My Illusion Is Survival - Chapter 73

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This chapter was translated by Lunox Team. To support us and help keep this series going, visit our website: LunoxScans.com
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Chapter 73

 

“I originally disliked you. You knew too much about me, and you spoke too easily about everything I had only just managed to give up.”

 

“….”

 

“But you approached me without giving me a chance to push you away, and when I came to my senses, I found myself swept up somehow.”

 

When did the person who used to frown whenever he saw me start to make room for me by his side?

 

The events of the past naturally flashed through my mind.

 

“Your face turns red, and you can’t even hide the sound of your heartbeat. At first, I just thought you were a strange person.”

 

“A strange person? That’s too much.”

 

“But actually, the strangest one was me. Every time I saw you like that, this damn life felt somewhat okay.”

 

The low voice struck my eardrums once again.

 

“Then I realized. You weren’t actually okay.”

 

“…!”

 

I looked up in surprise, but Azel’s story continued even then.

 

“You sometimes look out the window with a melancholy face, like someone crushed by loneliness.”

 

“…Azel.”

 

“You sit there blankly with a face that looks like you’re about to cry, like someone barely holding on.”

 

Honestly, I had never once thought I would hear such words from Azel’s mouth.

 

Of course, those were the real aspects of myself that I had been hiding all along.

 

“It was just like me. I was the same way. Every time time turned back, I couldn’t bear the aching longing for the life I had left behind.”

 

I was sometimes lonely.

 

‘Because I missed it.’

 

Even when I was fine, there were times when the realization that I had fallen into a strange world would swallow me up.

 

Every time I thought of the younger sibling I left behind in the original world, the life I lived there without much thought, I was very lonely.

 

Azel already knew about me like that.

 

Although he might be misunderstanding that I long for a past that doesn’t exist, it meant he knew about my longing itself.

 

‘…Well, I suppose that’s natural. The situation is different, but having to live alone dropped into a world where no one knows me was the same for both him and me.’

 

Ridiculously, we resembled each other.

 

Around that time, a low voice came carried on the wind.

 

“But you were different from me.”

 

Contrary to my thoughts, Azel was saying we were different.

 

“Unlike me, who only knew how to resent the world, you smiled when you looked at me. Like someone trying not to let their loneliness show. Brightly and strongly.”

 

“…!”

 

“Far from hating me, you look at me and smile with eyes as if seeing the most precious thing in the world, and you tell me. That you want me to be happy.”

 

“Who are you?”

 

“Someone who wanted you to be happy.”

 

A conversation from some time ago flashes through my mind.

 

“-That’s why I came here.”

 

Suddenly, a cold hand touched my chin.

 

“How could I not be greedy.”

 

As the hand holding my chin pulled me closer, Azel’s head also gradually approached mine.

 

His trembling breath was so close that it was obvious what he was trying to do.

 

“How could I possibly give up such a person, by what means.”

 

However, this time I couldn’t avoid it.

 

No, I didn’t want to avoid it.

 

“I’ll try to remember.”

 

“…!”

 

“I’ll remember. So you won’t be lonely anymore.”

 

When our noses finally touched,

 

“So stay by my side. Even if we become unhappy, please stay by my side.”

 

With those words, he closed his eyes.

 

The lips that touched briefly like that soon moved away. As if he wouldn’t be greedy for more than this.

 

But.

 

‘How can you do that.’

 

Now I couldn’t bear it.

 

When I urgently reached out and pulled his neck closer, I immediately felt warm heat at the tip of my lips.

 

“…!”

 

The trembling lips were so vivid as if I could see them.

 

*

 

No matter how much a person’s heart is like a reed, even I think this is a bit extreme.

 

‘I really was thinking of leaving.’

 

Rather than creating unnecessary trouble in a relationship built on lies, I was thinking of leaving this place and living our separate lives.

 

That was certainly the case.

 

‘But what can I do. It’s already become like this.’

 

This was honestly force majeure.

 

“I like you.”

 

“…!”

