Editor’s Survival Guide - Chapter 104
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This chapter was translated by Lunox Team. To support us and help keep this series going, visit our website: LunoxScans.com
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Editor’s Survival Rules Episode 104
ep16. Because We Made You (8)
“You don’t value your life, but you’re afraid of becoming a monster?”
At Cha Si-eon’s counter-question, I pondered for a moment.
Then, thinking that being agreeable was best, I offered a small kindness.
“Where should I start explaining? First, you do understand the concept of fear, right?”
“…Do you think I wouldn’t?”
How strange.
Seeing how he immediately picks up on sarcasm, it’s not like he completely lacks social awareness.
Why is Team Leader Cha acting like this?
I just stared at Cha Si-eon in bewilderment as he retorted indignantly.
Then Cha Si-eon turned his arrows on me as if finding it absurd.
“And isn’t it you who doesn’t know what fear is?”
“Me?”
“Who was it that went around stirring up trouble everywhere like a dopamine addict, even when told it was dangerous? Isn’t it strange for someone like that to suddenly act scared?”
“Team Leader, what kind of person have you been seeing me as all this time…?”
Cha Si-eon looked at me with eyes that said ‘you’re asking because you don’t know?’
That’s when I realized for the first time.
Just as I had treated Cha Si-eon like a thug, Cha Si-eon had been treating me like a lunatic.
“Well… that aside. Isn’t it natural? Becoming a monster is scarier than dying, normally.”
“Why is that normal? Normally it’s the opposite.”
Huh?
“Normal people choose to survive by any means necessary.”
“…?”
“Normal people don’t base everything on death itself like you do, Seo Do-un.”
It wasn’t even particularly shocking news, but for some reason I was at a loss for words.
So I stood there dazed for a moment before coming to my senses and retorting.
“No, I don’t think dying is natural either. Besides, if anything, Team Leader, you’re worse than me, not better. Who was it that threw caution to the wind on ‘The Island’?”
Cha Si-eon was officially certified by a doctor as ‘someone dying to die.’
So I protested with the meaning of ‘you’re not one to talk,’ but I was immediately countered.
“Is it right to compare me and Seo Do-un on the same level?”
“What?”
“I’m someone who received long-term training to prepare for death, while you were a civilian just four months ago. It’s not like you worked in emergency rescue or emergency medical services either. You were an ordinary person who would rarely encounter death.”
Oh…
“Does it seem natural for such a person to readily choose death at a crossroads of life and death?”
At Cha Si-eon’s words, I felt a strange bewilderment.
It was the bewilderment of suddenly realizing that my common sense was nonsense to others.
So I hesitated for a moment, then awkwardly protested.
“Well, that’s because I’m a rational person…?”
“Rationality overwhelming instinct isn’t a quality of ordinary people either.”
“What if I’m not an ordinary person?”
“It would be one of two things. Either a saint, or a patient.”
Team Leader Cha, your cutting remarks are particularly sharp today…?
I was once again left speechless by Cha Si-eon’s assertion.
Am I really strange?
First, it’s certain that I’m not someone who could rise to the ranks of saints or sages.
But if you ask whether I’m a patient, that’s not right either, is it?
I think I’m a reasonably upright person…?
And isn’t it better to die than become a monster?
Is it really the opposite?
Come to think of it, the Contaminated Ones were also living their lives quite spiritedly.
I looked back at myself in this strange shock.
Then I humbly murmured in a spirit of reflection.
“Then should I just boldly try becoming a monster…?”
“…That’s not what I meant. No, why does your logic jump around like that again?”
Why does it jump around, he asks.
I accepted your words and chose a more universal reaction.
Because I’m a rational person.
And according to my extremely rational judgment, Cha Si-eon’s grievance handling seems to have failed.
No, in a way it’s a tremendous success.
To suppress and eliminate grievances – what a truly remarkable counseling technique.
Cha Si-eon also seemed to sense something was wrong, as he sighed and asked back.
“Are you acting like this because of Team Leader Kang Seung-cheol’s matter?”
“That was decisive. But I’ve been feeling uneasy from before.”
Wouldn’t it be abnormal not to feel uneasy in my situation?
The suspicion that an entity called ‘Crow’ is monitoring my every move.
The assumption that I’m being continuously used for that entity’s schemes.
The unclear end of Agent Lee Seob, who could be considered my precedent.
And now the discovery of Team Leader Kang Seung-cheol’s corpse that was far too intact.
Is there any guarantee I won’t follow that same path?
No, there isn’t.
Moreover, I’m already strange.
Being continuously drawn into the Special Zone.
Being able to make contact with the Core of the Special Zone.
If these are characteristics unique to me alone, this is clearly abnormal.
So the words Ryu Dan-a cunningly uttered were never light to me.
The delusion that I might be ‘something’ created by ‘someone’ held heavy reality for me, at least.
“Yesterday, you asked if severe contamination leads to becoming a Hazardous Entity.”
Cha Si-eon suddenly began speaking.
Right, I had asked that.
And I got an answer too.
The not particularly surprising answer of ‘we can’t know for now.’
“We still don’t know what Hazardous Entities are.”
But Cha Si-eon elaborated on what he had already answered.
“We simply named the particularly aggressive entities among those active inside the Special Zone as Hazardous Entities, but we haven’t even determined whether those entities are species or manufactured products.”
“So that’s why you can’t know?”
“If a severely deformed Contaminated Person attacks people in the Special Zone, we would also classify them as a Hazardous Entity. If we never realize that Contaminated Person was originally human.”
“…”
How should I understand these words?
Does it mean whether the identity of Hazardous Entities is human or not doesn’t matter?
No, it probably means they really don’t know.
