I Won’t Pick Up The T*ash I Threw Away Again - Chapter 111

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This chapter was translated by Lunox Team. To support us and help keep this series going, visit our website: LunoxScans.com
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#111

 

Fillen ran continuously without rest, as if he intended to torment me.

 

The only rest was when we slept at inns. Even then, we didn’t sleep soundly until morning but got up before dawn to move again.

 

It was a more grueling schedule than when I had traveled from the Williot Estate to the capital for the management exam.

 

It might have been more comfortable if we were riding the luxury carriages that aristocrats use, but unfortunately it was a public carriage unsuitable for long-distance travel.

 

“Ugh!”

 

The shock from the carriage wheels was transmitted directly throughout my body. As a result, my buttocks ached and my legs hurt too.

 

Not to mention my back pain. Just sitting itself was torture.

 

The inn beds were soft, but they couldn’t relieve the fatigue accumulated in my body throughout the forced march.

 

I repeatedly collapsed into sleep only to be roughly shaken awake and forced to get up.

 

My whole body ached to the point where I worried I might collapse from body aches.

 

But throughout the journey to the estate, I never showed any signs of pain.

 

Because that’s exactly what Fillen wanted.

 

Fillen was clearly doing this hoping I would tire myself out and ask him for help.

 

‘Not a chance.’

 

Who would I be doing such a thing for?

 

I didn’t want to show weakness to anyone, especially not to Fillen.

 

On the third morning after leaving the capital.

 

We finally arrived at the Williot Estate.

 

It was a place I had longed for so much, but exhausted from the grueling journey, I had no energy left to be immersed in nostalgia.

 

I didn’t even have the strength to get off the carriage alone, so I got down almost leaning on the coachman.

 

“Are you alright, Baron?”

 

A soldier asked, but I had no strength to answer and just nodded slightly when I saw Fillen approaching behind the soldier.

 

…I don’t want to show him my weakness.

 

Pride gave me strength I didn’t have.

 

I put strength into both legs, straightened my back, and glared at Fillen.

 

Fillen’s expression as he faced me was cold. He also looked angry.

 

When I didn’t back down and met his gaze, Fillen twisted his lips and said.

 

“I knew from when you killed my child, but I didn’t know you were this ruthless.”

 

“I don’t understand what Your Grace is saying.”

 

“Do you really not know?”

 

Actually, I knew. Fillen was displeased that I had endured the brutal forced march without asking him for help.

 

“I don’t know.”

 

But I pretended not to know.

 

Fillen’s gaze looking at me became even more coldly sunken.

 

“If you think I’ll look after you like before, you’re mistaken, Leilah.”

 

He talks as if he ever looked after me before.

 

“So from now on, it would be good for you to learn how to live as a woman by bending that precious pride of yours, Leilah.”

 

…How to live as a woman?

 

For a moment, my mind went blank and I felt the thin thread of reason snap.

 

“As a woman? Is living as a woman about being unable to voice my own opinions and unconditionally following Your Grace’s words?”

 

When I regained my rational thread, I was snapping at him.

 

I had tried not to clash with Fillen, but I absolutely couldn’t tolerate this.

 

“I never said that.”

 

“Then what do you mean? What exactly is this way of living as a woman that Your Grace speaks of?”

 

When I kept snapping at him, Fillen looked at me with surprise for a moment, then hardened his eyes.

 

“That behavior you’re doing right now.”

 

Fillen pressed his index finger firmly against my shoulder.

 

“That expression you’re looking at me with.”

 

His lips tilted crookedly.

 

“I’m saying all of that is wrong. These are behaviors you shouldn’t show to me, a duke.”

 

That was something I agreed with too.

 

It was certainly wrong for me, a mere baron, to act so arrogantly in front of Fillen, a duke.

 

But…

 

“If it’s wrong because I’m a woman, would it be acceptable if I were a man?”

 

“I told you I didn’t mean it that way.”

 

“No. Your Grace did mean it that way. You said it would be good to learn how to live ‘as a woman.'”

 

When I stared at him pointedly, as if asking whether he had forgotten what he just said, Fillen furrowed his brow.

 

“Leilah, you really do nitpick every little thing I say.”

 

“If Your Grace had spoken accurately from the beginning, I wouldn’t have had to do this.”

 

“Now you’re even denying my words.”

 

I wasn’t denying anything, I was just stating facts.

 

If he had said from the beginning that as a mere baron, I shouldn’t act this way toward a duke, rather than saying “as a woman,” I would have readily accepted it.

 

“Being by the Emperor’s side has corrupted you. You’ve become very impudent. Is it the Emperor’s influence?”

 

Who’s pointing fingers at whom? And calling him Emperor?

