A Blank Slate Regression for the Idol That Lost His Original Mindset - Chapter 417

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This chapter was translated by Lunox Team. To support us and help keep this series going, visit our website: LunoxScans.com
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Regression Manual for Idols Who Lost Their Original Intent Episode 417

* * *

“What’s Hajun up to these days? That bastard won’t answer my calls at all. I kept thinking ‘he’ll pick up eventually’—and it’s already been almost a year. Is he really trying to cut ties with me?”

Ryu Jaehee smiled awkwardly at my grumbling.

I leaned back comfortably in my studio chair and gestured for Ryu Jaehee to sit down. After hesitating for a moment, Ryu Jaehee let out a short sigh and leaned against the sofa at the back of the studio.

“In this digital age where phones and email work perfectly fine, do I have to write letters like it’s 1988? Hey, Youngest Member. I’ll write a letter now, so can you deliver it for me? Okay?”

I roughly opened my lyric notebook and picked up a pen. This notebook could be letter paper if I just tear out a page after writing on it.

As for an envelope, well, I’m not at a post office and I’m just giving it to Ryu Jaehee anyway, so do I really need one? I can just fold it neatly and give it to him.

When I had written “TO. Jun,” Ryu Jaehee spoke up.

“Instead of writing it like that and giving it to me, just buy proper letter paper and an envelope, write on that, and mail it.”

“We live in the same dormitory anyway, so why? What a waste of stamp money.”

“Hajun hyung moved out.”

Even as he said this, Ryu Jaehee’s face showed an expression that seemed to ask ‘Is it right for me to say this?’

“…Did he move out on his own? Or enlist?”

“He moved out on his own. He’s enlisting right after his drama filming ends. Yehyeon hyung is also doing his military service, so now it’s just me and Doby hyung at the dormitory.”

“I don’t care about Seo Yehyeon and Kim Dobin’s business.”

“But you were all in the same group.”

“Fuck, we haven’t even talked to each other outside of broadcasts for years now, and you’re going on about ‘same group’?”

I replied irritably and picked up my phone.

Wondering if I had somehow missed any contact from Gyeon Hajun, I checked my messengers, but all I could confirm again were the unread “1” that wouldn’t disappear and replies that never came.

This bastard, did he secretly change his phone number too? If not, there’s no reason for him to ignore my calls this much, right?

“Ha, that bastard. He could at least invite me to his housewarming party. He ignored my invitation to come to my housewarming, and he doesn’t invite me to his either. Did he invite you guys?”

Ryu Jaehee shook his head briefly. Even that brief moment of hesitation seemed suspicious, so I narrowed my eyes and interrogated Ryu Jaehee.

“You’re not lying because you think I can’t verify it, are you? Tell me if he at least asked about inviting me?”

“It’s really true, you know? And hyung, you don’t have anyone else to ask about Hajun hyung besides me anyway.”

Ryu Jaehee hit me right in the bone with a completely aggrieved expression. Well, besides Ryu Jaehee, there really wasn’t anyone else who could tell me news about Gyeon Hajun who was still tied to Rev.

Ryu Jaehee was the only one who had continued contact with me from the group Rev, from which I had cut ties with everyone else.

I ran my hands through my hair irritably and voiced my annoyed question.

“How long is he going to keep this up? I told him so many times in advance that I was going to quit once my contract period was over, so what’s he feeling so betrayed about, fuck. Really.”

“Didn’t you notice that Hajun hyung’s attitude was strange even before that?”

“Now that you mention it, he did become less talkative. But I just thought he was upset because the contract renewal season was approaching and I said I was leaving.”

As I swept my bangs up and sighed, Ryu Jaehee clicked his tongue.

“Hyung, you need to fix that habit of only thinking about yourself first.”

“Do you know something?”

When I leaned forward from the backrest toward Ryu Jaehee and asked, Ryu Jaehee pulled his upper body back and replied.

