In This Life, I Will Be The Lord - Chapter 296

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This chapter was translated by Lunox Team. To support us and help keep this series going, visit our website: LunoxScans.com
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This Life, I Will Become the Clan Head

Side Story Episode 38

“Mother’s… diary?”

My mind went blank.

Mother’s diary.

I had never even thought that she would have left such a thing behind.

“It really is. Her name is engraved on it.”

The letters ‘Shan’ remained on the corner of the brown leather cover.

Without realizing it, I traced over the name and asked Peres.

“Where did this diary come from, Peres?”

“Ah, well.”

Peres started to explain something, then deciding it would be faster to show me directly, went back into the bedroom.

And when Peres came back out, he was carrying a large wooden box in his arms.

Peres set the box down in front of me, who was still looking at him with puzzled eyes, and opened the lid.

Inside were notebooks that looked similar to Mother’s diary, packed tightly together.

“These are Gallahan’s, I mean Father’s parenting diaries.”

“A-all of these are parenting diaries?”

At a glance, there were easily more than ten volumes.

No, it looked like there might be twenty volumes.

“Father wrote parenting diaries.”

It was the first time I learned this fact, but at the same time, it was very much like Father.

Since he was someone who liked to record everything and make books.

Did he sit alone at night opening his diary while raising me?

“I had the same worries as you, Tia. Whether I could really become a good father. These are what Father gave me at that time.”

“I… see.”

So Peres had such a period.

I never would have dreamed of it.

His heart must have been troubled.

I felt sorry that I had been right beside him without knowing any of this.

Peres smiled as if he understood all my feelings, wiping away the few tears that remained around my eyes.

“But Shan’s diary was mixed in among those.”

“Maybe Father put it there on purpose?”

“I asked him, but he said he didn’t know about it. He said it was probably stored together because the notebook covers were similar.”

“I see.”

I stroked Mother’s diary in my hands once more.

To think that this diary coming into my hands might all be a product of coincidence.

It was a somewhat strange and mysterious feeling.

But.

“This… is sealed with wax?”

Unlike Father’s diary that anyone could read, Mother’s diary was tightly sealed with string and red wax.

In other words, that meant.

“No one… has ever read it.”

“It seems so.”

Peres nodded.

“I discovered it a few days ago and thought about it briefly, but I felt it would be right for you to read Shan’s diary first, Tia.”

“Thank you, Peres.”

I answered that way, but when it came to actually breaking the seal, I hesitated.

The meeting with Father, my birth, my regression, and even Bormia.

I had encountered countless things in my life that Mother had intended, but I actually didn’t know much about the person called Shan.

I remembered asking Father to tell me stories about Mother a few times when I was very young.

But I stopped asking after I grew up a little.

Because Father’s face looked so very sad each time.

So in a way, this diary could be called my first meeting with my mother and the person called Shan.

My hesitation didn’t last long.

I looked at Peres sitting beside me once, then tore off the red wax.

「 Imperial Year 225, July 28th

I pick up my pen as soon as the doctor leaves.

I’m having a baby!

It’s the fruit of Galli and me.

As soon as he heard the news of my pregnancy, Galli started crying.

I can still hear him sniffling outside the bedroom.

My dear Galli.

The doctor advised that it’s still early and unstable, but I can tell.

That this child is that child.

Hello. Nice to meet you, truly. 」

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「 Imperial Year 225, August 9th

I couldn’t go out to tend the garden today.

The morning sickness is so severe I can’t move at all.

I ended up asking Galli to water the garden.

He’s good with his hands but has no talent for physical work, so I’m worried he might get his clothes covered in dirt while watering again.

It’s hot indoors so I’m writing my diary with the window open.

According to the doctor, the baby will be born in spring.

That was fortunate.

Winter is too cold, summer is too hot, and autumn is too lonely.

Let’s meet on a good day. 」

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「 Imperial Year 225, August 15th

Since yesterday, Galli suddenly started dry heaving whenever he sees food.

