I’m Done With Unrequited Love - Chapter 8

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This chapter was translated by Lunox Novels. To support us and help keep this series going, visit our website: LunoxScans.com
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Chapter 8
Ernan’s interest in pharmacology is an ongoing affair.
‘Well, who wouldn’t be, saddled with an incurable disease and a limited lifespan?’
The reason I’m now in Ernan’s study is simple enough.
Kiara had gone off to play with Sanna in her room, and finding myself at loose ends, I’d ventured out looking for a book to pass the time—only to run straight into Ernan.
He was leaning against the study sofa with his eyes closed.
As I found myself lost in fragments of memory at the sight of him, Ernan opened his eyes smoothly, the way he had then.
This time, I wasn’t standing right in front of him. I was lingering near the study doorway, watching him quietly.
“I thought you were in your office.”
“Work wasn’t holding my attention.”
“Is it… because of us?”
“Perhaps.”
If that’s the case, then it’s the case—what did “perhaps” even mean?
I turned to leave. After declaring an end to my infatuation, being in a closed room with him felt uncomfortable.
It was Ernan who stopped me.
“Why are you going?”
“I’m sorry?”
“By all likelihood, Fidellia, you came here to read. Not to see me, if I’m not mistaken.”
“Well… yes.”
“Then read. I won’t disturb you.”
And with that, Ernan sank back into his book.
I found myself somewhat bemused by the answer.
“Disturb? If anything, I’m the one intruding on your reading right now.”
“Not at all.”
“Ah… yes.”
Then I won’t be shy about it.
And that’s how we arrived at this situation.
Patter, tap—raindrops scattered against the tall windows that stretched across the ceiling. The deluge showed no sign of letting up. The overcast sky smothered the sun so thoroughly that even at midday, the study was cast in something like midnight gloom.
‘I can make it home today, right?’
My mood had plummeted through the floor. The relentless sheets of rain that battered the heavens were mirrored in my spirit—earth carved away, hollow and deepening.
‘Of all people, why does it have to be Ernan I’m tangled up with like this?’
“It’s odd—there are so many pharmacology textbooks here.”
“I was interested in it once.”
I turned the recent exchange over in my mind as I finished selecting books that looked worthwhile.
Rare diseases.
Incurable illnesses.
Limited lifespans.
Death.
These were the keywords I was searching for. At the same time, they were also keywords describing Ernan’s present condition.
Well, it made sense.
In most novels I’ve read, a reincarnator usually saves someone who’s meant to die.
‘Not that I’m curious whether I could do the same…’
Then something caught my eye.
The Rare Disease Compendium.
Intriguing, wasn’t it?
The title passed inspection—a good one that drew readers in!
‘Well, but…’
The cover was unreliable. It was plastered with such childish fonts and decorations that it wouldn’t have looked out of place sitting next to the Korballyue Dictionary (Toddler Edition).
I slipped it out carefully and skimmed through.
[……Symptoms may include teeth falling out one by one. The disease is accompanied by osteoporosis, and the patient’s body becomes unable to absorb calcium.……]
[……and so, some individuals cough up flowers from their esophagus. This is a remnant of sorcerers who have not yet gone extinct, and……]
[……there is also a disease where growth simply ceases, which……]
Before opening it, I’d been skeptical, but with each page I turned, my face drew closer and closer to the book. Against expectations, the information was quite useful.
The compendium recorded every manner of rare disease I’d never heard of or seen. Fitting for a fantasy world, there were illnesses related to magic, and it also described more recognizable conditions like dwarfism.
However.
There was no disease that matched Ernan’s symptoms.
‘As I thought, this time too…… wait?’
My hand stopped turning pages near the very end of the book.
A certain passage caught my attention.
[The Divine Mark appears in various places across the body. It resembles the seal of the Church. Except now it’s gotten a bit fancier.]
……
Mm.
My right hand rose naturally to my chest, and I rubbed the area around it.
It couldn’t be, right?
[If you happen to find a similar mark on your own body, you should suspect it!]
……It couldn’t be.
“Did you choose the book?”
My shoulders flinched upward.
Guilty before I’d even spoken, I quickly tidied the book and hid it behind my back.
“Yes. I did.”
“Then why are you hiding it like that?”
Why am I hiding it?
