Debut or Die - Chapter 162

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This chapter was translated by Lunox Novels. To support us and help keep this series going, visit our website: LunoxScans.com
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A Fatal Illness if I Don’t Debut – Episode 162
When Big Sae-jin opened the door, he was attempting something resembling Miso’s expression, but as expected, he didn’t look happy.
“Um… come in?”
“Yeah.”
I stepped into the room and casually closed the door behind me, tossing the cold water bottle I’d been holding lightly onto the bed.
“What’s this, drink some cold water and get your head straight?”
“Killing two birds with one stone.”
“Ha ha.”
This guy, who finds nothing funny, is just going through the motions of laughing.
Big Sae-jin sat down on the floor. He poured water and drained nearly half the bottle, then slowly opened his mouth.
“Look… I already know that if things come to this, I’m the one who’ll apologize and clean up the mess.”
His voice was low and flat.
“Once things settle down, I’ll apologize on my own and keep my place. Don’t worry—I won’t let this negatively affect the group.”
“….”
At least the next thing he said carried some emotion.
“I’m sorry to you and the other members. You all must have been shocked when we fought in the car.”
I crossed my arms.
“…You’ll apologize to Bae Sae-jin hyung, but you’re not actually sorry?”
“Isn’t that obvious?”
Big Sae-jin let out a bitter laugh. He wiped the corner of his eye with one hand.
“I really… don’t understand it. I think I’ve done everything I should do as a team member for that hyung.”
Big Sae-jin continued, counting on his fingers.
“Right now, I’m coaching half of that hyung’s choreography one-on-one. And it’s not the first time I’ve cleaned up after him when he makes careless mistakes or just keeps his mouth shut when the cameras are rolling.”
It was true.
Regardless of how much this guy disliked Bae Sae-jin, he did help him as a team member during every activity.
Though that wasn’t for Bae Sae-jin’s sake.
“But to call that acting friendly… ugh.”
Big Sae-jin crumpled the water bottle, then released the tension from his grip as if trying to calm himself.
“How can you do that in front of the cameras? This is work. Is he saying I shouldn’t talk to him when the cameras are rolling because I make him uncomfortable? And meanwhile, he acts like he’s serious about work while I’m just playing around like a kid….”
I could tell roughly where things had gone wrong.
I should cut this off before it gets worse.
“Yeah. I understand what you’re saying.”
“….”
Big Sae-jin drank his water in silence. I chose my words carefully.
“You contribute a lot to the team. Like you said, hyung has unknowingly received one-sided help from you many times.”
“….”
“So he probably felt even more pressure knowing that you dislike him.”
I continued speaking calmly.
“Because he has no choice but to keep receiving your help.”
Regardless of how hard Bae Sae-jin worked and gritted his teeth, there was no getting around the fact that his abilities as an idol fell short compared to the other members.
After all, this wasn’t even the path I’d chosen in the first place.
So I probably endured it even more stubbornly because I kept thinking, “I’m causing harm to the team,” and treated it as my own karma.
“That’s why it all came bursting out. There were misunderstandings too. I wasn’t trying to deliberately make you look bad in front of the others.”
Given his personality, there was a high probability he’d interpreted Bae Sae-jin’s actions as deliberately humiliating him in front of everyone, so I slipped that reassurance in as well.
“….”
Sure enough, he seemed to calm down a bit.
Big Sae-jin asked carefully.
“…Be honest with me. Did it really sound like I was being sarcastic back there?”
“In the car?”
“Yeah.”
I stroked my chin.
“No.”
I continued before Big Sae-jin could answer.
“But it didn’t sound sincere either. It felt like you were saying something you didn’t mean, just going along with the atmosphere.”
Looking at just that moment in isolation, what Big Sae-jin said was similar to what the other members had said earlier.
The problem was everything that had accumulated before it.
‘Actually, right after debut started, it felt like you thought I was useless, but you treated me with a smile because we’re a team.’
From Bae Sae-jin’s perspective, that first impression was strong enough that it wouldn’t be strange if that halfhearted tone continued to feel like sarcasm.
“I know you did it because you thought it was better for the team’s atmosphere than ignoring him. But for some people, that might be even harder to bear.”
“….”
“Of course, it would’ve been better if you’d discussed it with him separately in a more comfortable setting… but given your personality, that probably wasn’t going to happen.”
“I don’t understand.”
I took a sip of my water and chuckled.
“It’s just that you two don’t get along personality-wise.”
“…Sigh.”
Big Sae-jin pressed his forehead with one hand.
“Try talking to him this time.”
If you both at least understood each other’s motivations intellectually, you could accept it on the level of “that guy doesn’t actually mean to screw me over.”
But the answer didn’t come back until quite a bit of time had passed.
