Will You Cry for Me If I Die? - Chapter 73

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This chapter was translated by Lunox Team. To support us and help keep this series going, visit our website: LunoxScans.com
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Chapter 73

As soon as the meeting ended, I was sent to my room.

The doors in the corridor closed one by one, and the sounds from behind grew more and more distant.

The long corridor that stretched along the stone walls seemed longer as the sound of footsteps decreased, and the light coming through the windows was thinly broken on the floor.

Being sent away is protection.

Front and back are divided, and you’re pushed inside.

Protection sometimes feels like a prison.

Doors close, sounds diminish, and gazes disappear.

I hate prisons.

I hate not being able to move.

Still, safety comes first right now.

When it’s safe, I can breathe.

My chest doesn’t feel blocked.

When I can breathe, I get hungry.

When I’m hungry, it means I’m alive.

I am alive.

The floor of the corridor was a little warmer, and the air touching the walls was less cold than outside.

It was strange that I could feel that difference.

Theodor blocked my path.

He stopped in the middle of the corridor.

The paths extending to both sides were blocked by his body.

He spread his arms.

His arms spread wide from his shoulders, blocking the way.

When arms are spread, the path is blocked.

The front disappears.

When blocked, I get annoyed.

Four-year-old annoyance shows immediately on the face.

I can’t hide it.

I scrunched up my face.

My eyebrows drew together inward.

“You need to wash up!”

Theodor said.

His voice hit the corridor walls and spread briefly.

I didn’t like that, so I lifted my chin.

I raised my gaze upward.

“I already washed!”

It’s a lie.

Snow was stuck on me.

White clumps remained between strands of my hair.

Dirt was stuck on me too.

The bottom part of my clothes was a little dark.

Still, I said I had washed.

If I say I washed, I don’t have to be washed.

When words come out first, the body follows.

If I don’t get washed, I get touched less.

Being touched is unpleasant.

Having hands touch me is unpleasant.

Theodor asked.

He tilted his head slightly and looked down at me.

“When did you wash?”

I answered immediately.

I didn’t catch my breath.

“Just now.”

Just now is now.

Now is a time when lies come easily.

They slip by better because they can’t be caught.

Theodor brushed my hair with his fingers.

His fingertips passed over my head and touched the snow.

Snow fell from my hair.

The fallen snow melted on the back of his hand.

The white clump quickly turned into water.

When it melts, it becomes water.

Water is evidence.

It remains.

I hated that evidence, so I opened my eyes wide.

I opened my eyes even wider.

Theodor laughed.

The corners of his mouth went up.

“Liar!”

He put his hands under both my arms.

His hands came in under my armpits.

And he lifted me up in one swift motion.

My feet left the floor.

Being lifted is dangerous.

Being in the air is the Research Institute.

The bottom disappears.

The air above the experiment table.

When you go up, there’s no choice when coming down.

I was momentarily breathless.

My chest tightened all at once.

“Put me down!”

I said.

My voice burst out shortly.

Theodor looked into my face and said.

Our eye levels became close.

“No!”

Fighting with loud voices is childish.

It’s words pushing and pulling at each other.

But since I’m four years old, I should be allowed to have this kind of fight.

Still, I hate being in the air.

I hate not having my feet touch anything.

I flailed my legs.

I moved as if kicking the air.

Flailing is what babies do.

It’s movement that can’t maintain balance.

If you’re a baby, you receive help.

More hands attach to you.

If you receive help, you survive.

I felt my body automatically doing that.

It moved without thinking.

Demian saw us from the end of the corridor.

His shadow, standing beside the column, stretched out long.

He didn’t sigh.

Demian doesn’t sigh much.

Instead, his eyebrows went down just a little.

The lines changed subtly.

That’s a warning.

A sign that comes before words.

“Theo.”

Demian said.

It didn’t continue long.

With just that one word, Theodor stopped.

The hand he was holding didn’t move anymore.

When stopped, it’s the Lord’s power.

The range that words reach is different.

I was a little envious of that power.

Envy is greed.

Greed is dangerous.

If caught, you get pulled in more.

Still, I was envious.

Demian approached toward me.

Footsteps continued at regular intervals.

They echoed briefly on the stone floor.

He extended his hand.

His palm was facing downward.

I reflexively tried to step back, but I was being held in Theodor’s arms.