A truly frustrating confession that they don’t even know what they’re fighting against, let alone whether the final form of Contaminated Ones is Hazardous Entities.
This maze of confusion was the current address of the Special Management Bureau, and mine.
As I quietly swallowed a sigh, Cha Si-eon asked me back.
“What exactly is the monster you’re talking about, Seo Do-un?”
“Usually, things that deviate from the realm of common sense are called monsters.”
“Is Number 71, Ryu Dan-a, whom we met today also a monster?”
Ryu Dan-a?
She was a unique person, but I don’t think she’s a monster.
I shook my head from side to side.
“Then are the citizens who were isolated in the 「Ant Hill」 monsters?”
“No, that person is human…”
Not just now, but even when she was contaminated and her body was completely deteriorated, that woman was definitely human.
“Then where does one draw the line for what constitutes a monster?”
For some reason, it felt like a question I’d heard before.
At the same time, I realized that my fear remained at a vague level.
I was pessimistically thinking that I might become a monster, but I had never specifically thought about what exactly that monster would be like.
So I belatedly reconsidered and corrected myself.
“My earlier answer was wrong. I think the monster I’m thinking of isn’t something that deviates from common sense, but rather something that loses rationality.”
“So you’re saying minor physical transformations would be okay.”
“They’re not okay. Don’t try to subtly lower the bar.”
Cha Si-eon looked somehow disappointed at my quick rebuttal.
Hey, don’t go around carelessly handling people’s grievances.
Under the guise of handling grievances, he tries to literally dispose of other people’s concerns whenever he gets the chance.
Team Leader Cha, who had the worst counseling skills but plenty of persistence, asked me again.
“What exactly do you mean by losing rationality?”
“Exactly what it sounds like. When thinking becomes distorted and reason becomes clouded, leading to wrong actions. Without even being aware that you’re doing something wrong.”
“Is that what you define as a monster, Seo Do-un?”
“Yes. That’s my standard for a monster.”
Of course, I also dislike physical transformation.
But even without arms or legs, a person is still a person.
Of course, that would mean deviating from the majority category.
You’d be distanced from the power of normalcy, and the difficulty of life would increase considerably.
But that doesn’t mean you stop being human.
What I’m really afraid of is becoming something completely different.
Wandering endlessly in darkness, having lost rationality and reason.
Something the Management Bureau can’t even dare to speculate about—so if the serpent-form 「Fake God」 really was Team Leader Kang Seung-cheol.
If the person who sacrificed his life to break that space had instead been transformed into a dangerous element of that very space and remained there all this time.
That would be exactly the type of monster I most want to avoid becoming.
“Then I’ll help you stay sane from the sidelines.”
“Pardon?”
“If you’re worried about becoming mentally absent, then we just need to prevent that from happening, right?”
“That’s true, but how exactly do you plan to do that?”
“There would be various methods.”
“It sounds like you’re saying you’ll beat me up to your heart’s content if necessary…”
“If it’s effective, I’ll try anything.”
“…”
“Is that sufficient now?”
I think I have to acknowledge it at this point.
Team Leader Cha’s unique counseling technique and its effectiveness.
He tries to handle other people’s problems like some kind of transaction or cleaning job.
He doesn’t even try to roughly clean up or cover things over, but goes at it with full force and persistence, which makes me want to compromise instead.
I was wondering if this was really the right approach when I burst into laughter at the absurdity of it all.
Above our heads, it had become completely dark.
I looked up at the pitch-black fake sky and pondered for a moment.
Then I laughed again and spoke with a somewhat lighter feeling.
“Yes, I’ll be counting on you for now.”
* * *
The next day, I went out for the first time in a while.
“Wow, there are really a lot of people here.”
Jae-gyeom, who came with me, looked around and marveled.
The National Museum of Korea located on Yongsan Seobinggo-ro.
Not the isolation-grade Special Zone 「National Museum of Korea」, but the real National Museum of Korea that displays precious artifacts and sells high-quality merchandise.
As Jae-gyeom said, there really were a lot of people.
So the atmosphere was completely different from the 「National Museum of Korea」.
Unlike that place where people cowered and prostrated themselves under the 「Fake God」’s intimidation, this space was full of life.
I passed through that bright space and headed to the Hall of Serenity where the half-lotus Buddha statue was located.
Then I faced the two Buddha statues that I hadn’t dared to look at properly inside the Special Zone.
Those beautifully formed Buddha statues were smiling serenely with their eyes closed.
I wanted to express my gratitude.
That I survived thanks to them. That I was grateful they were there.
I thought about putting my palms together like Buddhists do to show proper respect, but it seemed like too clumsy an imitation, so I just closed my eyes.
But perhaps it was because I was standing before the compassionate Buddha statue.
Suddenly, my own unfaithful behavior came to mind.
Yesterday, I ultimately couldn’t tell Cha Si-eon.
That I had salivated while looking at the 「Big Cat」.
It was quite an important issue, but why didn’t I mention it? Well.
I thought I needed to be a bit more cautious.
So I still only ask myself.
If I salivated at the sight of that terrible monster called the 「Big Cat」, could that really be called human?
I still didn’t know.
But I would find out soon enough.
One way or another.
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This chapter was translated by Lunox Team. To support us and help keep this series going, visit our website: LunoxScans.com
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Ashira
Who would’ve thought that one day Cha Si-eon would be counselling Seo Do-un and became his therapist just as Do Un did for him before ?
But the last part of their conversation is bothering me. You guys won’t become some kind of doomed couple where the other has to die, right ?? I hope it wont end like that pleasee I’ve had enough of doomed tragic couples!
And the part about Do Un salivating at the big cat is also ominous…
Damn it I like angst but still!!! No deaths pleaseee!!