My Illusion Is Survival - Chapter 31

—————
This chapter was translated by Lunox Team. To support us and help keep this series going, visit our website: LunoxScans.com
—————

Chapter 31

 

“Take as much time as you need, just examine her properly.”

 

“Y-yes, sir!”

 

At Azel’s voice from behind me, I froze completely and couldn’t even turn my head in his direction.

 

‘Why did he have to come all the way here?’

 

If he was curious about the results, it would have been enough to send someone to ask.

 

But I couldn’t understand Azel’s intention in coming all the way here to watch the priest’s examination.

 

‘Why is he suddenly worrying about me this much?’

 

Just as emotions I couldn’t identify as either hope or confusion swirled through my mind, the priest’s trembling voice called out to me.

 

“C-could you please extend your hand?”

 

“Oh, yes. I’m sorry.”

 

“N-no! Th-then I’ll begin.”

 

Until that moment, there had been no conversation between Azel and me.

 

I forced myself to focus on the priest’s sweat-soaked forehead, trying to ignore Azel’s presence, when light suddenly burst from the priest’s fingertips.

 

Flash—!

 

The warm energy and heat flowing through my wrist was the first ‘real’ divine power I’d seen since coming to This Place.

 

However, before I could even admire it, Azel’s urging continued.

 

“How is it?”

 

“Th-there doesn’t seem to be any particular problem…”

 

“Doesn’t seem to be?”

 

“N-no! There isn’t! Sh-she’s healthy!”

 

Of course, the result was exactly as I had expected.

 

“Did you examine her properly?”

 

“O-o-of course! Wh-why would I lie about her safety!”

 

But Azel’s obsession persisted.

 

“That can’t be right.”

 

“I-it’s true! The young lady is very healthy!”

 

“I said that can’t be right. They said you were a renowned healing priest, but that was all lies, wasn’t it.”

 

Now he was picking a fight with the priest.

 

Faced with Azel’s aura that seemed ready to devour his opponent, I had no choice but to intervene between them.

 

“Stop it. Why are you acting like this?”

 

“…I just wanted to confirm.”

 

“If it’s confirmation, you’ve done enough already. What more do you want to confirm?”

 

“…You won’t tell me properly. So I wanted to confirm through him instead.”

 

So what exactly are you trying to confirm?

 

As I wondered whether I should look at Azel, confused by his incomprehensible attitude, his somewhat dejected voice continued.

 

“I did something pointless.”

 

“What? What do you mean—”

 

“If there’s nothing wrong, that’s enough. Linoa Marigold, send the priest away. Since he gave a proper examination, we should compensate him. Give him an appropriate reward.”

 

“Yes, I understand. Master.”

 

“…Wait! You’re not planning to just leave like this, are you?”

 

That was the end of Azel’s response.

 

Linoa Marigold disappeared with the panting priest, and Azel was about to leave This Place without any lingering attachment.

 

I was dumbfounded by how everything was being wrapped up so efficiently, leaving only me behind.

 

“I’ve confirmed there’s nothing wrong, so that’s enough. Rest now.”

 

“Wait, Azel!”

 

Without thinking, I grabbed the sleeve of departing Azel, and he stopped in place.

 

“What.”

 

“Why are you angry?”

 

“I’m not angry.”

 

“Don’t lie. You’re angry at me right now.”

 

By now, it was impossible not to notice.

 

Just as my voice was about to rise in this incomprehensible situation, Azel’s head suddenly turned toward me.

 

“…!”

 

Thump.

 

The moment our eyes met.

 

My heart pounded before I could even process it.

 

Azel’s face was still as beautiful as ever, but his reddened eyes, contrasting with his pale skin, somehow made my imagination run wild.

 

On the other hand, when I couldn’t immediately continue speaking, Azel’s expression quickly contorted.

 

The words ‘Why do you always use that handsome face like that’ rose to my throat, but the atmosphere wasn’t right for saying such things.

 

“Why am I angry?”

 

Eventually, Azel’s words continued.

 

“Because this situation is too horrible.”

 

“…!”

 

“What I saw was too horrible and miserable. That’s why I’m angry.”

 

“Azel…”

 

“I’m angry because I don’t know what to do with you, understand?”

 

I was speechless at his completely unexpected answer.

