I Won’t Pick Up The T*ash I Threw Away Again - Chapter 170

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This chapter was translated by Lunox Team. To support us and help keep this series going, visit our website: LunoxScans.com
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#170

It was a series of incomprehensible words.

I was momentarily speechless, not knowing what to say, but soon I organized my thoughts and shook my head.

“That’s impossible. I cannot continue to be such a burden to His Majesty…”

“No man would consider embracing the pain of the woman he loves a burden.”

At his words that struck right to the point, I closed my mouth again.

I already knew he liked me, but this was the first time he’d spoken so openly since the party.

“So continue to rely on me from now on.”

He had always tried not to burden me.

“I’ll accept it all.”

Why was he suddenly putting such pressure on me?

“Still, it would be better to hide…”

“No.”

I had difficulty getting the words out, but Kalian cut me off decisively.

“Don’t hide it. The thought of you suffering and crying somewhere I don’t know makes me more worried and uncomfortable.”

“…”

“So if you have painful or sad things happen, don’t hide them and tell me. I’ll accept it all.”

It was quite a talent how every word he said shook a person’s heart.

I gripped my teacup tightly, trying to hold onto my helplessly wavering heart.

“And I told you yesterday. That I would protect you.”

[There’s nothing to fear. I’ll protect you.]

I had completely forgotten until I heard his words, but hearing them brought back the memory.

This wasn’t the first time he had said he would protect me.

I had heard it several times before, but the situation was different.

Moreover, since I had learned of my feelings toward him, it sounded different.

It was embarrassing, shameful, and awkward.

“Don’t tell me you don’t remember?”

“…I apologize.”

I remembered everything, but I thought it would be better to pretend I didn’t rather than admit it.

“It’s okay. I remember it all.”

Kalian smiled and brought his teacup to his lips.

Seeing him drink tea made me thirsty too, so I drank my tea.

The sweet yet bitter taste lingered in my mouth before going down.

“I said I would protect you forever as a lover, not as a superior or emperor.”

Wh-what did he just say?

A-as a lo-lover, not as a superior or emperor?

Flustered by his absurd words, I stared blankly at Kalian.

I was proud of myself for not dropping my teacup even in this situation.

Kalian frowned slightly.

“You think I’m lying?”

“No, I, well, that is…”

I hoped it was a lie, but I couldn’t say so outright and hesitated.

Seeing how confidently Kalian spoke, it seemed like it might be true.

…Though I don’t remember it.

“You don’t need to be so flustered.”

Kalian chuckled and added.

“The part about ‘as a lover’ was a lie.”

“…”

His too-casual lie left me speechless in a different way than before.

I let out a small sigh and set my teacup down on the table.

“Please don’t tease me.”

“I’m not teasing.”

Kalian, who had wiped the smile from his face in an instant, spoke with a serious expression.

“My desire to become your lover is sincere.”

“Ah…”

With a short gasp, the strength left my hands.

If I hadn’t set down my teacup beforehand, I would have foolishly dropped it.

He must be lying again to tease me.

Yes, that must be it.

After all, he had said he wouldn’t force his feelings on me.

And…

“…You said you were going to sort out your feelings.”

I hadn’t intended to, but being so flustered, I found myself asking petulantly without realizing it.

“I did say that.”

Kalian set his empty teacup down on the table.

“I tried to, but human hearts don’t work as we want them to.”

My head nodded automatically because I felt the same way.

After realizing my feelings for him.

I had tried earnestly to sort them out, but it didn’t work as I wanted.

Instead, the more I tried to sort them out, the more my heart grew helplessly.

It had grown so much that it was now difficult for me to handle my own feelings.

“So I changed my plan.”

Glug glug, tea was poured into the teacup.

“I decided to stop hiding or backing away and do as my heart tells me.”

Kalian looked at me.

“Leilah.”

In his jewel-like sparkling dark eyes, I could see the reflection of an infinitely shabby and pitiful woman.

“Will you become my lover?”

* * *

Leilah was looking at Kalian with a deeply shocked expression.

Of course it would be shocking.

Just a few days ago, he had told her not to feel burdened, that he had no intention of forcing his feelings on her.

Suddenly changing his words like flipping his palm, it would be impossible not to be flustered.

Knowing this, Kalian had tried not to approach her hastily.

He had planned to take more time and approach her leisurely.

But like a fool, he couldn’t hold back and ended up spilling all his inner thoughts.

As impulsive as his actions were, he felt flustered, but he had no regrets.

Rather, it felt refreshing, like pulling out an aching tooth.

“I’ll say it again, I like you.”

Since it had come to this, he might as well push through to the end.