“…I’m just, fed up with it.”
It wasn’t particularly positive.
“With what.”
“Has that hyung ever even tried to get along with me once?”
“…!”
Big Sae-jin spoke flatly.
“Remember? Ever since Ajusa, he’d get serious whenever you said something he didn’t like.”
…Countless examples flashed through my mind starting from the very first team match. I swallowed my response.
“…That’s true. There were circumstances, though.”
“Moon-dae, where in this world is there someone without circumstances? Everyone’s trying their best.”
Big Sae-jin laughed softly.
“But let’s not say that he worked hard, had his circumstances, and was naturally sensitive, so I should have treated him better.”
It was a tone that suggested Big Sae-jin had completely given up on Bae Sae-jin.
“You saw it yourself, right? He’s still like that now. The moment we got cast for a variety show together, he looked disgusted. Isn’t that rude too? Even though I dislike it, I’ve been treating him well, so isn’t it sarcasm when it shows?”
Big Sae-jin seemed somewhat exhausted.
“Yeah, well, I get what you’re saying anyway. I said it already. I’ll apologize. Let me just sleep for now… we can talk about it tomorrow.”
“….”
This is driving me crazy.
I held back a sigh, then just let it out.
“Hey, if it’s that uncomfortable, don’t do it.”
“…!!”
“It’s not like the album’s going to flop just because two of us fight…. If you’re not feeling it, there’s no need to force out an apology you don’t mean. It’d be better to curse each other out and fight when you have the chance.”
Big Sae-jin shook his head.
“I can’t.”
“What?”
“I have schedules starting tomorrow afternoon. I need to resolve this before then so it doesn’t show.”
“….”
Wow, this guy was really something.
‘His own feelings don’t matter—work comes first.’
With Bae Sae-jin barely managing to pull his weight as it is, it’s hard for my feelings toward him to improve.
‘Plus, this guy has a background too.’
I recalled one of the reasons I’d sought him out.
Let me start by breaking down his argument.
“We have seven members. Even if the two of you don’t talk, you could get away with it once or twice by coincidence. My attitude was garbage for a whole month, but it didn’t blow up into a big problem.”
And now for the main point. It’s a bit awkward to say, but there’s no other way.
“And when I told you to talk, it was also kind of sharing my experience. When I talked with Ryu Chung-woo, things got a bit… better.”
“…! That’s different.”
“No, there are similar parts.”
I drank from my water.
“I wasn’t uncomfortable with him—I was uncomfortable with an incident that came to mind when I saw him.”
“….”
“I think you’re similar.”
“Similar how?”
“Among the various reasons you keep giving Bae Sae-jin harsh evaluations, isn’t one of them that there’s an incident you associate with him that makes you uncomfortable, just like me? ‘The last member from an acting background.'”
“…!”
That’s right. I’d been bothered by the past Big Sae-jin had revealed while preparing for the concert unit stage.
The reason he was cut from the Debut Group.
-Right before launch, a kid whose both parents are actors joined us? Since he had recognition, we had to put him on the team… but the higher-ups insisted on exactly seven members. What could we do? One person got cut.
I was saying that, seeing Bae Sae-jin—the last member with the same actor keyword but inferior skills compared to him—this trauma must have unconsciously surfaced.
“….”
Big Sae-jin’s face looked like he’d been hit from behind, his mouth clamped shut.
Honestly, if I mess this up, there’s a chance we could end up fighting too. But he’s not an idiot, so he should understand what I’m getting at.
“…Maybe you’re right.”
Yeah. I figured as much.
I nodded.
“That’s why I’m saying you should have a conversation and get to know what kind of person Bae Sae-jin is. I’m not asking you to understand or apologize right now—just to calmly assess the other person.”
“….”
Big Sae-jin gave a slow, bitter smile.
Then he sighed and shrugged his shoulders.
“…Yeah, I got it. I’ll give it a shot.”
It was a different nuance from his earlier “I’ll try talking.”
Not a half-hearted apology to get past the situation, but a genuine willingness to have a real conversation.
‘That’ll do.’
I’d achieved what I set out to do.
I closed the water bottle cap and stood up from the floor.
“Good thinking.”
“Phew, thanks for all your hard work, Teacher Moon-dae.”
“Cut it out.”
“Haha!”
Big Sae-jin laughed while his expression grew slightly distant and thoughtful.
He was probably examining whether his own resistance really did have such irrational aspects to it.
‘He’ll sort it out on his own.’
At this point, I’m too exhausted to care whether things work out or fall apart. I rubbed the back of my neck, opened the door, and stepped out.
“I’m heading to bed.”
“Go ahead. Oh, that’s right.”
“What?”
I thought it might be another question about Bae Sae-jin, but what came out was unexpected.
