Since I’m a Time-Limited Princess Who Has No Tomorrow - Chapter 165

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This chapter was translated by Lunox Novels. To support us and help keep this series going, visit our website: LunoxScans.com
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Chapter 165
‘No, no. It’s different!’
I reflexively denied the question that had suddenly surfaced.
‘Sim-cheong and Sim Bong-sa are father and daughter. Heuk-yeon and I aren’t close enough to be compared to them. Heuk-yeon wanted to keep his distance, and because of that, we’ve barely spoken to each other….’
So even if the worst came to pass and I died, Heuk-yeon wouldn’t suffer the way a father who’d lost his daughter would. Of course, Heuk-yeon doesn’t truly hate me, so he’d feel some sadness and bitterness, but nothing more.
‘Besides, I’ve already decided not to create such a situation. This is just preparation for a one-in-a-million chance—the scenario where Heuk-yeon would need to use Neuro-inspection won’t actually come to pass. I won’t let it.’
I added this reassurance to myself, then shook my head.
‘But since the possibility isn’t zero, I’m making these preparations. So instead of being vague about it, let me think this through properly… once. Let me imagine it.’
Imagine exhausting every option and still losing to Doo-eok-sini, the moment he approaches to devour me. What would the situation be like? What would I feel?
Somehow, I felt cold. I wrapped my arms around myself and curled up.
‘…Dying isn’t frightening. I’ve experienced it many times already. Pain isn’t frightening either. I’ve suffered plenty. But if that’s how it ends… I’d feel so sorry to Mother and Father, to An-si, to the Sang Ra Palace Celestial Maidens, to the Crown Prince, and to everyone else… so very sorry.’
And I’d feel terribly sorry to the humans who believed in me and became candidates for the Straw God.
‘Ah, I need to prepare a way to extract the candidate humans who would fight alongside me in case of emergency. I can’t let humans die fighting Doo-eok-sini because of me.’
The Eight Pillar Order came to mind. Eight pairs of bronze bells. Divine artifacts that could open a passage to wherever the other bell of the pair was located.
‘Since there are eight of them… I can distribute one bell to each of the seven candidates before fighting Doo-eok-sini. If it looks like they’re going to die, the bell will activate on its own and transport them to where the other bell is—somewhere safe.’
For that to work, I’d need to modify the Eight Pillar Order.
When the moment comes, I can create an opening for them to escape. After all, the prey Doo-eok-sini desires most is me—Princess Cheonmyeong.
‘With the Eight Pillar Order, I can make the humans escape while I’m being devoured. And since I have Neuro-inspection, I’ll die before being consumed. Good, this should put my mind at ease.’
Sorrow and relief. Even if it’s the worst possible ending, I think I can accept this much.
Then… what about those around me?
‘Mother and Father will… be deeply grieved, but even so, they won’t abandon their duties as supreme deities. And since they have each other… eventually they’ll be all right. An-si though… I can’t let An-si actually try to follow me in death.’
Just in case, I should write plenty of letters in advance. Letters filled with words about how I was always happy and have no regrets. Letters brimming with love, asking everyone to live happily going forward. Not just to my parents and An-si, but to everyone who cared for me.
Something welled up in my chest, and I pressed my lips together tightly.
‘I’m just preparing just in case, just in case! I will absolutely not lose to Doo-eok-sini!’
And Heuk-yeon.
When he uses Neuro-inspection thinking he’s only killing my human body, and later realizes that I’m truly dead…
‘…He’ll feel betrayed, of course. He’ll realize I deceived him with a lie.’
He’d want to be angry with me, but since I won’t be there… he won’t even be able to direct his anger at me.
‘Mother and Father won’t blame Heuk-yeon. They’re beings who can see merit and fault, karma of past and future lives. The moment they see what happened, they’ll understand.’
If Heuk-yeon had used Neuro-inspection knowing the truth, they might harbor some resentment, but since I lied, they might actually feel sorry for Heuk-yeon instead. It’s different from Sim Bong-sa, who faced blame from the villagers.
‘Sim Bong-sa was indebted for the rice offering, but Heuk-yeon did nothing wrong. He’s simply a victim deceived by me.’
The deities will understand Heuk-yeon’s innocence, and the divine beings will sympathize with him. Heuk-yeon will receive comfort, not blame.
‘An-si might be angry though. She has a tendency to be reckless when it comes to my affairs….’
Still, if she knows that Heuk-yeon was deceived into doing this, won’t things get better with time?
‘That’s why I lied. So Heuk-yeon wouldn’t have to bear the guilt of killing me. Since I deceived him, he can blame me instead. Say I was too much to him.’
If he doesn’t know the truth, using Neuro-inspection won’t be as difficult for him, and afterward he can carry less responsibility.
‘So isn’t deception better?’
I lifted my head and looked forward. In the play, Sim Bong-sa had become a cripple, wandering about as a beggar. The villagers sang songs of blame, but Sim Bong-sa wasn’t lamenting—he was singing of the sorrow of losing his daughter.
‘…But even if no one blamed him, what about Heuk-yeon himself?’
Another deity had died because of him. He’d turned his youngest sibling into a divine being who’d lost a deity, just like himself.
‘It’s not Heuk-yeon’s fault, but can he, as the one directly involved, accept it that way? He already carries wounds.’
I want to be angry, but there’s no one to direct it at. I want to resent someone, but there’s no target for that resentment. So where do that anger and resentment go?
