My Unrequited Love Is an Absolute Secret - Chapter 80

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This chapter was translated by Lunox Novels. To support us and help keep this series going, visit our website: LunoxScans.com
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Chapter 80

“The truth is, Harry, I’ve had feelings for you for a long time. I can’t help it if that seems creepy or terrible to you.”
Time flowed forward again, returning to the moment when Aemerus laid bare his anguished heart.
“You have no idea how many times I’ve wanted to call you Lili.”
“…What?”
Harry’s eyes and mouth opened wide.
I’m sorry, but that was the only reaction I could manage.
Aemerus had liked me all this time?
“Why?”
Why would he like me? That was the only thought running through my head.
The truth was, Aemerus and I had been distant with each other all along, like strangers passing on the street.
If Jessie hadn’t asked him for a special favor this semester, we would have graduated knowing nothing more than each other’s names and faces.
“You never even spoke to me first.”
“At first, I thought you and JJ were dating.”
That was a reasonable misunderstanding.
Until Jessie graduated from High School early, the bond between the two of us had been genuinely close.
“I know you’re just friends now. But I wasn’t completely wrong either—you’ve always harbored unrequited feelings for JJ.”
Ah, I see.
Just as Aemerus had harbored unrequited feelings for me all this time, he must have watched me do the same for Jessie.
How had he endured it?
Even those past few months when Jessie was seeing one woman after another had felt like hell to me.
I sighed, then suddenly realized this wasn’t the time for that and snapped back to attention.
“How long is ‘a long time’? Don’t tell me it was since Elementary School Summer Camp?”
Aemerus’s silence suggested my guess was correct.
I pressed my hand to my dizzy head.
He had liked me.
For such a long time.
‘Well, I’m hardly one to talk, having harbored unrequited feelings for Jessie myself.’
Aemerus seemed anxious that he might appear gloomy, but truthfully, my situation wasn’t much different.
What really weighed on me was….
“Aemerus, I’m not sure exactly how you see me. But I’m not as good a person as you think I am.”
“….”
“What I did for you that day was just coincidence. And anyone else would have acted the same way I did. That’s just what’s natural.”
“Natural?”
He let out a hollow laugh as he listened to what I was saying.
“You didn’t see the expression on JJ’s face back then.”
I furrowed my brow, searching my memory.
But since it had happened when I was young, I couldn’t recall the finer details.
“It’s not natural, Harry. Nothing about this is natural.”
Aemerus swept his bangs back and exhaled a rough sigh.
“I understand your denial. It must feel burdensome and unpleasant that someone like me has come to care for you.”
“I’m….”
That’s not it at all.
Could I tell him that I’ve come to care for him too?
What would happen to us then?
Would I be dating Aemerus?
‘Then what about Jessie?’
The moment Jessie crossed my mind, my breath caught in my throat.
It wasn’t that I still harbored lingering feelings for him.
But before he was my long-standing unrequited love, he was my only friend.
Through him, I came to know the United States, and by loving him, I came to love this country.
Without him, I would have lived a life no different from Robin’s.
Confined to my own room, refusing to communicate with anyone else.
But was it right to turn away from him now that he was drowning in despair?
Especially when Aemerus had just confessed his feelings for me.
As if Jessie’s fate no longer mattered to me.
‘No. That’s absolutely not who I am.’
I could never become that kind of person.
If I were, I wouldn’t have saved Aemerus back then—I would have hurried past him in panic.
And Aemerus would never have come to love me.
“I’m sorry, Aemerus.”
Aemerus’s expression was calm and composed.
As if he had always known she would reject him, harboring not even a shred of hope.
That expression of his pierced my heart.
Aemerus was absolutely not a man who deserved such treatment.
Whether in childhood or now, he was a man worthy of love.
“I do care for you, I really do care for you, but I can’t accept your feelings right now.”
“Because of JJ?”
Harry hesitated before nodding.
She couldn’t hastily begin a relationship with Aemerus until she had cleanly resolved things with Jessie.
But her intention was interpreted differently by Aemerus.
Even if Harry cared for Aemerus, it didn’t surpass the affection she held for Jessie.
‘When she says she cares for me, she must mean it in a human, platonic sense.’
There was no way she could genuinely care for someone like him.
Separate from his own feelings for Harry, he couldn’t bring himself to believe that she truly cared for him.
