Your Majesty, Dinner Is Ready. - Chapter 134

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This chapter was translated by Lunox Novels. To support us and help keep this series going, visit our website: LunoxScans.com
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Episode 134: The Triple Offering Ritual
To present offerings to three Dark Gods simultaneously, meticulous preparation and careful timing are absolutely essential.
A misstep could mean more labor than usual only to receive complaints in return—which is why novice Cultists should never attempt it.
“Corpses, each to your designated positions, if you please.”
I sent the three corpses to their proper stations first.
For the front altar, I placed an odd-eyed cat-person for Lidni, who preferred offerings that were simply unusual.
The left altar received a human of sufficiently attractive appearance for Sueh’je, who favored beautiful offerings.
The right altar was assigned a thick-bodied cow-person for Leria, who preferred offerings brimming with vitality.
“Abel, roast the corpse on the right for me.”
“Very good.”
Abel set flame to the body destined for the Silent One.
He used an expensive expedition-grade ignition tool shaped like a lizard’s head, procured by butler Sergius.
“Leria is quite sensitive to the type and character of flame, you understand. When meat is roasted with fire from that expedition tool, it produces a softer taste than ordinary flame.”
“…I feel strange about this. How long should I roast it?”
“Until I give the signal, char it evenly and completely black.”
The Culinary Timer embedded in my right eye socket would helpfully keep the timing for me.
《Do not treat me as a mere convenience. :<》
While Abel roasted the offering, I used the Full Moon Reaper to remove the head from the offering meant for the Wise One.
This time, I would not discard the head entirely.
Odd-eyed specimens were rare, after all.
Pop.
I gently extracted just the eyeballs and placed them on the torso, then retrieved my secret ingredient.
《Elemental Cobalt Heart》
《A monster’s heart bearing multiple elemental attributes in one body. Every three seconds, the elemental property emanating from the heart changes. The Wise One displays deep interest in this!》
The Elemental Cobalt Heart was ordinarily a useful alchemical material.
As an ingredient for pursuing ‘unusual flavor,’ its taste transformed with each bite, making it a particular favorite of Lidni’s.
I arranged the two odd-eyed cat-person’s eyes in the center of the torso and encircled them with seven hearts.
‘Let this one rest for now…’
Now came the turn of the offering for the Exalted One.
This one had given me the longest pause.
Even though I’d selected the most presentable human among the lawless, the appearance still fell short of what Sueh’je would truly appreciate.
Of course, as a professional Cultist, I had prepared a solution for just such situations.
“Wear this, if you would.”
Mm, ah…
I fitted the corpse with a face mask—the kind Rosalia wore daily—covering everything but the eyes.
With only the eyes visible, the effect was quite presentable.
It was known as the ‘mask-wearer’ offering method.
A technique one could employ only when appearance fell just short of standard.
Yet even with that, something still felt lacking, so I applied intense, coal-black Northern Barbarian battle makeup around the eyes.
Click-click.
Only then did Sueh’je let out a satisfied giggle, pleased with the result at last.
Fortunate that he was someone who valued diligent attention to appearance.
“And wear this as well.”
I further dressed the corpse in a stylish formal suit that Sergius had procured.
The outfit was somewhat expensive to use up in a single ritual, but what of it?
At my side stood young master Odillon of the Brithes Family, a man positively drowning in wealth.
“Put your hand in your pocket and tilt your head at an angle. Perfect.”
The preparation of the offering was complete.
The recipe name for Sueh’je’s offering:
A carefully groomed country-bumpkin outlaw.
《The offering for the Dark Leria has been properly roasted!》
“Abel, you may stop now.”
Next, Abel and I piled the ingredients Leria favored generously atop the corpse’s body.
Broad strips of flesh, piping hot like molten lava from a living creature—a steak of vitality itself.
“What… is this?”
“Volcano Troll flesh.”
“…Is it legal?”
“Trolls are a regenerative species, so it’s quite acceptable. Mages and alchemists purchase their blood and meat regularly.”
The volcano troll’s molten flesh completely enveloped the properly roasted corpse, completing the offering.
The recipe name for the offering meant for Leria:
A formal Sulfurous Mountain Troll recipe.
“What should I do now?”
“Freeze the offering laid upon the central altar with this tool.”
I handed Abel the Spray-Type Freezing Tool.
Whiiissh!
