I Won’t Pick Up The T*ash I Threw Away Again - Chapter 54

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This chapter was translated by Lunox Team. To support us and help keep this series going, visit our website: LunoxScans.com
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#54

On the way back to the manor in the carriage.

I reflected on what Kalian had said.

Those words about being completely ignored.

The reason I couldn’t take his playful remark lightly was because I knew about his birth.

That he was an illegitimate child like me.

“…We’re not exactly the same kind of illegitimate children though.”

My birth mother was a maid, not a noble, but Kalian’s birth mother was a princess from a viscount family.

It was only because that princess was neither an empress nor an imperial consort that he was called illegitimate.

Moreover, Kalian was said to have been taken in by Empress Solia, who had no children at the time, and raised like her own son.

So I thought he would have been treated quite well growing up, but from what he said, it seems that wasn’t the case.

Being completely ignored by the attendants meant…

“Look over there. She must have been scolded by the Countess again.”

“Ugh, would anyone want to live like that? If it were me, I would have just died.”

“…”

Stop thinking about it. I don’t want to recall unwanted memories from the past.

I closed my eyes and tried not to think, but the more I tried, the more vividly they came back.

“Hey, hey, she made eye contact. Let’s go before she acts all high and mighty like she’s some count’s princess.”

“Right, right. Let’s not associate with her and just go, hehe.”

It was an old incident from over ten years ago, but I could still vividly recall it when I closed my eyes.

Those hellish moments I experienced while living at Tebesa County.

Count Tebesa, who had an eye for women, had his way with all the maids working in the manor at least once. My mother was one of them.

From just one night’s relationship, my mother became pregnant with me.

If Countess Tebesa had known about this early on, I would have disappeared before even seeing the light of day.

But at that time, the Countess had gone to her family home under the pretense of recuperation, so my mother was able to give birth to me safely.

The Tebesa County had traditionally valued daughters.

Daughters were useful tools for forming alliances with other families, and Count Tebesa took me in for that purpose.

Of course, Countess Tebesa wasn’t pleased, but she had no choice but to accept it due to the Count’s insistence.

That was the beginning of hell.

Until the moment I was chosen as the Williot Duchy’s fiancée.

But thinking that Kalian might have experienced the same things as me, I felt both sympathy and a sense of kinship.

Feeling kinship with the Emperor. What an absurd emotion.

If Kalian knew what I was thinking, he would surely laugh at me.

“Sigh.”

As I sighed and turned my head, I saw the box Kalian had given me.

I opened the box and took out the materials inside. They were documents about childcare laws.

Since I had researched this area before, I already knew most of it.

Still, I was reading carefully to refresh my memory and see if there was anything I didn’t know, when my eyes caught something scribbled in the corner of a document.

[Why can’t children choose their parents?]

It wasn’t organized data, but his personal thoughts.

Unlike the other writing, this handwriting was slightly thicker and shaky.

Through that, I felt I could somewhat understand what his mood was like when he wrote these things.

[Why don’t people around me acknowledge the parents I chose as parents?]

I saw a dark red stain next to the text.

Could this be… a bloodstain?

Kalian’s thoughts continued on the next page.

I turned the page as if entranced.

[Can parents who abuse their children be called parents?]

[Should parents who don’t acknowledge their children be called parents?]

[Is blood the only thing that can define parents and children?]

[Who is the one I should call parent?]

Looking at these rambling thoughts, I realized one thing for certain.

Despite his seemingly carefree exterior, there were deep wounds in his heart.

And the ones who inflicted those wounds were none other than his family.

* * *

“I’ll be away from the manor for about two weeks starting tomorrow.”

Fillen said while personally combing through Sisly’s luscious hair with his hand.

Sisly, who had been lying on his lap feeling his touch, opened her eyes wide and sat up.

“Why so suddenly?”

“I have to attend a party.”

Sisly tilted her head curiously.

“Didn’t you attend parties before too?”

“That was His Majesty the Emperor’s coronation celebration party, and this time it’s a victory celebration party. They said I don’t have to attend if there are special circumstances, but I’d like to participate if possible.”

“Of course, you should.”

Sisly smiled and lightly kissed Fillen’s cheek.

“You’re the hero who led the Empire to victory, after all.”

Fillen looked at Sisly with complicated eyes.

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

“…Are you okay with it?”

Sisly’s head tilted slightly.

“With what?”

“I’m the one who destroyed your country. Are you still… okay with it?”

“Ah.”

Finally understanding what Fillen was trying to say, Sisly let out a small exclamation and moved away from him.

“Well, it would be a lie to say I’m completely fine with it, but I wasn’t that close to my family anyway, and this child is more precious to me than that, so I decided to forget about it.

Sisly smiled bitterly while stroking her swollen belly.

“I guess this is why everyone says a woman’s mindset changes when she becomes a mother.”

How could she be so bright when she must be sad about losing her homeland?

