Resetting Lady - Chapter 51

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This chapter was translated by Lunox Team. To support us and help keep this series going, visit our website: LunoxScans.com
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00. That Knight

Raymond Seyertes. The male protagonist that Karen thinks of.

Raymond entered military school when he was the same age as Karen is now. And two years later, he participated in the battlefield. Raymond’s country wasn’t at war, but sometimes such things happen. Those kinds of affairs where you send troops to other countries to maintain nation-to-nation dignity.

“But I consider it honorable.”

An honorable war, he said. Karen had listened attentively to his stories that sounded like distant tales. She had comforted him and even shed tears over those stories.

But even good stories become tiresome after hearing them several times. Karen grew tired of them after 10 years.

After all, to Karen, it was just something from a book. It wasn’t even a story related to “Karen.” The war was something beyond those high White Mountains, merely a tragedy to embellish Raymond.

Once upon a time, long, long ago, there was a brave knight – that kind of story. Closer than legends or myths, but more distant than the weekly sermon during worship.

It would have been better if it were an era with dragons and demons. Holding guns instead of spears or swords like knights of old, defeating people instead of slaying dragons – it wasn’t interesting. In the end, it was less entertaining than fairy tale stories, that was the extent of its weight.

“I wanted to love. True love.”

Raymond sometimes woke up gasping in the middle of the night…

“What do you think, Isella?”

Karen asked while wiping Isella’s body. Isella gave no response. Karen didn’t mind that fact at all. Karen found some comfort in receiving this new worry doll.

Though Isella was like a plant with even less reaction than Tom, she was a person more meaningful to Karen in many ways than Tom, so she could be considered quite a rare item.

“It would be nice to see you and Lord Raymond placed side by side as a couple. Wedding bells for both of you, ding-dong, ding-dong. If you two coordinate your colors and all, Verdick would be satisfied too.”

“…”

“Come to think of it, you’re both blonde. Lord Raymond claims he rolled around on battlefields, yet his hair is so nice. How strange. Ah, men must have it easy because their hair is short. Women have long hair, so it’s that much harder to maintain…”

Karen puts her hands on Isella’s scalp to create foam.

“…Lord Raymond.”

She thinks about that man.

Karen continued thinking about him after that. Lord Raymond clearly avoided being alone together.

In fact, Karen was too busy as well, so most of her daily routine consisted of rambling and organizing her thoughts during this time she spent mainly with Isella.

“It’s like gold was applied to his hair. What was annoying was when I once asked what products he used, and he answered with a bewildered face, ‘I don’t use anything at all.’ But that look in his eyes – how could a man do such things? Really… I wish it were fashionable for women to cut their hair short too. I heard there are quite a few women with short hair in countries beyond the mountains…”

While speaking, Karen imagined noble ladies with short hair like men and herself. It seemed utterly unrealistic. Women with short hair when there’s no war.

“Though I guess it would be a bit strange. If bob cuts became popular, then later… even baldness might become trendy.”

She giggles and pours hot water over Isella’s head.

“Isella, have you ever played with dolls? I wonder if I have… I can’t remember. I don’t know. I can’t recall… Childhood is really too long ago. You must have played a lot. Your room still has many dolls. Every single one was high quality.”

“…”

“The dollhouse was an amazing antique. It perfectly recreated a manor from 300 years ago. The detailed accessories were truly wonderful too. The interior decoration was modern-style, so it really looked like a noble’s house. The paintings were small reproductions of masterpieces, and even the bookshelf had those tiny books with… who would have thought there would actually be writing and pictures inside. Rather than something to give to a child, it seemed like it should be displayed in a glass case as an artwork.”

“…”

“Actually, I took some out to look. Sorry for not asking permission. But I was curious how far the naked doll bodies were detailed. I’d been curious for a while but never had the chance. I tried touching them before, but Miss Isella tore off the head… um… that hurt a bit. Anyway, it was detailed, but it wasn’t implemented that far. I suppose that’s natural. Hehe.”

Karen thought of the dolls inside. It was a cliché thought that she too was like a doll inside there, but aren’t cliché things universal sentiments? That she, Raymond, and Isella were all like dolls playing in someone’s hands. Meeting, parting, and loving as situations moved them.

Looking at the male soldier doll with blue glass eyes reminded her of Raymond. The clothes resembled Raymond’s military uniform so much that it reminded her of him even more. It made sense since it reproduced an actual knight’s clothing.

“Though the eye color is a bit different. It looked very much like Lord Raymond. He’s a textbook handsome man, so he has a rather typical appearance. Like a doll. Distinct features, tall, good skin, good physique.”

