An Ode to Divorce - Chapter 53

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This chapter was translated by Lunox Team. To support us and help keep this series going, visit our website: LunoxScans.com
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#53

Gert’s hand lifted my chin. Without realizing it, all the strength drained from my body. With my head tilted back as if bent backward, kissing him, I squeezed out the last of my remaining reason to barely set the lyre down on the floor.

‘Even if he’s good at everything physical, there’s no need for him to be so skilled with his tongue too…!’

Rather, shouldn’t I be more skilled since I’m good at singing and whistling? But there was no way around being overpowered by the strength of his tongue rather than technique.

“Haah…”

Breathless moaning replaced where the music had stopped.

Gert kissed me as if he’d lost his mind. Not knowing what had bewitched him, as we clung to each other as if craving one another, before I knew it my body was half-lying on the sofa.

Lying like this and looking up at Gert, the memory of our first night became clearer. The memory of that time when we embraced and kissed just like now…

And then I recalled Gert’s image afterward, looking at me with troubled eyes as if he’d made a mistake.

How could I forget that moment! In my life, there weren’t many things that hurt my pride that much.

Remembering that moment, my spine suddenly turned cold. I hastily pushed Gert away with all the strength I could muster.

“Ugh… Stop! Stop, stop!”

Gert withdrew more obediently than expected. His body pushed away by my hands moved far back, and as the heat disappeared, cold crept in. Though it wasn’t even winter, my body strangely trembled.

***

Gert blinked slowly. Once, twice. He blinked several times as if trying to regain his senses and shook his head, and only then did focus return to his eyes.

“…”

“…”

Though it wasn’t as terrible an expression as what I’d faced that day, the current Gert still looked utterly confused.

“I…”

Gert couldn’t easily continue his words, just repeatedly opening and closing his mouth.

Meanwhile, as my body’s heat cooled and I regained my senses, I realized how this situation had come about.

‘…Was it because of my performance?’

Bards can put their will into songs. Just like calming an excited deer, naturally they could also excite people.

But because my will of that sort was weak, no matter how many love songs I sang until now, this kind of thing never happened. It was the same when I sang the same song to Gert last time.

Of course, I did sing the canso quite well today. But even so, still…!

‘Could it be that I actually have talent for canso?’

Anyway, if it was because of the canso, this kiss was entirely my fault. Moreover, there was clearly a chance to stop in the middle, but I pretended not to know and let it continue because of impulse, making it even worse.

I decided to voluntarily pay my taxes.

Then at least I’d get beaten less.

“Sorry, Gert!”

I immediately apologized to Gert. As if he didn’t expect me to apologize, even more bewilderment crossed his already flustered face.

Thinking he couldn’t spit on a smiling face, I smiled awkwardly and carefully added.

“That… I heard sometimes this happens when you sing canso, but I didn’t intentionally sing it that way. I’ve never had this happen while singing canso before… It was a mistake! A mistake…”

I smiled gently with my eyes while gauging Gert’s reaction. As soon as he heard it was because of the canso, Gert’s expression became terrifying.

It was understandable. Being controlled by another person and made to kiss when he didn’t want to would naturally be unpleasant.

Let’s say Gert was swayed by the canso.

Then why on earth did I act that way?

‘I… might be weak to temptation.’

Both in my past life and this time, strangely in front of Gert, it felt like my reason easily broke before desire.

If it had been other men, sneakily kissing in this situation? That would have been absolutely impossible…

While I was feeling depressed like that, Gert, who had been silent for a while, frowned and spoke.

“…What exactly is canso that it has such an effect?”

‘…Ah, starting from there.’

Come to think of it, it would be strange for Gert, who doesn’t know much about art, to know about canso. I began explaining while trying my best not to upset Gert.

“It’s a type of love song…”

“Love song?”

“Yeah. In the old days, only courtly romance songs depicting impossible love were called canso, but nowadays even love confession songs are called that.”

“…So you’re saying that was a love song?”

Gert asked again as if he couldn’t understand. I couldn’t understand such a Gert.

But I couldn’t scold him for it. I calmly pointed out the lyrics.

“There’s a verse that goes ‘The stronger the lily’s fragrance grows, the more my heart aches, and my longing only deepens.’ Anyone can tell it’s a love song.”

As soon as I finished speaking, shock appeared on Gert’s face. Gert pressed his forehead with his hand, then held it out in front of me, then grabbed his hair again repeatedly while getting angry.

“Wait, then why on earth did you go on about lily fragrance and birds and such? I couldn’t understand it at all! And how does just saying you miss someone make it a love song!”

“There’s context, context.”

I’m the one asking how, how.

It’s so obvious, how could you really not know that?

Forgetting to watch Gert’s mood, I rolled my eyes in disbelief.

I knew Gert was ignorant about this sort of thing, but still, surely he’d know this much? Surely? I only now realized he didn’t know any of the things I thought he surely would.

‘I should just think of it as teaching a 3-year-old.’

“Listen. Usually when words like heart or feelings are included, most of it is about the speaker, right? And emphasizing the speaker’s emotions like that…”

While I was going on with my explanation like that, Gert pressed between his brows with his thumb and index finger and stopped my words.

“Wait, that’s not what’s important.”

“This is what’s important.”

If this isn’t important, then what is? You’re listening to canso without even knowing what canso is!

“…Earlier you said ‘while singing canso until now.’ Have you sung this kind of love song in front of others before?”

“Huh? Many times.”

He acted like it was serious, so I wondered what he was going to say, but he’s asking something too obvious again.

“Originally there’s even a saying that love songs are songs of heroes. Like the feeling of ‘a hero who wins the person they love!’ I was often requested when I was with the expedition. By the twins and such.”

“What?”

Gert’s face crumpled incomparably worse than before. Did I misspeak? I don’t know why Gert is upset, but I started making excuses.

“For bards, love songs are one of the three major income sources along with heroic poems and dance music, so I sing them often… If bards only sang love songs to their lovers, 30% of their income would be cut off.”

“So you sang this kind of song to people who aren’t even your lover, even to those wretched twin bastards? When they might go crazy like me and try to rub not just lips but something worse against you?”

“That’s why I said this kind of thing never happened before? I’m not particularly talented with love songs…”

“But it happened!”

“S-sorry!”

Only then did I realize that while focusing on factual accuracy, I had completely forgotten my original sin. When I jumped up and apologized, Gert ran his hand through his hair and gave a sighing reply.

“It’s not something for you to be sorry about… What I’m worried about is you.”

Gert seemed to think that if he just mentioned it in passing, I wouldn’t listen even with the back of my ear, so he looked directly into my eyes and warned me once more.

“So absolutely never sing love songs in front of others.”

“Yes…”

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This chapter was translated by Lunox Team. To support us and help keep this series going, visit our website: LunoxScans.com
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