I’m Sick of the Kind Protagonist, so I Might as Well Just Die - Chapter 74

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This chapter was translated by Lunox Novels. To support us and help keep this series going, visit our website: LunoxScans.com
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#74
At that same moment, Perenustus sat hunched over his office desk, scrutinizing a list of Worlds spread across its surface. Or rather, he was pretending to scrutinize it.
‘What a waste of time. Such a waste.’
I pressed my brow and finally set down the list I’d been meaninglessly clutching all morning. The moment I shifted my gaze, the energy readings and narrative maturity indices of the Worlds hovering in the void shimmered into view.
‘By now, I should have already narrowed it down to three. What am I doing?’
The conditions for selecting a World to dispatch cadets to were hardly stringent. Any realm with an adequately accumulated balance of comedy and tragedy, coupled with a narrative structure conducive to intervention, would suffice. I could already count more than a dozen such Worlds.
Yet the reason I hadn’t selected a single one was—
‘Because the Ancient Gods imposed a penalty on me.’
Even as I blamed it all on the Ancient Gods, I clicked my tongue and shook my head. The fact that I was being swayed by their petty malice wounded my pride deeply.
‘Fine. I should view the selection itself not as a plan, but as an evaluation.’
Having rationalized it thus, I finally touched one World with my fingertip and unfurled it.
‘The metrics aren’t bad. The narrative structure is simple enough—perfect for deploying a complete novice like Aurelia….’
But before I could finish that thought, I hastily closed the World and immediately opened another.
“This one is precisely ideal. Just as it’s always been, there’s no risk of Aurelia dying—”
I clamped my own mouth shut. No matter what I looked at or what I did, her name tumbled out naturally. I shook my head vigorously and reclined my chair, leaning back against it. The moment I gazed at the pristine ceiling—as always—I found myself thinking that I should renovate Aurelia’s wretched room.
‘…This is absurd.’
I knew the source of my foolishness. I knew it, but I couldn’t bring myself to acknowledge it, which only frustrated me further. After shaking my head sharply to dispel the intrusive thoughts, I reached to examine the World list again, only to stop myself. Instead, I opened the records of the previous World, then closed them, repeating this cycle.
Whenever I reviewed the tragedy metrics, I found myself envisioning Aurelia’s loneliness, her despair, her sorrow—and the process by which she pretended to know nothing of these feelings before choosing death.
‘Such useless preoccupation….’
Disgusted with myself, I began tapping the edge of the desk with my fingertips.
‘Focus solely on selecting the next World. What Aurelia desires most is to fill the comedy-tragedy quota and resurrect the Village people… ugh.’
Just as I’d steadied myself, I buried my face in my palms and rubbed my face dry.
‘A gentle rain soaks the clothes—and here I am, drenched.’
This was all because of that infuriating bug that grated on my nerves. Swept up and tangled in it, her name now spilled from my lips at every moment of every day.
“No. It’s just my work. The reason her name keeps coming up is because it’s the most significant task I’m handling right now. So what’s the task I need to accomplish immediately? Selecting a World—”
“Why are you muttering to yourself?”
Perenustus jolted in alarm at the sight of Silpi suddenly thrusting her head right before his nose, scrambling up from his chair. Silpi, witnessing her master in a state she’d never seen before, furrowed her brow as if she’d witnessed something unspeakable.
“You said you were busy, so I went to check on the classes instead. Yet here you are, looking anything but busy despite assigning me errands you’ve never given before?”
“….”
Quickly composing myself, I settled back into my chair without a care and unfolded the list.
“Hey, aren’t you listening? If you heard me—or rather, if you heard a dragon speak—shouldn’t you respond?”
“I heard you, but it wasn’t worth responding to, so I ignored it.”
“That’s strange. Your manner of speech is as rude as ever, so you seem normal—but why were you like that just now?”
“….”
