A Blank Slate Regression for the Idol That Lost His Original Mindset - Chapter 243

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This chapter was translated by Lunox Team. To support us and help keep this series going, visit our website: LunoxScans.com
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A Regression Guide for Idols Who Lost Their Initial Intentions Episode 243

I had been dismissing the cause of my poor condition, which even led to shortening our promotional period, as mere overwork to the members.

Since I go to the studio every dawn and lock myself in there, how would the members know whether I’m actually working on songs or having a staring contest with the monitor?

Even when Gyeon Hajun asked indirectly if I wasn’t able to sleep, I flatly denied it out of pride.

Of course, I knew well that even if I told the truth, the members wouldn’t mock me.

Even Seo Yehyeon would sympathize with me being in a slump from my first failure, if anything, but he was never the type to ridicule me for it.

But I was already sick and tired of receiving sympathy from my first life.

And I didn’t want to show weakness in front of the group that I had led with my songs until now and would have to continue leading. That was my pride.

“What’s this about Demon Eden’s return? Go ahead and tell me Satan possessed me again? Huh? Why don’t you call an exorcist priest again?”

As I glared and ranted while gripping the sleeping pill bottle tightly, Kim Dobin held onto Gyeon Hajun desperately with a pale face and muttered timidly.

“It really seems like that person has returned…”

“Doby, didn’t you get along pretty well with him? Shouldn’t you be happy to see him?”

Though the subject was omitted, it wasn’t hard to figure out he meant the thirty-year-old Yoon Eden who had stolen my 5 days, left tattoos and tar on my body, and made me suspected of being an early-stage art disease patient.

At Gyeon Hajun’s question, Kim Dobin scratched his cheek.

“Of course I got a bit attached, but the tears I shed back then are about equal to the attachment I felt.”

Gyeon Hajun, who had been staring at me intently, spat out just one sentence.

“Did you quit smoking?”

“Jun, I’m telling you I’ve never smoked cigarettes!”

I immediately denied it in shock.

I did think of the cigarette I had in my mouth at Jiwon Hyung’s studio today, but since I didn’t light it, it didn’t count as smoking.

“It’s our Eden after all.”

Gyeon Hajun cleanly acknowledged that I was indeed me. So smoking was how he distinguished between that crazy guy and me?

“But why sleeping pills all of a sudden? Hyung, you can’t take those.”

At Ryu Jaehee’s question, still not letting go of his suspicion, I grumbled with 90% lies mixed with 10% truth.

“I overworked myself so much that even when I want to sleep, I can’t fall asleep, so what am I supposed to do? And I can take them.”

I confidently swallowed one sleeping pill with water.

“Ugh!”

And in just 10 seconds, I covered my mouth and threw it all up.

“…Never mind. I can’t take them.”

“Instead of taking sleeping pills, why don’t you just not overwork yourself?”

As I muttered with an awkward face, Ryu Jaehee brought a rag and shook his head.

Of course, Ryu Jaehee was saying this because he didn’t know my situation, but to me, those words were bullshit on the level of “let them eat cake if there’s no bread.”

Since no status window appeared, I wasn’t sure whether the sleeping pill rejection reaction just now was the system’s doing or not.

‘Shouldn’t I go to the hospital? Maybe it’s a sleeping pill allergy or something…’

[No. This isn’t an allergy but a psychological problem.]

Are you a doctor? Huh?

The system familiarly ignored my words.

“Eden, tell us if you’re having a hard time. Don’t try to shoulder everything alone.”

At Gyeon Hajun’s words, I scratched my head and avoided answering. Even if I opened up, it wasn’t like the members could provide an answer anyway.

This was a problem I had to overcome on my own.

The next day, I visited Jiwon Hyung’s studio again.

“There’s something I couldn’t ask yesterday.”

Jiwon Hyung didn’t treat me coldly for showing up suddenly and received me indifferently.

“What are your standards for success and failure, Hyung?”

Since I absolutely couldn’t break free from the standards I had set for myself, I had to at least know other people’s standards.

“If I had to say, success is a song I’m satisfied with, and failure is a song that even I’m not satisfied with. You know, there’s always that one song. A song that no matter how much you tear it apart and mess with it, it doesn’t give you the feeling you want.”

I thought I knew what feeling he was talking about. After all, we were both creators.

“Find your own standards.”

Jiwon Hyung, who gave me brief advice, added more words.

“But the standards you’ve set until now are ridiculous, so change them right away. Where is there 100% in this industry that’s all about taste?”

Jiwon Hyung was telling me now that the only thing I had confidence in was wrong from the very premise.

“I didn’t know.”

I couldn’t deny the fact that I had turned away from the countless human relationships I had pushed away with my own hands and clung only to music, making it my sole source of support.

I now had to face the fact that when there’s only one pillar of support, it becomes irreversible the moment it collapses.

And also the fact that music wasn’t the only thing I could rely on now.

“No one ever told me that.”

I had just isolated myself like that and wasted my years.

If I had experienced failure and collapsed at least once, I could have gotten out of that well, but unfortunately, my smooth sailing without failure had become poison.

It had only fostered my conviction that I was right and my arrogance that I would never fail.

“Are you twenty-three this year?”

When I nodded, Jiwon Hyung clicked his tongue.

“Young, so young.”

Being called young didn’t feel bad. Even though I had once reached twenty-seven, I was still younger than Jiwon Hyung, and it would be a bit ridiculous to add the age I lived from twenty to twenty-three now to twenty-seven.