“What about you?”

Her long, straight eyelashes trembled.

“How do you think of me?”

Leilah’s face turned as red as a ripe apple.

She clasped her hands tightly together and said nothing, but Kalian felt he could understand her heart.

That her heart was the same as his.

In truth, he had vaguely noticed it from long ago.

He had just been pretending not to know, thinking he should push her away, that he should sort out these feelings.

“Leilah.”

There was no longer any need for that.

Kalian moved closer to sit beside Leilah and took her pale white hands.

“You like me, don’t you?”

At his confident answer, as if he had seen right through her heart, Leilah bit her lips.

“Answer me.”

Kalian gently caressed the back of her hand and urged like a child.

“You like me, don’t you?”

Her eyes that had been rolling around as if they had lost their way soon hardened with determination and looked at Kalian.

“I do like Your Majesty, but….”

“You want to say it’s not liking me as a man, right?”

Having her words stolen from her, Leilah bit her lips tightly and nodded.

“You’ll hurt your lips.”

Kalian lightly touched Leilah’s lips with his thumb.

Her lips parted slightly at the strange touch.

At the soft sensation touching the tip of his thumb, Kalian unconsciously swallowed his dry saliva.

I want to kiss her.

Leilah was the first person in his life to make him feel such an impulse.

She was also the first person he wanted to protect as a lover, not as family or a colleague.

In short, Leilah was his first love.

It was amusing to be suffering from first love at this age.

The superstition that first love never comes true suddenly came to mind, making him feel unpleasant.

But superstitions were just superstitions, not absolute truths.

“I’ll wait.”

There were always exceptions to everything.

“I’ll wait until you open your heart to me.”

“…Please don’t do that.”

Leilah spoke in a voice that seemed ready to burst into tears at any moment.

“I am… a woman who doesn’t suit Your Majesty.”

“Then what kind of woman would suit me?”

At the question that came back, Leilah hesitated for a moment before continuing.

“A woman who suits Your Majesty should be… intelligent, kind, respected by everyone, and someone everyone can love.”

Kalian frowned.

“That sounds more like a woman who suits the position of Empress rather than a woman who suits me.”

“…Because whoever Your Majesty chooses will become the Empress.”

“Then you should become the Empress.”

“Th-that’s absurd!”

Leilah cried out in surprise with a flutter.

“How could I dare to become Empress…!”

“You’re the smartest person I’ve ever met.”

Kalian gently stroked Leilah’s cheek.

“Your personality is also gentle and mild. Not only that, anyone who knows you well comes to like you.”

“No. That’s speculation.”

“Speculation, you say.”

Kalian laughed.

“The people who like you would be disappointed to hear that.”

“That’s….”

“I’m disappointed too.”

Kalian leaned his upper body toward Leilah and spoke as if sulking.

“I’m disappointed because it seems like you don’t understand my feelings at all.”

At the pure affection contained in the blue eyes facing her, Leilah’s breath stopped for a moment.

“I’ll show you everything.”

When Kalian got close enough for their breaths to touch, he stopped without coming any closer.

Right now, this exact distance was the distance between him and her.

“I’ll show you everything – how much I like you, how much I think about you, so don’t run away and watch over me.”

The heart that approached her honestly without pretense felt overwhelmingly burdensome.

Suppressing the urge to shake off his hand and run away immediately, Leilah spoke with difficulty.

“…I can’t promise you that.”

It was saying she might run away.

Kalian answered with a smile.

“If you run away, I’ll stand in that spot and wait until you return.”

Leilah blinked slowly.

“What if I never come back?”

“Then I’ll live as a lifelong bachelor and die that way.”

For the Emperor to live and die as a bachelor – it was absolutely impossible.

Leilah spoke in alarm.

“Don’t joke around.”

“I’m serious.”

Though his face was still smiling, his eyes looking at Leilah were frighteningly serious.

“So don’t abandon me.”

His fingers intertwined between Leilah’s fingers like a spider web.

Kalian lightly kissed the back of her hand.

“Just once is fine, so give me a chance.”

Once would be enough. Kalian had no intention of letting her go like some fool.

“I hope you’ll give me a chance to stand beside you.”

“….”

“If I give you a chance but I foolishly let it slip away, then I’ll give up without complaint.”

As Emperor, he could have forced her to like him with a command.

He could have taken her by force.

But Kalian didn’t do that – he asked.

Because his sincerity felt so unmistakably clear, Leilah couldn’t say anything and squeezed her eyes shut.

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This chapter was translated by Lunox Team. To support us and help keep this series going, visit our website: LunoxScans.com
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