He simply couldn’t.
Miracles didn’t happen so easily, after all.
“I’m really sorry.”
Unaware of what misunderstanding he harbored, I offered a sincere apology while studying his expression.
Would it be alright to ask him to wait for me?
‘Isn’t that too brazen…?’
The person I liked turned out to be this shameless after all! What if his feelings cool because of it?
This disaster had unfolded precisely because I couldn’t comprehend or feel certain about why Aemerus liked me.
“W-well then, I should get going. Sorry for disturbing your rest.”
I eventually rose from my seat, hesitant and uncertain.
‘What do I do?’
I declined Aemerus’s offer to call a taxi and simply walked aimlessly.
‘What am I supposed to do about this….’
Someone might criticize me for sounding blessed by fortune if they saw me.
But faced with two men’s confessions that came without warning, I could only sway back and forth like someone caught in a typhoon.
‘First, I need to meet Jessie again… and convince him to quit the escort job.’
Let me check exactly how urgently he needs the money and how much he requires.
If necessary, I could work a part-time job alongside him.
I’ve already submitted my college applications anyway, and I’ll have time to spare while waiting.
‘Or I could apply for a Gap Year.’
It wasn’t as common as in Germany, but the United States did have a Gap Year system that allowed students to defer college enrollment for a year.
Of course, my parents wouldn’t be thrilled about it.
But they’d understand if I told them it was for Jessie’s sake.
‘Then what about Aemerus….’
Once I’ve sorted things out with Jessie to some degree, it might be nice to try actually dating Aemerus.
‘Though it could all end before I even try.’
I had applied to New York State University.
Meanwhile, I’d heard Aemerus planned to apply to Yale University through the legacy admission process.
The two universities were relatively close to each other, but communication would inevitably become sparse.
In that case, both of our feelings might naturally fade away.
‘I don’t want it to happen that way though….’
I was tired of only harboring unrequited feelings.
For once, my feelings had connected with someone I cared about, I thought we had touched—was it right to let him slip away like this?
I, who had been walking in a daze, came to an abrupt halt.
The man walking behind me nearly collided with me and cursed, but I didn’t hear it.
‘I should have asked him to wait.’
I should have been brave.
Nothing more, nothing less—just as brave as Aemerus had been.
‘It’s not too late now, is it?’
When you think it’s too late, it’s truly too late…no, that wasn’t right.
They said the moment you think it’s too late is when you’re fastest.
I was about to pull out my phone and contact Aemerus.
“Huh?”
I’d been so distracted that I hadn’t noticed the new email that had arrived.
And it was from an entertainment company in Korea.
“Move out of the way. You’re blocking traffic.”
“Oh, I’m sorry….”
Another pedestrian shoved my shoulder hard and disappeared before I could even finish my apology.
‘I have to give New Yorkers credit—they really do have terrible manners.’
Even though I’d lived in New York for over a decade, I still couldn’t get used to this callous indifference.
I clicked my tongue inwardly and stepped aside so I wouldn’t obstruct the flow of foot traffic.
Only then did the subject line of the email catch my eye.
「[Collaboration Request] Hello, Harry! This is GT Entertainment.」
I could infer the contents just from the subject line alone.
My lyrics had been selected!
My heart began to race uncontrollably.
My hands trembled as I pressed the button to open the email.
I was so eager that I skipped the greeting at the top and jumped straight to the final paragraph.
「…Therefore, we would like to use your lyrics for the debut song of a new girl group we’re launching next year.」
Even seeing it with my own eyes, I couldn’t believe it. I read it over and over again.
Wondering if I was dreaming, I pinched my cheek, and when I felt the sharp sting of pain, I realized it was real and broke into a wide smile.
“I did it!”
I’d need to go over the detailed contract terms later, but regardless, my lyrics had been chosen from among countless applicants.
I was about to rush and tell Aemerus this wonderful news when I hesitated.
I had just come from rejecting his confession.
And now I wanted to boast to him about this?
“Ah….”
The joy I couldn’t share with Aemerus or Jessie evaporated quickly.
Even though this was something I had desperately longed for once.

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This chapter was translated by Lunox Novels. To support us and help keep this series going, visit our website: LunoxScans.com
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