‘Well……’
Because this book seems to contain my diagnosis.
“Now you’re ignoring my questions altogether.”
Ah.
I couldn’t meet Ernan’s eyes and looked away to some distant point.
“I’m sorry. It’s just really fascinating.”
……
“May I borrow this?”
Ernan, who had been staring at me intently, suddenly waved his hand dismissively, cutting off his attention from me.
“Do as you please.”
I bowed my head and tried to leave the study. Or rather, I was about to.
“Fidellia.”
“……?”
“What if…….”
Ernan trailed off without finishing his thought.
As I was wondering what he was building up to,
“What if I were to die of an illness—what would you do?”
“……What did you just say?”
I furrowed my brow, doubting my own ears.
What did he just say?
Who’s dying?
……Why are you asking me that?
‘Is he about to reveal that he has a terminal illness?’
But why?
What could I possibly—
“You’re not going to die.”
“It’s purely hypothetical. Surely you don’t think I’m actually going to die, do you?”
“There’s no way.”
You don’t look sick at all.
There’s not a trace of illness about you.
“I was just asking to put this unrequited love to rest.”
“So it was poignant after all, then.”
The corners of Ernan’s mouth curved upward—a rare smile.
What lies beyond that smile?
“Would you have loved me even if I had died young?”
……
I simply gazed at Ernan.
I couldn’t fathom what lay behind his words.
Even having lived another life and died, I still don’t understand the depths of this man called Ernan.
Are you asking if I would have loved you even if you’d been ill, even if you’d had only limited time left?
I suddenly wanted to laugh at him.
But Ernan——
“Of course.”
I always have.
……
“Of course I have.”
I’ve always loved you with this heart.
……and that’s the truth.
* * *
Do you know what it is to love someone with a limited lifespan?
When you open your eyes in the morning, it’s the kind of act that makes you want to cry just thinking of that person.
You want to cry because you love them so much, but then you want to cry again knowing they’ll soon disappear.
It’s the act of holding back your tears in front of them.
When I was chasing after Ernan in earnest, I never wept nor refrained from weeping in his presence.
Those were the only two options.
He never saw me cry.
No matter what anyone says, the person facing death would be the most despairing—I couldn’t very well fall apart beside them, could I?
In the end, it was never that grand a love. Seeing how exhausted and worn I’ve become, it probably wouldn’t have mattered if I’d never pursued it at all.
I returned to my room and went straight to the mirror at my vanity.
Then I unfastened a few buttons of my shirt and pulled down the left collar.
What appeared below the collarbone, just above the heart.
‘A mark.’
Ever since adolescence, when secondary sexual characteristics began to develop, this wretched thing had flared up periodically, condemning me to episodes of agony.
The cycle was once a month.
‘Not like menstruation or anything.’
And just moments ago, I’d encountered an extraordinary revelation.
The Divine Mark appears in various places across the body. It resembles the Church’s seal. But now more ornate.
That this was the mark.
That it was also an illness.
‘Not a blessing from God—an actual disease.’
When I consulted the reference, it turned out to be hereditary. A recessive genetic disease.
The mark took the form of a luminous geometric pattern with three round rings draped across it like a halo. Cursedly beautiful—undeniably beautiful.
Now, here’s the problem.
I knelt before my vanity and opened the dictionary again.
Patients bearing this mark do not survive beyond five years after reaching adulthood.
What this meant was singular.
‘I am……’
I have a limited lifespan.
“…….”
Just like Ernan.
‘Limited lifespan…….’
Then I snapped to attention.
‘This wasn’t how it went in the original.’
The villainess Kiara’s adoptive parents remain very much alive until she comes of age—ignoring her, neglecting her throughout.
There were two hypotheses I could offer.
Either the mark manifested when I was reincarnated, or the original Fidellia cured the disease before her time ran out.
I put more weight on the latter.
Why?
First, if this mark is hereditary, there’s no reason it would suddenly appear just because my soul changed bodies.
Heredity.
It means the offspring’s body inherits the parent’s DNA.
The movement of a soul has no effect on the body’s genes—which means the original Fidellia very likely bore this mark as well.
And there’s a reason I can’t help but believe the latter.
‘The original Fidellia’s profession was……’

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This chapter was translated by Lunox Novels. To support us and help keep this series going, visit our website: LunoxScans.com
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