That’s why Karen had thought he would be the male protagonist. Now she even doubts whether she actually ‘read’ the “book.”

After Father’s death, Karen was actually giving more weight to the hypothesis that it was a mental illness stemming from Mother. The hypothesis that Catherine believed she came from outside the book and instilled that kind of delusion in her daughter Karen as well.

And that Nancy and Dulan made her into a mental patient under the Lord’s active cooperation.

“It’s funny that I’m making assumptions like this myself. What was it – a madman doesn’t recognize himself as mad, so if you suspect you’re mad, you’re not mad. Isn’t that really ridiculous? What meaning does personal suspicion have? How would I know if I think hundreds, thousands, tens of thousands of thoughts a day? How can you think that conclusions reached alone are the same as philosophers’ thoughts?”

Karen needed that certainty above all.

“How can you put the thinking standards of the general public and madmen on the same level? Philosophers aren’t madmen. How do you guarantee that… So how can I… prove that I’m not crazy because of Mother.”

If anyone repeated life like her, would this pain disappear? If anyone repeated life like her, would this pain disappear? It would certainly be less painful. But this world where she couldn’t be certain of anything was too terrible to endure.

“…Or if I die, it would all end.”

Karen pressed Isella’s hair with a towel to squeeze out the water. Then she applied fragrant oil. She put argan oil on her hair and brought hot water underneath again to steam it.

“After grooming so diligently, the hair texture should improve a bit for the person touching it to feel rewarded… Try harder, Isella.”

“…”

“I hope this helps a little.”

Karen sighed looking at Isella’s dry, dirty-colored hair.

Then she took out rose water and applied it to Isella’s face.

“They say this is concentrated from thirty thousand roses – could that be true?”

“…”

“Hmm. Still, you and Verdick wouldn’t be fooled by such things… Probably.”

“…”

“I know well that you’re jealous of me for my appearance.”

Karen stood up briefly and tapped her shoulders.

“Ugh, my whole body aches. In the end, I’m a maid again this time. Isella is the young lady. Well, of course I don’t want to become Verdick’s true daughter.”

“…”

“Isella, do you love Lord Raymond?”

Karen was curious about that.

“Do you really love him? With all your might? Like you’d die without him? Or do you wish to grow old with him, have children, and close your eyes on the same day?”

“…”

Isella doesn’t answer. Karen was curious about Isella’s true feelings. Her parents made her head complicated. Love. What was she supposed to do about it? Karen knew well how intense yet fleeting temporary emotions could be.

Just as recognizing that you’re insane couldn’t be a measure to judge whether you’re really insane or not, love was the same for Karen. She couldn’t know. How could she know if her love was the same as others’ love? How could she be certain that Catherine’s emotions of finding answers were the same as ordinary people’s?

“Actually, love… um… yes. That… I had a father too. And a mother. Though I can’t remember… I met Miss Isella’s mother just once. Still, Miss Isella is prettier than her mother. This is a compliment. Anyway. Father said that love would save me. That true love would… save me… from this hell. But I’m still in hell.”

“…”

“Are my parents’ love true love, and Lord Raymond’s and my love not love?”

“…”

IV fluid dripped with a steady sound. Only she and Isella existed in the quiet room.

This space was extremely peaceful.

Karen lay down next to Isella, who had her eyes closed.

“It wasn’t such great love after all.”

A laugh escaped with a snicker. To Karen, the Lord’s love was just ordinary love. Karen wanted equality. She wanted love that carried the same weight as death. Complete understanding and trust. Love that didn’t fear death.

Isella fell asleep on the top floor, the quietest space in the manor. A pathologically white, quiet, and clean space. Though Isella, who showed no reaction, was a more boring conversation partner than Tom, Karen was satisfied with that.

“Isella… Raymond hated you. He probably still hates you now. That can’t be helped. From before… for 100 years, he never loved you even once.”

Karen thinks that thought. Raymond was thoroughly a knight for her. And he was cruel to other women, including Isella. This time was the same.

Girls don’t want men who are kind to everyone. A man who is kind only to them. Having everything.

“Indeed… I wonder. Really only to me… a man gentle only to ‘Karen Hyer’… If he points guns at the entire world for just one person, it would be one of two things. Either that one person is too precious.”

Karen put an outer garment on Isella.

“Or he wanted it to seem like that one person was important.”

Did he confess false emotions to me? Karen thought about why Raymond had gone so far for her. Had he really fallen in love at first sight and loved unconditionally? Was such a thing really possible?

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This chapter was translated by Lunox Team. To support us and help keep this series going, visit our website: LunoxScans.com
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