Will You Cry for Me If I Die? - Chapter 70

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This chapter was translated by Lunox Team. To support us and help keep this series going, visit our website: LunoxScans.com
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Chapter 70

The guard expressed doubt in a low voice.

“Why the child?”

Those words somehow scratched at my insides.

My inner parts were scratched.

Why always stabs me.

It asks for reasons.

There was no why at the Research Institute either.

That place didn’t give reasons.

They just did it.

That’s why I hate the word why.

I moved forward.

I lifted my foot.

My four-year-old foot stepped on the snow.

The snow sank deep.

My ankle briefly got stuck.

I almost fell to my knees, but I just kept going.

I pushed my body forward.

“I am No. 1.”

I said.

The words shot out.

The guards stopped simultaneously.

Eyes gathered on me.

When they stop, it’s an opening.

Their gaze becomes fixed.

I seized the opening.

I pushed that moment.

“Priest coming.”

Every time I spoke, my breathing became labored.

My chest rose upward.

When I’m out of breath, my voice sounds more like a baby’s.

It jumps high.

A baby’s voice can be funny and also looked down upon.

It sounds light.

Being looked down upon is dangerous, but right now I needed that contempt.

The blade becomes slower.

When they look down on you, the blade slows.

One of the guards looked at my face and asked.

He lowered his head slightly.

“You, what’s your name.”

I answered.

I spoke immediately.

“Rumel.”

I closed my mouth.

Then I spoke more clearly.

I pressed the sound together.

“Rumel Ikaros.”

When those words rolled off my tongue, my chest became strangely hot.

My insides warmed up.

When it gets hot, tears rise up.

My throat gets blocked.

I stood more rigidly to suppress the tears.

I straightened my shoulders and stopped.

The guard made a face like he was chewing over my words.

His eyes wavered briefly.

He spoke quietly to the person next to him.

He lowered his voice.

“The youngest.”

When those words entered my ears, my stomach became a little less frozen.

The word youngest remained in the air.

That word clung between where I had been standing just before and where I had moved my feet now.

Youngest wasn’t a word for abandoning, he had said.

It was a word from the side that keeps someone.

I didn’t really know the reason why.

I didn’t understand it, but my body reacted first.

Yurahel stopping mid-motion when trying to pat my head was also like that embrace.

His hand came down, then stopped in the middle.

That stopping wasn’t awkward.

The guards opened the path.

They stepped aside.

Behind them was an entrance like a small cave.

There was an opening between trees and rocks.

Snow had piled up at the entrance, but there were no human footprints.

The surface was evenly covered.

No footprints means it’s a hidden place.

A place where no one comes and goes.

If it’s hidden, I can survive.

If you’re not visible, you remain.

I entered the cave and said to myself.

I didn’t open my mouth, just thought.

‘It’s different from the Research Institute.’

With each step I took, the texture of the ground changed.

From snow to stone, from stone to damp earth again.

Inside the cave wasn’t warm.

The air was the same.

But there was less wind.

The wind that had been pushing from the entrance weakened inside.

Less wind means less painful breathing.

My chest tears less.

Lermiel leaned against the wall as soon as he entered.

His back touched the rock.

He bit his lips.

His jaw tensed.

I was momentarily scared that biting might make him bleed.

It seemed like the inside of his mouth would get hurt.

Blood is a smell.

It spreads immediately.

Smell calls the Priest.

It creates a path.

I looked at Lermiel, then turned my head away again.

I broke my gaze.

Looking makes my heart waver.

My insides follow along.

When I waver, I forget what I need to do.

The order becomes blurred.

I must not forget.

I must only keep what needs to be done.

Inside the cave, there was one small room.

The end of the corridor opened up in a round shape.

Inside the room, a campfire was burning.

Stones were gathered on the floor with fire lit on them.

The firelight flickered low.

Shadows clung thinly to the walls.

There was a smell of smoke.

Smoke gathered thinly toward the ceiling.

The smell of smoke makes the heart relax.

The body becomes loose.

I clenched my hands because I didn’t want to relax.

I folded my fingers more.

My palm stung again.

The cracked parts pulled tight.

The stinging is proof that I’m alive.

Sensation remains.

If I’m alive, it’s okay.

I just need to endure.

One of the guards approached the fire and spoke.

He bent his body and made room.

“Rest here for a moment.”

Still, it sounded like guidance rather than an order.

His gesture was gentle.

Guidance is less hateful.

It doesn’t push hard.

