My Illusion Is Survival - Chapter 64

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This chapter was translated by Lunox Team. To support us and help keep this series going, visit our website: LunoxScans.com
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Chapter 64

 

“What’s wrong?”

 

I had finally delivered the words of gratitude I’d been putting off, but Azel’s reaction was somehow strange.

 

“Azel?”

 

“…Sorry. What did you say?”

 

He looked so distracted that you could say he was half out of it.

 

‘Was my expression of gratitude that shocking? Except for today, I think I’ve been saying thank you properly every time.’

 

Thanks to that, I felt strangely concerned.

 

“Azel.”

 

“Elpis.”

 

In an instant, just like before, our words overlapped again.

 

“You speak first.”

 

“No, it’s nothing important. I’m fine, so you go first.”

 

Since a hint of disappointment even flickered across his darkened face, I eventually changed the subject.

 

“Actually, I don’t really like flowers that much.”

 

“…!”

 

It didn’t seem like a very good choice, as Azel’s expression became even more gloomy. I hurriedly added,

 

“Of course I like looking at them! But I meant that I don’t know enough about them to fill a greenhouse.”

 

I had thought quite a lot about whether to reveal this story or not. It probably would have been better not to reveal it, but I didn’t want to fill the first greenhouse that would be built in This Place with my lies.

 

“The reason I went to the Garden every day at first was different. I felt like if I was there, Azel would look at me. I was also waiting in case you might pass by.”

 

“It was because of me?”

 

“Ron probably knew. As you know, he’s a perceptive person.”

 

“…You deceived me.”

 

“He helped me. Because he knew I was waiting for you.”

 

As I waited for Azel’s next words, I suddenly heard footsteps.

 

“Then what do you really like? Not because of me, but what you truly like.”

 

With his long legs, he quickly approached and sat down beside me.

 

“If I tell you, will you do that for me too?”

 

“Anything.”

 

Therefore, I had to ask.

 

“Why?”

 

“Because you like it.”

 

“Is the reason you keep looking at me and smiling also because I like it? Because I like your face?”

 

However, this time an answer didn’t come right back.

 

After a long silence that seemed hesitant, a single phrase carried on the wind finally returned to me.

 

“I didn’t want to be hated.”

 

However, this was content I hadn’t anticipated.

 

“I hoped you would continue not to dislike me.”

 

“There’s no way I would dislike you.”

 

“Right. You said the same thing back then too.”

 

Thanks to his self-deprecating voice, something came to mind.

 

Once, because of Kazen Mayer, I had said something similar.

 

“Are you sane? You follow around such a monster because you like it?”

 

“I don’t dislike him.”

 

“What?”

 

“I said I don’t dislike him.”

 

It was just a conversation that happened in passing.

 

“You remember all of that?”

 

“Because I can’t forget.”

 

“…That’s, well, true.”

 

It would have been good if it had stopped right there.

 

“But even if I could forget, I wouldn’t forget what you said. All of it.”

 

With the words he added afterward, my heart sank with a thump again. Unaware of that fact, Azel continued speaking.

 

“Sometimes I dream.”

 

His quiet voice, like confessing a sin, was soft, but conversely, the sound of my heartbeat was too loud.

 

“You appear in my dreams. I encounter you in an unfamiliar place, and it’s so vivid, as if I’ve experienced it before.”

 

“…”

 

“It’s been too long since I’ve forgotten anything, so I can’t be certain. Whether this is just a simple dream, or a memory from the past.”

 

Thanks to that, I could tell without looking in a mirror. That my eyes were shaking right now.

 

“So, I will absolutely never forget what happens from now on.”

 

Leaving me speechless as before, Azel rested his head on my shoulder.

 

“I want to hear about you.”

 

“…When before you said you wouldn’t listen.”

 

“It doesn’t have to be stories about us. I just want to know about you.”

 

Instead of answering, I suddenly looked toward the window. Unlike Earth’s bright downtown, the stars in the night sky were visible.

 

Under that beautiful night sky would be the greenhouse from earlier, and that made my mood even stranger.

 

‘I did something unnecessary. I shouldn’t have done that.’

 

Bringing Azel to my room saying I would finish the greenhouse matter was clearly my mistake.

 

I even found myself wanting to believe Gaspata and Dekan’s story more and more.

