I Won’t Pick Up The T*ash I Threw Away Again - Chapter 6

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This chapter was translated by Lunox Team. To support us and help keep this series going, visit our website: LunoxScans.com
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#6

I quickly headed to the study, worried I might run into other servants.

“Phew.”

Entering the study, I leaned against the closed door and let out a deep sigh while rubbing my face with dry hands.

Ever since he accepted my proposal, Fillen’s behavior toward me had become noticeably colder, making it even worse.

‘Has it already been a week?’

Since Fillen and I started using formal speech in front of other people.

We had agreed to use casual speech when no one was watching, but since that day, we hadn’t met alone even once, so we’d never used casual speech.

We always addressed each other respectfully as Your Grace and Princess Tebesa.

We no longer exchanged jokes or shared trivial conversations like before.

“We really seem to have grown distant.”

Even when Fillen was away at war for 6 years, I didn’t particularly feel any distance, but these past few days I could really feel the gap.

If I had known it would be like this, maybe I should have suggested we not use formal speech.

No. This was something that had to be done.

Rather, it was strange that we had been using casual speech all this time.

So I told myself not to have unnecessary thoughts, but I kept thinking about it and sighing.

Especially when I thought about That Woman, it felt heavy, like a massive stone was pressing down on my chest.

Perhaps because she didn’t like Misa, That Woman sent Misa back not long after.

Instead, she began using a newly hired maid as her personal attendant.

It was a maid that Fillen had personally interviewed and hired.

This meant that Fillen cherished That Woman that much.

If he had shown me even a little of that attention, I wouldn’t have felt so disappointed.

No, actually, if he had, I might have felt even more disappointed.

I might have struggled pathetically, not wanting to lose Fillen’s attention to That Woman.

“…What happens to me if That Woman bears a son?”

Would I have to pitifully leave the Williot Duchy after losing the position of duchess to That Woman?

The thought that suddenly occurred to me made everything go dark before my eyes, because I had never considered any path other than becoming a duchess.

After getting engaged to Fillen, I received education to become a duchess, and for over 10 years I performed the duties of both a duchess and a duke.

Until now, I had never once doubted that I would become the duchess.

But now, it might not happen?

I might lose it to some mysterious woman of unknown origin?

Then what should I do?

If I can’t become the duchess, then I…

Rather than just going dark, my mind became dizzy.

I staggered and sat down on the sofa.

Countless documents were waiting for me, but I didn’t want to look at them now.

Even if I looked at them, they probably wouldn’t register in my mind.

Let me just rest a little. I closed my eyes to find peace of mind.

The whole world looked pitch black. I worried about falling asleep like this, but it was needless worry.

Knock knock-

Not long after closing my eyes, I heard knocking.

I groggily got up and straightened my disheveled hair and clothes.

“Come in.”

Since it was work time, I naturally thought it would be my aide.

“Leilah.”

But unexpectedly, it was Fillen who opened the door and entered.

I was slightly surprised and stood up from my seat.

This was the first time he had come to my study since returning to the manor. I asked with half worry and half joy.

“What’s the matter?”

Speaking casually like before since no one was watching.

“You called for a dress designer before.”

“Yes, I did.”

For the upcoming banquet, I had called a dress designer and accessory craftsman to order clothes and accessories for both Fillen and myself.

“Is there some problem?”

Is that why he came to see me?

If that was the case, it would be better to change it before it was too late, so I asked, but Fillen frowned.

“You have no idea what the problem is?”

“I don’t know.”

“You didn’t order clothes for her.”

…Her?

“Are you talking about the woman you brought?”

I wanted to know That Woman’s name, but I didn’t want to say it, so I deliberately called her That Woman.

“Yes. I looked into it and found that not a single dress was ordered for her. Why was that?”

Is he calling that a question right now?

I suppressed my rising irritation and answered.

“Let me ask you instead. Why should I do that?”

“Why should you do that? It’s obvious.”

“What’s so obvious about it?”

When I kept questioning him, Fillen furrowed his brow.

“I didn’t expect someone as clever as you to question something like that.”

“I appreciate you thinking I’m smart, but no matter how much I think about it, I don’t understand. So could you please explain?”

Of course I didn’t understand, and I felt very unpleasant.

The reason he came to my study for the first time was to confront me about That Woman.

There was no way I wouldn’t feel bad about it. The half-joyful feeling disappeared and irritation filled its place.

This time spent talking with him felt like such a waste.

“Sisly came to this manor with nothing but the clothes on her back. What she’s wearing is all she has.”

“So?”

“So what do you mean, so?”

Fillen scowled deeply and continued.

“If you had any consideration, you should have ordered some decent clothes for her. And prepared baby items for the child that will be born soon.”

“Why should I do that? That Woman can do it herself.”

“She’s pregnant. What if she overexerts herself and has a miscarriage?”

Is ordering clothes and preparing baby items really that much of an overexertion…

“And that’s the role of the lady of the house.”

