Debut or Die - Chapter 352

—————
This chapter was translated by Lunox Novels. To support us and help keep this series going, visit our website: LunoxScans.com
—————

A Fatal Illness if I Don’t Debut – Episode 352
The festival had ended.
The Internet was flooded with Testa’s varied reviews and verification photos.
Reactions poured in from university communities as well.
-How dare you lead a group chant with a fan chant there? Let’s make Park Moon-dae an honorary performer
Hahahahahahahaha
-Yo, there’s testimony that Kingstar crushed 3 encore songs and the Manager almost cried backstage
-They really proved their worth and left. I liked their integrity
Praise. Praise. Praise.
Fancams went up and comments poured in.
-The live performance was insane, and it actually worked
-Let’s do Water Bomb too… this is absolutely not selfish
-I hope there will be a lot of fancams for this activity song. It’s overwhelming because it gives me a sense of realism.ㅠㅠ
They hope a lot was saved.
Tomorrow’s schedule might be possible, but it’s not something I can guarantee.
Scrolling further down, there’s also an ad-lib video of me picking up a handheld microphone and deliberately singing the fan chant.
-This is the video that screams “this is what an idol is”
-The quick thinking was seriously insane
Quick thinking?
If doing something I already knew counted as quick thinking, then even a dog should be called a tiger.
Park Moon-dae is the type who profits from information gaps and wipes his mouth clean. It’s not that my head works well in crisis situations.
If I were truly quick-thinking, I would have said something different there.
So… to Sun Ah-hyun’s words.
-….
-I’m, I’m sorry….
-No. No, it’s not.
Instead of just repeating words like someone who doesn’t know their own language.
Instead of standing there stupidly until those guys came back and dragged Sun Ah-hyun and me out of the bathroom.
If only I had….
‘Stop.’
I stop the unproductive hypotheticals.
I move on to the next situation and continue thinking.
And I… it seems I came into my room, while Sun Ah-hyun went to his own room… right?
‘Probably.’
They didn’t take him outside. That means he could still be at the Dormitory, and it probably means his condition has calmed down.
“….”
I pressed my face with both hands. My brain felt frozen. My head isn’t working….
Use your head.
That’s the only thing you can do, so don’t neglect your duty.
Why did the situation become like this… no, that’s not how I should say it.
‘Why the hell did I create this shitty situation?’
I clenched my teeth.
If someone asked where I started screwing things up….
Obviously from the very beginning.
‘I should never have said anything in the first place.’
Was I out of my mind?
If I’d predicted that ‘telling anyone would land me in a psychiatric hospital,’ I should have kept my mouth shut. What the hell was I thinking, blurting out something so unrealistic without any filter?
Just because someone else believed me?
‘Generalizing from one case, you damn idiot.’
When I got caught and made my excuses, I should have been relieved it worked and moved on. Why did I have to go and tell someone who knew nothing about it?
Objectively, was there any reason to accept such insane nonsense? Was this something I should have been spouting out because I wanted to?
“Pointless….”
I created this mess by doing something stupid.
‘Sun Ah-hyun’s abnormal state….’
Now that it’s been reactivated, how the hell am I supposed to handle this?
“….”
Does knowing the cause solve everything? Now that I know I did something incredibly stupid, am I supposed to find a fundamental solution….
‘Shut up.’
I forced my mouth closed. My teeth dug into my palms.
Stop wasting time and look at reality rationally again.
‘What needs to be done.’
…Somehow. I have to deactivate Sun Ah-hyun’s abnormal state again.
Sun Ah-hyun has been able to deactivate the abnormal state until now because of his trait.
‘Grit.’
[Grit (A): Your mindset is something you create yourself. Burn your focus to suppress negative states.]
-When activated, negates one abnormal state (highest priority).
But this trait… was deactivated because of the nonsense I spouted, and the abnormal state returned.
I clenched my fists.
‘Last time….’
Last time, I persuaded Sun Ah-hyun using my own trait.
-Just think ‘I’m going to pull this off.’
Sun Ah-hyun accepted my words and decided to focus only on the task at hand.
But there’s no way my words would be persuasive now.
I’m the very person who confused him and prevented him from concentrating on his work.
He probably already thinks I’m out of my mind. There’s no way it would work….
“….”
My mind went blank.
‘What I can do….’
A way to persuade him.
Like before….
I reflexively pulled up my status window. Then, as if waiting for this moment, a popup appeared.
[Hyung….]
