A Strange But Effective Villainess Life - Chapter 39

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This chapter was translated by Lunox Novels. To support us and help keep this series going, visit our website: LunoxScans.com
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Chapter 39
I hugged the pillow tighter and mumbled.
“Mom… why did you do that…”
My eyes grew hot. A finger traced across my eyes once more, and the tears flowed even harder. Goodness, I never thought warm touches would make me cry like this. Come to think of it, it had been so long since anyone had caressed me like this.
“No one strokes my hair except Julius. But Julius can’t come to the Capital…”
If I were as old as Joshua, I’d have some memories of my parents. But separated from them at five years old, I had almost none.
Only Julius, whom I’d met briefly ten years ago, had shown me any affection. He’d even said that since he’d summoned his own Summon Beast at twelve, I’d be able to call mine soon. Back then, before Melissa arrived, I hadn’t been quite so twisted either.
After that, there was no one who dared stroke my hair or show me kindness. The servants obeyed me, but they didn’t cherish me. It wasn’t their place to do so.
I mumbled quietly.
“I’m not lying. Piyak is mine. Melissa stole him. No one believes me…”
“…”
“But you know what?”
Words I’d never spoken to anyone came pouring out, warmed by this familiar heat I hadn’t felt in so long.
“Actually… I don’t believe myself either. I know Piyak was summoned by Melissa, I know that, but…”
“I understand that Summon Beasts hold tremendous significance in the Prelai Family.”
“But I keep having these dreams… it’s all because of the dreams… Mom seems wronged too…”
“…”
“But it’s not like that… so I can’t believe myself either…”
“…”
“Do you understand? Hmm? I can’t trust my own words, my own thoughts. How lonely is that…”
Sezare didn’t answer, but his hand continued stroking my hair with careful warmth. Because of that, I kept pouring out my true feelings. Useless words to everyone else, but not to him.
“But when I study magical engineering, I can believe myself. In this world where truth and falsehood blur, equations are always clear.”
“…”
“When I show the formulas, even people I’ve just met from foreign lands believe me. Whether I’m Kiana or not, whether I’m Prelai or not.”
“…”
“That’s why I love numbers. I love magical engineering. It lets me believe in myself… it’s the only thing that gives me certainty…”
“…”
“Our family has no answers, Sezare. Only victims remain, still not knowing what to do. So of course I can’t help but love things that have answers, right?”
“…”
“But Sezare.”
“Yes.”
“You said you came here for business. Are you doing well?”
“…Well.”
Sezare spoke quietly while stroking my hair.
“I haven’t managed to resolve it.”
“Huh, how foolish.”
“Still, with someone’s help, I did manage to notice one step forward.”
“Huh, congratulations.”
“But I wanted to learn something from the person who helped me, so I used some tricks. I’m quite a despicable wretch, you see.”
“Huh, a despicable wretch indeed.”
I was inserting supportive interjections into our considerate conversation when Sezare added slowly.
“I didn’t get the answer I wanted from that person, but….”
“Hmm, a waste of time then.”
“…It doesn’t quite feel like a waste of time, though.”
“Why?”
At my question, Sezare fell silent for a moment. Then he answered slowly.
“I’m not entirely sure myself.”
“Hmm.”
“After going through difficult times, I vowed never to harbor goodwill toward anyone. So this is confusing.”
“Has the Duke also been through hardship?”
He, who had been quietly stroking my hair, sighed and spoke as if exhaling.
“I’ve been deeply betrayed by those I trusted with my life.”
“Ah.”
In that moment, my heart also tightened slightly. The memory of dedicating seven years to the Academy only to be coldly abandoned came rushing back.
The pain of betrayal isn’t only from the moment of being betrayed. It’s the long years I spent trusting and relying on someone without knowing anything that hurt more. Without realizing it, I felt a lump in my throat and spoke quietly.
“They’re clearly the ones at fault, but I keep blaming myself instead… Don’t you hate that?”
“…Princess?”
“My mind understands it all… Those people are truly the ones who failed… But in those moments, I wonder if things wouldn’t have turned out this way if I’d done better back then, all these irrational self-accusations flood in….”
“….”
“Because… the truth is, I was happy back when I knew nothing… I don’t want to deny that happiness, and this pathetic, pathetic sorrow is why… So ultimately, I end up hating myself more….”
“You’ve been betrayed, Princess.”
Sezare spoke quietly.
“It’s a loneliness that only those who’ve experienced it can understand.”
He laughed softly and added.
“Regardless of right and wrong, I’m no longer a good person either, Princess.”
“…What?”
“I’ve already become the very person my past self despised most. I use people as means, think of utility over sincerity, and engage in deception and lies.”
“Mm….”
“And my circumstances are quite complicated as well.”
There was a hint of mockery lingering in his voice.
“I don’t think I’ll ever be able to approach anyone with genuine sincerity again.”
And yet it was more sincere than ever. Perhaps because he was intoxicated, he seemed to be falling into that typical error of letting something go.
“Don’t say that….”
In that moment, I desperately pushed myself up with a start.
Our eyes met at a very close distance. He stared at me in surprise.
“Listen to me, Duke.”
I spoke while gripping his arm firmly.
“You can’t think such terrible things.”
“….”
“You can’t let those people define you as inherently lacking and flawed.”
“Pardon?”
“Those people alone don’t determine my worth. Sometimes the most absurd person, someone I never expected, becomes my steadfast ally.”
I had grown even slightly closer to the people of the Prelai Family, whom I had left behind with my own feet.
“If I lose even those people, I’ll be even more alone.”
I gazed at Sezare’s astonished eyes and smiled brightly.
“So don’t hate the Marquis, Marquis. Don’t condemn yourself as a bad person.”
“…Your Highness?”
“I hate myself too, but I’m trying not to.”
“…”
“So that’s exactly when we should live properly—both you and I.”
I sensed that Sezare carried some wound from his past. But who doesn’t carry at least one scar? Still, that doesn’t mean he should frequent the Club House or engage in loan sharking in the slums. My affection for Sezare had cooled considerably, to be honest. Yet because I was a former professor, I didn’t spare my advice for his future.
My fondness for Sezare had already cooled significantly. Still, as a former professor, I offered counsel without reservation for his future.
“Try, Marquis. You can do it. You can become a good person again, Marquis.”
I smiled at Sezare, my eyes crescenting with warmth.
“Start anew with new people.”
Half of it was directed at myself.
“Don’t miss the new light approaching. Never.”
Sezare said nothing, only staring at me intently.
“So be happy, Marquis. Truly.”
My arms finally lost their strength. I collapsed backward and lay down again.
“Your Highness, wait a moment.”
He adjusted my posture properly. And he forced our eyes to meet. His expression suggested he couldn’t let me fall asleep like this.
“I… I…”
But he hesitated, unable to continue easily. It reminded me of a student who couldn’t understand anything after class ended and didn’t even know what to ask. My heart softened with compassion, so I graciously accepted his question.
“If you didn’t understand, that’s fine. Hardly any of my students ever grasped my lessons 100%. But if you want to ask something, ask just one thing. I have another appointment after this.”
I was truly drowsy now and needed to rest.
“…Yes, I understand.”
He maintained silence for a moment, then asked with desperate urgency.
“What is the force that allows you to walk endlessly down such a bright path?”
And silence fell between us again.
I took a deep breath and answered.
“Friction.”
“…”
“Without friction, you cannot walk.”
And with those words, I truly fell asleep.

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This chapter was translated by Lunox Novels. To support us and help keep this series going, visit our website: LunoxScans.com
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