The experiences of being twenty and thirty were clearly different.

“That’s how you learn one by one, kid.”

A rough hand lightly patted my back.

Even if I from that time had aged to that extent, wouldn’t it have been difficult to become an adult who could give advice to others like Jiwon Hyung?

* * *

Still, I could understand the standards of success and failure with my head, but my heart couldn’t understand them.

-Hey, Eden. I heard you’re sick and shortened your activities? Should we all go visit you together?

“Huh, I’m not hospitalized, what visit?”

-Ah, what? You’re not hospitalized? We even bought a beverage set.

I suggested an alternative to Yongcheol Hyung, who suddenly wanted to visit me after probably seeing the news.

“Then come to my studio. It would be a waste of the beverage set.”

That’s how crew OVER LEVEL gathered in my studio after a long time.

“How long has it been since we all gathered like this?”

“Hey, everyone sees each other often except me.”

“No no, that’s not it. These days Yongcheol, we can’t see your face often either because you’re so busy. You’ve been running around doing events and featuring since joining Wonbaek Label.”

Juseong Hyung shook his head while handing me a morning sunlight gift set.

“But why morning sunlight of all things?”

“Well, that’s one of the… how many was it. Anyway, it’s one of those drinks that people either love or hate. So we bought it because we were curious about your preference.”

I felt relieved seeing the hyungs’ unchanged appearance, still serious about teasing their youngest member.

Right, where isn’t like Sol’s eyes.

After chatting about each other’s recent situations for a while, I casually asked the hyungs.

“What do you hyungs think is the standard for a successful song?”

After thinking for a moment, Semin Hyung casually threw out an answer.

“A song we’re satisfied with.”

It was exactly the same answer Jiwon Hyung had given.

Seeing the other hyungs nodding and saying that’s cool, that’s right, I felt frustrated as if everyone except me knew the answer.

“Even if it doesn’t get the performance and response you wanted?”

At my question, Taehoon Hyung roughly messed up my hair.

“Oh my, Yoon Eden. Did all the underground spirit drain out?”

“I’ve been active as an idol much longer than I was in the underground, so what can I do?”

When I grumbled, Juseong Hyung rubbed his scratched eyebrow and spoke up.

“Don’t you remember those songs we uploaded to Music Cloud and went crazy over, saying we killed it among ourselves? Did rankings even matter to us back then?”

“It was nice when we got good share counts, hearts, and lots of comments. But don’t you remember, Eden?”

Hyeongbeom Hyung picked up where Juseong Hyung left off. Hyeongbeom Hyung showed me a song.

“The song our crew was most proud of and loved was one that got six hearts on Music Cloud. And all six of those hearts were from us.”

.

A song I impulsively deleted after losing touch with the crew hyungs before my regression, then regretted for countless nights.

A song that still remained on my phone despite changing it several times, still in my cloud storage.

Facing that song again brought back memories of those days when I made beats, scribbled rap lyrics, and rapped.

Back then, I wasn’t obsessed with comments, hearts, or share counts.

I was satisfied enough just making the music I wanted to make. There was a time like that.

I was simply the one who had changed. Ironically, even while shouting about real music.

“Hey, don’t be ridiculous! I didn’t give it a heart!”

“It became six because you didn’t give one, you bastard! If you had, it would’ve been seven!”

“I wondered which bastard didn’t give a heart, turns out this guy was the culprit!”

The warm feeling in my heart cooled as quickly as it had heated up, watching the hyungs start fighting over something completely pointless as usual.

As I watched the fighting hyungs with my chin propped up, Yongcheol Hyung came over to my side and tapped me.

“Do you remember ?”

I nodded with a sour expression and replied to Yongcheol Hyung’s question, wondering if he was giving me an IQ test.

“Of course, Hyung. It hasn’t even been a year since DTB ended, how could I forget that? But why bring that up suddenly?”

“If you hadn’t done the featuring, even if it hit number one with another rapper’s featuring, I would never have been satisfied with that song and that stage for the rest of my life.”

It was something I had heard before. Just through someone else’s mouth, not Yongcheol Hyung’s.

As I stood there dazed, perhaps misunderstanding my reaction as not getting it, Yongcheol Hyung added:

“I’m just saying, even though that song might have been successful in terms of achievements, I wouldn’t have been able to call it a successful song.”

The song that had proudly hit number one before my regression overlapped with the words Sangyeol Hyung had conveyed to me before regression. Something about it becoming a lifelong regret.

“…I understand.”

So this was exactly what everyone had been saying.

Now I felt like I could understand the standards of success and failure a little.

“Whoa, Yoon Eden, don’t tell me you’ve been moping around like this because your song didn’t perform well this time? Ugh, look at those dark circles. They’re practically reaching your chin. Were you so frustrated you couldn’t even sleep?”

“Hey, sometimes songs do well and sometimes they don’t! How are you going to handle diss rap battles with such weak mental strength?”

“Damn, kid. You’re really getting on my nerves, really getting on them.”

“You, how do you even lead your group? Are you sure you’re doing it right?”

The hyungs scolded me while randomly pounding my back from all directions. My back was completely numb from their hands that had zero control over their strength.

After the hyungs left, I listened to again.

The melody coming through my earphones was satisfying without a single part that bothered me.

Therefore, with , I had not failed.

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This chapter was translated by Lunox Team. To support us and help keep this series going, visit our website: LunoxScans.com
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