Hiding My Identity From My Husband - Chapter 32

—————
This chapter was translated by Lunox Novels. To support us and help keep this series going, visit our website: LunoxScans.com
—————

Chapter 32

A month passed before Rubantes saw Sharan again after the Joining Ceremony.
A month was not a long time, yet it was enough for memories to blur and fade.
Though his first meeting with Sharan had been intense, Rubantes had too much on his plate to dwell on it.
As the top of his cohort and the adopted son of the High Priest, the tasks entrusted to him were numerous.

“There is no room for error—not the first time, not the second, not ever. If you are not perfect, you are worthless.”
“Do not think that because I took you in, I have accepted you. You are still being tested.”

The High Priest pressed him with similar words every morning.
He was to feel grateful for being adopted, to succeed all the more because of it—those who could not succeed were useless, worthless people.
Each time he heard such words, his breath grew shallow, but the Breathing Technique that Sharan had taught him allowed him to regain some composure.
It was for this reason that Rubantes remembered her, thought of her at every moment.
But he would not admit it.
Not when the mission’s success was all that mattered now.
He could not afford to scatter his focus over a mere woman.
So he told himself he did not know her, that he knew nothing of such a woman. That was how he lived his days.
Which was why, when he encountered Sharan while escorting an exiled nobleman of the duchy to Sung-guk, Rubantes was somewhat startled.
“Oh?”
The moment Sharan saw Rubantes, her eyes widened like a startled rabbit’s, and she let out a soft exclamation.
Does she remember me? he wondered without meaning to.
But then.
“You’re the one leading this operation, aren’t you? Nice to meet you. I’m Sharan.”
She did not seem to remember him.
That was reasonable.
The incident at the Joining Ceremony had been over in mere moments, after all.
Rubantes himself had forgotten it.
Right. So there was no reason for her not to forget either……
Then why did his mood sour?
His emotions had spiraled beyond mere conflict into outright confusion.
He spun around abruptly, without even greeting her.
“What’s his problem?”
Behind him, he heard Sharan’s voice as she spoke ill of him to the other agents, but he ignored it.
He could not face her in an emotional state he himself did not understand.
After that, Rubantes avoided speaking with Sharan.
Of course, that did not mean he took no interest in her.
“I heard Sharan placed second this time?”
“Yeah, but she overslept again and was late.”
“Why does Sharan never buy new clothes? Seriously, I wish she’d get some decent outfits.”
He knew everything—that Sharan always ranked second in Quarterly Performance, that she sometimes overslept, that her fashion sense was terrible.
He also knew how others evaluated her.
“Sharan’s got a good heart.”
“So bright.”
“No baggage at all.”
And so Rubantes had constructed a fantasy about her.
That Sharan was someone who had grown up without a single wrinkle in her life.
Unlike him—abandoned by his parents, abused by his adoptive father, twisted and bitter—Sharan must have grown up in comfort and happiness, which was why she could be so bright and positive.
So we are different people. So these knots in my own heart are not shameful.
That was how Rubantes had judged her.
But then.
“Me? I don’t have parents.”
Words he happened to overhear in a restaurant.
“When I came to, I was already growing up in the Slums. That’s when I realized—my parents had abandoned me.”
Sharan had not been born into a happy household.
She was not bright and positive because of loving parents who showered her with affection.
She had lived a life not so different from his own.
Or perhaps he’d lived even more miserably than Rubantes, who was adopted by his foster father.
And yet,
“But what can I do about it? I’ve already been abandoned, and I had to grow up anyway. So it just happened this way.”
Why are we different?
Why do you always shine?
Why didn’t you break?
“Because I lived that way, I am who I am now. I’m content with it, really.”
Why…… do you make me ashamed?
Anger bloomed in his chest.
Yes. Boundless, uncontrollable rage.
At Sharan, who had lived a life identical to his own yet become his opposite,
at himself for being furious with someone like that,
at his own pathetic powerlessness—that he couldn’t even wish to become like her.
Shame flooded through every fiber of his being.
He hated Sharan.
He hated how well she’d turned out.
He hated that she made him feel worthless.
So he ran. From Sharan, and from himself.

* * *

“You always make me angry,” Rubantes said quietly.
Listening to his words, Sharan blinked several times in succession.
What? Who has anything to say here?
Her words caught in her throat.
“You mean you’re angry that I don’t take care of myself?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“Because……!”
Rubantes fell silent for a moment.
An inexpressible emotion lodged in his throat.
Because……?
How was he supposed to explain this?
He’d never been one to articulate his feelings in words.
His fingertips curled slightly inward.
He tried to maintain his usual composed expression, but his brows drew together in the faintest furrow.
As though he’d collided with an emotion he himself hadn’t foreseen.
It was strange.
He’d grown accustomed to watching Sharan fight with her life on the line,
and her recklessness was nothing new.
And yet…… why did it twist his insides every time?
Why did he have to feel this repugnance?
It was like reaching for something just beyond his fingertips, only to let it slip away.
His lips pressed into a thin line, and his eyes wavered.
And finally, before he knew it, the words came tumbling out.
“You’re a better person than I am.”
He shut his eyes tight, the words pouring out as though torn from him.
“So why don’t you take care of yourself? You’re better than me, so you should live better. You’re kinder than me, so you should be happier. Why won’t you?”
“No, wait. Hold on.”
Sharan gestured quickly, waving her hands.
“I don’t understand what you’re saying. Could you explain it properly?”
Rubantes stared at her.
Oblivious.
Guileless and pure-hearted.
A person who’d endured greater suffering than he had, yet become someone better than he could ever be.
And so I……
“I hate you,” he said.
I hate you.
“I hate you so much I think I’m losing my mind.”
……
Ignoring Sharan, who wore a somewhat bewildered expression, Rubantes slowly rose to his feet.
“I’ll have a physician brought in.”
And with that, he left the room.
Watching the empty space where Rubantes had been, Sharan murmured to herself without thinking.
“See? I told you he doesn’t like me.”

—————
This chapter was translated by Lunox Novels. To support us and help keep this series going, visit our website: LunoxScans.com
—————