I Won’t Pick Up The T*ash I Threw Away Again - Chapter 105

—————
This chapter was translated by Lunox Team. To support us and help keep this series going, visit our website: LunoxScans.com
—————

#105

 

What more could I say when it was an imperial command?

 

“…I understand.”

 

Even though I didn’t want to, I had no choice but to accept his words.

 

“How long should I rest?”

 

“Well.”

 

Kalian thought for a moment, then said one week.

 

I thought it would be at most a day or two, but a whole week?

 

“That’s too long.”

 

“It’s not long.”

 

Kalian answered curtly.

 

“Usually when diplomatic missions return from long journeys like that, they rest for a week to a generous two weeks, so you should do the same.”

 

That was a fact I knew as well.

 

But I had no intention of resting. How could I rest when it was obvious that Kalian and Baron Delrond would suffer in my absence?

 

I also wanted to finish the childcare project with my own hands.

 

So I was about to ask him to reduce it a little when I heard a knock, knock.

 

“Your Majesty, it’s almost time for the morning audience.”

 

“Has the time already come to that?”

 

Kalian checked the time with his pocket watch and clicked his tongue.

 

It seemed he was about to leave. I tried to get up from my seat to see him off, but Kalian waved his hand.

 

“No need for formalities. Just finish your meal.”

 

“But….”

 

Kalian raised his eyebrows.

 

“You keep making me repeat the same words.”

 

“….”

 

When I sat back down after half-rising, Kalian’s eyebrows returned to their original position.

 

“I’ll come back later. Make sure to eat your meal.”

 

“Yes.”

 

“You answered, so make sure to keep it.”

 

After Kalian left, I picked up my spoon to finish the soup.

 

I planned to eat well, regain my strength quickly, and return to work. I couldn’t be a burden for a whole week.

 

…But would I be able to return to work after a week?

 

At this sudden thought, I put down my spoon without taking even one spoonful.

 

If I were to bear Fillen’s child as he demanded… I wouldn’t be able to continue working as an advisor.

 

Even if I didn’t comply with Fillen’s demands, if I couldn’t prove my innocence, I likewise wouldn’t be able to work as an advisor.

 

‘How do I prove my innocence?’

 

Seeing how Fillen was raging like that, it seemed like he had solid evidence that I had bribed Misa.

 

I was curious about what the evidence was, but there was no way to find out.

 

There was no way Fillen would tell me if I asked him.

 

If I were arrested by the estate guards and stood trial, I would naturally find out, but by then it would be too late to prove my innocence.

 

No matter how much I cried out my innocence, I would be branded a criminal because of the fake evidence Fillen possessed.

 

If that happened, not only would I be unable to work as an advisor, but I would also tarnish the reputation of Kalian who had trusted me.

 

‘I have to prevent that.’

 

I didn’t want Kalian to become the subject of people’s gossip because of me.

 

I never wanted to do anything that would damage his reputation.

 

For that… should I accept Fillen’s ridiculous proposal?

 

Should I return to that life of bearing and raising the child of a man whose heart had already left?

 

“….”

 

It was a life I once thought was natural.

 

Bearing Fillen’s children, supporting him, and raising the children well was my life’s goal.

 

But not anymore. I didn’t want to bear his child or anything like that.

 

I also didn’t want to return to the Williot Duchy.

 

Though I missed life there, that didn’t mean I wanted to go back.

 

…What would be the point of returning to such a place without Misa?

 

“Misa….”

 

Thinking of Misa, I felt a suffocating pain as if someone was squeezing my lungs, making it hard to breathe.

 

Misa, why did you leave me behind?

 

Why did you do such a thing?

 

I never wanted that.

 

Ragged breaths escaped me and my eyes grew warm again. Tears flowed down my cheeks.

 

“Hah, hah….”

 

I clutched my chest and collapsed onto the sofa. I pulled my legs up and curled my body into the smallest ball possible.

 

* * *

 

Kalian heard from a maid that Leilah hadn’t even finished half the soup she had brought at dawn.

 

She hadn’t eaten anything since last night, so she must be hungry, yet she couldn’t even finish a bowl of soup.

 

‘Her condition must be really poor.’

 

Well, after hearing such news, her physical condition couldn’t be good.

 

Worried about Leilah, Kalian immediately sent for the court physician.

 

An hour later, the court physician who had examined Leilah returned and reported directly to Kalian.

 

“Her physical condition is fine except for being slightly weak from not having a proper meal for over half a day.”

 

“Really?”

 

That meant she would be fine if she ate, so Kalian was relieved.

 

As if mocking such relief, the court physician continued.

 

“However, her mental illness seems deep.”

 

“Mental illness?”

 

“Yes. Baron Aster’s sudden fainting and inability to eat properly wasn’t due to poor physical condition but because of mental illness.”

