I Became an Ancient All-Host Lifeform - Chapter 44

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This chapter was translated by Lunox Novels. To support us and help keep this series going, visit our website: LunoxScans.com
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044 Dirty Panties

Whoosh—!

The thorny vines wrapped around the ancient tree lashed out at us like whips.

‘Everyone, dodge!’
Kwoong!

We dodged the thick vines, but the ground where we had just been standing was trampled into pulp.
Then thin stems began sprouting from the thick vines, writhing like tentacles.

‘Ugh… what the hell, what is that now?’

It was a shockingly grotesque sight, like a sea anemone extending its tentacles.
At this point, you couldn’t call it a plant anymore. It would be more accurate to call it an ‘alien monster with tentacles.’
The thin tentacles sprouting from the thick vines surged toward us all at once.

‘Elder, help me!’
– Tch, it’s a waste of mana, but there’s no helping it.
Fwoosh!

With Morgul’s help, purple flames erupted all around us and burned the vine tentacles lunging in our direction.

Whuff! Fwoosh!

But there were far too many tentacles to burn them all.
In the end, a vine tentacle that had broken through Morgul’s wall of fire went for Dito, who was circling overhead and shouting ‘Alert!’

‘Dito! Danger!’
“Eek!”

Dito panicked and began spraying skills wildly.

[Companion ‘Dito’ activates skill ‘Wind Blade Lv 3.’]
Whoosh!

Razor-sharp blades of wind shot out and sliced the tentacles down. But they needed to be aimed one by one, and firing blindly like that, they were never going to be intercepted properly.
In the end, one tentacle he failed to block wrapped around Dito’s ankle.

Whirrr!
“Kyaaah!”

The moment his left leg was caught, Dito let out a shriek.

Chak!
– Tch. Why are there so many of these things? At this rate, I won’t have any mana left for the revival!

Morgul’s flame blade belatedly severed the vine tentacle that had seized Dito’s ankle.
But the real problem was that this deranged parrot’s panic button had already been pressed…

“Alert! Alert! Alert!”

What, what’s gotten into that guy now?
Dito kept screeching as he recklessly climbed higher and higher.

‘Dito, get a grip!’
“Alert! Alert!”

The terrified creature didn’t so much as glance back at the calls. It just kept climbing higher.
Does that thing really think something’s waiting up there, to be charging upward like that?
This is dangerous. I have to drag it back, whether it likes it or not.

‘Elder! Please look after Bokgu and Gyu-sik!’
– Right.
‘Gyu-sik! Fling me at that thing!’
Chirp!

Gyu-sik kicked off the floor and sprang up, hurling me straight at Dito.

Thwip!
“Eek!”

It was a good attempt, but Dito sensed it through its Swarm Consciousness, and its evasive maneuver came a fraction faster. I brushed past the tip of its tail feathers by the narrowest margin.
But I still have my movement skill in reserve!
Midair, I fired Spider Web at Dito.

[Using skill ‘Spider Web Lv 1.’]
Shhhk—!

A sticky strand of web struck the ankle of Dito, which was still blindly scrambling upward.

‘Got you! You little brat!’
“Danger! Danger! Help me! Help me!”

The web clung tight to its leg, and Dito panicked even more, pushing its altitude higher still.
It shot through the ancient trees, each one as large as a skyscraper, climbing up and up, on and on without end.

‘Aaargh! How high does it plan to go?’

Despite my shouting, the panic-stricken Dito showed no sign of stopping.
Ha, at this rate I’m going to develop a fear of heights I never had to begin with.

“Danger! Danger! Help me! Help me!”

Before long, we were nearing the canopy of the Black Forest, the Canopy Layer, where dense leaves and branches formed a thick roof overhead.

Whoosh!

I hauled myself along the web as fast as I could, closing in on Dito.
I couldn’t make out a single thing ahead, and at this rate I was going to smash my head into the tree ceiling.
And if that happened, Dito and I would both plummet into that damned darkness below!
Then, just as I finally reached its foot—
Something I never could have anticipated happened.

Pop!
“Eeek!”

Suddenly, something burst open somewhere above us, and a net came pouring down.
Caught in the net, we began to fall toward the ground.

Flutter-flap!
“Eeek! Eeek!”

Dito struggled with everything it had, trying to wriggle free.
But the harder it fought, the more its whole body only tangled further in the mesh.