Big Dal.
There was nothing else. The popup seemed to be trembling… or was I just seeing things because I’d lost my mind?
Either way, what did it matter.
I muttered in a hoarse voice.
“The trait… is there any way to draw it again?”
That trait that could convince anyone.
“….”
The status window didn’t move.
And only after a long moment did small text appear.
[No.]
Ah.
Yeah, I figured as much.
[I’m sorry….]
“Don’t apologize.”
Why does everyone apologize whenever I say something stupid? Is there some kind of manual for this?
Why do I have to deal with this crap….
[It’s not your fault, hyung. Really, it’s not.]
“It is.”
No one forced me to do it, and it wasn’t caused by someone else’s mistake. This happened because something went wrong with my own judgment.
‘I’ve lost my ability to think clearly.’
There was no other conclusion besides that….
Knock, knock.
“Moon-dae.”
Someone called me.
When I turned my head, I saw Ryu Chung-woo carefully entering the room.
“Ah-hyun has calmed down, and she’s fine.”
“….”
“You said you wanted to be alone… I’m sorry. But I wanted to come in.”
Ryu Chung-woo walked over with an awkward expression and gently sat down on his own bed.
I was tired of hearing apologies.
“It’s your room, so it’s your call.”
“…Yeah, got it.”
And a brief silence fell between us.
Ryu Chung-woo opened his mouth again after that.
“Moon-dae. It’s only natural that you’d want to tell someone about your situation.”
Yeah. And stupidly actually blurting it out is a different problem altogether.
“Right now it was just a matter of timing, so don’t overthink it. Understand?”
“….”
I was the one who chose that timing.
But there was nothing to say in response.
Knock knock.
Someone else entered the room.
‘Big Sae-jin.’
He closed the door behind him, and the moment he grasped the situation, he spoke with a hardened expression.
“Park Moon-dae. This is my fault. I’m sorry.”
“….”
I felt like I was going to throw up.
“How is any of this your fault?”
“Because I encouraged it.”
What was he saying right now without changing his expression at all?
“I made a mistake thinking that Ah-hyun would naturally believe me. I wanted you not to be so tense like you were when you told me, so I didn’t this time. I overstepped. You just did what you had to do.”
“….”
“No. I was the one who said it. Stop.”
“But that’s….”
I pressed my temples.
“I said it. Stop.”
“So that’s….”
Big Sae-jin opened his mouth as if to say something more, then closed it.
I was grateful for that. My head was already pounding.
“It’s nobody’s fault. The situation just unfolded this way, so let’s both drop it.”
Ryu Chung-woo interjected and settled the matter. I couldn’t agree, but I let it slide.
But I couldn’t let the next words slide.
“But… Moon-dae. What if we took a break for a while?”
“….”
What?
“We’ve been active for over two weeks now, so it should be fine to rest for a few days. The Agency would be okay with us all saying we caught the flu or something.”
His voice continued, soft and careful.
“Why don’t we take a break and regroup?”
Regroup.
The choice to stop activities.
“….”
If I had a conscience, I should agree considering Sun Ah-hyun’s condition.
Given the insane live difficulty of the current title, any drop in Sun Ah-hyun’s abilities would be immediately noticeable.
Then what kind of criticism would we hear? All manner of curses and controversy.
‘Taking a break is the right call.’
If I were in my right mind, I shouldn’t insist on continuing activities here.
But….
I turned my head and stared at the status window popup that was still open.
“….”
Rest? This guy…
[Hyung, please give yourself some rest while you take a break…. Please.]
There isn’t much time left. If I can’t set a record with this activity, that means I’m dead. Back to the status window.
But this bastard knows that perfectly well and still tells me to rest….
“….”
My head feels like it’s going to explode.
Damn it, why is there so much to think about, so much to process… what the hell is this….
Words burst out suddenly.
“Later.”
Stop it.
Don’t say things that don’t make sense. There is no later.
I have a schedule at dawn. Less than four hours left. I need to make quick, accurate decisions right now. Efficiently….
“Moon-dae.”
Someone grabbed my shoulder.
Ryu Chung-woo.
“Then let’s clear three days of schedules for now. Three days won’t cause problems. We’ve already filmed a lot anyway. You understand, right, Park Moon-dae?”
“….”
I nodded.
I’m not sure what I can do with that. But whatever.

* * *
The Living Room at the same moment.
Kim Rae-bin held a hot cup of tea that Sun Ah-hyun frequently drank, lost in contemplation.
