My Illusion Is Survival - Chapter 58

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This chapter was translated by Lunox Team. To support us and help keep this series going, visit our website: LunoxScans.com
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Chapter 58

 

Not long after I suddenly opened my eyes at Boras’ Spring, we left the North just like that.

 

This was entirely Azel’s decision.

 

“We never found out why the Crown Prince came all the way to the North. Is it really okay to return like this?”

 

“It doesn’t matter. It’s no longer important.”

 

‘That’s what caused all this trouble in the first place, so if that’s not important, then what the hell is.’

 

I had a lot I wanted to say, but the serious atmosphere made it impossible to even ask. Thanks to that, the journey back was anything but comfortable.

 

‘Suffocating.’

 

Even though I had changed out of my blood and spring water-soaked clothes and was riding in a carriage Dekan had procured from somewhere, the atmosphere among our group was far too heavy.

 

“If you need anything at all, please just say the word. We’ve left the North, but aren’t you cold? Should I bring you another blanket?”

 

No, there was exactly one person. There was someone who found this situation satisfactory.

 

Mary’s expression was endlessly bright.

 

She looked like someone who couldn’t contain her affection for me.

 

“This many blankets is enough.”

 

“But still—”

 

“I’m really fine. If I wrap any more around me, I won’t be able to breathe.”

 

“Understood. Even if it’s not blankets, please let me know anytime if you need anything else.”

 

Actually, there was something I needed.

 

‘I wish someone would do something about Azel.’

 

It’s not like he was angry at me or ignoring me, but I do have some sense of awareness.

 

“Um, Azel?”

 

“…Speak.”

 

When I called him, he looked at me and answered, but should I say his gaze seemed strange?

 

His particularly deeply colored red eyes made me instinctively realize that he was different from usual.

 

“Ha, hahaha— haha… ha.”

 

Even at my awkward laughter, the corners of his mouth didn’t move in the slightest.

 

This was our current state.

 

‘No, but in the end everything worked out fine. So why is he acting like that?’

 

At that moment, Gaspata’s cry flashed through my mind.

 

[He loves you!]

 

“No, that’s ridiculous.”

 

If that were true, he wouldn’t be looking at me with eyes that seemed ready to tear someone apart.

 

“What is?”

 

Then Azel, who had heard my muttering, asked back.

 

“Oh, nothing! More importantly, would it be okay to stop by the Red Forest on our way?”

 

“The Red Forest?”

 

“Mary said she took care of the spring water from Boras’ Spring, so since we’re already out here, I thought we could get those white flowers I mentioned before from the Red Forest.”

 

There was a reason I brought up this topic while being so cautious about reading the mood.

 

‘Since incidents keep happening every time we come out, I should handle everything at once before going back.’

 

Fortunately, Azel readily agreed.

 

“Do that.”

 

“Th-thank you.”

 

“Instead, I was thinking of preparing for Arachne’s Thread a bit more slowly. Is that okay?”

 

“Of course! I was planning to go there later anyway.”

 

It was the longest exchange we’d had since boarding the carriage.

 

Dekan, who heard our conversation, answered energetically.

 

“Then we’ll stop by the Red Forest!”

 

At the time, not knowing why Azel had bothered to mention Arachne’s Thread, I just thought it was fortunate.

 

*

 

Northwest of the Red Forest, beneath a lightning-struck tree.

 

Azel quietly kept his words to himself throughout the journey to find our destination.

 

“How about telling Mary and Dekan to wait while we two go and come back quickly?”

 

Right after arriving at the Red Forest.

 

At my suggestion that just the two of us go, wondering what he was thinking, he readily nodded.

 

“Ah! There it is!”

 

It didn’t take long to reach our destination, and the two of us soon arrived at the wide meadow where white flowers bloomed.

 

“Wow! They’re really beautiful!”

 

The flowers in full bloom were beautiful, just as Elpis had said.

 

The tranquil afternoon sunlight scattered over the white petals, and the sight was so fresh it could captivate even Elpis’s gaze, which had been constantly reading the mood.

 

However, Azel had no interest in such scenery.

 

To him, the woman smiling beautifully toward those flowers was more important than mere flowers.

 

“Azel, look over there!”

 

At that moment, Elpis ran into the scene before her eyes.

 

“If it’s okay, let’s look around for just a moment before we go! Come here, Azel. Hurry! Come and look at this!”

 

The voice calling him was fresh. But Azel knew. How desperate she was right now.