“You weren’t acting like garbage back then, Moon-dae. You were just working hard even though you were sick. Chung-woo was just worried.”
“…!”
“Thanks for caring. Sleep well.”
Big Sae-jin gave a faint smile, waved his hand, and closed the door.
Click.
“….”
I didn’t expect to hear something like that.
The feeling was strange.
“Hmm.”
I stood in front of the closed door for a moment, then collected myself and moved toward the Living Room.
If Bae Sae-jin was still in the Room talking with Ryu Chung-woo, it would be awkward to go in there.
In the Living Room, the three of them I’d seen earlier were gathered together, watching Television and whispering.
“When are you going to bed? I’m sleepy.”
“J-just a little longer….”
“Just bear with it, you idiot. You can sleep in the Living Room.”
“I hate the floor. I like the Bed.”
“Is that more important than your hyungs’ feelings?”
“Both are important!”
Cha Yu-jin and Kim Rae-bin were on the verge of grabbing each other by the collar. Sun Ah-hyun was breaking out in cold sweat, visibly distressed.
“Hey, hey. Don’t fight…!”
I spoke up, suppressing my drowsy voice.
“…All of you, go to your rooms.”
“Hyung!”
“Moon-dae hyung!”
“Did you… did you make up…?”
“No.”
After extracting a promise from them not to ask any questions, I sent Cha Yu-jin to the room where Big Sae-jin was, and also sent Kim Rae-bin to his room with instructions not to wait for Ryu Chung-woo.
Then I spoke to Sun Ah-hyun.
“Let’s just sleep in the Living Room.”
“O, okay!”
For the first time since my debut, I was about to sleep somewhere other than a Bed. I found myself reflecting on how well things had gone until now.
But the moment I pulled out the blankets from the closet in another room, Ryu Chung-woo emerged from our room.
“Hyung.”
“Oh, hey. Did you guys get the blankets out…?”
“I thought the conversation might take a while…”
“Ah, it’s fine. Go back and sleep. I finished talking with Sae-jin.”
“Did it go well?”
“Well…”
Ryu Chung-woo’s expression was complicated.
“…It seems Sae-jin has been going through some emotional turmoil. It’s not straightforward to blame one person, but… I think we need to arrange a time for them to work things out together. How was Lee Sae-jin?”
“She said she’ll try talking once she gets her head straight.”
“Good. Then let’s check the situation tomorrow and talk again.”
“Yes. Thank you for your hard work.”
“Hard work? You’re the one who worked hard.”
It seemed Ryu Chung-woo had continued listening well to Bae Sae-jin’s words. After exchanging brief goodnights and returning to the room with Sun Ah-hyun, Bae Sae-jin was definitely in a more stable state.
“…I’m sorry. I made things awkward because of me.”
“Oh, no…! Hyung, are you okay…?”
“I’m fine. Just… anyway, I’m sorry. I’ll be careful.”
Bae Sae-jin said that with a pale, swollen face, then lay down on the Bed and fell silent without a sound.
Even without looking, I could feel the stress churning inside him.
‘He must have agonized over this quite a bit.’
It was obvious without hearing it. Starting with ‘Did I go too far?’ and cycling through ‘But wait, that bastard…’ all sorts of thoughts must have been rising and falling.
“….”
As Sun Ah-hyun quietly went to the Bed like a mouse, I sighed, turned off the lights, and lay down on my Bed.
‘I didn’t get to monitor anything.’
I’d originally planned to do it in the car, but as you know, that wasn’t possible.
‘Should I do some now?’
I turned on my smartphone and slowly checked the news articles and public sentiment.
But it wasn’t long before I heard a small voice.
“…You’re not sleeping?”
It was Bae Sae-jin. His voice was barely a whisper, conscious of the sleeping Sun Ah-hyun.
“Not yet.”
“….”
Bae Sae-jin fell silent for a while.
Then, after a moment, a very hesitant, hoarse voice emerged.
“Hey… did I do something wrong?”
I could feel the anxiety in his words.
“No. It’ll be fine.”
It was just that two of us who were incompatible as hell had endured this long, each restraining ourselves for the sake of the group.
If anything, Bae Sae-jin was the weaker one, so he must have struggled more than I did.
“…Yeah.”
Whether he’d pulled the blanket over himself or not, I heard a very faint sobbing sound. He didn’t want to be heard.
I turned off my smartphone and, without making a fuss, quietly pretended not to notice and closed my eyes.
‘Once they talk it through, a conclusion will come.’
Until then, I’d need to keep the two of them apart a bit.
It was a thought from before I could have imagined that the next day at W Live, those two would end up in the same unit.

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This chapter was translated by Lunox Novels. To support us and help keep this series going, visit our website: LunoxScans.com
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