Abel wielded the spray-shaped device to freeze the decapitated corpse, a pair of eyes in different colors, and the Elemental Cobalt Heart all at once.
“That’s enough.”
When the frost had settled to precisely the right degree across everything, I stopped Abel.
“This one’s finished too.”
The recipe’s name, made for Lidni.
Eyeball Heart Sherbet.
“…Whew.”
After all the frantic preparations, everything was complete at last.
I paused to rest a moment, then moved to the exact center of the space surrounded by the three altars.
“O great Dark Gods who cherish and love this Kar.”
I laid a hand upon each offering in turn, reciting the prayer in meticulous detail.
So that my heart might be conveyed wholly and purely to the three Dark Gods.
Especially for that peculiarly demanding, solitary one, I recited every syllable of the prayer without omission or error.
“…Is it not remarkable how intellectually refined, beautiful, and solitary I am?”
I withdrew backward, murmuring the specially added adorable prayer.
“Dark Gods.”
Partake as you wish.
“Dinner is served.”
– Caw!
Crackle-crackle!
Ssssshhhhh-!
From my right eye, from near my collarbone, from my left arm—three different Dark Gods’ emblems extended toward the offerings.
– Caaaaaw!
The blind crow, as always, ate with efficient precision.
Zzt-zzt-zzt!
The black lightning consumed the beautifully maintained offering in its entirety.
And the serpent, having become mist and taken flight, was busily converting a generous portion of the offering into vapor, drawing it all inward.
‘It’s done….’
As I watched the offerings vanish in an instant, a profound sense of exaltation swept through my entire being.
The sensation of my soul’s rank ascending.
At last, I had become a Level 5 Cultist.
My Stamina stat had likely increased by 3.
After all, I’d thrown myself into combat with far greater fervor to make that possible.
【Kar, my child!】
【Beautiful one!】
【Ka, Kar….】
At once, the voices of three great Dark Gods began ringing simultaneously in my mind.
A torrent of powerful, weighty voices that half-ignored even the effect of my Brilliant Faith, which facilitated smooth communion with the Dark Gods.
“Patrons…!”
I staggered where I stood, then with Abel’s swift assistance, managed to kneel on one knee.
I steadied my throbbing head and spoke.
“…Would you please speak a little more softly? This wretched Half-Elf, as pitiful as my appearance, is too fragile to endure the mere presence of your great Dark Gods.”
【Do you hear? You two rabble, shut it.】
【This decrepit old fool’s at it again!】
【You should be quiet first, Lidni….】
The earnest plea of a mere Cultist had no effect whatsoever.
Even as I suffered from acute headache, my heart swelled with satisfaction.
Yes, this was how Dark Gods ought to behave—utterly disregarding and trampling upon any supplication from a lowly Cultist.
【Ahahaha! Beautiful one, today’s offering was slightly wanting, but for the sake of your beauty, I’ll graciously overlook it!】
【I was pleased, so make another offering to me next time….】
【Ugh, enough noise! Don’t interfere with my communion with this child who walks the path of Twisted Truth with me!】
【You’re merely the packaging material to contain this beautiful one’s magnificent knowledge, you old fossil!】
【You yourself are but the provider of the Sky Invader, ancient one…!】
Bickering and squabbling.
Our great Dark Gods were too busy quarreling with one another to dream of joining forces for resurgence.
Despite her complete ruin, she was managing to get by as a minor deity.
I listened to the tumultuous chatter for a moment before opening my mouth gently.
“Your conversations among yourselves are pleasant enough, but isn’t this meant to be my time with you?”
Only after I carefully requested they quiet their voices did the noisy chatter finally cease.
Worried I might have hurt their feelings, I quickly added more.
“I was a bit disappointed that you wouldn’t indulge my desire for an intimate conversation with a great deity worthy of reverence and admiration, but I’m glad you’re listening now. Thank you.”
Dark gods are fundamentally creatures that have built walls against consideration and compromise—beings that know no satisfaction—so one must always calibrate the ratio of flattery to sincerity in every word.
It was a secret principle of faith that any exemplary Cultist must keep in mind.
【Oh, our pretty one was disappointed because we were just chattering among ourselves! I’m sorry!】
As black lightning from the exalted one swept across my face, Lidni swiftly issued an oracle.
