My Illusion Is Survival - Chapter 30

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This chapter was translated by Lunox Team. To support us and help keep this series going, visit our website: LunoxScans.com
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Chapter 30

Originally, a master’s command is absolute.

“Take your time, but examine her properly.”

“Yes, yes sir!”

At the appearance of someone who seemed to be the owner of this manor, the priest repeatedly bowed his head.

Even though I couldn’t see, I had intuition.

This was someone who commanded the atmosphere just by appearing, so I instinctively realized I had to follow those words.

But the more that happened, the more troubled I became.

‘I keep telling him I’m fine.’

Rather than being worried about the priest’s examination results, the very fact that Azel was concerned about me was the problem.

My cheeks kept trying to turn red, making it hard to even look at Azel’s face.

‘Why does this keep making my heart flutter!’

This clearly wasn’t love yet.

‘This is all because of that bastard Kazen!’

But Azel’s presence bothered me to no end.

“It’s okay.”

I remember Azel, who was the only one to protect me in front of the black magic energy that was devouring me.

My heart that had fallen then still hadn’t come to its senses. I should have controlled my feelings with reason at least, but that wasn’t working well.

‘Even my reason keeps projecting that glorified face in my head, so what am I supposed to do!’

The situation was serious.

‘I should just stop here. Just end it at the level of being concerned.’

But seeing how my heart trembled at just one voice, one approaching footstep, it seemed everything was already ruined.

Honestly, I felt like crying.

“Miss?”

Discovering me actually sniffling, Linoa Marigold’s expression hardened.

At her worried voice, the priest looked around wondering what he had done wrong, and behind me, Azel’s presence drew closer.

“What’s wrong.”

Though he pretended to be relaxed on the surface, his voice sounded subtly urgent.

Soon a large, warm hand gripped my shoulder, and I was helplessly drawn in like an apple falling to the ground according to universal gravitation.

‘Should I just collapse right here?’

My instincts screamed that I shouldn’t look at Azel’s face right now, but it was useless.

‘But I still want to see him, what can I do.’

My crazy reason was spouting such nonsense.

At this moment when my heartbeat was disturbing my ears and my reddened vision kept warning me.

I finally met eyes with Azel.

But then.

“?”

Soon an unexpected problem occurred.

“Why are you-”

“Aaaaah, shit! You scared me!”

Upon discovering Azel’s face, I screamed and fell backward.

Of course, I had something to say too. The century’s most handsome man I usually knew was nowhere to be found, and there was some corpse I’d never seen before in front of me.

This was a terrible accident no one could have predicted.

“….”

Thanks to that, a longer silence than ever took over the entire drawing room.

Of course, it wasn’t perfect silence.

“Aaah! Aaaaah! Kyaaaah! What is it! What is it! What’s happening! Save me! Someone save me!”

Because the priest, whose eyes had been covered, was startled by my scream and was on the verge of fainting.

There was no perpetrator, only three victims.

*

“…I’m sorry. I really didn’t do it on purpose.”

“…I see.”

Last night, just like me who couldn’t sleep thinking about Azel, Azel had also stayed awake.

I didn’t know what it was about, but it seemed to be quite a serious problem. Otherwise, that handsome face couldn’t have been damaged to that extent.

‘I really thought he was a corpse.’

His sunken cheeks and pale skin had no vitality, and his under-eyes, which were beyond hollow and dyed pitch black, were even pitiful.

“I, I’m really sorry.”

“No, it’s fine.”

This wasn’t some rock festival, yet I had shouted at someone’s face, so the atmosphere had already crossed a river of no return due to my character.

My guilt pierced the sky.

‘Linoa Marigold, how could you abandon me.’

What’s more, Linoa Marigold, realizing the seriousness of the situation, had abandoned me early and fled, so only Azel and I were left in the drawing room.

“More importantly, you ended up not getting examined.”

Meanwhile, Azel seemed to have lingering regrets about the priest’s examination.