 

Was that so? Well, after going through such an ordeal, it would be impossible not to develop mental illness.

 

‘I should have expelled that bastard before Leilah returned.’

 

It was difficult to expel someone of ducal rank without any reason, simply by imperial command, but it wasn’t entirely impossible.

 

It would be possible if he forced it. He just hadn’t done so because the aftermath would be severe.

 

But seeing Leilah suffering from mental illness like this, he regretted not having done so.

 

“Can you prepare medicine to treat mental illness?”

 

“Mental illness cannot be cured by taking medicine, Your Majesty.”

 

“Then what should be done?”

 

“Well.”

 

The court physician thought for a moment before answering.

 

“The best method is to eliminate the fundamental cause.”

 

In other words, it meant eliminating Fillen Williot.

 

He was seriously considering whether to start another war when the court physician added.

 

“However, the mental illness that Baron Aster has seems to be very old and layered upon layers, so it would be difficult to find the fundamental cause.”

 

What was this about now?

 

“It’s old?”

 

“Yes. From our conversation, it seems to be at least several years old.”

 

That couldn’t be right. It had only been a few months since Fillen took a mistress and they broke off their engagement, yet it was several years old? And layered upon layers at that.

 

That meant she had been accumulating illness in her heart for a long time.

 

‘Come to think of it, she was unusually afraid of thunder and lightning.’

 

Did that also stem from mental illness?

 

The possibility was certainly there. I was deeply worried about what kind of ordeal she must have gone through to be so afraid of thunder and lightning.

 

“First, I’ll prescribe incense candles and herbs that help with mental stability.”

 

“Good.”

 

“And for the time being, it’s also necessary for those around her to help ensure she doesn’t experience stress and can keep her mind at ease.”

 

“Understood.”

 

As soon as the court physician left, Kalian called for a Crowd Knight.

 

“Investigate what happened to Leilah Aster in the past. Don’t leave out even the smallest details.”

 

I didn’t really want to dig into someone else’s painful past, but there was no choice.

 

I needed to know what had happened in order to treat the wounds in her heart.

 

I wanted to step in regarding Fillen’s matter too, but since Leilah hadn’t asked for help, I couldn’t intervene.

 

Unwanted kindness was nothing more or less than meddling.

 

‘Still, if she seems to be struggling too much, I’ll have to help.’

 

Given Leilah’s personality, there was a high chance she would swallow her pain even if it festered inside.

 

The reason such a Leilah felt both foolish and familiar was because she resembled my past self.

 

Was that why Leilah kept weighing on my mind?

 

Because every time I saw her, I was reminded of my foolish past self.

 

“How ridiculous.”

 

Kalian smiled bitterly and rubbed his face roughly.

 

A moment later, Ber entered and the work that had been temporarily halted resumed.

 

After working for a while, as lunchtime approached, Kalian gave an order to his attendant.

 

“Tell the kitchen to send a special meal to Leilah. Something light that a patient can eat without burden.”

 

“Yes.”

 

After the attendant left, Ber asked Kalian.

 

“Your Majesty should also have lunch.”

 

Kalian answered while keeping his eyes fixed on the documents.

 

“No need. I don’t feel like it, so I’ll skip it.”

 

“You arrange lunch for Baron Aster but won’t take care of your own meal, Your Majesty?”

 

At loyal Ber’s question, Kalian looked at him as if incredulous.

 

“You’ve become quite brazen lately.”

 

“Thank you.”

 

“That wasn’t a compliment.”

 

“I’m aware.”

 

Not just a little, but very brazen indeed.

 

But he wasn’t wrong. Thinking it would be good to eat something simple at least, Kalian told his attendant to bring lunch.

 

Ber also left to have his lunch.

 

After finishing a simple lunch and focusing on work again, Kalian suddenly asked his attendant as if remembering something.

 

“Did Leilah finish her lunch?”

 

She hadn’t even finished the soup brought at dawn, so had she really finished lunch?

 

I thought probably not, and sure enough, the attendant reported that Leilah hadn’t even eaten a third of her lunch.

 

No matter how deep her mental wounds were, she needed to eat properly for her body’s sake. What was she trying to do?

 

Deep wrinkles formed on Kalian’s brow.

 

Everything Leilah did was displeasing to him.

 

Not eating.

 

And not asking me for help even though she must have heard harsh words from Fillen—all of it.

 

Kalian generally preferred people who tried to solve things themselves rather than blindly relying on others.

 

But Leilah took it to extremes. When there was clearly someone nearby who could help, why did she never once turn her head?

 

‘Does she not trust me?’

 

Was that why she wouldn’t ask me for help?

 

Thinking that made irritation surge up.

 

Kalian tapped the paper with his quill pen until the tip became blunt, then soon stood up from his seat.

—————
This chapter was translated by Lunox Team. To support us and help keep this series going, visit our website: LunoxScans.com
—————