 

“Horrible and miserable?”

 

I barely managed to open my mouth with trembling lips, but Azel shuddered as if even that was horrible.

 

“You make me into a bad person.”

 

Throb.

 

For a different reason than before, my heart now ached.

 

“When I’m with you, I realize what a horrible person I am. I realize what a disgusting and vile human being I am.”

 

“…”

 

“You’ll never know what that feels like.”

 

With those words, Azel closed his mouth.

 

Covering his face with one hand, he was leaning against the wall as if swaying, and despite his sturdy build, his appearance was utterly precarious.

 

But even in this moment, I hesitated to reach out my hand.

 

Because I had realized it.

 

How foolishly I had been mistaken all this time.

 

‘Of course. What was I even expecting? How stupid of me.’

 

Azel doesn’t understand human emotions.

 

Love and affection even less so.

 

How foolish it was for me to flutter alone, mistaking his concern for something else.

 

“…Did I hurt you again?”

 

My reflection in the mirror I suddenly noticed looked pitiful.

 

“I didn’t mean to. I wasn’t trying to hurt you, but I’m sorry.”

 

I tried to disguise my voice as acting, but it was useless.

 

Right now, I was a terrible actress.

 

However, I couldn’t let all of this end as my ‘shameful delusion.’

 

‘Right, my goal was survival anyway. I just got slightly sidetracked. I just need to focus on my objective again.’

 

To do that, I had to smooth over this situation with what I did best.

 

“Were you crying because of me yesterday too? Was the ‘purification’ I did the problem?”

 

I tried to continue acting like I was fine, but there was nothing I could do about my trembling voice.

 

“Purification? You call that purification? Don’t try to fool me too. That wasn’t purification. That was damn… it wasn’t purification.”

 

So it wasn’t purification after all.

 

A thread of reason organized the newly acquired information in my head.

 

“If it’s not purification?”

 

“You would know better. What it was.”

 

However, contrary to my resolve, silence quickly settled between us.

 

Reason kept screaming at me to provoke Azel and extract information, but my mouth wouldn’t obey.

 

Thanks to that, the conversation was unnaturally cut off as if I had been rendered speechless by Azel.

 

“Haah…”

 

He finally let out a long sigh.

 

“Let’s stop this now. I’ll be going, so you too… No, you should also rest now.”

 

His back as he turned around cleanly, as if this was truly the end, was cold.

 

“There isn’t much time left.”

 

I eventually delivered my final words to that retreating figure.

 

“When the promised time comes, I will leave this place. Then, there won’t be anyone left to torment you.”

 

The hand gripping the door handle hesitated for a moment, but that was all.

 

“So no matter how much you hate me, please endure it just a little longer.”

 

Azel, who left through the door as if fleeing, ultimately departed this place, leaving me behind.

 

*

 

“Damn bastard.”

 

…Even so, what’s with calling a person terrible, terrible.

 

After muttering at the closed door for a while.

 

I was suddenly hit with a wave of reality check from my belated awareness of the situation.

 

‘Embarrassing, really. What am I even doing.’

 

However, since I could feel eyes watching me from earlier, I couldn’t embarrassingly collapse and complain.

 

“Come out already. You’ve been caught anyway.”

 

Sure enough, a black silhouette suddenly popped out from the terrace across from me.

 

“How did you know?”

 

“What do you mean, when you were so obviously making it clear you wanted to be noticed.”

 

It was Simoer.

 

“What were you doing over there anyway?”

 

“I was performing my duties.”

 

“What kind of butler calls hiding on a terrace and spying on their master their duty?”

 

“An excellent butler always stays by their master’s side, quietly assisting them as if present yet absent.”

 

“Then you should follow your master, so why are you still here?”

 

“Because attending to the manor’s precious guest is also a butler’s role.”

 

It was bullshit that didn’t match his fresh smile.

 

However, since I didn’t even have the energy left to roll my eyes, I finally sat down on the floor.

 

“Are you alright?”

 

“No, I’m not alright.”

 

Around that time, Simoer said to me.

 

“This is quite unexpected.”

 

“What is?”

 

“Honestly, it’s not like this was completely unexpected, is it?”

—————
This chapter was translated by Lunox Team. To support us and help keep this series going, visit our website: LunoxScans.com
—————