“I’m on Hajun hyung’s side on this one. You need to realize it yourself, hyung. There’s a limit to being insensitive.”

“So it’s my fault?”

When I let out a bitter laugh and asked quietly, Ryu Jaehee shrugged and got up from the sofa.

“I hope you’ll realize it someday. I can’t help you with this part.”

“Sigh… Fine. Go.”

I waved my hand to see Ryu Jaehee off and turned my chair back around to resume the work I had paused. Drama OST demo requests were familiar to me now.

I sent the finished demo via email. It was quite disappointing that it wasn’t the voice that always handled guide recordings.

As I dwelled on that disappointment, I remembered that it had been quite a while since my songs had Gyeon Hajun’s guide recordings.

‘Come to think of it, Gyeon Hajun kept refusing guide recording requests for months before I left the group…’

The reason was that he was busy with drama filming, but was it actually because of that inexplicable reason Ryu Jaehee mentioned?

I put a cigarette in my mouth and let out a deep sigh that had become a habit.

* * *

The drama for which I had submitted an OST demo aired.

The first shock was that my song wasn’t selected for the OST.

The second shock was that the drama’s lead actor was Gyeon Hajun.

I fell into shock and confusion listening to the OST song that Gyeon Hajun sang.

Why? Because I always entrusted guide recordings to you, Gyeon Hajun, my demo songs were always optimally matched to your pitch and your tone. Even if I had given it to someone else, that wouldn’t have changed.

Or was my song so terrible that it couldn’t even be selected?

After getting confirmation from the music director, I frantically called and texted Gyeon Hajun.

Please, let’s just talk. Setting aside ignoring my calls, why did you reject my song? Was my music so terrible to you that you had to refuse it? Then why did you handle guide recordings until now?

When no replies came back, I eventually called Ryu Jaehee.

“Do you still keep in touch with Gyeon Hajun even after he moved out of the dormitory?”

Perhaps sensing the unusual atmosphere, Ryu Jaehee hesitated for a moment before nodding. Right, so he’s only intentionally ignoring my contact? A hollow laugh escaped me.

“Why does he ignore my texts? I’ve contacted him so many times but he won’t even reply. Do you have the address of his new place? Give me the address. I’ll go find him directly.”

“Actually, I came to deliver a message from Hajun hyung, hyung.”

Ryu Jaehee sighed and opened and closed his mouth several times before carefully speaking.

“Hyung… Hajun hyung says it’s uncomfortable for him to face you. He feels guilty thinking that you went through such a hard time at LnL because of him, and it’s just… difficult for him.”

“What…?”

“He says the debt is all paid off now, so there’s nothing for either of you to feel sorry about anymore.”

“What kind of bullshit is that! What debt and what was so difficult! You have to tell me so I can understand! Does Ryu Jaehee think it’s over just by delivering nonsensical messages!”

I grabbed Ryu Jaehee’s shoulders firmly and growled.

“Hey, tell Gyeon Hajun clearly. Tell him to say with his own mouth what the problem is. Fuck, I’m already dying because my composition isn’t working out, and now a so-called friend is just adding to my burden.”

Seeing Ryu Jaehee looking up at me with a frightened face, I belatedly let go of his shoulders, rubbed my face dry, and offered a brief apology.

“Sorry, I shouldn’t take my anger out on you.”

And that dawn, at a time when normal people wouldn’t be able to answer their phones, a missed call and one voice message arrived.

And I could only check it early in the morning at my studio.

-I read all the texts you sent. I didn’t know you’d be so shocked. But still… I just can’t sing your songs anymore, Eden. Thinking that a song you composed gave a new opportunity to someone I despise terribly, I just can’t.

What is this supposed to mean? Even as I tried to understand what I had just heard, Gyeon Hajun’s calm voice continued.

-You really don’t know until the very end. I knew you weren’t sensitive, but not noticing even this means our relationship was just that level. I think I’ve repaid the debt I owed you sufficiently over the past 7 years.

