Unrequited Love Obsession Diary - Chapter 75

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This chapter was translated by Lunox Team. To support us and help keep this series going, visit our website: LunoxScans.com
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Episode 75

* * *

“Need help?”

Dohan, who had approached from the side, asked.

“Oh, I’m almost done!”

Dohan glanced at the tarpaulin bag Yeon-jae had set down on the ground, then silently picked it up. And he insisted on helping Yeon-jae with her recycling.

Every time Dohan and Yeon-jae got closer, a faint smell of cigarettes wafted by.

Yeon-jae was surprised by the fact that Dohan smoked. Didn’t he say he didn’t smoke?

Throughout the recycling, an awkward silence lingered between the two.

Yeon-jae, who finished first, waited for Dohan to finish. It felt strangely uncomfortable, as if the roles had been reversed.

When Dohan finally handed over the empty tarpaulin bag, Yeon-jae bowed her head in greeting.

“Thank you…”

Dohan chuckled softly.

“Why are you suddenly being so formal?”

“Oh, I’m not!”

“Digital Media class was canceled, so you’re still home?”

“I only have afternoon classes today.”

“Me too.”

The conversation abruptly cut off without any substance. It felt awkward to part ways like this, but she didn’t know what kind of conversation they should have either.

But this seemed to be only Yeon-jae’s thoughts.

Dohan asked casually.

“Want to take a walk?”

* * *

Even if they walked, it was just around the apartment complex.

Eventually, after not going very far, the two sat down on the playground swings. The swings swayed slowly for a moment due to the momentum of sitting down.

‘Of all places, the playground…’

It inevitably brought back old memories.

The current Dohan didn’t seem much different from the Dohan of high school days. He still had the appearance of the wonderful senior she had dreamed of. That had been an unchanging truth from middle school until now.

That’s why.

Back then, she thought admiration was love.

At some point, she must have really liked him. Yeon-jae of that time needed such a thing.

A target to follow blindly.

It was Yeon-jae’s own defense mechanism to get through difficult times.

Yeon-jae glanced at Dohan sitting next to her. Dohan was leaning against the swing chains, with a face that made it impossible to tell what he was thinking.

Come to think of it, back then too, Yeon-jae thought she couldn’t tell what Dohan was thinking.

A person who always led into secrets rather than giving answers. Dohan had always existed in that way.

Yeon-jae somehow thought that if she asked Dohan now whether he remembered those times, he would give her a straightforward answer.

But now, such things seemed to not matter at all.

So after much deliberation, Yeon-jae brought up a different topic.

“…I didn’t know you smoked, senior.”

“Sometimes? I don’t smoke much though.”

“It seemed like you never smoked outside.”

“Yeah. I don’t smoke where people can see.”

“Why?”

“Every time I go out to smoke, I have to make small talk. It’s annoying.”

It was an unexpected reason. It would have been easier to understand if he had said he didn’t like the image of smoking.

Somehow, Yeon-jae felt that she probably didn’t know even half of who Dohan really was.

Silence again.

Yeon-jae pondered what topic to bring up next. This exam? Vacation plans?

Meanwhile, Dohan spoke first.

“So did things work out well with Hyeonoh? Didn’t you go to Kang Hyeon-o that day?”

“…H-how did you know?!”

“Unless someone is really oblivious, it would be impossible not to know.”

Speechless, Yeon-jae just stared blankly at Dohan.

“Aren’t you angry?”

“Why?”

“…You and I went on a date.”

“Yeah.”

“I thought you’d be upset if you found out.”

Silence again.

They say silence means agreement. But right now, Dohan didn’t look like someone who was upset at all.

Still, Dohan’s intentions remained a mystery, so Yeon-jae waited for his next words while pressing down on the playground’s rubber flooring with her shoe tip.

“Yeon-jae.”

“Yes, senior.”

“Whenever I form a deep relationship with someone, I feel troubled.”

It was an unexpected statement.

This kind of deep conversation was the second time since their talk by the Han River.

Until now, Dohan had been someone who rarely engaged in such conversations.

“Because no matter how deep it gets, everything changes in the end. Nothing in this world is eternal. Even this playground will eventually disappear under the pretext of reconstruction as time passes.”