 

Not for some other reason, but hoping that Azel was being so sweet simply because he liked me.

 

Even knowing that wasn’t what mattered, my heart kept wavering.

 

“…If you don’t want to, you don’t have to say anything.”

 

Meanwhile, I heard Azel’s voice calling me. Only then did I remember that he had been waiting for my answer.

 

‘What should I say? No, is there anything I can say without lies?’

 

That I had a younger sibling with an age gap, that I joined a drama club in school, that I acted for quite a long time even after becoming an adult.

 

Ridiculously, there wasn’t a single thing I could carelessly mention.

 

“When I was little, my dream was to become a hamburger.”

 

Therefore, all I could say were things like childhood dreams.

 

“A hamburger?”

 

“It’s food made by putting warm meat and crisp vegetables between soft bread.”

 

“Like a sandwich. But you wanted to become food?”

 

“They looked so cozy, all stuck together warmly.”

 

Suddenly, Azel’s laughter touched my ears.

 

I learned for the first time that laughter could feel like warmth, and that made me even sadder.

 

“…Sounds foolish, doesn’t it?”

 

It was so foolish that I felt like I might cry.

 

“I think it would be good to go back now. It’s late at night, and I want to rest. Sorry for calling you here first.”

 

“Elpis?”

 

Therefore, now was the time I needed to send Azel away.

 

“And it would be better to ignore those dreams and not worry about them anymore. They’re just simple dreams, nothing more.”

 

Please, before I become even more pathetic.

 

*

 

And the next morning.

 

“Your face.”

 

“….”

 

“Your face, why does it look like that?”

 

Those were the first words Simoer uttered when we ran into each other in the corridor.

 

“Is it that serious?”

 

“Haven’t you looked in a mirror?”

 

I had already looked in the mirror. Besides, from all the whispering I heard on my way here, I could already tell well enough what state I was in.

 

‘I didn’t sleep a wink all night and kept tossing and turning, so there’s no way I’d look normal.’

 

I just didn’t like him pointing it out so bluntly.

 

“Say it more gently.”

 

“You already have a master who’s overflowing with gentleness.”

 

“So you told me that out of spite?”

 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

 

“Jealousy.”

 

Of course, even in the midst of this, I hadn’t forgotten my vengeful feelings from yesterday.

 

“Traitor. Weren’t you supposed to help me?”

 

It’s just that Simoer was equally formidable.

 

“If you think about how many times you waved that carrot doll at me, you wouldn’t be able to say such things. Thanks to you, I can’t even look at carrots anymore.”

 

“…Tsk. People can act that way when they’re desperate.”

 

“If you can’t avoid it, enjoy it. Though it seems like you’re already enjoying it plenty.”

 

“How petty.”

 

“It seems like you’ve become quite comfortable with me?”

 

If Azel’s attitude toward me had gradually become gentler, Simoer was the complete opposite. Judging by how ‘annoyed’ was written all over his face.

 

“If you have no business with me, I’ll be going now.”

 

“Haven’t you found out anything more about my identity?”

 

Simoer’s gaze immediately turned toward me.

 

I wasn’t asking with the intention of having the same conversation as yesterday with Azel. I simply wanted to go somewhere as unrelated as possible to this body’s past when I left this place.

 

‘I don’t want to lie to other people anymore.’

 

True to his perceptive nature, Simoer saw through my intentions with just that much.

 

“Are you really thinking of leaving?”

 

“…I have to leave.”

 

“I’m not sure if that’s possible.”

 

“I’ll figure that out myself. More importantly, haven’t you found out anything?”

 

“Unfortunately, no.”

 

Though there was no helpful information.

 

“I see. Then I’ll be going now.”

 

“Lady Elpis.”

 

At that moment, Simoer called out to my departing back.

 

“Perhaps His Highness doesn’t have any ulterior motives.”

 

An unreadable gaze reached me.

 

“Rather than having other reasons, maybe he keeps clinging because he wants to keep you by his side.”

 

“That might be true.”

 

“Then.”

 

However, there was only one answer I could give to that.

 

“Even so, I have to go.”

 

Even if he liked me, I couldn’t stay by his side.

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This chapter was translated by Lunox Team. To support us and help keep this series going, visit our website: LunoxScans.com
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