 

He couldn’t not know the reason why her footsteps, which had been hurried from reading his mood, had now changed to be vigorous.

 

If it were before, he would have pretended to be unable to resist and followed her, but now he didn’t feel like it at all.

 

There was a reason for this.

 

Azel didn’t want to ruin this moment that might be their last.

 

“Azel, hurry! Come this way!”

 

However, innocent fingertips urged him on, knowing nothing.

 

“Azel?”

 

Then she came back to Azel.

 

“What are you thinking about that you don’t answer when I call?”

 

A faint tension appeared on her face as she pretended to be disappointed. Azel looked at that expression and briefly had other thoughts.

 

‘Maybe it would be better to let you go like this?’

 

But Azel also knew.

 

To let go, they had already come too far.

 

“Cough!”

 

“Master! Miss, are you alright! You’re still breathing!”

 

When he first heard the small coughing sound after Elpis collapsed coughing up blood, Azel sought God.

 

He doesn’t remember to whom he prayed. He just prayed, and only then did he realize.

 

What he wanted wasn’t salvation, but the warmth in his arms.

 

‘After today passes, you won’t smile at me anymore.’

 

He had regained the warmth, but their ending would still be unhappy.

 

Even so, he couldn’t let go of this warmth.

 

Around that time, Elpis’s voice was heard again.

 

“Azel? Are you listening?”

 

Azel pondered for a moment.

 

What had she asked?

 

There was no need to think long. There was only one thing he could answer.

 

“You asked what I was thinking.”

 

As if hiding the guilt that had risen to his chin, he spoke the sincerity that welled up from the depths of his heart.

 

“Bad thoughts.”

 

“What did you say?”

 

“Very, very bad thoughts.”

 

Looking at you, I had very bad thoughts.

 

Soon a surprised face turned toward Azel. But Azel didn’t want to make any excuses.

 

That way, he could survive.

 

*

 

As soon as I heard Azel’s meaningful voice, I felt something like a sensation hitting my face.

 

At the hot sensation at the tip of my nose, I wiped it with the back of my hand just in case, but fortunately nothing came off.

 

‘A handsome man standing against a backdrop of flowers is more dangerous than I thought.’

 

My heart was still pounding from the tremendous impact.

 

The current situation felt so unfamiliar that being chased by the Duchess who had turned into a monster and coughing up blood felt like very distant past events.

 

‘More than that, I’d like to hear in as much specific detail as possible what kind of bad thoughts he had, but I shouldn’t ask, right?’

 

This is all because of those eyes.

 

‘Just a moment ago he was walking around with dead, crazy psychopath eyes, so why is he suddenly like this?’

 

He was looking at me with a melancholy face as if he’d met his first love after a breakup, making my perfectly fine dopamine explode.

 

‘His expression looked so bad that I came here alone to try to make excuses. If I’d known this would happen, I would have brought everyone!’

 

If Dekan, who’s a master at breaking the mood, had been here, this kind of crisis obviously wouldn’t have happened.

 

‘There’s no way a person suddenly became emotional. What’s his ulterior motive?’

 

But this wasn’t the time for that. I needed to think as rationally as possible.

 

Being bewitched by that face and doing something stupid once was enough!

 

‘Now, calmly. Take a deep breath.’

 

As rationally as possible—

 

‘No! So what exactly are those bad thoughts!’

 

Of course, it was an impossible resolution.

 

“Elpis?”

 

However, since I couldn’t keep being shaken, I opened my mouth as naturally as possible.

 

“The, the flowers are pretty. Ha! Haha! I was listening to what Azel was saying when this caught my eye! Oh my, how pretty… ha, haha!”

 

…I’ll correct that. I changed the subject as unnaturally as possible.

 

But right then, I carelessly raised my head and our eyes met.

 

It was a fatal mistake. Those red eyes were looking at me, not the flowers I had pointed to.

 

“That’s right. Pretty.”

 

“…”

 

Emergency.

 

I staggered and pressed my hand to my forehead. I could tell without looking in a mirror. My eyes were trembling mercilessly.

 

“For, for now.”

 

In the end, I had to do my best to somehow get through this situation while pretending nothing happened.

 

“Shall we go back?”

 

“Yes, I’ll take the flowers, so go ahead.”

 

However, I didn’t know at the time.

 

That starting from this day, our relationship would change a lot.

 

Unfortunately for me, Azel’s strange behavior was just beginning.

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This chapter was translated by Lunox Team. To support us and help keep this series going, visit our website: LunoxScans.com
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