There was no floor to go back to.

My feet were floating in the air.

There was no ground to escape to.

I gritted my teeth.

Strength entered my jaw.

Demian took me in his arms.

The moment I was transferred from Theodor’s hands, my body swayed once.

The hands holding me were firm.

Demian, who had been watching us with a strange smile, spoke.

The gaze that had continued from the end of the corridor followed all the way to the bathroom door.

Light flowed along the wall, revealing the white space inside the doorframe even brighter.

“Shall we wash up now?”

The words fell lightly, but the air behind them was gently arranged.

Warm water loosens the body.

What was stiff loosens, and what was closed opens a little.

But today I hated water.

When touched by water, memories follow.

So I turned my head away and shouted.

I pushed my gaze outside the door.

“I don’t want to!”

My voice didn’t go inside the bathroom but bounced back outside.

Demian asked.

“Why?”

I chose my answer.

I didn’t open my mouth right away, but stopped for a moment.

“I’m busy.”

If you’re busy, you don’t have to wash.

A reason to move is created.

At the Research Institute, they touched me less when busy too.

Though that busyness was experiments.

The time hands touched became shorter.

Theodor interrupted from the side.

He shook his body greatly and thrust his head toward me.

“What are you busy with!”

Seeing that made my heart feel a little lighter.

People whose words come out quickly aren’t scary.

When it gets lighter, words come out.

“Me.”

I said.

I didn’t add more.

Theodor became dazed.

His mouth stopped, hanging open for a moment.

If they’re dazed, I’ve won.

I was secretly a little happy inside.

The inside of my mouth went up a little.

Demian took me to the bathroom.

The direction his hands touched changed.

The bathroom is big and white.

The walls, floor, and bathtub were all connected in the same color.

The boundaries looked blurred.

White things are scary.

The Research Institute is white.

You can’t see the end.

I stopped my feet at the doorway.

My toes didn’t go inside.

When you stop, your body stiffens.

When stiff, you don’t move.

When stiff, tears come up.

I hated crying so I shut my mouth tight.

My jaw closed firmly.

Demian placed his hand on my head.

His palm came down slowly.

His palm was warm.

It wasn’t cold.

When warm, the heart loosens a little.

The inside that was hard becomes loose.

I clenched my palms again to prevent loosening.

My fingers curled inward.

“This place is different.”

Demian said.

The words weren’t long.

It wasn’t an explanation.

It was a declaration.

Declarations become standards.

It divides front and back.

When there’s a standard, it shakes less.

I breathed quietly.

I let it out in breaks.

The bathtub filled with water.

The sound of water continued steadily.

It hit the wall and echoed softly.

The water was steaming.

Thin steam rose upward.

Steam is white.

When white steam rises, it looks like snow.

Snow is the forest.

The forest is a place to hide.

I liked that connection, so I took a step forward.

I crossed the doorway.

The air inside was a little warmer.

Theodor was bouncing around holding a towel.

The towel fluttered in the air, swaying up and down.

It touched the floor and went back up.

That movement was like a magpie.

It was fast, light, and never-stopping movement.

Magpies are noisy birds.

Though I dislike noisy things, I didn’t dislike that magpie-like movement.

My gaze lingered for a moment.

“Should I wash your hair for you!”

Theodor said.

His words bounced up loudly.

I immediately shook my head.

I made the movement big.

“No!”

Demian unbuttoned my coat.

His fingertips undid the buttons one by one.

Click, click, small sounds came out.

Each time a button was undone, my insides tickled.

It felt like the inside was being lightly scratched.

Tickling is anxiety.

It’s movement that can’t be caught.

Anxiety is escape.

I dropped my hands straight down to avoid running away.

I pressed my arms to my sides.

Then the cracked places on my palms became visible again.

There were gaps where the skin had split thinly.

A very small amount of blood had formed again.

Red color remained like lines.

Theodor saw it and stopped.

The towel he was moving stopped in mid-air.

His face suddenly became quiet.

His mouth closed, and his eyes stayed still.

When it becomes quiet, it’s close to crying.

The inside prepares to collapse.

I dislike crying, so I spoke right away.

I brought out the words first.

“I’m fine!”

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This chapter was translated by Lunox Team. To support us and help keep this series going, visit our website: LunoxScans.com
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