I Won’t Pick Up The T*ash I Threw Away Again - Chapter 196

—————
This chapter was translated by Lunox Team. To support us and help keep this series going, visit our website: LunoxScans.com
—————

#196

A moment of silence fell. Even the servant bringing wine stopped in his tracks.

I should have denied it, but my mouth wouldn’t open.

Instead of saying anything, I glanced at Kalian nervously.

He drank his water with an expressionless face, then answered calmly.

“No.”

“Really not?”

“That’s right.”

When Kalian gestured slightly, the servant who had been standing still approached and poured wine into his glass.

Kalian lifted his wine glass with a gentle smile.

“I’d like to, but unfortunately not yet since she won’t accept me.”

At those words, everyone in the dining hall except Kalian turned their gazes toward me.

“….”

The pouring gazes felt overwhelming, so I hung my head low and stirred my innocent soup.

‘Why did he answer like that.’

I resented Kalian, but I had nothing to say. It was all true.

I was just flustered because he spoke so publicly, unlike before.

What would he do if I never accepted him in the end?

Did he perhaps believe with certainty that I would accept him?

All sorts of thoughts came to mind, as abundant as the hearty ingredients in the soup.

The servant filled my glass with wine too and quietly withdrew.

“Everyone withdraw.”

Kalian dismissed all the servants in the dining hall.

When only the three of us remained, Prince Hes asked me.

“Count Aster, why won’t you accept my brother’s feelings?”

…I knew that question would come.

Not knowing how to answer, I could only smile awkwardly.

I hoped Kalian would stop him, but he had no such intention as he leisurely spread jam on his dinner bread.

Prince Hes asked me again with a serious expression.

“Does my brother perhaps lack appeal as a man? Is he insufficient as a match for Count Aster?”

“That can’t be. He’s too good for me. He’s also an incredibly wonderful person.”

“In what way?”

“Pardon?”

“In what way and how much? Tell me specifically.”

Uh…, do I have to say this?

“I’m curious too.”

I tried to gloss over it, but when even Kalian sent me a look urging me to speak, I had no choice but to open my mouth.

“Well, His Majesty is very kind.”

“Pfft.”

Laughter burst out from the very beginning. When Kalian glared at him, Prince Hes hurriedly swallowed his laughter and looked at me.

“And what else?”

Do I have to say more?

What should I say?

I’d always thought Kalian was a good person and too good for me, but when it came to actually telling someone else, I didn’t know what to say.

It was also burdensome with Kalian and Prince Hes staring intently at me.

“Well, he’s considerate….”

I spoke haltingly while watching their reactions.

“He’s also very thoughtful, and has leadership….”

I didn’t even know what I was saying.

I was speaking incoherently when laughter burst out again.

“Ah, sorry.”

It was Hes again. Hes said to Kalian with a beaming smile.

“It seems Count Aster likes you quite a lot, brother.”

Kalian looked at me with a smile.

“So it seems.”

The moment our eyes met, my heart sank with a thud.

At his response that came with a gently spreading smile, my face heated up incomparably more than before.

I also felt a serious thirst. I needed to drink something.

To avoid the piercing gazes of the two people staring at me, I grabbed anything, which happened to be wine.

I’m weak with alcohol, but one glass of wine should be fine.

My thirst was so severe that I felt I had to drink something, so I drank it first.

“Count Aster seems to be quite shy.”

Prince Hes’s voice was full of laughter. He seemed to be thoroughly enjoying this situation.

“So it seems.”

Kalian was the same.

Prince Hes was one thing, but even Kalian was teasing me.

When I glanced at him resentfully, Kalian smiled and lifted his wine glass.

“Come to think of it, we haven’t made a toast. Shall we toast first?”

As always, he’s good at changing the subject.

I was displeased, but changing the topic was something I wanted too, so I nodded vigorously.

“Then let’s fill the empty glasses first.”

Huh, when did my glass become empty?

I must have drunk it all earlier when I was thirsty.

Kalian’s glass was empty too. When did he finish drinking his?

When Kalian rang the bell, a servant entered again.

Kalian silently lifted his empty wine glass to show the servant.

The servant brought the wine bottle that had been set aside and filled mine and Kalian’s glasses.

Prince Hes’s juice glass was also refilled.

Kalian extended his hand holding the glass forward.

“Then let’s toast.”

Prince Hes also stretched his hand forward and said to me.

“Count Aster, congratulations on becoming a count.”

“Thank you.”

Clink, the sound of glass clinking rang out clearly.

Unless there was a special reason, it was proper etiquette to drink at least a little from the glass you toasted with.

I was a bit worried since I’d already had one glass, but drinking a little more shouldn’t be a big problem.

After the toast, the next course was served.

“Oh, I was saying before….”