 

“It’s not Emperor, but His Majesty the Emperor. Please use the proper title, Your Grace.”

 

“You refuse to back down and keep confronting me to the end.”

 

Fillen chuckled and came close to me, whispering in my ear.

 

“Let’s see how long you can remain so arrogant.”

 

I was about to snap back at him more, but Fillen turned away after saying only what he wanted to say.

 

He strode into the manor.

 

Once he was out of sight, all strength left my body. Then the pain I had momentarily forgotten came rushing back.

 

“Ugh.”

 

“Miss!”

 

Someone ran over and caught my swaying body.

 

“Are you alright, Miss?”

 

It was a familiar maid from the Williot Duchy. I could see other servants behind her too.

 

“Why is everyone here…?”

 

“Why? We heard Miss was returning and came out to greet you!”

 

The maid supporting me had red-rimmed eyes. The same was true for the other servants.

 

“We’re so happy that Miss has returned!”

 

“That’s right! Welcome back, Miss Leilah!”

 

The servants competed with each other to express their joy at my return to the Williot Estate.

 

‘Thank goodness.’

 

I had pretended to be calm, but I had been secretly afraid the entire journey back.

 

I worried that the people at the Williot Estate might point fingers at me because of Sisly’s child’s death.

 

I had been worried that they might curse me.

 

But far from that, they were welcoming me instead, which was both relieving and joyful.

 

“Thank you.”

 

I suppressed my rising emotions and gave a brief word of thanks.

 

I was grateful for the people who still welcomed me, but since I had a purpose for coming here, I needed to draw appropriate lines with them too.

 

Seemingly confused by my reaction being different from what they expected, they looked at each other before starting to move the luggage.

 

I stood among those servants and looked at the Williot Estate.

 

The Williot Estate was unchanged from when I had left. Everything was the same.

 

The jet-black iron gate in arch style and the high walls entangled with vines.

 

In the center of the garden were an angel statue continuously spouting water and a sculpture of a blue dragon protecting the empire.

 

And…

 

“Huh?”

 

Why isn’t the maple tree there?

 

Everything else looked the same, but only the maple trees were nowhere to be seen.

 

Why? Don’t tell me they cut them all down?

 

It was possible. The maple trees planted at the Williot Estate had been planted by the Dowager Duchess for me.

 

So when I left the manor, it wouldn’t have been strange if Fillen had ordered them to be cut down.

 

I understood that, but I felt strange.

 

As I stared intently at where the maple trees used to be, a maid cautiously approached me.

 

“Miss.”

 

Calling me, who had become a baron, “Miss” wasn’t quite right, but I didn’t say anything about it.

 

I didn’t particularly want to assert my title even to them. The title “Miss” was sufficient.

 

“What is it?”

 

“You don’t seem to be feeling well, so instead of staying here, please go inside the manor.”

 

The maid said this while draping a cashmere shawl over my shoulders.

 

The generously sized shawl covered almost my entire upper body.

 

“Alright.”

 

I should probably head inside soon.

 

Once I entered the manor, I would inevitably run into Sisly.

 

Thinking about meeting Sisly made my mind feel dizzy. A sigh escaped me naturally.

 

She would think I killed her child, and I didn’t know what to say.

 

‘One thing’s for sure – I can’t apologize.’

 

The moment I apologized, it would be like admitting I had committed a crime.

 

Then what should I say?

 

I kept thinking about it all the way to the manor, but no particularly good method came to mind.

 

She probably wouldn’t want to see me either, so I hoped to avoid running into Sisly until the truth was revealed.

 

“What nerve do you have coming back here?”

 

I ran into Sisly as soon as I entered the manor.

 

Sisly was standing at the second-floor staircase railing, glaring down at me in the foyer.

 

Her pale sky-blue chemise dress suited her like a second skin.

 

Her golden hair, tied in half and flowing down naturally, was lustrous.

 

…I didn’t want to admit it, but Sisly was beautiful even from my perspective as a woman.

 

She looked like an angel who had just descended from heaven, but her gaze toward me was as fierce as a wild beast’s.

 

Of course it would be.

 

To her, I would be the enemy who killed her precious child.

 

If I had really done that, I should bow my head and enter, but I was confident. I had absolutely no reason to do so.

 

“Ha!”

 

So when I held my head up high and looked at her, Sisly clicked her tongue and quickly came down the stairs.

 

Her momentum was as fierce as a charging buffalo. In the blink of an eye, Sisly stood before me and raised her hand high.

 

Smack-!

 

Soon I felt a burning sensation on my cheek as my head turned slightly.

 

…Did I just get hit?

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This chapter was translated by Lunox Team. To support us and help keep this series going, visit our website: LunoxScans.com
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