“It seems… something must have happened between the two of them.”
Cha Yu-jin shook his head. His dear friend possessed remarkable talent as an artist, but he was hopeless with matters like this.
So he spoke honestly.
“Everyone knows, Kim Rae-bin.”
“….”
Kim Rae-bin nodded with a somewhat gloomy expression instead of bristling.
The situation was that serious.
‘It’s really a mess.’
Sun Ah-hyun seemed almost like a self-destructive sleepwalker, while Park Moon-dae looked like he’d been shocked into a daze. I even had to half-support him to the bed.
Cha Yu-jin honestly couldn’t understand why things had become like this.
They seemed to be apologizing to each other, so didn’t that mean they didn’t harbor bad feelings toward one another?
But at the same time, he understood the situation rationally.
‘Well, it seemed like they all didn’t have many friends.’
He’d often seen relationships like this too—where people weighed each other so heavily that eventually the problems themselves became weighty.
They were clumsy people. Though that sincerity was also what made these teammates charming.
‘Hmm… that hyung is the same way.’
He watched Bae Sae-jin stumble into the living room with the face of someone who had lost.
“Why… why can’t I say anything?”
It seemed he had failed to approach Sun Ah-hyun with warmth.
Feeling a pang of sympathy, he nodded.
“I’m good at talking. Let me go say something.”
“Wait, hold on.”
Originally, he’d thought of going first to cheer up Park Moon-dae, but wasn’t a situation that needed both comfort and advice actually harder to handle?
‘That’s where I need to go.’
Cha Yu-jin shrugged his shoulders and confidently knocked on Kim Rae-bin’s room—or rather, Sun Ah-hyun’s room—before entering.
Seeing that no one stopped him, his choice seemed right!
“Hyung, I’m coming in.”
“…”
Creak.
As he opened the door and stepped inside, Sun Ah-hyun was perched on the bed in front of the window where moonlight streamed in.
His posture was rigid as if his soul had departed, and his complexion was pallid. He looked less like a person and more like ruins.
Though this appearance was only possible thanks to the sedative.
“Hyung, are you feeling okay physically?”
“…”
Sun Ah-hyun nodded very slowly. His eyes seemed unfocused, likely from the medication.
“How about emotionally?”
Silence.
Cha Yu-jin sat down beside him and went straight to the heart of the matter.
“Can’t you tell me anything? Is it a secret about Park Moon-dae hyung?”
“…!”
Sun Ah-hyun shifted his gaze. Now he looked more like himself. Cha Yu-jin shrugged.
“Everyone has secrets. I don’t need to hear them—I already understand!”
After all, isn’t it strange when someone has no secrets at all?
And whether to share those secrets was merely a choice.
Did sharing more secrets make you closer and better friends? Did it mean you understood that person better?
Cha Yu-jin didn’t think so.
‘If it doesn’t happen naturally, it just becomes a burden.’
Perhaps this was exactly such a situation.
[Regardless, hyung heard that secret, and something went wrong from there.]
Sun Ah-hyun remained motionless, but murmured quietly.
“I… I messed up.”
“Then fix it.”
“…!”
[Don’t think I’m saying this lightly. Well, it doesn’t seem like Park Moon-dae hyung is upset with you.]
Cha Yu-jin stared at Sun Ah-hyun intently.
[So if you get some good sleep now and talk it through with a clear mind, it’ll be easier to sort things out, right?]
It was advice to ease the tension and escape the panic.
And the response came back.
“…Ah, I know.”
Sun Ah-hyun murmured in a hoarse, low voice.
“…S-so, I… can’t do it.”
“…!”
“E-every time. Even though I know, even though I know, I do nothing…!”
In Sun Ah-hyun’s eyes as he spoke those words, Cha Yu-jin detected an emotion so painfully clear.
‘That’s….’
Self-loathing. Rage.
Sun Ah-hyun knew. How could he not?
In his current state, there was nothing he could do, so keeping his mouth shut and just sleeping was the best way to help the situation.
But he couldn’t do that. Because the anxiety consumed him, because the terror that he’d ruined everything dominated his mind.
Similarly, in that very moment of hearing Park Moon-dae’s ‘secret’, he had realized it.
‘This won’t do….’
Park Moon-dae’s past actions.
Considering the memory loss, the nightmares, even the contemplation of extreme choices… this was no ordinary serious matter.
-I am not Park Moon-dae.
It seemed like a sign that psychological wounds were spreading into an identity crisis.
