Resetting Lady - Chapter 160

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This chapter was translated by Lunox Team. To support us and help keep this series going, visit our website: LunoxScans.com
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05. Beginning to ending – This is not beginning

Karen opened her eyes.

The beginning is always the same.

Gray sky, drizzling rain, a muddy garden where nothing has grown yet, chilling air and dirty pajamas. The wound on her neck stings. If she doesn’t return to the manor soon, the gardener will discover her. She picked up the rope lying near her feet.

“…Did the me from 100 years ago want to die back then too?”

Karen muttered while holding it. She had failed again this time. Looking at the wound on her neck and the rope, the herself from 100 years ago, before the repetition began, must have also failed at death.

Unlike the damp corridor, the room was warm with the fireplace burning and thick furs blocking the cold air. She didn’t throw away the dirty clothes but just left them by the fire. The fire continued to burn warmly. She looked at the naked woman in the mirror. Then she shrugged her shoulders.

“You can fail sometimes in life, can’t you?”

She sat in the chair and looked at the paper and ink. She dipped the pen nib in ink and wrote on the paper.

How old am I? Karen found herself amusing and wrote a ‘?’ mark, then laughed for a while.

She didn’t know how to count the times she died because of Dulan.

Well, what does it matter how many times it was now.

My name is Karen Hyer.

She swept the pen nib forcefully. It was written neatly and elegantly. There was no anger, no madness. Karen laughed. She had failed again this time. But it would still be okay. She wasn’t starting over from the beginning again. She would wait for Raymond and challenge it together.

She was always herself. Her name was Karen Hyer. But now it wasn’t the beginning. Her life wasn’t repeated. Now Raymond remembers. Karen opened her eyes and walked to her room.

She looked at the coin. She didn’t want to carve new numbers. She didn’t need evidence. She didn’t need to struggle desperately. Now they just needed to work together. Life can move forward with just one trustworthy person. It’s not starting from the beginning.

“Nah.”

It’s not needed anymore. Karen threw the coin into the fire.

The edges slowly began to soften. Karen looked down at it with a calm face.

It’s a bit regrettable. But she felt relieved. This was also meaningful work in its own way. What was with her wasn’t those coin pieces but a person named Raymond.

So she wasn’t afraid anymore. She didn’t need to be anxious. Even if he wasn’t here now, she knew she could wait for him. This

time, how should she live.

What would be the best way.

Her body felt light. It seemed good to think slowly before Raymond came.

Karen changed clothes and fell asleep.

It was a comfortable, deep sleep.

* * *

“Are you awake?”

“Oh my, Miss. You woke up early. Are you feeling alright?”

“Not that well. Since I know my memory completely disappeared, my lord…”

Crash.

“Uh, yes, yes?”

Karen chuckled.

She probably wouldn’t need to threaten Nancy. She could threaten her with a gun, but she would answer even if just asked. She was weaker-hearted and more timid than expected.

“We have quite a lot to talk about, don’t we?”

* * *

“What meaning is there in living such a predetermined life?”

Catherine looked down at Karen with a face about to cry.

“I want you to experience true love. I don’t want you to live like us, like me and the mothers. It’s nothing special. This is… Karen, Karen. Listen carefully to what I’m saying. You’re really, really going to live long. Mom and Dad are temporary, and your life will be preserved at seventeen years old, spending a long time choosing someone as the father of a child. You’re a princess. You must wait for a prince.”

“I don’t need it!”

“You’re still young, that’s why. When you grow up, you’ll understand Mom. This is the gift I can give you. I had no other choice. But you can choose… We’re just that kind of fate. And someday you’ll be able to feel it like a blessing too.”

As Karen grew older, her seizures gradually increased.

“Who am I? Where is this? Where did our mom go?”

The brainwashing became more and more perfect as time passed. It was when Dulan began combining sedatives and sending them to Hyer Estate.

With the Lord’s help, her studies are being conducted faithfully.

I’m sending medicine that might help Karen.

Dulan, that bastard.

I should have fed you to the dogs then. Karen gritted her teeth. But even anger didn’t last long. Memories scattered and disappeared.

‘I must… remember.’

Whenever she occasionally tried to revive her memories, Karen desperately wrote something down. Even if memories were lost, records might remain.

“My name is, my name is Karen Hyer. That’s my name.”

