The Forgotten Field - Chapter 30

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This chapter was translated by Lunox Novels. To support us and help keep this series going, visit our website: LunoxScans.com
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Chapter 30
From that day forward, I began to struggle desperately to break free from the love that had hardened into an old habit. I had fought before to excise my feelings for him, but never with such desperation.
I buried the dresses he had chosen deep within my wardrobe and retrieved those that made him frown the moment he saw them. I began attending the regular banquets held at the Empress Palace.
Naturally, my escort knight Barcas was forced to accompany me into those nights of debauchery and revelry.
For a man educated like a monk until the age of fourteen, it must have been a contemptible sight. It was no comfortable place for me either. Within that hall filled with my mother’s admirers, I was treated as a miniature replica of Senevir.
They regarded me—a girl’s body with the Empress’s face—as an amusing plaything. Many among them showed active interest. Though I felt profound contempt at being treated as a substitute for my mother, I pretended to enjoy the attention lavished upon me.
I wanted to display myself to Barcas.
Look at what you’ve lost. I will become a woman more beautiful than Aila. As beautiful as Mother.
I wanted to show him how many people desired me. Perhaps some part of me hoped he would stop me.
But Barcas, as always, merely fulfilled his duties as an escort in silence. Whether I mingled with men and drank myself senseless, or flirted with men twice my age, he showed no concern whatsoever. That indifference only fueled the dangerous impulses that had seized me.
He had stood by my side for seven years. Surely, he could show some worry. Surely, he could try to stop me. Such childish thoughts clung to the corners of my mind and refused to fade. I thought that if I completely ruined myself, perhaps I could finally shake off this foolish attachment.
With a sense of desperation, I mingled with strange men. I permitted them to touch my hands, my face, my hair with admiration, and to bring their noses to my neck in bizarre displays of affection.
I disliked being handled like a porcelain doll, but I did not hate the intoxicated, rapturous gaze in their eyes.
Sometimes I felt a euphoria as though I had become divine. When lost in such emotions, the fact that I could not have Barcas seemed trivial.
I clung to that sensation. If I remained buried in this intoxicating time, surely that green, inexperienced love would wither and die.
I became increasingly absorbed in the shallow, sordid games between men and women. I grew accustomed to exchanging suggestive banter and light caresses, walking the precarious tightrope of flirtation.
After spending some time buried in those perilous days, a southern nobleman named Margus approached me.
At first, I paid him little attention. Though I attended the Banquet Hall every evening and mingled with various men, I retained the memory of not a single one.
But gradually, that man’s name began to linger familiarly in my mind. He had captured my interest in a rather peculiar manner.
He treated me as though I were a young niece or a foolish child. At times, he offered advice as though genuinely concerned. Though I was initially displeased by his presumptuous attitude, I gradually opened my heart to him. Unlike the men who constantly sought to touch me whenever the opportunity arose, he always maintained an appropriate distance while remaining affable.
That was not all. He seemed interested only in making me laugh—he would jest and clown about, presenting toys and dolls instead of jewels or revealing clothes, behaving as though he harbored no ulterior motives. Gradually, I came to feel comfortable in his presence.
Perhaps he had sensed the emotionally deprived child lurking within me. He exploited my vulnerabilities far too easily.
It was four days before my coming-of-age ceremony when he shattered the fortress of trust I had built.
He arrived at the Separate Palace during a late hour when Barcas had stepped away. Though I felt suspicion at his unannounced arrival, the moment I saw him speaking animatedly with his characteristic cheerful demeanor, my wariness melted away like snow.
“Look here, Your Highness. I finally obtained that puzzle I mentioned before!”
The man thrust forward a large toy box and exclaimed excitedly.
“You cannot imagine how much effort I expended to acquire this! I have not taken such pains even with gifts for the Emperor!”
The man, who had been proudly puffing out his chest, suddenly scratched the back of his head sheepishly. He seemed to have belatedly realized the rudeness of arriving at such a late hour.
“I had originally intended to present this on your birthday, but I must depart the Capital urgently tomorrow. I beg your forgiveness for this intrusion.”
At the sight of him with drooping eyes like a rain-soaked puppy, I shook my head as though I had no choice.
“There’s nothing to be done about it. Come inside.”
He smiled brightly and stepped into the Separate Palace. It was the first time I had admitted anyone other than my escort knight or servants into my residence. Suddenly, the disarray of the Separate Palace felt shameful.
I led him past the sitting room, which I had never used and which had gathered only dust, to the Study on the second floor. It was the cleanest place aside from my Bedroom. There, we spread out a chess table and sat facing each other, beginning to assemble the puzzle pieces.
I was so absorbed that I did not even notice his knees positioned on either side of mine.
I focused all my attention on connecting the small pieces to construct a pointed castle tower.
To help me, he leaned in closely and secured the small columns. Finally, the tower was completed. I smiled with satisfaction. Then, suddenly, I realized he was far too close and my expression grew uncomfortable. His breath, reeking of wine, was so near that it tickled my forehead.
I shifted my hips uncomfortably. But if I suddenly pulled away, the atmosphere would become awkward.
I carefully turned my body to the side, pretending to search for another puzzle piece from the box he had brought. Then he approached from behind and, as though embracing me, extended his arms on either side of my waist and began rummaging through the box.
“Ah, it was here.”
I stiffened rigidly. His muscular, long arms tightened firmly around my waist. I felt hot, humid breath pour down onto the nape of my neck, and I hunched my back as far as I could. My heart pounded with fear at this unfamiliar situation. Yet strangely, no sound escaped my lips.
He thrust his arm deeper into the box, pressing his body against mine. I barely managed to squeeze out a voice.
“Stop… please stop…”
“Just a moment… just a moment, Your Highness. Your body… it carries such an intoxicating fragrance.”
He buried his nose against my shoulder, inhaling deeply.
Every nerve in my body stood on edge. My skin grew clammy with cold sweat, and goosebumps erupted along my spine.

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This chapter was translated by Lunox Novels. To support us and help keep this series going, visit our website: LunoxScans.com
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