Pretending to Be Human Is Exhausting Again Today - Chapter 68

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This chapter was translated by Lunox Team. To support us and help keep this series going, visit our website: LunoxScans.com
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Struggling to Pretend to Be Human Today Episode 068

 

I stood up from my chair and approached Princess Chloe.

 

“The lake deity made the right choice in selecting me. The people around me are actually suffering from all kinds of misfortune.”

 

Plague, earthquake, assassination… I don’t know how the lake deity noticed my situation, but it was an excellent choice.

 

If I hadn’t stepped forward to save her myself, Princess Chloe would have been killed by the mercenary group by now.

 

But there was an easier method that didn’t rely on such misfortune.

 

“The reason you didn’t ask your guard knights to kill you was because you didn’t want them to be punished for your death, right?”

 

“Y-yes. Murder would be a capital offense even in the Empire.”

 

Similarly, trying to die by the mercenary’s hand was also a choice to prevent responsibility from falling on me.

 

If she died in an unavoidable situation, I would have an excuse to give the Emperor.

 

Thinking about it, all the choices she had made so far were results of considering us.

 

‘Should I call it admirable?’

 

I smiled bitterly and stood behind her. Then I placed my hands on both her shoulders so she couldn’t escape.

 

“Your consideration is right. But I don’t need your consideration. I can kill you without leaving any evidence or justification.”

 

Flinch, her body trembled.

 

“You know my abilities, don’t you?”

 

“Y-yes. I did see them…”

 

“So let’s end your life right now.”

 

So no more complicated matters arise, so we don’t cause trouble for people, right now, right here.

 

“…”

 

Silence fell over the room. Only she and I were here, just the two of us. Princess Chloe’s faint breathing seemed to represent her state of mind.

 

Anxiety, nervousness, fear. There was no expectation there.

 

“B-but.”

 

Gulp, she swallowed and opened her mouth with difficulty.

 

“I can’t ask Your Highness to do such a thing. Y-Your Highness is also noble…”

 

“Do I look like I care about such things?”

 

“…”

 

She couldn’t answer. She was probably recalling the day I blew away the mercenary. She didn’t agree with my proposal until the end.

 

‘As expected, she doesn’t have the real courage to die.’

 

This action was to confirm that.

 

I paused for a moment, then opened my mouth again.

 

“Actually, you knew of a faster method than these complicated ways. But you didn’t execute it.”

 

“What do you mean…”

 

“Your own hands.”

 

The closest, fastest, most familiar method. That was Princess Chloe’s own hands.

 

She stopped breathing.

 

“You must know that taking your own life with your own hands would be the best way to avoid troubling anyone.”

 

“I, I…”

 

“Yet you tried to borrow someone else’s hands. The reason for that… shall I say it myself?”

 

She quietly lowered her head. I couldn’t see her face, but I could guess what expression she was making.

 

“…I’m scared.”

 

“What did you say?”

 

“How can I do something so frightening?”

 

She continued speaking in a tearful voice, stammering.

 

“I know too. I know it! Do you think I haven’t tried? I attempted it dozens of times while crossing the sea. Using bedsheets, using a knife, getting poison… But I was too scared to actually do it!”

 

Tears that fell from her eyes wet her knees. That voice mixed with regret and anger felt more sincere than anything she had said before.

 

“I’m afraid of death. I’m afraid of what comes after death, of the pain I’ll experience, of disappearing. Even the deity didn’t answer whether I could go to heaven after I die. They just spoke as if everything ends when you die.”

 

It was natural. What happens to us after extinction was unknown not only to me but even to the deities.

 

That’s why we too fear death.

 

Needless to say, humans who live shorter lives than us fear it even more.

 

I watched her sobbing for a moment, then spoke slowly.

 

“Don’t try to deceive your own emotions. Your life belongs to you.”

 

“What good does that do! That doesn’t make my sins disappear! Besides, only if I die, only then will everyone…”

 

“You said there were people who helped you. At least they wanted you not to die…”

 

“No! Your Highness doesn’t know anything.”

