I’m Done With Unrequited Love - Chapter 9

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Chapter 9
Ernan, I’m curious about something.
What is it?
Have you truly never felt anything for me, not even once?
……
Not the slightest affection?
Of course not.
Really?
Really.
Even when we kissed?
Even then.
* * *
The Fidellia of the original story.
Her profession was a pharmacist.
She played a crucial role in saving the original heroine from poison, only to plunge Kiara deeper into the abyss of despair.
“Why did you save her? You could have refused treatment. You knew I hated her……!”
“I simply did what was required of me.”
“If not for Mother, that girl would be in hell by now!”
But now was not the time to worry about the original heroine or any of that.
‘I’m going to die.’
If things continued as they were, I had no choice but to follow in the footsteps of the original Fidellia and take up the pharmacist’s path.
I claimed to know nothing about medicine, yet as I studied, there was nothing that didn’t make sense. Pharmacy was a science like biology, and it certainly intersected with biological knowledge.
‘I might just manage to pull it off if I work at it.’
In summary, then, I was facing a crisis that required me to undergo a Second Job Change to resolve this monumental disaster.
From Korean to Fidellia.
From biologist to pharmacist!
And through it all, I could never tell anyone the truth about my condition.
The Dictionary of Rare Diseases had not precisely defined my illness.
The Church, however, called it God’s Punishment.
“A mark from God upon the fallen soul—a life of torment, an early death……”
If I didn’t want to be hunted as a witch, I’d have to keep my mouth shut.
‘I suppose I won’t be able to set foot in a church from now on.’
I could manage it if I wrapped myself up in layers of clothing, but there was something that pricked my conscience about it anyway.
“Why don’t you stop by the church before we head down to the estate?”
If Sanna hadn’t said that, I would have said goodbye to the church forever.
Sanna was a devout believer of the Church.
“……The church? Why?”
I asked out of curiosity, only to receive a biting rebuke.
“Why? Obviously to pray, of course. I want to ask that I never have the misfortune of running into Ernan again.”
I see……
‘If that’s the reason, perhaps going to pray wouldn’t be so bad after all.’
It was Kiara who rescued me in that moment.
“I’m not going to church.”
Kiara turned her head away with a sullen expression, and I looked at her in bewilderment.
“Why?”
“God is dead.”
What kind of Nietzschean pronouncement was that?
I glanced at Sanna.
An ardent devotee had just heard that her god was dead—she had every reason to be offended, regardless of who was making the statement.
Yet Sanna merely shrugged her shoulders.
“Such thoughts are certainly possible. Debates over the proof of God’s existence have been ongoing for a long time.”
I expected her to rage, but instead, measured words flowed from her lips.
“Certain schools of thought have posed this very argument: ‘If God had the omnipotence to prevent evil and the will to do so, then whence does evil in this world originate?’ Whether God is powerless, dead, or merely indifferent—opinions differ even among the learned themselves. Though, I suppose, the underlying premise that God exists remains unchanged. Whether He existed, exists, or……”
‘Not just sensible—she sounds positively scholarly?’
Unlike me, Sanna possessed deep knowledge across many disciplines. Theology, it seemed, was among them.
‘She’s almost like an otaku about it.’
As a side note, in this world it was a different philosopher than Epicurus who had formulated that paradox.
“So Kiara believes God is dead? Yes, that’s one valid perspective. I find it an intriguing view, actually—the idea that we humans must kill God ourselves and create our own lives from there.”
Sanna nodded her head with a serious expression on her face.
But I found myself at a loss. Had Kiara really declared the death of God with such profound philosophical intention?
Kiara’s “God is dead” and nihilism would be somewhat different things.
Indeed, Kiara seemed not to understand, her face full of question marks.
And I…… felt on the verge of grasping something.
God, death, Kiara.
……The villainess Kiara.
Her life had been filled with despair.

‘……Now I see.’
Now I understand.
Kiara, you killed God at the end of despair.
“Well, if you don’t want to go, then you don’t have to. I’m not exactly expecting the Lord to grant my wishes anyway.”
Clap—Sanna clapped her hands and began finishing packing what little luggage remained. Whether God was dead or not, she seemed genuinely unfazed.
“As long as God exists, that’s enough for me. Having a free target for complaints is a good thing, after all.”
So she said.
I was not a devout believer like Sanna, but I did believe in God’s existence.
No, actually, it wasn’t a matter of faith.
‘God truly exists.’
In this world, that was an objective fact.
Which is perhaps why I understood Kiara’s abandonment of God all the more.
As Sanna bustled about, I slipped over to Kiara and embraced the girl.
“What, what is it?”
Then I whispered into Kiara’s ear.
So quietly Sanna couldn’t hear. Like sharing a secret.
“Actually, I didn’t want to go to the Church either.”
At that, Kiara’s golden eyes blinked, and then she broke into a broad smile.
“Just as I thought!”
And then she hugged me back with an animated gesture.
‘Just as I thought’?
What on earth did that mean.
Letting Kiara’s always difficult-to-fathom words slide past, I patted the girl’s back gently.
The rain outside the window was beginning to stop.
* * *
The next day, we returned to Jonash Townhouse and, having finished our preparations to head down to the Estate, climbed into the carriage bound for the Train Station.
“I shall miss this.”
“So shall I, Pippin.”
“Sob, sob.”
“Stop pretending to cry.”
“Yes.”
Pippin tucked away the handkerchief with which he’d been dabbing his eyes and returned once more to his solemn composure.
“This time you are truly departing for good, correct?”
“Of course. Even if you told me not to, I’d go.”
“And you have no intention of returning?”
“That’s how it is.”
“Oh, dear…….”
Pippin couldn’t keep still, pacing in place and muttering something under his breath. It sounded roughly like curses aimed at Ernan.

Before leaving Cleor Mansion, I looked back at Ernan and offered my final farewell. To live well.
A wish that he would live as long as possible, that he would not die.
Of course, Ernan would never know.