And he also understood that he was the most qualified person to bring up that conversation with Park Moon-dae.
‘I have to do it.’
Ryu Chung-woo and Lee Sae-jin were people who had overcome their own psychological hardships on their own. They had received almost no medical help.
So if those healthy ones completely trusted Park Moon-dae….
‘I was the only one…!’
I was the only one who could properly explain that danger to him, and that was the only way I could actually help Park Moon-dae.
I had deliberated and resolved countless times to become a friend and colleague who fulfilled my role and was of use….
‘But I couldn’t do it.’
…No, I didn’t do it.
Because the precious relationship built on trust and intimacy could end with just one word.
Because that possibility alone terrified me too much.
‘What if only I don’t believe in him and he hates me.’
‘In the end, it means Park Moon-dae is strange. If that… if that happens… I can’t let that happen.’
‘He’ll… he’ll be upset….’
But if I just kept my mouth shut, then I could continue to get along well.
Sun Ah-hyun clenched his fists so tightly his knuckles turned white.
‘I cared more about just staying close to Park Moon-dae, no matter what happened to him….’
Because of my own avoidance, Park Moon-dae’s symptoms had worsened.
If later Park Moon-dae suffered greatly while performing, if the situation became irreversible….
‘It’s my fault.’
Unable to sleep, struggling to gather information without letting suspicion show, I understood it thoroughly.
—Can’t I just choose to believe?
Even though I don’t truly believe, I want to justify this self-deception of mine somehow.
I know it all, yet the reason I ultimately failed and ruined everything comes down to one thing.
‘Because I’m… the kind of person who can’t help.’
There’s no excuse.
I agonized over what was good and right, yet when it came to something truly precious and frightening, I did nothing.
And unable to overcome my own weakness, I poured out the worst of myself onto him in the worst possible way.
‘That wasn’t even helping….’
It was just a wound. I gave Park Moon-dae another wound….
My throat tightened.
‘Don’t suffer like this.’
Even self-pity was a luxury. Sun Ah-hyun stifled a cry. Crying while apologizing wasn’t absolution.
“….”
Cha Yu-jin, watching from the side, almost clicked his tongue in disapproval.
‘He looks like some medieval monk doing penance.’
He couldn’t know the specifics, but the atmosphere alone made it clear. Sun Ah-hyun was suffering.
Still, Cha Yu-jin decided he had something to say. After all, everyone had to walk out of their own pain on their own feet.
But couldn’t he at least offer a stepping stone?
[Yeah. I get it. But this situation is different, isn’t it?]
Cha Yu-jin raised his hand.
[If you don’t do it this time, Park Moon-dae will.]
“…!”
[That hyung has the personality to try to resolve whatever happens in this group himself.]
Sun Ah-hyun lifted his head.
[You know he’s like that, don’t you?]
Of course I knew.
[So this time, it’s not a question of whether you do it alone or not.]
“….”
[Either you act, or Park Moon-dae does it first. It’s one or the other.]
Sun Ah-hyun clenched his teeth.
If that’s the case.
…Then.

* * *
Dawn.
“Let’s go, Kong.”
Chung-ryeo was walking along the path with his dog, who had finally returned last night.
Complex Walking Path. A route he still used without any particular sighting issues.
Taking his walk at the usual time felt gratifying, as if everything had returned to its proper place.
It was amusing to call a routine that had only existed for a few years by such a name.
“Mm.”
He immediately composed a message with a faint smile.
[I’ve been discharged]
He would send a photo taken just now.
“Kong. Here.”
“Woof!”
He was about to capture the dog’s beaming face.
Then he spotted In-young sitting on a bench.
“…Hm.”
It was a rare occurrence given the hour, but that wasn’t what unsettled him.
It was because he knew this In-young.
“Junior Member.”
“….”
A dark bench. A black hood shifted slightly, revealing what lay beneath.
A familiar face.
Chung-ryeo confirmed the pallid complexion visible even beneath the mask.
The voice he heard was calm.
“…There’s something I wanted to ask you.”
“….”
It was an exceedingly rare occurrence.
And since he himself had done this rare thing before, he made an equally rare decision.
“Is that so? Then shall we head inside?”
Park Moon-dae was thus invited to the VTIC Dormitory.
In a spontaneous manner he could not have anticipated even yesterday.

—————
This chapter was translated by Lunox Novels. To support us and help keep this series going, visit our website: LunoxScans.com
—————