Lady of the house. Those words completely snapped the last thread of my remaining rationality.

I twisted my lips and glared at Fillen.

“Do you actually think of me as the lady of the house?”

“Of course. You’re the woman I’m going to marry, so who else would be the lady of the house if not you?”

I hated myself for feeling relieved by those words, thinking that at least my position wouldn’t be taken by That Woman.

“And yet you’re telling me to take care of That Woman?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

From the way he blinked his eyes wide, Fillen really seemed not to understand what I was saying.

I already knew he was oblivious, but I never thought he’d be this clueless.

As I was thinking about how to explain it to him, Fillen added.

“Leilah, since you seem not to know, let me tell you – taking care of guests who visit the manor is the lady of the house’s role.”

“Guest?”

I tilted my head sideways and asked back.

“That Woman is carrying your child, so how can she be just a simple guest? She should be seen as a mistress, not a guest.”

I didn’t want to beat around the bush, so I asked directly.

“Don’t tell me you’ve been angry all this time because of that?”

As if he had just realized why I was angry, Fillen smiled softly and approached right in front of me.

“Leilah, let me say it again—the only woman I’ll marry is you. That woman is just carrying my child from a one-night mistake.”

A one-night mistake. Was that really all it was?

“I wouldn’t have brought her if she hadn’t gotten pregnant, but since she did, I had no choice but to bring her here. I didn’t want to become a heartless man who abandons his own child.”

For someone saying that, wasn’t he treating That Woman far too kindly? I wanted to ask, but I held back since it would make me seem too petty.

“I’ll send Sisly away from the manor once she gives birth.”

“You’re planning to register the child under your family name.”

“It’s my bloodline, after all.”

Yes, of course it would be.

My heart couldn’t understand it, but my mind did.

Count Tebesa, my father, had done the same thing.

That’s how I became Princess Tebesa.

So while my mind fully understood what he was saying, that was all.

I couldn’t readily give him the answer he wanted, so I kept my mouth firmly shut.

“If you understand what I’m saying, then arrange for her dress fitting right now.”

Interpreting my silence as he pleased, he began spouting nonsense.

“Since there’s not enough time for a custom dress, we’ll have to settle for ready-made ones.”

Wait. Not enough time for a custom dress?

That means…

“…You’re planning to take That Woman to the capital?”

“Yes. It would be boring for her to stay alone at the manor while we’re gone, so I’m taking her along. I’ll show her around the capital too.”

How could this possibly be the behavior of someone who supposedly brought That Woman here out of necessity?

I could believe it if he said he genuinely liked That Woman.

There was no way to stop Fillen from taking That Woman to the capital.

If he said he was taking her to a banquet, I could make excuses about being mindful of others’ opinions, but there was nothing wrong with simply taking her to the capital itself.

It would just hurt my feelings terribly and displease me greatly.

But fighting with him over this would only be my loss.

“Fine, do whatever you want.”

Even if I threw away my pride, it would only be trampled mercilessly before I’d eventually have to follow his wishes anyway.

So I decided to just let him do whatever he wanted from the start.

“But don’t ask me to take care of That Woman. Handle that part yourself.”

“You still don’t understand what I’m saying?”

“I understand. I fully understand what you’re saying, but this is still wrong.”

I glared at Fillen with cold eyes as I spoke.

“If you truly think of me as your fiancée, as the woman you’ll marry, then never ask me to take care of That Woman.”

* * *

If he failed to understand this time too, I was prepared to have a big fight with him.

But fortunately, Fillen seemed to understand my words well and didn’t mention That Woman to me anymore.

I also didn’t bother bringing up That Woman.

Everything seemed to return to square one.

Though things were slowly festering inside, at least that’s how it appeared on the surface.

Fillen personally called a designer to fit That Woman’s clothes.

He stayed by her side the entire time she was choosing her outfits.

When I had called for clothes to be fitted for my trip to the capital, he told me to handle it myself and didn’t even show his face.

It seemed Fillen really did have feelings for That Woman.

I felt a bit disappointed, but that was all.

I hadn’t gotten engaged to him hoping for his love in the first place.

What I wanted was the title of Duchess Williot.

A position where I could freely do what I wanted.

A legitimate reason to escape from that damned house.

As long as that was guaranteed, nothing else mattered.

Of course, it would sting if my fiancé had an affair with another woman.

But since my position wouldn’t be threatened, I could endure it.

Though mistresses weren’t officially recognized, quite a few nobles actually kept them.

Even if they criticized it outwardly, there was an atmosphere of tacit acceptance.

Still, I didn’t want to see That Woman if I could help it.

Even if I would end up raising the child That Woman bore in the not-so-distant future, I had no intention whatsoever of facing her or having conversations with her.

“Hello.”

Unwanted things always seemed to happen.

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This chapter was translated by Lunox Team. To support us and help keep this series going, visit our website: LunoxScans.com
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