“You were merciful even to an incompetent divine being. You should not have been.”
“So I gathered even the prayers that the Incense Acceptance Officials ignored and delivered them to you. I should not have done that.”
“Why did Jijang do such things for ugly humans and a weak, foolish young Black Phoenix…?”
The words Heuk-yeon had spoken about Jijang.
If he, who had already been blaming himself since losing his master, were to face a similar situation again.
‘Heuk-yeon might… turn that anger and resentment inward once more.’
It would be fine if Heuk-yeon truly hated me. But I already know that despite his efforts to do so, he failed—that he doesn’t actually hate me.
And so.
‘…He won’t be fine.’
He can’t possibly be fine. My chest throbs with a dull ache. It hurts far more than when I deceived Heuk-yeon and handed over the brain tissue.
‘Yet I… arbitrarily decided this was better for Heuk-yeon’s sake and lied to him.’
Realization brings a surge of resistance.
‘But that lie was for his sake, in my own way!’
Then the conversation I’d had with Choi Hwang-hae earlier came to mind.
“I still don’t understand why Park Dong-dong told such a lie.”
“…Wasn’t it because he didn’t want to worry you?”
“Worry? Is there anything more worrying than being hospitalized because you got hurt because of me?”
Choi Hwang-hae was angry at Park Dong-dong’s lie. What about Heuk-yeon? Which would he think is better—knowing and accepting, or accepting without knowing? Was it even right to push him into such a situation in the first place?
‘Was there no other way besides entrusting it to Heuk-yeon? Did I… burden him with something far too heavy? The truth is, that’s a burden I should bear myself.’
I don’t want to admit it. I want to make excuses. I want to deny that I did anything wrong. I want to rationalize that it was the best choice. I want to claim it was a well-intentioned lie.
Ever since the moment I criticized Sim-cheong and questioned what difference there was between her actions and mine, I’ve already known the truth.
‘I’m… refusing to acknowledge it right now.’
Because I don’t want to admit it. Because I don’t want to acknowledge that I made a mistake. Because acknowledging that I was wrong is difficult and painful.
“Why are you huddled up like that?”
A sharp voice came from beside me. When I lifted my head, Choi Hwang-hae was looking down at me, having apparently circled around.
“Choi Hwang-hae.”
“Are you hurt somewhere?”
“Is lying a bad thing?”
“…Why are you asking something so obvious?”
“In any situation? Even if it’s a well-intentioned lie?”
“Because a lie is inherently bad, it cannot be good even if it springs from good intentions. You cannot call an evil deed a good deed simply because the intention was virtuous, can you?”
Choi Hwang-hae answered without a moment’s hesitation. It was a firm conclusion, true to his inflexible nature.
I laughed hollowly.
“You’re right. Bad is bad.”
Bad is bad. No amount of excuses will change that. No matter how difficult, I had to acknowledge it.
‘I was wrong.’
I made a grave mistake with Heuk-yeon. I shouldn’t have given him the brain tissue. I shouldn’t have pushed him into such a situation.
My body burns hot. Heat rises from self-loathing and shame. When I lowered my head again, Choi Hwang-hae spoke, seeming slightly flustered.
“Are you alright? If it hurts too much, I can call for a physician.”
“…It’s not pain—just exhaustion. I’m sorry, but could I rest a bit longer? I promise I’ll take over more of your duties later when you need rest.”
“It doesn’t matter. As you said, my stamina differs from yours. Rest.”
I sensed Choi Hwang-hae departing once more. I buried my head in my arms and contemplated.
‘If I’ve acknowledged my mistake, then next…’
I must rectify what I’ve done and make amends.
‘How should I proceed?’
First, I must confess honestly to Heuk-yeon and apologize. After that, I need to reclaim the Brain Examination and create a new ‘insurance’ that doesn’t burden anyone with guilt.
I must bear my own burden. I am not one who depends on others—I am meant to be a great deity upon whom others depend.
‘If I’m held captive by Doo-eok-sini, it will be difficult for me to end my own life. I won’t have the chance to use the self-harm method I taught Seol Deung-hwa. Should I modify the Brain Examination to activate on its own?’
It seems I’ll need to modify both the Eight Pillar Order and the Brain Examination. It would be simple if I asked the Heavenly Realm, but since this is ‘insurance,’ I cannot.
‘How do I modify them? I wish I had the ability to alter things as I pleased.’
As I began to contemplate methods, my mind gradually cooled. The heat of self-loathing subsided.
‘…This is exhausting.’
Though I merely sat in place thinking, I felt more drained than after hours of patrol.
‘A method to fix things.’
Suddenly, the image of the Blacksmith Shop from this morning came to mind. Steel heated, struck by hammers, plunged into water. Tempering and forging. A painful but necessary process.
Recognizing what is wrong, discovering what is lacking, acknowledging what is evil, then taking the next step forward.
Why steel is heated and struck. What must be done after confirming the harvest, to become more refined. What must inevitably follow repentance.
‘Improvement.’
The concept to repair the Eight Pillar Order and the Brain Examination, and the concept to mend my wrongs.
I honed a spirit like steel and gave it a name. Something sharp as a blade, prepared to judge me, took root within my being.
‘It will not merely cut.’
This blade will judge me and then heal me. So that I may advance in a better direction.

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This chapter was translated by Lunox Novels. To support us and help keep this series going, visit our website: LunoxScans.com
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