gloves.

You accept what you need.

I nodded my head.

“Thank you.”

I said.

Lermiel’s eyes wavered.

Very slightly, moving from within.

That wavering wasn’t crying.

It was a living tremor.

Theodor poked his face through the doorway.

The door opened a bit more.

“What, what are you two doing in secret?”

I held up the gloves high.

I raised my hand up.

“A gift!”

Theodor’s eyes widened.

His eyes became round and big.

He shouted.

“Give me one too!”

I held up a piece of bread and said.

I held out the bread in my hand forward.

“This.”

Theodor stopped.

His movement was cut off.

Then he took the bread and bit into it.

The bread tore a little.

His smiling face looked nice.

* * *

Snow fell in the morning.

White particles slowly fell outside the window, touched the glass surface, then melted thinly and flowed down as water droplets.

The white stuff stuck to the window kept falling.

The traces that had been stuck slid down, changing places.

Each time they fell, the window made a tapping sound.

The thin glass trembled very slightly, leaving behind sound.

I found that sound interesting and bolted upright in bed.

The blanket was pushed to one side and folded.

Bolting upright is a four-year-old’s specialty.

Your body moves before you think.

Getting up quickly makes you feel like you’ve won.

I don’t know what you’re winning against, but the feeling of winning is good.

My feet were cold as soon as they touched the floor.

The chill from the stone floor came right up through my soles.

When it’s cold, your body flinches.

My toes curled up on their own.

When you flinch, you miss the blanket.

You want to cover yourself again.

But I didn’t go back to the blanket.

Today I have gloves.

The gloves Lermiel gave me.

The ones that were in the small wooden box.

With gloves, my hands probably won’t hurt.

I checked my hands first.

I spread my palms and held them toward the light.

The medicine I applied yesterday made the cracked gaps a bit calmer.

The red lines had faded.

When things are calm, worry decreases.

The thought that it won’t hurt attaches itself.

When worry decreases, you get hungry.

The feeling of emptiness inside rises up.

I searched around the head of the bed for the gloves.

I felt around with my hands beside the pillow, under the folded blanket, between the wooden gaps.

When you search, things pop out.

Small objects caught on my fingertips and were pushed out.

The small wooden box came out too.

It was just the right size to fit in my hand.

I hugged the box tightly.

I pulled it toward my chest and pressed it close.

When I hug it, it doesn’t disappear.

It feels like it’s entered inside my body.

It’s good that it doesn’t disappear.

At the Research Institute, good things kept disappearing.

They were there then gone, caught then lost, and when I looked again they weren’t there.

Here, it hasn’t disappeared yet.

I liked that fact.

The air in the room had become a little brighter than night.

Light coming through the window was thinly cutting across the floor.

The door opened and Theodor poked his head out.

As the doorway widened, the corridor air from outside slipped in slightly.

His hair was sticking up on one side.

Only one side was poking up.

When it sticks up, it’s funny.

It’s an untidy shape.

I looked at it and just said.

“Hair weird.”

The words came out immediately.

Theodor’s eyes widened and he pressed his hair down with his hand.

He pressed down on top with his palm.

“What is.”

He asked.

I pointed at the top of his head with my finger.

I raised my arm and aimed in that direction.

“There.”

Theodor tried to find a mirror, failed, and came toward me.

His gaze wavered back and forth for a moment then stopped.

He said in a low voice.

His voice dropped a little.

“You should play with me today.”

The word play is sweet.

It sticks softly.

Sweet things are dangerous, but in the morning it’s okay.

Because it’s still a time when nothing has started yet.

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This chapter was translated by Lunox Team. To support us and help keep this series going, visit our website: LunoxScans.com
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