“That’s true…”

“If even tangible buildings are like that, then human hearts that change like flipping paper are nothing. Changing overnight is no big deal. When you think about it, it’s natural that people’s hearts can change.”

Dohan paused for a moment.

“I find it hard to accept such things.”

Only after taking a breath did the next words follow.

“So before starting any relationship, I always find myself calculating whether that person’s heart might change without me knowing.”

Dohan was staring at somewhere straight ahead.

Yeon-jae listened to the sounds of dogs barking and the everyday noise of stroller wheels rolling, waiting for Dohan’s next words.

“I prepare for separation at the same time as beginning, and avoid every moment when I should reveal my deepest sincerity.”

“…”

“Maybe that’s why. I usually dated because I hated being lonely, but my partners would say they felt lonely when they were with me. It’s ironic.”

Dohan trailed off. The last sentence was almost as low as a murmur.

“Yeon-jae. I liked that you seemed to like me as if you would never change.”

Dohan, who had always seemed big, looked strangely fragile at that moment. Yeon-jae fidgeted with the handle of the tarpaulin bag for no reason.

“If we had dated, I definitely would have hurt you.”

Dohan hypothesized about the ‘dating’ that Yeon-jae had once so desperately wanted.

A corner of Yeon-jae’s heart felt bitter.

Because surprisingly, no thoughts came to mind at all.

“Maybe not for a while, but it definitely would have happened eventually.”

When he said those words, Dohan looked at Yeon-jae for the first time. He looked exactly like someone who had made a decision.

“But Hyeonoh is different. Kang Hyeon-o doesn’t do calculations like that. While I pretend to be that way, he’s naturally like that.”

Dohan smiled faintly. That smile was half self-deprecation and half acceptance.

“So it worked out well for everyone.”

Dohan’s words didn’t continue beyond that.

Only then did Yeon-jae feel that she no longer needed to ask Dohan why he had given her his number back then.

Finally, Yeon-jae could understand Dohan.

Probably Dohan was.

Sitting alone on the swing, watching that strange girl ask for the number of a senior who didn’t seem to like her back, he must have seen his past self.

A lonely boy.

That’s why he immediately noticed Yeon-jae’s predicament and gave her his number without any particular questioning.

So whether Dohan remembered that time or not was truly no longer important.

Even if it was just another day in the past that Dohan couldn’t remember, the fact that Dohan had been kind to her then and that this kindness allowed Yeon-jae to stand where she was now would never change.

Only that one fact was important.

No matter how much older he got as he lived on, Dohan was still Dohan.

Dohan would be remembered as someone more precious to her than anyone else could compare to.

With his gentle smile and broad shoulders. As someone who was once her life’s purpose and object of admiration.

And as her first love that ultimately never came to be.

A person’s first is eternal because it is their first.

Dohan had said that nothing was ever eternal, but Yeon-jae thought this one fact would be eternal.

“Am I kind of terrible?”

Dohan muttered as if talking to himself.

“Senior, you are…”

Yeon-jae carefully began to speak. Dohan’s head, which had been lowered, lifted up to look at Yeon-jae.

“…the coolest person I’ve ever seen in my entire life.”

“Even more than Hyeonoh?”

When Yeon-jae couldn’t answer and hesitated, Dohan laughed out loud.

“Just kidding.”

“But it’s really true. If it weren’t for you, senior, I wouldn’t have been able to endure those times…”

“Huh?”

Dohan, who didn’t quite understand what she meant, asked back.

“Just… that’s how it is.”

Yeon-jae answered with an ambiguous smile.

“Should we get up now? It’s about time to head to school.”

Dohan got up from his seat first.

Yeon-jae awkwardly followed and got up, then belatedly shared her news.

“…I decided to date Hyeonoh senior.”

Come to think of it, they hadn’t actually talked about dating yet.

She thought the words would be hard to say, but perhaps because of their earlier conversation, those words flowed out easily.

“That’s great.”

Dohan answered with a faint smile.

“Congratulations.”

Dohan with his faint smile looked wonderful.

Yeon-jae thought that no matter what Dohan thought of her, she was truly glad that Dohan had been the object of her affection during those times.

But the current Yeon-jae no longer needed a clear goal to cling to in order to sustain her life.

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This chapter was translated by Lunox Team. To support us and help keep this series going, visit our website: LunoxScans.com
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