The Prince’s Nanny, Her Specialty Is Assassination - Chapter 279

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This chapter was translated by Lunox Team. To support us and help keep this series going, visit our website: LunoxScans.com
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Chapter 279. Last Dance (5)

Why doesn’t the heart do as it’s told?

I can endure the pain of flesh being torn, the agony of bones breaking, so why can’t I control emotions once they arise?

“I never even tried to find out, but I learned anyway.”

It was like a monologue from a long play.

Ian muttered to himself with unfocused eyes.

“That day, that burning my family was the work of The Organization Commanded by the Royalty. That day, the person I saw was you, Kayla.”

If only I hadn’t known. If only I had never known.

If only I hadn’t accidentally overheard The Former Captain’s conversation with another organization member. Then I could have lived loving forever.

“Kayla, when I look at you, memories of that day keep coming back and it drives me crazy.”

It’s not that I didn’t try.

I tried not to cling to the past that had already gone by.

I just dreamed of a future with you who was by my side now.

“I would try to forgive you, but I couldn’t forgive you. I would want to kill you, but your smiling face was still lovely to me.”

Dozens of times a day, no, hundreds of times my heart would waver.

Contradictory emotions that couldn’t be defined by a single word or sentence would arise simultaneously and disappear repeatedly.

“It was too painful.”

I couldn’t choose either side.

Even as I whispered love to my lover several times a day, in my dreams I heard the screams of my blood relatives burning to death.

“Kayla, I truly loved you.”

If possible, I wanted to love you forever.

Ian quietly looked at Kayla.

The tears flowing down her expressionless face were falling onto Ian’s cheek at a lukewarm temperature.

“If possible, I wanted to keep loving you. I wanted to stay with you forever.”

But from the moment the truth was revealed, everything began to tear the two apart.

“But we were too different. You always dreamed of an ordinary future, while I always hoped to reclaim the glory of the past.”

The differences between each other that could be easily overlooked when we loved without knowing anything transformed into obstacles.

“Yes, even that was fine back then.”

Ian’s voice cracked low.

“But at least I wanted to become the one and only special person to you.”

Since you took everything from me, I thought it was reasonable to wish for that much, that it wasn’t greed at all.

“But you thought of other people just as specially as you thought of me.”

My kind lover who pretended to be cold and cruel, but never passed by a single beggar child on the street.

Ian frowned as if in pain.

“But why didn’t you show that kindness to my family?”

He grabbed the wrist of Kayla who was holding his collar.

“You said you don’t kill women and children, so why did you throw my mother into The Pyre?”

No answer came back.

Ian’s voice gradually grew stronger.

“You are a hypocrite, Kayla Angel.”

Rachel’s shoulders flinched at the word hypocrite.

Ian slowly stood up while gritting his teeth.

“No matter how much I thought about it, I couldn’t find words to defend you within myself. It was just painful.”

Every day, love and hatred intertwined like warp and weft.

A pattern that was simply dizzy and chaotic with no rules was carved into my heart.

“Still, I tried to endure even that. You and I, we’re both people accustomed to enduring pain.”

But at some point, the threads of emotion began to tangle with each other, and like something broken, nothing was carved onto my heart anymore.

“Then one day suddenly, I had this thought.”

My broken heart became ruins.

Ian continued with soulless eyes.

“Kayla, that I should kill you.”

To be freed from pain, I just had to remove the source of the pain.

Ian decided to cut Kayla out of his life like that.

“At first, I thought it would be enough to take away everything you had and completely sever our connection.”

But soon I realized that wouldn’t be enough.

“I thought that unless I completely cut you out of my life without a trace, Kayla, I would never be free.”

Because you were there in almost every moment of my life.

Wherever I go, whatever I see, whatever I eat, whatever I experience, I would eventually recall memories with you.

“If you’re alive, eventually the day would come when I’d forgive you.”

Eventually I would forget what you did to me, forget my family’s resentment, forget my family’s revenge and go looking for you again.

“In the end, the pain I feel could only end if one of us died.”

At first, I even thought about choosing death myself.

But if I die, who will take revenge for my family?

Who will repay the resentment of those who burned to death unjustly?

“So I killed you. There’s no other special reason.”

If I don’t kill you, I have to die. That’s the only way the pain ends.

Ian, who had half-risen, asked while gripping Rachel’s wrists.

“Do you think I’m cowardly, Kayla?”

* * *

What words could I say?