“Aaaaahhh!”
Dangling, swaying.

Plummeting for a moment, Dito finally came to a halt.
Fortunately, a rope was attached to the net.
That could only mean someone had caught us…

Whoosh!

Sure enough, a dark shadow appeared at once and carried us off, net and all.
The shadow muttered as it climbed through the branches.

“A bird under the canopy? I’ve never seen one around here.”

It was a woman’s voice.
So how on earth did she get into the Black Forest?
Before long, sunlight finally began to filter through the dense leaves and branches.
Wow… When was the last time I saw sunlight?
It was only a faint glimmer, but it was almost blinding.
At the same time, I could make out the identity of the woman carrying us.
She was an elf with pointed ears.

* * *

Kaila, the patroller of the Black Forest, was in an excellent mood right now.
That was because she had just captured a rather rare prey.
Thrashing about inside the net in her hand was none other than a ‘bird.’
Due to the nature of the Black Forest, where sunlight was completely blocked, there were almost no birds here.
At most, there were tiny creatures living above the Canopy Layer, or the occasional migratory bird that wandered in without knowing any better.
But she had just caught a bird with dazzling multicolored feathers over a red base, right from beneath the Canopy Layer!
And a talking one at that!

“Let me go! Dumb green-hair! Dumb ear-freak!”
“Heh. You’ve got a mouth on you, don’t you? Do you have a name?”
“Dito! Dito!”

Watching Dito spew insults from inside the net, she smiled.
Truth be told, she had grown completely sick of her miserable routine lately. All she wanted was to leave this wretched village as soon as possible and roam the vast outside world.
Into her listless daily life, a parrot chattering in human speech was a wonderfully refreshing jolt.
Kaila slung the net firmly across her back and began to nimbly climb the old tree.

Tap-tat, thud!

Soon she pushed up through the thick clusters of leaves, and an elf village came into view.
A cityscape of treehouses stacked in tiers among the great branches, with dizzying rope bridges webbed together like spider silk.
It was Silvanest, the home of the Elves of the Black Forest.
As soon as Kaila arrived in the village, elves came flocking from all directions. They immediately took an interest in Dito.

“Oh my, Kaila! What’s that gorgeous bird?”
“Ah, I found it on the way back.”
“Wow, how pretty!”

When one of the elves reached out to touch it, Dito shrieked.

Flap-flap!
“Get lost! Ear-freak!”
“Pfft-hahaha! It can talk?”

As the elves gathered, astonished, Dito, trapped in the net, couldn’t hold his tongue and started running his beak off.

“What are you looking at! Dumb ear-freaks! Dumb ear-freaks!”
“Pfft-hahaha! How adorable.”

But the harder they hurled their insults, the more the elves just sparkled with curiosity and marveled all the more.
Kaila chuckled and asked a nearby elf.

“By the way, where’s the elder right now?”
“Oh, the elder? He’s probably at the Recycling Yard by now.”

Kaila nodded and made her way toward the Recycling Yard, tucked away in a corner of the village.
As she drew near, sure enough, the elder’s booming scolding was already echoing through the air.

“Use your water sparingly! Why on earth are you wasting this precious water so carelessly?!”
“I-I’m sorry….”

He was fuming at an elf who stood hunched over a washbasin, head bowed.

“Keep in mind that it hasn’t rained much this past month, and we’re desperately short on water! After washing your face, you should pour the leftover water onto the vegetable patch! How could you just throw it away like that, a waste of good water!”
“I’m sorry. I forgot….”
“Honestly, young ones these days don’t know the meaning of thrift!”

Just as he finished unleashing a relentless tirade on the timid young elf, the elder spotted Kaila walking in with a netting bag slung over her shoulder and turned his head.

“Hm?”
“Old earflap! Old earflap!”

Before the elder could even open his mouth, Dito shot out the insult first.
At that, the elder’s eyes went wide as he stared hard at Dito inside the netting bag.
Kaila stepped closer to him and bowed her head in greeting.

“Ahem. I’ve returned from patrol.”
“Good. But what a curious bird you’ve brought! It speaks like a person…. I think I’ve read about it in a book. It’s a parrot, isn’t it? A bird from the southern regions.”
“Oh, so you call this one a parrot?”
“Yes. And the patrol results? Anything unusual?”
“No. Apart from the Demon Vines encroaching on our territory again, everything’s fine. I’ve dealt with those creatures.”