 

As soon as our touching lips separated, the words I had hidden inside spilled out of my mouth.

 

“I like you, Azel.”

 

I simply couldn’t bear it anymore. Now I finally felt relieved.

 

“It’s not love yet.”

 

‘Not love yet, what nonsense.’

 

It’s ridiculous that I thought I should leave before falling for him. I already liked him.

 

‘How could I not like such a person.’

 

The incident where he embraced me in front of the magi was just the beginning.

 

The fact that he cries more than expected,

 

The fact that his conversation jumps around unpredictably,

 

The fact that he troubles people with his face,

 

The fact that he loses sleep because of me,

 

And even the fact that despite all this, he’s scared of words like “I like you.”

 

‘-I just like it all.’

 

Knowing that all of this only applied to me, I couldn’t help but like him.

 

“I like you.”

 

When I finally finished my third confession, I finally acknowledged it.

 

‘Stay by Azel’s side. Like this person said, remain by his side and somehow make it work.’

 

I wanted to stay by this person’s side in the future too.

 

Then right at that moment,

 

Crash!

 

“Azel?!”

 

Azel, who had been sitting next to me, fell to the floor.

 

I looked down in surprise, but he seemed to care nothing about having fallen and was busy covering his bright red face with the back of his hand.

 

Though nothing was hidden at all.

 

“…Are you okay?”

 

The eyes looking at me shook violently. He didn’t look okay at all.

 

“You’re not okay.”

 

It was a situation that almost made me want to laugh, but instead of laughing, I sat down on the floor following Azel.

 

His red eyes obediently followed my movements, and even that sight looked beautiful to me.

 

‘At this point, I’m really seriously ill too.’

 

“Say something. Preferably something like ‘I like you too.’ That would be even better.”

 

I kissed Azel once more.

 

“…!”

 

Actually, it wasn’t even a proper kiss.

 

Since he was covering his mouth with the back of his hand, my lips only touched Azel’s palm. But even that was enough to make the sound of him gasping audibly clear.

 

“Are you going to keep doing this?”

 

At my question, not hiding the soft laughter that escaped, his trembling lips finally moved.

 

“I-”

 

But at that moment, Azel’s voice suddenly cut off.

 

“Azel?”

 

Could the aftereffects of a kiss really be this intense? Azel, who had stopped speaking mid-sentence and was looking this way with vacant eyes, was completely out of it.

 

His clouded eyes weren’t even properly focused.

 

“Azel, what’s wrong? Are you okay?”

 

Could this be his first kiss?

 

Even when I waved my hand in front of his face in panic, he showed little reaction.

 

Just when I thought something was strange, he suddenly grabbed my wrist like someone who had come back to their senses.

 

“I remembered.”

 

“…What? What did you remember?”

 

At a time like this? As I could only blink in confusion,

 

“Back then too, you said the exact same thing to me.”

 

Azel suddenly began spouting incomprehensible words.

 

*

 

When he realized that touching lips was blissful, there was only déjà vu.

 

A strange feeling as if he had experienced this situation before.

 

However-

 

“I like you.”

 

The confession of liking was different.

 

Azel had definitely experienced this exact same moment before.

 

“If you forget, I’ll tell you again and again. I like you.”

 

The memory of that moment, overlaid like a vision, didn’t perfectly match the current situation.

 

‘A dress. She was definitely wearing a dress.’

 

Unlike now when she wore a simple dress, the Elpis in the vision was wearing an expensive dress that only noble ladies would wear, and the location was different too.

 

The two of them were standing in a shabby alley, not at Azel’s mansion.

 

‘When was that?’

 

As if the memory had been cut out with scissors, nothing more came to mind.

 

But he was certain.

 

This was Azel’s memory.

 

“Azel, are you okay?”

 

Meanwhile, Elpis was looking at Azel with a worried expression as he appeared noticeably confused.

 

‘What did I say the same way?’

 

It was natural since she couldn’t see the vision he had just experienced.

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This chapter was translated by Lunox Team. To support us and help keep this series going, visit our website: LunoxScans.com
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