Knowing it would be stupid to voice questions to this one-sided voice message when no answer would come back, I barely swallowed the questions that had risen to the tip of my tongue.

-This is my last reply to you. So please don’t contact me either. I’ll end it here. Live well.

Gyeon Hajun’s voice message, which delivered that cruelly final farewell in a calm tone until the end, cut off abruptly.

“Fuck, fuck!”

Crack—

I roughly threw my phone to the floor.

I frantically dragged Gyeon Hajun’s solo song that was still saved on my computer. I brought my finger to the delete key while holding down the shift key, then hesitated.

“Fuck, really…”

I moved my finger away and buried my head in the keyboard, muttering weakly. The musical ideas that had been coming to me just moments before became a tangled mess in my head.

* * *

“Gasp…!”

I took a deep breath as if I had been drowning and was roughly pulled up to the water surface. Urgent panting followed for quite a while.

Only after my breathing calmed down somewhat could I calmly organize the scenes and thoughts I had witnessed.

The background surrounding me and Ryu Jaehee in the first scene was quite familiar. It was my studio from before my regression, the only place where I found stability and was more comfortable than the dormitory.

Judging by how most of the equipment looked unfamiliar and new except for a few pieces, it seemed to be a future I couldn’t remember.

And, the back of my hand.

The back of my hand that I had casually looked down at was clean without a single tattoo.

Then this was a memory from before that trash life I had glimpsed due to the error. So the assumption that the “28” written next to the memory fragment meant twenty-eight years old was correct.

As I carefully revisited the memory fragments I had seen, I discovered something strange connected to the present.

Come to think of it, that’s right.

In my last memory, Gyeon Hajun had simply not spoken to me for a few days, so why did I believe without a shadow of doubt that Gyeon Hajun had completely cut ties with me?

I had just stubbornly refused to speak first out of pride, but I had never tried to talk to him only to be unilaterally ignored by Gyeon Hajun, nor had I ever heard the word “farewell” directly from Gyeon Hajun’s mouth.

When I returned to the beginning of my debut and faced Gyeon Hajun, the resentment, sense of betrayal, and anxiety about a future where I would be cut off again for unknown reasons.

Looking at it now, those weren’t emotions or the weight of emotions that could come from just those few days of silent cold war.

And thinking about it, Ryu Jaehee was the same.

My last memory with Ryu Jaehee before regression was a few days after the 7th anniversary interview ended, when I showed him SNS reactions and told him to write an apology, and when I said “Isn’t it a statement?”, he sighed and said “Hyung really has no answer.” So why did I conclude from just that that Ryu Jaehee hadn’t let go of me until the very end?

Of course, Ryu Jaehee was the only one who kept talking to me until the last moment I remember, but looking at the context, wasn’t that obviously a conversation right before cutting ties?

Why was I holding onto gratitude and affection for Ryu Jaehee from before regression? Even though the last thing I remember ended like that.

My head throbbed from the flood of questions and the truth that followed.

‘They cut the memories so skillfully that I wouldn’t notice unless I dug deep.’

By leaving my last memories as Gyeon Hajun, who had stopped talking to me, and Ryu Jaehee, who had spoken to me until the end, they prevented me from feeling anything strange about those premises I firmly believed.

I was too busy growing the group and improving relationships to have time to dig into those subtle cracks. It definitely wasn’t because I was oblivious.

This was definitely the ‘memory manipulation’ that Cha Yeonho had mentioned.

Whether it was because I had seen the memories in the form of vivid dreams, or because I faced the truth at an unexpected moment, I didn’t feel rested at all despite having slept.

The thought that finding the memories the System had cut was the top priority conflicted with the thought of whether I really needed to recover these memories when they weren’t even good ones.

Just then.

[The premise was wrong.]

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This chapter was translated by Lunox Team. To support us and help keep this series going, visit our website: LunoxScans.com
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