Kalian and Prince Hes exchanged numerous stories while eating.

Most were stories related to Prince Hes and Kalian, but occasionally my story came up.

Prince Hes asked about personal things like what I liked or disliked, but.

“So when will you accept my brother’s feelings?”

“I hope you and my brother work out well.”

He also often asked such difficult questions.

Each time, I smiled awkwardly and drank wine.

It was because I was thirsty and wine was the only thing I could drink right away.

The wine was moderately sweet and delicious, so I wanted to keep drinking it.

I still drank in moderation to avoid getting drunk, but perhaps because my body heated up from the difficult questions, the intoxication came faster than usual.

I should stop drinking now.

I wanted to drink more, but I put down my glass, thinking I might make a fool of myself.

“What will you do about the royal marriage with the Holy Kingdom?”

Prince Hes’s face, which had been bright while chatting about various things, suddenly darkened.

He doesn’t seem to want the royal marriage.

Well, it would be difficult for Prince Hes, who is still young, to handle.

Prince Hes fidgeted with his hands, thought for a moment, then spoke carefully.

“May I decide after meeting the Princess of the Holy Kingdom?”

He looked worried that Kalian might refuse.

“Of course.”

Contrary to Prince Hes’s worries, Kalian nodded readily.

“I’ll send a letter to the Holy Kingdom.”

Prince Hes’s face brightened a little.

“Thank you, brother.”

“You don’t need to thank me for such a trivial matter.”

Though his tone was blunt, his gaze toward Prince Hes was full of warmth.

‘These two really get along well.’

Just looking at them, they seemed like real brothers rather than half-brothers.

Is this why Prince Hes was able to survive Kalian’s rebellion?

I suddenly became curious.

“By the way, brother, you should get married soon too. Aren’t you almost thirty?”

“I still have two years left.”

“Only two years left. Shouldn’t you, who is older than me who is still quite young, go first?”

Kalian chuckled.

“I’ll go when the time comes.”

“That time should come quickly.”

Prince Hes said this while subtly glancing at me.

…I had tried not to drink wine, but I was tempted.

Just a little, just a tiny bit more.

I avoided Prince Hes’s gaze and picked up my wine glass again.

I wished the conversation would end here, but unfortunately it continued.

“Someone like you, brother, must be very popular with women, so it’s strange that you’re still single. Haven’t you ever been confessed to?”

“No.”

As if. There’s Princess Stella.

Though I hadn’t seen it directly, there must have been many women who confessed to him besides Princess Stella.

Because he was an attractive man.

‘He’ll get married eventually.’

The Empress’s position couldn’t be left vacant for long, so there was a high possibility it would happen this year.

He would marry another woman, not me.

He would form a happy family with that woman and have children…

“…”

I gritted my teeth to suppress the groan that was about to burst out from the pain that pierced my heart like an arrow.

Fortunately, Kalian and Prince Hes didn’t notice my change.

Relieved by that fact, I closed my eyes tightly and tried to calm my heart that was churning and crying out in pain.

‘I don’t want this.’

But the pain wouldn’t subside easily. Instead, it grew larger and stirred up fierce resistance.

‘I don’t want to see another woman by his side.’

The greed hidden deep in my heart grew larger and larger, riding on the momentum of alcohol.

I wish he would only look at me.

I wish he would only stay by my side.

“Stop it.”

“Why? I’m not saying anything wrong.”

“Hes.”

“For your sake, not the Empire’s, please get married this year.”

I wish the person marrying him… was me.

For that to happen… I need to let him know my feelings.

I looked at Kalian, who was talking with Prince Hes.

This greed had grown so large entirely because of the alcohol.

So tomorrow morning when I sobered up, I might regret it. No, I would definitely regret it.

I would regret it terribly, pulling my hair and kicking off the blankets, but I still wanted to do it.

My current heart, my greed, my emotions wanted this.

So, so, I…

Before my head could make a decision, my hand moved first.

Like a salmon swimming upstream against rough currents to find its hometown, my outstretched hand found its place in a large, reliable sanctuary.

The sanctuary where I would stay and be comforted for the rest of my life.

“…!”

Kalian, who had been talking with Prince Hes, widened his eyes and looked at me.

I had avoided his gaze throughout the meal, but this time I didn’t avoid it.

I looked at him, putting into my eyes the words I couldn’t say with my mouth out of embarrassment and lack of courage.

“…”

Kalian looked down at me like that without blinking once.

“Brother?”

“…Yes.”

Then he turned back to Prince Hes when called.

But he didn’t shake off my hand.

Instead, he firmly grasped my hand as if showing his will to protect me from all the storms in the world.

—————
This chapter was translated by Lunox Team. To support us and help keep this series going, visit our website: LunoxScans.com
—————