Faced with the truth that I was the beginning of my loved one’s misfortune.

“…You should have said something.”

I realized I had neither the right to resent Ian nor the right to make excuses to him, but still words of resentment spilled out.

“That I was your misfortune, your pain.”

I slowly raised my head.

Ian was glaring at me while holding my wrist.

“You should have asked me to die instead.”

For a moment his eyes wavered.

The tremor was also transmitted to his fingertips holding my wrist.

“…I would have died if you had told me to die.”

One of the daggers in my hand slipped powerlessly down below the rooftop.

“Because you were everything to me back then.”

The large full moon hid behind clouds.

A shadow darker than night fell over us.

“Yes, I know.”

Ian smiled while frowning.

“The you back then would have gladly chosen death at my single word.”

“But why…”

“Why?”

His gray eyes blurred between his half-closed eyelids from frowning. Unlike his moistened eyes, Ian’s lips still held a smile.

“Because you were everything to me back then too.”

It felt like my heart was sinking.

It felt like an indescribable sensation was sweeping over my entire body.

“…Rather than watching you choose death yourself, it’s better to kill you with my own hands.”

I stared blankly at Ian getting up from his spot.

“We’re people more accustomed to killing than dying, aren’t we?”

Ian looked down at me and smiled crookedly.

He raised his sword again with that mischievous face I used to love in the past.

“Kayla, are you in pain? You’ve been crying this whole time.”

When I didn’t answer, Ian smiled and continued speaking.

“Yes, the truth is always painful. I was like that at first too.”

Because of you, whom I want to love but cannot love.

Ian spun the dagger he was holding in his hand and gripped it again.

“So this time too, one of us has to die for that pain to end.”

“…You crazy bastard.”

“Haha, you’re just realizing that now?”

Ian burst into light laughter at my words.

“I’ve been insane ever since the day I found out that you threw my mother into the pyre.”

Fate must truly be a wicked bastard.

Otherwise, what reason would there be for it to be this cruel to me.

‘That one side has to die for the pain to end.’

I stared blankly at Ian.

Somehow, strength wouldn’t enter my legs.

‘…It might not be so bad.’

The weight of the truth I faced after only resenting Ian was too heavy.

It felt like strength wouldn’t enter my arms and legs that had been moving just fine until now.

‘To end everything like this.’

Life only happens once anyway.

I just happened to gain a second life for free.

Clatter.

Another dagger remaining in my other hand felt cumbersome.

It was at that very moment when everything felt distantly far away.

‘Promise me!’

A faint voice echoed in my ears.

‘That from now on, no matter what happens, you won’t leave my side!’

The delicate voice that echoed like an echo was just like hypnosis.

“Yes, that’s more like The Crimson Reaper.”

Ian sneered as he watched me stagger to my feet.

“The sight of you struggling to survive until the end is still so like you.”

“…Like me.”

“Yes, you know that saying you used to repeat like a habit every day. In life….”

We simultaneously spoke the same words.

“The most important thing is survival itself.”

If you die, you can’t do anything.

Both happiness and pain are the exclusive domain of the living.

The dead have no voice, and they have no power whatsoever.

“Those words are right. They say those who survive are the true strong ones.”

Ian frowned with one eyebrow and shrugged his shoulders.

“But what do you gain by desperately surviving without any meaning like you….”

“Why is my survival meaningless.”

I slowly raised my head.

My vision was clearer than usual.

“I’m going to survive and return to where I need to go back.”

“Where you need to go back?”

Ian raised his eyebrows.

“Yes, I’m going to Prince Edwin and Princess Emilia’s side.”

“Good God. Kayla Angel, snap out of it!”

He raised his voice reproachfully at my answer.

“From what I heard in the report, you killed all my subordinates right in front of The 3rd Prince. Do you think The 3rd Prince would want to keep you by his side knowing you’re such a murderer?”

“I don’t know.”

I wiped the blood flowing from the scratch on my cheek with the back of my hand.

“But I’m still going back to those children.”

“Ha, under what justification?”

“I don’t need justification.”

The fact that I was an assassin in the past doesn’t change.

Then and now, no matter what excuses I make, what I did won’t disappear.

“I am.”

Nevertheless, I had to go back.

By any means necessary, I had to go to Edwin and Emilia’s side.

“The Caretaker.”

That alone was sufficient justification for me to return alive.

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This chapter was translated by Lunox Team. To support us and help keep this series going, visit our website: LunoxScans.com
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