I was surprised and called the doctor, who said it’s sympathetic morning sickness.

I feel so sorry.

But the meat pie is quite delicious. 」

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「 Imperial Year 225, August 25th

Today someone sent by Galli’s father, Rulak, came by.

Somehow he heard the news of my pregnancy and left medicine good for pregnant women’s health and quite a lot of money.

When I suggested writing a letter of thanks, Galli refused.

He says he won’t have any contact until they acknowledge me as a person of Lombardy, and that he’ll send back all the medicine and money tomorrow.

I feel troubled that Galli is growing distant from his family because of me. 」

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“Imperial Year 225, September 1st

I had a dream today.

In the dream, a child was crying.

Unable to make proper sounds, crying alone in sorrow.

For some reason, Galli who should have been there to comfort the child was nowhere to be seen.

Why did Galli leave the child to cry alone?

My anger rose to the top of my head over something that hadn’t even happened yet.

Irresponsible Galli.

How could you leave the child alone like that.”

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“Imperial Year October 10th

The irresponsible one is me.

From the day I left the tribe to the moment I conceived this child.

I have made irresponsible choices.

When I can’t even be by my child’s side.

I’m afraid.

I thought I had been making decisions for everyone’s sake all this time.

But what if all of it was actually selfish, for my own sake?

I’m sorry.

I’m sorry, my baby.”

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“Mother was afraid too.”

The part where “I’m sorry” was written was smeared with tears.

“Mother was afraid too.”

And that actually calmed my own fears.

My mother, Shan, was the strongest person I knew.

Even knowing her own death, she left the tribe, came to Lombardy, met Father, and gave birth to me.

Yet even such a mother was afraid and sorry when she carried me.

Just like me now.

Rustle.

I stopped turning to the next page of the diary and estimated the remaining pages.

Mother passed away less than a year after giving birth to me.

And considering the remaining volume, this was probably Mother’s last diary.

“I should read a little bit each day.”

I said as I closed Mother’s diary.

“Then it will feel like we’re overcoming this together and give me strength.”

Of course, it would have been incomparably better if Mother were still alive and by my side.

But the diary is good too.

Above all, I’ll be able to know Mother’s honest feelings during experiences similar to mine.

“Thank you, Peres.”

Saying that, I briefly kissed his cheek.

My heart felt reassured.

My mind, which had been turbulent like muddy water, also settled calmly.

Peres is here, my family is here, and Mother’s diary is here too.

“I think I can somehow get through this.”

Peres smiled as he looked at my face, where the tears had already dried.

“I’ll help you from your side, Tia.”

“Yes. I was worried for nothing because of my slip of the tongue… Ugh!”

“Tia!”

I clutched my belly and curled up.

What was that just now?

“Tia, are you okay? I should quickly call Dr. Estira…”

“No, no. It doesn’t… seem to hurt.”

“What do you mean? You just clutched your belly…”

“Wait a moment, Peres.”

I calmed Peres down and held my breath quietly.

Then I slowly rubbed the area where I had felt that strange sensation earlier.

“Here, I think it was around this area.”

But it was quiet.

Was I wrong?

Did I perhaps imagine it?

Just when I was having such thoughts.

Tap, tap.

I felt like slightly larger bubbles were bursting inside my belly.

“Wow…”

This is it.

This is exactly it.

“It’s fetal movement, Peres.”

“…What?”

I quickly grabbed Peres’s hand and pressed it firmly against my belly.

“Here, feel carefully.”

What if it stopped?

But such worries were brief, as I felt a slightly larger movement from inside than before.

Thump, thump thump.

I had heard hints from Estira.

That I would soon be able to feel fetal movement.

But I never imagined it would be this kind of sensation.

“Ah…”

Peres’s hand flinched once.

As if he was so surprised he forgot to breathe, he seemed frozen with his eyes wide open.

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This chapter was translated by Lunox Team. To support us and help keep this series going, visit our website: LunoxScans.com
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