Fillen was proud of Sisly.

“Thank you.”

Fillen gently stroked Sisly’s hair.

“For understanding me, for bearing my child, thank you.”

“If you say everything I wanted to say, what am I supposed to say?”

When Sisly smiled brightly with her eyes curved like crescents, Fillen kissed her cheek.

“I’ll return before the child is born.”

“You’ll bring me a present when you return, right?”

“Yes. Just tell me what you want. I’ll buy you anything.”

“What would you do if I asked you to bring me the stars from the sky?”

“Then I’d have to bring you jewels as beautiful as the stars. For you, who will bear my child, I can do at least that much.”

At his witty response, Sisly burst into giggles and leaned her head against his chest.

“I don’t need any of that. I just need you to return safely to my side.”

“Really?”

“Of course. Oh, if possible, I’ll pray that Princess Tebesa returns with you too.”

When Sisly brought up Leilah first, Fillen’s eyes widened in surprise.

“I didn’t expect you to mention Leilah first.”

“Oh, that makes me feel hurt when you say it like that.”

Sisly smiled coquettishly and stroked Fillen’s chest.

“As I’ve said before, I think of Princess Tebesa like family.”

“Really?”

“Of course. Princess Tebesa will be my child’s godmother. I want to get along well with the Princess.”

The phrase “someone whose every word is lovely” must have been coined for Sisly.

If only Leilah were like this too. Suddenly thinking of Leilah, who was as stiff as an old tree, made his chest feel heavy.

“I’ll make sure to return with Leilah this time.”

Fillen let out a deep sigh and pulled Sisly closer by the waist.

“If you show her your heart, her heart will change too. Despite her words and actions, she’s not inherently a bad person.”

“I know.”

Sisly’s eyes glinted sharply as she buried her face deeper into Fillen’s embrace.

“So please make sure you do that.”

* * *

Late morning.

Kalian went to the advisor’s study with documents he needed to ask Leilah about.

Leilah, who had been working, stood up in surprise.

“Your Majesty.”

Leilah’s complexion was darker than usual.

“Are you feeling unwell?”

“Pardon?”

“Your complexion looks dark.”

At Kalian’s words, Leilah let out a short gasp and rubbed her face.

She hadn’t slept properly last night thinking about his monologue, and it seemed to show.

“If you’re not feeling well, you can go home early.”

“No, I’m not sick anywhere. I just didn’t get much sleep.”

“Why couldn’t you sleep?”

Leilah hesitated, unable to tell him the truth.

Meanwhile, his blue eyes quickly scanned Leilah’s desk.

His gaze finally settled on papers stacked to one side.

It was so long ago that he couldn’t remember the details clearly, but it was definitely content from materials he had investigated 10 years ago.

The content he had frantically written down was now neatly organized in her handwriting.

The amount was considerable. It wasn’t something that could be finished in just an hour or two.

Kalian frowned and picked up the papers.

“Don’t tell me you couldn’t sleep because you were organizing this?”

“No.”

“It’s not ‘no.’ It seems right. Otherwise, you couldn’t have organized this much in one night.”

It must have hit the mark, as Leilah hesitated for a moment before continuing.

“…It’s true that I organized it because I couldn’t sleep, but I didn’t lose sleep because of this.”

That’s the same thing.

Kalian snorted and put the papers back down.

“Do you have something to tell me?”

Now she’s even talking in circles.

“This.”

Though Leilah’s inner thoughts were transparent to him, Kalian pretended not to notice and moved on.

“It’s the report you organized yesterday, but I have some questions about it.”

Kalian asked Leilah about the parts he had checked in advance.

Leilah satisfyingly addressed Kalian’s questions based on the materials she had organized beforehand.

Thanks to this, Kalian was able to resolve his curiosities easily.

If Leilah hadn’t been there, he would have been calling in ministers from various departments to interrogate them.

Even then, for problems he couldn’t solve, he would have had to ask scholars or visit the library.

“Thank you. Thanks to you, I resolved everything easily.”

The term “erudite” used in some eastern country seemed to have been coined for Leilah.

Leilah possessed diverse knowledge in various fields to that extent.

In such cases, the depth is usually shallow, but Leilah was an exception. She was remarkably deep.

Of course, compared to scholars who specialize professionally in one field, it might be shallow, but this was excellent.

Despite having a careful and calm personality along with such abilities, he also liked that she remained humble without being arrogant.

“I’m honored to have been of help.”

Sometimes she was excessively humble to a fault, but that didn’t matter.

Self-esteem was something he could nurture by keeping her close in the future.

“Leilah.”

“Yes?”

“I hope you’ll continue working as an advisor for a long, long time.”

That way, I’ll be able to step down with peace of mind in the future.

Before Leilah could respond, Kalian patted her shoulder a couple of times and left the study.

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This chapter was translated by Lunox Team. To support us and help keep this series going, visit our website: LunoxScans.com
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