 

She jumped up from her seat and faced me.

 

“They didn’t want me to live. They wanted me to disappear from Jins Kingdom!”

 

“…”

 

“I may be ignorant, but I’m not foolish. They didn’t exile me for my sake, but to avoid the result of killing more royalty.”

 

It was a rational deduction. Indeed, Jins Kingdom, which had to prepare diplomatic relations with other countries in the future, would want to avoid the violent result of killing all royalty.

 

The rebel army was righteous and rational enough to allow the exile of non-resisting royalty… that was the image they wanted to show.

 

‘They probably also intended to prevent unnecessary conflicts since the royal branch families would be connected to other countries by blood.’

 

Princess Chloe rubbed her tear-stained face as if fed up and said.

 

“So, no one is on my side. Everyone wants me, Princess Chloe Jins, to disappear. So I have to die, becoming what everyone wants is my role, that’s how I was raised.”

 

She looked at me with eyes reddened from too much crying.

 

“Why is it so hard to die?”

 

“…”

 

“Why am I so weak? When the people have been suffering for decades, I lived in the royal palace knowing nothing, and no one wants me to live…”

 

Why, why.

 

She blamed herself and struck her head repeatedly. It was a gesture like a child who had never been angry at herself.

 

“If only I, if only I were as strong as Your Highness…”

 

‘Is it time now?’

 

I carefully took her hands.

 

“I won’t say I empathize with your pain. Each person’s pain belongs to them. But since I once chose death myself, there’s something I want to tell you.”

 

“What… is it?”

 

I looked straight into her eyes. So she couldn’t escape from this conversation.

 

“Death cannot become a refuge.”

 

“…!”

 

I caught my breath for a moment, then continued speaking.

 

“You must feel lost about how to live from now on. I understand not wanting to suffer from guilt. I also understand that compared to that, the choice of death seems easier.”

 

“Are you saying I chose death because I wanted to take the easy way out?”

 

“Yes.”

 

I nodded firmly.

 

“Listen carefully, Princess Chloe. The choice of death rarely becomes noble.”

 

Too many people have come to think of death conveniently.

 

Life, existence is more precious than any gold or treasure. That’s why the choice to abandon life must also be made carefully.

 

“Death cannot be a solution in any situation. And if you truly want to fulfill your responsibility, you shouldn’t escape through death but face it by living.”

 

“…You want me to live and pay for my sins?”

 

“That’s right. I wouldn’t use precious life that way myself, but you need a purpose for living.”

 

She clasped her hands together and spoke hesitantly.

 

“Would that be the right choice? I’m afraid it might look like I’m making excuses because I’m afraid to die…”

 

I could tell what would follow without listening.

 

For her, who had been treated like an ornamental plant, choosing an option that went against others’ wishes would be difficult.

 

“Everyone wants me to die. What’s the point of living despite that?”

 

“Is how other people see you that important? Just because someone wants you to die, is your life worthless enough to meet their expectations?”

 

“Th-that’s what being a princess is! I, we have to be that way!”

 

“Then.”

 

I gripped her hands tightly and pulled her in front of me. And to her who was pulled over, I said strongly.

 

“I want you not to die.”

 

“…What?”

 

“I, Princess Deina, want Princess Chloe to live. I hope you survive unharmed and shamelessly say that tragedy has nothing to do with me. So….”

 

After choosing my words for a moment, I added.

 

“Will you accept my hope?”

 

She stared at me in a daze.

 

Due to our shortened distance, her breath reached me. I could feel her trembling subside, even if just slightly.

 

“You… want me to live?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“If you take my side, you’ll be condemned by the people. Even so?”

 

Soon enough, she would probably be known as one of the perpetrators of the Jins Kingdom catastrophe, one of the royal family members. But I didn’t really care.

 

“I’m used to being treated like a bad person.”

 

After all, I was a demon in my previous life.

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This chapter was translated by Lunox Team. To support us and help keep this series going, visit our website: LunoxScans.com
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