Siena Dating Agency - Chapter 80

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This chapter was translated by Lunox Team. To support us and help keep this series going, visit our website: LunoxScans.com
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80.

Just then, the carriage was passing through the forest near the park.

The carriage body shook unsteadily, perhaps due to the many pebbles on the road.

As the tall trees blocked out the sunlight, shadows fell across Lian’s eyes.

For a moment, his pupils looked black rather than red.

‘…Ah.’

Though my vision was dim, I could tell.

Like the swaying carriage, Lian’s eyes were also turbulently wavering.

‘He thinks I find him strange.’

He’s anxious that might really be the case.

I shook my head.

“No… I’ve never thought that.”

Lian’s Adam’s apple bobbed.

He added belatedly.

“You weren’t saying anything.”

After hesitating, I let out a thin breath through my nose.

“That’s…”

“…”

“…I’ll just be honest with you.”

I raised my gaze that had been cast down at my feet.

“It’s true that I was surprised. Not being able to feel pain… that’s not exactly common.”

Then Lian slowly nodded his head.

He seemed to understand my position, but at the same time looked tired.

‘A resigned expression…’

Seeing him like that made me feel anxious.

‘What if I say the wrong thing?’

If I end up hurting Lian…

I rolled my eyes around.

“So the reason I was like that was…”

“…”

“F-first of all, I’m not someone who’s like that…”

As I timidly chose my words, I realized.

That I was habitually speaking in circles again.

I clenched my jaw and bit down on my teeth.

‘…No, let’s not do this.’

Just speak clearly.

‘It was consideration on my part, but this wishy-washy attitude might hurt Lian even more.’

I clenched my hands that were resting on my knees into fists.

“…Yes, because it’s something I’ve never experienced before.”

“…”

“And until now, you’re the only person around me who’s said they can’t feel pain.”

“…”

“So I wasn’t sure what I should say.”

There was no change in Lian’s expression.

He was just looking at me with an ambiguous face, impossible to tell what he was thinking.

“I thought about what other people would say in this situation.”

“…”

“Most people would probably ask ‘Are you okay?’ That would be the safe thing to do.”

“…”

“But… in the end, I thought that wasn’t right. I didn’t want to say that.”

I clasped both my hands tightly together.

“I’m someone who knows what physical pain is. So I shouldn’t pretend to understand something I’ve never experienced.”

“…”

“For me, who knows what pain feels like, to empathize with you who doesn’t know pain…”

“…”

“That would be a lie.”

“…”

“Empathizing with others comes from good intentions, but I don’t want to lie because of that.”

Then Lian’s long-shaped eyes gradually began to change.

I could see his pupils, which had been hidden by his eyelids, becoming clearly visible.

I continued speaking.

“Come to think of it, asking if you’re okay is ridiculous in itself. That’s arbitrarily assuming that ‘Lian’s life must not have been okay.'”

“…”

“I’m not you. So I don’t know what your life has been like. How could I ask if you’re okay?”

“…”

“I shouldn’t judge someone else’s life arbitrarily. That’s also wrong.”

Still, no sound escaped from Lian.

“Anyway… I didn’t want to say just anything carelessly. I didn’t want to pretend while offering clumsy comfort.”

“…”

“That’s why I stayed quiet.”

Actually, I didn’t want to reveal all my inner thoughts.

‘Because it’s too embarrassing.’

I wasn’t someone who could eloquently chatter about anything in front of others like Chase.

I wasn’t someone who simply loved to talk like Roderick either.

But still…

‘I keep thinking about Castillian’s appearance in the novel.’

In 【Golden Acupuncturist】, there were many scenes of Castillian suffering because of his complex.

He wanted to be just like everyone else, even doing things he shouldn’t do to himself.

Of course, even I in my previous life didn’t really understand what it meant to not feel pain.

‘I would cry from pain just from accidentally cutting my hand on paper or stubbing my toe on a threshold.’

But even someone like me felt sad reading the novel.

The feeling of being isolated from the world, like becoming a deserted island.

‘That emotion comes back to me.’

I don’t know if Lian is Castillian, but…

No, whether the guy in front of me is Castillian or Lian.

‘Since he’s going through the same pain as Castillian in the novel, I wanted to tell him.’

And… because he’s someone I care about.

Lian had never told me about himself before.

But I could tell.

“You can call me strange.”

“…”

“Everyone did. I’m used to it.”

“…”

“I know I’m strange too.”

That he had lived through many experiences.

‘That they weren’t ordinary things he could just laugh off.’

I opened my mouth again.

“I really want to say this one thing.”

“…”

“There might be people who think you’re strange. Everyone thinks differently…”

“….”

“But going beyond just thinking it to yourself and directly telling Lian that he’s strange… that person is the strange one.”

“….”

“They’re forcing their thoughts on the other person and insisting that they agree with what they say.”

I slightly furrowed my brow.

“So if anyone else tells Lian that he’s strange, say this: ‘You’re the strange one.'”

“….”

“Honestly, isn’t that right? From Lian’s perspective, aren’t people who feel pain the strange ones?”

“….”

“Everyone thinks they’re the most normal person in the world.”

“….”

“So… to Lian, Lian is normal.”

A faint smile spread across my lips.

“Lian isn’t strange.”

These weren’t words I was saying because I liked Lian.

I wasn’t addressing the man I had feelings for right now.

‘Just as a person.’

I was speaking to Lian as one human being to another.

‘Because he seemed not to know something so obvious.’

Because he seemed to be shrinking back over something he didn’t need to feel discouraged about.

‘Like a puppy that’s been soaked in the rain all this time, unable to find a tent to take shelter under…’

I swallowed.

“…And I want to apologize for what I said at the Center earlier. About how you could not know how you got hurt.”

“….”

“To make an excuse, I didn’t know either. I thought my way of thinking was natural…”

“….”

“I’m sorry. I won’t do that again.”

During my countless monologues, Lian didn’t say a single word.

He just stared at me intently, barely even blinking.

‘Is that a person or a sculpture.’

His current appearance was like a masterpiece created by a famous sculptor with all their heart and soul.

I pressed my lips tightly shut, abandoning my pointless thoughts.

Because I suddenly felt embarrassed.

‘Damn, damn.’

Not only had I rambled on by myself unlike my usual self, but telling him to sharply scold anyone strange…

In short, I was hit with ‘reality shock’ after doing something I’d never done before.

‘I’m dying of embarrassment.’

I’ll absolutely never do this again.

‘Lian is a patient today.’

Because this guy is hurt…

‘Th, that’s why my heart is restless and I’m acting like this.’

I kept my eyes downcast and worked hard to rationalize my behavior.

That’s when it happened.

“…This is why I like you.”

Lian’s mouth, which had been closed all this time, suddenly uttered words.

I raised my head.

“What?”

“I said this is why I like you.”

A smile gradually appeared on his expressionless face.

His long eyes curved faintly.

“I’ve learned once again… why I like you.”

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This chapter was translated by Lunox Team. To support us and help keep this series going, visit our website: LunoxScans.com
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