【Kar, my child. Speak the reward you desire. I shall grant you a Secret Art far superior to what those other two wretches receive!】
【I’ll give you something unconditionally twice as good as that old fossil’s Secret Art!】
【…Something absolutely a hundred times superior to that filthy one’s Secret Art!】
【If you go that far, it won’t be at a level your Divine Power can handle, will it?】
Unlike before, I simply listened to the two of them quarrel quietly.
They were bickering over who could offer a more magnificent reward—there was no reason to stop them.
Staying silent like Leria, whose faith was too weak to readily step in, I finally opened my mouth.
“Since I’ve just reached Level Five, I’d prefer a Tier 5 Secret Art if possible… would that be manageable?”
A request that genuinely hoped but implied they needn’t feel burdened to refuse.
Combined with the bitter expression of a “Cultist grown accustomed to poverty,” the Fanatic skill would reveal its dramatic influence, earning the love of every dark god.
As expected, a generous response came at once.
【Of course it’s possible, my child!】
【I’ll scrape up every bit of faith and give it to you!】
“Is that so?”
I immediately returned to my usual expression and named the Secret Art I desired.
“Then from the wise one, I request the Hand That Grasps the World.”
The Hand That Grasps the World.
A Tier 5 Twisted Truth Secret Art.
It was telekinesis, belonging to the category of “ominous Magic.”
“From the exalted one, I request Rigid Crackle.”
Rigid Crackle.
A Tier 5 Unclean Merchant Secret Art.
Fundamentally, one’s body becomes a conduit for lightning, and mental attacks become less effective.
“And from the solitary one, I request Life·Secret·Mystery.”
Life·Secret·Mystery.
The wide-area healing that the future Leria had used in the Nightmare World.
It was originally Tier 9, but due to Leria’s modest Divine Power, it was a growth-type Secret Art that began from Tier 1.
“Are you truly certain this is possible?”
Upon asking again, the voices of the two dark gods, who had been ready to sacrifice even their very presence as deities, became considerably more subdued.
【Ahem… I see. We’ll have to live frugally for a while.】
【Since our pretty one asked, of course it’s fine!】
【I, I was never able to give grand Secret Arts anyway….】
Not long after, pain erupted in three places simultaneously.
The thumb of my right hand, near my collarbone, and the head of the serpent tattoo.
Three varieties of Secret Arts were settling into my body all at once.
【My faith is exhausted…. I shall conserve my strength for a time.】
【Next time you sunbathe, be sure to remove your lower garments too!】
【I’m really, truly pondering this, but the ignition tool we used today had a slightly off taste to the flame….】
Soon after, the presence of the dark gods, which had been making my head throb unbearably, suddenly receded into the distance.
Even then, I had to wait a long while for the headache to finally subside.
“Abel, it’s all finished.”
“You’ve worked hard.”
As I was getting to my feet with Abel’s help, Merlin came down the stairs with a patter of footsteps.
“The ritual just ended, didn’t it?”
Her expression was smug, her posture confident.
She looked eager to show off something.
Pondering for a moment what she wanted to display, I quickly arrived at the answer.
“It seems you’ve acquired the Heavenly Ear using the Record Stone.”
“What? How did you know? You’re right!”
Merlin pointed proudly at her tiger ears, identical to her usual appearance, and spoke with unbridled satisfaction.
“I can listen in on every word spoken around me now!”
“So eavesdropping is a hobby of yours? You want to serve a spy for the Turbid Rainbow?”
“…No, that’s not it!”
Merlin, who had drawn close, gave my ribs a quick jab.
“As an Explorer, I was thinking hard about what path I should take, and I decided. Kar said so, didn’t she? That Syph handles stealth skills.”
The future magnificent Syph beamed.
The radiant smile bore no trace of the grime and grit I remembered from our first meeting.
“I’m going to become an all-purpose Syph with superhuman senses—detecting every kind of danger ahead of time and alerting everyone!”
It was a childish dream, perhaps, but delivered with the unselfconscious confidence of youth.
I found myself smiling naturally for the first time in a while, and placed a hand on Merlin’s head.
“Then I’ll have to help you with everything I’ve got.”
If I lent my support, this was a dream that could certainly come true.
“Tomorrow, let’s go meet a specialist in Heavenly Ear techniques right away.”

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This chapter was translated by Lunox Novels. To support us and help keep this series going, visit our website: LunoxScans.com
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