The elder nodded as though he already knew, then asked.

“Right. Did you catch the parrot out there?”
“Yes.”
“It’s a rare bird, so put it in a cage and keep it safe for now. Good. You may go.”
“Yes, Elder.”

Just as Kaila nodded and was turning away, the elder cleared his throat loudly and stopped her.

“Ahem! Wait. By the way, did you throw away your underwear recently?”

Caught completely off guard by the unexpected question, Kaila blinked and asked back.

“Wh-what?! Ah, yes…. But how could the elder possibly know about that….”

Her pale face flushed red as a tomato in an instant.
With a perfectly casual expression, the elder rummaged through his pocket and pulled out a worn, holed scrap of cloth… No, Kaila’s underwear.
Then he began to scold her.

“How could you throw away something still perfectly good?! How many times have I told you not to squander the precious resources Mother Earth has given us!”

Startled by the sudden tirade, she hunched her shoulders and mumbled in a faint voice.

“But… I wore them for so long they got holes in them….”

Kaila protested, her face burning with shame, but the elder thrust the underwear toward her with a stern expression.

“Just patch it up and wear it again, will you? Here, take it and wear it some more!”
“Eek? Panties? B-but they’re filthy…!”

The moment she heard the word “filthy,” the Elder’s temper exploded.

“What? Filthy, my foot! I don’t throw away a single pair of underwear until I’ve mended it at least three times. Only when it’s worn so thin that it can’t be patched anymore do I turn it into a rag! Mother Earth grants us these goods, and there’s nothing in this world that deserves to be thrown away!”
“Ugh…”

The Elder’s tedious lecture went on and on.

“Especially since our village is so hard to reach from the ground! You have to remember that on the roof of the forest, every scrap of supplies is precious. Tsk, tsk, you young ones just squander everything without a second thought. Now, do you understand?”
“…Yes, I’ll keep that in mind.”

The Elder pressed the torn panties into her hands and gave her a firm reminder.

“Now, take these right away and mend them. Do you hear me? You must mend them at least three times! Three!”
“Ugh… Yes, yes….”

In the end, Kaila snatched her own torn panties from him and fled the Recycling Yard as if she were running from something.
Back in her hut, she slammed the door shut.
The moment she stepped inside, she hurled the panties in her hand across the room into a corner.

“Ugh! Torn panties should obviously be thrown out! Aaaargh! This is so disgusting I could die! Aaah—!”
“Kyak-kyak-kyak!”

While Dito burst into laughter, she viciously tousled her emerald-green hair.
After finding Dito’s birdcage and putting him back inside, she flopped down onto her bed.
Then, gazing blankly at the ceiling, she began to lament.

“Haah… I wonder what the outside world is really like? Do they force people to wear torn panties after patching them there too? Haah… At the very least, it’s got to be a hundred, a thousand times better than this wretched village.”

Kaila let out a long sigh and turned her gaze toward Dito in the birdcage sitting on the shelf.
Dito sat there, preening his gaudy feathers.
Suddenly, Kaila posed a question.

“Hey, Dito. Have you ever been to the outside world?”
“Of course!”

Dito bobbed his head as he answered.
At that, Kaila hugged her knees and asked in a voice brimming with anticipation.

“Really? Then… do the outsiders patch their torn panties and wear them too?”

At this, Dito tilted his head to one side.

“What do you mean, ‘patch’?”
“Sewing them with thread and wearing them again, you know.”

At her explanation, Dito flapped his wings and burst into a crude, cackling laugh.

“Kyakyakya! Gross! Gross!”

At Dito’s reaction, color finally returned to Kaila’s face.

“Right? Wearing torn panties again! Even you think that’s super gross, don’t you?”
“Kyakyakya! Right! Gross! Gross!”

Only now did she finally smile.
The realization that she wasn’t the only one who considered wearing mended underwear disgusting brought her a deep sense of comfort.
In truth, every Elf in this village had taken the Elder’s frugal spirit to heart, Kaila excepted.

“Pfft… You actually make a lot more sense than I expected.”
“Filthy ear-flappers! Filthy ear-flappers!”

That day, Kaila sat across from Dito and lost track of time as they talked about the outside world.
It had been ages since she’d shared such a long, unguarded conversation with anyone.

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This chapter was translated by Lunox Novels. To support us and help keep this series going, visit our website: LunoxScans.com
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