Karen repeated muttering.

“If I lose it, I can read the writing. Even if memories disappear, records remain. Let’s read the writing. I can read it.”

She strongly reminded herself. That even if she forgot, she could read books. She obsessively reminded herself. I can read books. I can read my writing. My self remains in this paper. It will help revive memories. Karen held onto books and muttered every night.

Live again? So die on my seventeenth birthday? I don’t believe it! Meet a perfect man and fall in love to break the magic? Don’t be ridiculous.

Karen trembled. She didn’t want to die. She didn’t want to forget.

Remember and… let’s run away.

But where? How? She couldn’t even go down to the town without a carriage. Karen cried in frustration. But even crying didn’t last long. Mom is too much. But Catherine was already dead.

Karen desperately wrote down and began to identify herself with books. Books were the only means that could save her. The only outlet to not forget herself, that wouldn’t betray her. Let’s not forget that I must read. Karen memorized only that one thing. Books, books, books. The letters, writing that I write down.

I’m like a book.

This is like my life.

“What is this?”

But a maid discovered it and that ended too.

“Master, the Miss has this…”

“Give it back! That’s my diary! It’s my private thing!”

The Lord slowly turned through Karen’s diary. He saw the desperate anger and hatred inside. The Lord smiled bitterly.

“Catherine is… Child, your mother wouldn’t want this. The more you do this, the more confident I become in my actions.”

“Father, Father… I want to kill Mom.”

“Karen, you forgot again.”

And the Lord threw the diary into the fireplace. No! The scream was swallowed by the fire. To the crying Karen, the Lord said.

“Mom already died several years ago.”

The Lord with a gloomy face instructed Nancy, who was bowing her head.

“Instead of such dark stories, tell bright and cheerful love stories. So my daughter will yearn for love.”

“Yes, Master.”

Nancy ordered many romance novels. And she read them every night. Karen struggled at first.

“Don’t touch my memories!”

But the screaming was only brief. She soon forgot that too.

“Once upon a time…”

Karen, lying in bed, asked Nancy in a tired voice. Her hands and feet were tied to the bed. She felt weak. Karen couldn’t understand her maid.

“…Do you like living like that? You used to be a free gypsy.”

Why did you give up freedom to torment me. But Nancy shook her head. And she kissed Karen’s forehead. It was a kiss mixed with pity. Miss, you don’t know anything. What it’s like to live outside. What life without plans is like. Restraint is better than freedom. Because restraint comes with protection.

“I’m happy just not starving and living in the manor like this. And Miss, don’t be too afraid. There’s nothing scary.”

“You don’t even believe it.”

“That’s not important.”

Black hands swept through Karen’s hair. Those hands ridiculously felt like they were comforting her. And Nancy’s voice began to flow slowly but unstoppably and mercilessly into Karen’s ears.

It’s okay, it’s okay.

Just accept it. Live simply. Miss is really pretty.

Now go back to sleep.

It’s okay.

All scary things are in dreams.

All sad things are in books.

Miss is dreaming.

This world is like a dream to you.

Soon you’ll fall in love with a knight

and all hardships will end.

I am me!

Mom is crazy, Dad is insane too! Even dead, Mom tries to control me!

Karen grabbed the rope and ran out to the garden. She couldn’t live like this. She couldn’t end like this. It had been a year since she regained her memories this time.

Until yesterday, she thought she was a character in a book. She wrote in her diary that she had to escape, saying her real self was somewhere else, not here.

A crumpled diary page hidden in the corner of the drawer suddenly gave her a headache and revived her memory, but even that didn’t seem like it would last long. If she lost her memory again this time, she didn’t know how long it would last. Karen was sick of everything. She wanted to die while she remained herself.

Karen doesn’t believe in living a second life. She can’t believe it. But her mother and father say it’s only natural while telling her that she will naturally die.

And they erased her memories, saying that losing her memory would be more helpful. The more she raged, the more convinced they became that her memories needed to be erased even more. Because she became docile when she fell asleep listening to lullabies while drugged.

Each time Karen recovered her memories, she rebelled more violently, and that rebellion led to self-harm and suicide attempts. If she forgets again this time, she might truly be forgotten even by herself.

Let me die.

While I am still me.

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This chapter was translated by Lunox Team. To support us and help keep this series going, visit our website: LunoxScans.com
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