The Reason I Got Engaged to My Ex-Boyfriend - Chapter 37

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This chapter was translated by Lunox Team. To support us and help keep this series going, visit our website: LunoxScans.com
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Episode 37

 

“I wasn’t that busy.”

 

Ransel, who had been lost in thought for a moment, replied in a calm tone.

 

I clenched my fist and then released it.

 

My reason screamed that it was already over, but impulsively my mouth opened.

 

“Still, your reply…”

 

“Did you need an explanation? Why?”

 

“…”

 

“Why do you expect from me what you don’t do yourself.”

 

With those words, memories that had become quite distant came flooding back.

 

We were in a relationship where we found each other burdensome.

 

Ransel said he was struggling because of me, but I was the one who struggled because of him.

 

I had been deliberately living as if nothing was wrong, but Ransel carelessly reached in to pull out the shadows.

 

“It seemed like you were indirectly telling me to break up.”

 

“I never did that.”

 

“That’s how it felt to me.”

 

“Then you misunderstood.”

 

“What did I misunderstand? You don’t even know why I’m saying this now.”

 

Suddenly Ransel turned his head to meet my eyes.

 

In those mysterious eyes that seemed to hold the Merhen Ocean, I felt something alien.

 

After a moment of silence, Ransel spoke.

 

“What makes you so confident?”

 

“…”

 

“Right, I don’t know. But do you know?”

 

At his cold question, I held my breath.

 

Just as he said, I knew nothing. I knew nothing, which is why we broke up like that.

 

If only I had known he was someone with such shallow affection.

 

“Do you know why I haven’t brought up that topic until now?”

 

Ransel was calmly angry.

 

“I have plenty to say too, but I just don’t say it. Because I know you won’t listen to any of it anyway.”

 

He was unusually talkative.

 

“But why are you angry at me?”

 

His downward gaze was so darkly sunken it was ominous.

 

The cold stare that had simply turned toward others was now pouring down on me.

 

I caught my breath.

 

“You just got tired of me at some point. But it felt too wasteful to resolve it like some casual fling given all the time we’d spent together, and you didn’t feel like continuing to meet. You didn’t want to be the bad guy, so you were waiting for me to say it with my own mouth – why don’t you mention that.”

 

This was futile resentment. Meaningless blame and venting. It was truly pathetic behavior.

 

“Then why do you keep testing me, provoking me, making me stay by your side no matter what? Why do you keep making me think strange thoughts…”

 

Even though I was the one saying hurtful things, my chest ached.

 

The wound I thought I had barely patched up in Ranghilden hadn’t healed at all. It throbbed at the slightest breath.

 

Before long, Ransel slowly opened his mouth.

 

“What kind of reaction do you want from me when you talk like that?”

 

“…”

 

“Ah, right. I was so tired of you that I hoped you’d disappear on your own. So I waited.”

 

“…”

 

“I reacted exactly as you wanted, so why are you about to cry.”

 

“I’m not crying, you bastard. I just… you…”

 

I hate you so much. I barely managed to finish those words.

 

“I need to say this, Mary. I…”

 

I felt his heavy gaze above my bowed head.

 

“I didn’t want to break up.”

 

***

 

Ford, the butler of Arviente Estate, was an experienced man.

 

For example, someone with the ability to maintain an indifferent expression while watching the young master he’d served since childhood bang his head against the wall.

 

“I think I need to fix my personality.”

 

“You’re well aware. By the way, how long do you plan to keep banging your head against the wall?”

 

“Until I die.”

 

“Hmm, as a mere servant I cannot comment on the young master’s opinion, but even if you leave this world at a young age, I hope you’ll resolve matters with your fiancée before you go.”

 

At the calm voice, Ransel stopped moving and looked back at Ford.

 

Indeed, Ransel himself knew that Mary was the only person who could put him in this state.

 

“…There’s nothing left to resolve now.”

 

Ransel turned his head again to glare at the wall.

 

Ford, like the elite servant he was, simply maintained his quiet position.

 

So Idiz’s perspective was like this.

 

Three years ago, Ransel was barely standing in front of a broken mirror.

 

Looking at his reflection, he would laugh, then cry, then grimace…

 

It was a moment when he didn’t know what to do with the suffocating boredom. Larientha had forcibly thrown him outside, telling him to put his name on Piacce Lux’s roster and come.

 

Mary, whom he met for the first time like that, was someone who particularly caught his eye.

 

A pretty and wonderful person who passionately pursued what she loved, without knowing even a bit of boredom.

 

Unlike you, I thought I was someone who had to live according to what was predetermined for life, but I wasn’t.

 

It seems like overcoming the impulse of holding a gun and living until now was all to meet you.

 

So Mary became someone Ransel wanted much from.

 

He wanted to lean on and depend on her. He wanted Mary to lean on and depend on him.

 

He wanted to hold her, and he wanted Mary to be held.

 

He wanted to love. Without thinking of past or future,

 

He just wanted to love.

 

“Don’t want to tell me what happened? Then what should I do for the princess.”

 

That day it was raining, so instead of wandering outside, they were spending time on the Viscount’s Mansion Terrace.

 

“You don’t have to do anything. Just, listen when I occasionally get irritated, and when I suddenly act like a hedgehog, just accept it – that’s enough.”

 

“That’s what I was already doing anyway.”

 

When he replied cheekily, Mary glared at him sharply.

 

Actually, Ransel knew it too.

 

Mary wasn’t the type to naively open up about herself.

 

Even so, Ransel wanted Mary to depend on him.

 

He wanted to solve things if he could solve them, comfort her if he could comfort her.

 

Was that such a big desire?

 

All conflicts are like that. They start with trivial matters at first, but once you can’t stop, you eventually reach the fundamental cause.

 

That day was the same.

 

“If there’s a problem, tell me, Mary.”

 

“You acting like this is the problem. The more you do this, the more we’ll just hurt each other’s feelings. Do you know how burdensome that is?”

 

Ransel froze at the blunt words.

 

My love is a burden to you…

 

Voices that had somehow lost their tenderness went back and forth.

 

“I’m the problem? You always just say your piece and that’s it. You didn’t even ask what I’m really curious about.”

 

“Then what do you want me to do…”

 

“Whether you’re okay right now, whether you’re upset – just things like that.”

 

“…”

 

“It’s not about why you were there or what you heard that matters.”

 

His voice dropped low like a growl.

 

I don’t even remember what I rambled about after that.

 

That your existence is too overwhelming for me, too difficult.

 

Then I left Mary there and walked out.

 

Coming out into the quiet corridor, my impulsive mood settled down.

 

I gradually began to realize what I had said to Mary.

 

I had made my already upset girlfriend feel even worse.

 

The conversation that started with wanting to kill everyone who hurt my princess ended up with me being that someone.

 

“…I really hate this.”

 

I felt like a hopeless bastard. The self-mockery that flowed from my lips was sharp.

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This chapter was translated by Lunox Team. To support us and help keep this series going, visit our website: LunoxScans.com
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