I stubbornly ignored Silpi’s words and examined the documents in my hand. Reading the metrics and selecting based solely on anticipated yield upon deployment, two reasonably promising Worlds emerged. One centered on a love triangle rooted in a contractual marriage, while the other depicted a saint falsely accused and brought to ruin.
‘Both are somewhat unsuited for Aurelia… ugh.’
Laying those two Worlds side by side, I found myself naturally thinking of Aurelia again and let out a long sigh.
‘No. Wherever I place her, Aurelia will drag my World in unexpected directions. I find myself drawn to the unpredictable variables that emerge in that process—’
I simply want to see them.
Unable to voice even that much, I sealed my lips. It wasn’t merely wanting to see. Just as in this World, I wanted to witness it directly from beside her, to experience it together with her.
‘No, no. I want to see how the world I designed falls apart because of Aurelia, how it gets reconstructed. Not sitting in this office watching it on a projection screen! If I experience it in the same space, right beside her, I can collect raw specimens. That’s all. That’s the only reason.’
Perenustus, who had been chiding himself, could no longer bear the flimsy excuse he’d just fabricated. He rose from his seat and trudged toward the window with heavy steps. As his gaze shifted outside, the Classroom Building of the Academy came into full view.
“Yes, there! That error you named—do you know what she said while taking a dance class? That dance practice is harder than having her throat cut? Does that make sense? Is she insane?”
Silpi circled around him endlessly, her complaints flowing without pause.
“Hey, are you listening? I got driven out to this tower because of your damned bug!”
From the endless stream of grievances, only one phrase echoed distinctly in Perenustus’s ears: ‘your damned bug.’
“…That’s absurd.”
“Right? Absurd, isn’t it? You think so too, don’t you?”
Silpi, mistaking his agreement for genuine support, began lamenting with even greater fervor. Perenustus found himself genuinely contemplating how to accept the turmoil now shaking him.
‘It’s scholarly curiosity. Wanting to directly observe how the variable Aurelia affects my world… that’s sufficiently academic motivation.’
Just as he was about to conclude this.
Beep—beep-beep—
A notification sounded at regular intervals, and a window materialized in the empty air.
[Academy Mental Care System] You have been selected as a mental care recipient!
This message is automatically sent to participants who have experienced the death of close associates during world activities, their own death, or significant trauma or loss.
Those selected as mental care recipients must participate in counseling without exception.
Counseling schedules will be provided separately.
— Automatically sent by the Academy Student Welfare System —
Perenustus stared blankly at the window.
“Oh my! You really are getting old?”
“…Me?”
“Look at this! Death of close associates, your own death, or significant trauma or loss—you hit all of them!”
“…Me?”
“Significant trauma or loss is me, your own death is you, death of close associates is that bug! You’ve hit the jackpot three times!”
“Death of close associates.”
Perenustus muttered the same words over and over, his eyes fixed not on the chattering Silpi before him, but on the notification beyond her.
‘Close associates… that’s not merely professional acquaintance. It refers to a privately intimate relationship where the loss can have meaningful psychological impact on the person involved.’
That was the definition of ‘close associates’ he had set in this system.
‘So the system is judging that I… Aurelia…’
Perenustus shook his head before completing the thought. Then, from the two worlds he had prepared, he selected and confirmed the contract marriage scenario.
“Oh, isn’t that the most depraved society among the worlds you created? The one you buried? Then Leonas and that bug would have to do some pretty intense things, right? She probably hasn’t taken that class yet, has she?”
“…Ah.”
The moment Perenustus inadvertently imagined Leonas Hagpethar Yuletanis and Aurelia entangled together.
[Academy Mental Care System] Emergency counseling summons for mental care recipient!
This message is automatically sent to those deemed to require urgent intervention due to severe psychological trauma.
Emergency counseling proceeds immediately from transport to the Counseling Room through care!
— Summon countdown: 5, 4, 3, 2, 1

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This chapter was translated by Lunox Novels. To support us and help keep this series going, visit our website: LunoxScans.com
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