“I’m grateful you’re worried, but I’m really fine. I’m not hurt anywhere, and I’m healthy.”

“…I see.”

Another silence.

Having committed a sin, I was just reading the mood when Azel finally continued.

“Let me ask you one thing.”

“Yes, yes! Tell me, Azel!”

“Why specifically one month?”

The topic that suddenly came up was a completely unexpected kind.

‘Suddenly?’

It was still a really contextless question.

‘I just thought one week was too short and one year was too long.’

Actually, the period of one month wasn’t the result of much deliberation.

But Azel’s expression asking for meaning was too serious, so I gave a reasonable excuse.

“I thought one month would be enough.”

“…You thought that would be enough?”

“In one month, I thought I could let go.”

When I answered carefully, pretending to deliberate, Azel’s breathing suddenly stopped.

“…Azel?”

I turned my head in puzzlement, but Azel stubbornly refused to look at me.

“…Let go of what.”

“Just everything. Just, everything.”

While realizing once again that his melancholy profile was terribly handsome, I unconsciously blurted out everything that came to mind.

“But I don’t think so.”

“You don’t think so?”

“I keep developing attachments.”

At the word “attachments,” Azel’s head turned toward me for the first time.

Right after our eyes met, we hurriedly turned our heads away.

While each of us looked in different directions, all my attention was focused on Azel.

‘I’ve really gone insane.’

And so I once again realized only my own foolishness.

Meanwhile, Azel remained silent for a long time without giving any answer.

It was truly strange.

*

Azel suffered from terrible nightmares last night.

The moment he closed his eyes, even briefly, horrific visions filled his mind, and they mostly took the form of a crying Elpis.

The first nightmare was a meadow at sunset.

“It was around sunset then, so unlike now, the whole world was dyed orange.”

Elpis’s story appeared in his dream exactly as she had told it. The two were spending tender moments together watching the sunset.

She smiled, wishing this time could last forever, and he wore an expression he had never seen before as he gazed at that smile.

‘I looked happy there.’

In that brief dream was a vivid happiness that the current Azel couldn’t even dare to imagine.

However, their happiness didn’t last long.

Still wearing her smiling face, Elpis suddenly spat blood and fell from her horse.

With the sight of himself helplessly reaching out toward her, Azel woke from his dream drenched in cold sweat.

The next dream was the scene of an unfamiliar basement.

Elpis was trapped there in a wretched state, without a single unharmed part of her body.

“Azel?”

Upon discovering Azel, she stretched her thin arm through the bars.

“I waited. I knew you would come.”

He wailed at her swollen fingertips.

When he grasped the cold iron bars with an urgency he had never felt before, he woke from the dream once again.

After that, it was a continuation of similar scenes.

A crying Elpis and himself unable to do anything.

He couldn’t even tell if it was simply a dream, a vision, or ‘memories’ he had forgotten.

However, it was certain that all those possibilities were eating away at Azel’s soul.

In the midst of all this, the meaning of one month that he heard from Elpis was enough to break Azel down.

“I thought one month would be enough.”

“I thought in one month, I would be able to let go.”

Elpis was planning to let him go.

He could tell without asking who that decision was for.

[Why are you hiding it?]

At that moment, he heard the voice in his head again.

Even after a day had passed, Azel hadn’t revealed to Elpis that he had realized all the truth.

The voice in his head was mocking Azel’s cowardice.

‘Even if I tell her, nothing will change. Everything has already happened, and there’s nothing that can be undone-‘

[That’s a lie.]

‘…!’

[You’re just afraid. You’re scared that Elpis will give up on you and ultimately won’t save you.]

Crunch.

Finally, the bitter metallic taste spread throughout his mouth. Even as he chewed and tore the tender flesh, Azel couldn’t stop the action.

Even though he wasn’t asleep, Azel’s nightmare wasn’t over yet. He realized that fact only then.

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This chapter was translated by Lunox Team. To support us and help keep this series going, visit our website: LunoxScans.com
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