Demian looked straight at that guard and spoke.

He didn’t avoid his gaze.

“Thank you.”

When the words “thank you” came from Demian’s mouth, my eyes widened.

I looked at the shape of his mouth once more.

Because I hadn’t often seen him say thank you.

It was an unfamiliar scene.

Perhaps I haven’t been in Ikaros for long yet.

The time I’ve seen here is short.

The fact that I haven’t been here long suddenly stabbed my chest.

My insides flinched once.

It wouldn’t be strange for me to leave this place.

The time connected to here is thin.

If I leave, I’ll become No. 1 again.

My name will change.

But I didn’t want to go back to being No. 1 again.

I didn’t want to return to that position.

While I kept my mouth tightly shut, Yurahel sat by the fire.

He bent his knees and settled into position.

Then he rolled up his sleeve a little and brought his wrist close to the firelight.

The light touched his wrist.

Afraid the silver dot might come alive again by catching the firelight, I quickly approached.

I moved my feet rapidly.

“No.”

I said.

The sound jumped out immediately.

Yurahel asked.

He tilted his head.

“Why?”

I answered briefly.

I shortened my words.

“It shows.”

The light reflects.

Yurahel nodded and pulled his sleeve back down.

The fabric covered his wrist again.

He spoke quietly.

Almost no sound came out.

“You keep protecting us.”

I hated that those words were warm.

My insides relaxed.

When it’s warm, tears come up.

My eyes felt like they would get wet.

I hate crying.

I hate being seen.

So I decided to speak more fiercely.

I made my voice hard.

“I do.”

Lermiel heard those words and for some reason smiled very slightly.

Only the corners of his mouth moved.

That sound was like wind, and I didn’t dislike that wind.

It felt like brushing through the firelight.

And for just that moment, I really felt like the youngest of Ikaros.

* * *

Our plan was successful.

Even after escaping the snowy field and entering the castle, the tension remaining in my body didn’t release all at once.

The snow clinging to our clothes melted and left water stains on the floor.

The air in the corridor wasn’t cold, but it wasn’t warm either.

It was a temperature standing at the boundary between outside and inside.

Even though we had barely escaped the snowy field and entered the castle, all sorts of sounds still lingered and circled in my ears.

The dull echo of doors closing followed belatedly.

The silence of places where footsteps had stopped stuck to my ears late.

The sound of bells ringing.

The echo of metal clashing against each other and spreading long.

The sound of people murmuring.

The sound of words overlapping and getting crushed into one.

And the sound of me falling.

The air of the moment when my feet lost the ground.

When falling, there is no sound.

Only the feeling of my body being submerged in air remains.

That was more frightening.

The fact that there was nothing to hold onto was clearer.

I was thinking about that moment and shook my head hard.

I cut my gaze left and right.

When I shake, the memories become a little blurred.

The before and after don’t connect.

If it becomes blurred, I can live.

I decided to live.

I moved my feet again.

The corridor was quiet.

The ceiling was high so sound didn’t travel far.

The decorations hanging on the walls didn’t move.

Quiet is good, but too quiet makes it hard to breathe.

When there’s nothing, it sounds louder.

I deliberately stepped a little harder.

I put my heel down first.

My footsteps echoed on the stone floor.

They rang out short and clear.

Footsteps are proof that I’m here.

A sign that I haven’t disappeared.

If there’s proof, I won’t disappear.

I remain.

I don’t want to disappear.

But at some point, Demian was walking beside me.

Our walking pace matched.

When I glanced over, his shoulders were stiffer than usual.

His back line was rigidly straight.

Stiff shoulders are proof of anger.

The tension hadn’t left.

‘Is it because of me.’

The thought came up briefly.

I was thinking that and immediately stopped.

I didn’t let it linger.

Me being the reason for all anger was something from the Research Institute.

It was always like that there.

Here is different.

I shouldn’t put them together.

I don’t know when he appeared, but unlike usual, Theodor approached without making a fuss and walked ahead, looking back at me twice.

His gaze turned back without his steps breaking.

His lips kept twitching.

It was the movement of trying to speak then stopping.

It’s the face of someone who wants to say something.

It’s the face of someone whose insides aren’t settled.

But he didn’t speak.

He kept his mouth shut.

I could see that and felt a little uncomfortable.

His gaze lingered.

When I’m uncomfortable, I want to run away.

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This chapter was translated by Lunox Team. To support us and help keep this series going, visit our website: LunoxScans.com
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