An Ode to Divorce - Chapter 52

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This chapter was translated by Lunox Team. To support us and help keep this series going, visit our website: LunoxScans.com
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#52

What happened in the meantime? As I tilted my head and looked at Gert, he covered his eyes with his hand in dismay and lamented.

“You… need to be more careful. How many times have I told you?”

“But it’s you, not some stranger. So there’s no need to be particularly careful.”

Having seen all sorts of things during the expedition, it wasn’t something to make a fuss about seeing each other naked once or twice. There were times when we were both soaked and warmed ourselves by the campfire while drying our clothes, and times when Gert shielded me with his back while I changed clothes.

Though Gert and I had slept together while drunk, that was only because of alcohol, and it was closer to a mistake that happened because he mistook me for a woman he liked.

Even if he doesn’t have a woman he likes right now, what he ultimately likes isn’t me. So as long as Gert’s reason remains intact, there was no way I would be seen as a woman by him.

“I do have some sense of crisis. I don’t act like this in front of others. Like the twins…”

“That’s fortunate, but somehow unpleasant. Doesn’t that mean you’re conscious of those guys as men?”

Gert frowned displeasedly and grumbled. At his words, I couldn’t help but laugh. The twins being men – it wasn’t wrong, but somehow it was funny.

“It’s not so much being conscious of them as men, but being cautious… In that sense, trustworthy Gert, how are you feeling today?”

Since I felt sorry for cutting off the song halfway through yesterday, I was more proactive than usual in selecting songs.

“Would you like a lively dance tune like Saltarello? Or a hymn where you can feel the atmosphere of victory like Paean?”

Gert, who noticed I was changing the subject, sighed. But he also didn’t seem to want to continue the earlier topic any longer, so he played along with me appropriately.

“…What’s the difference between those two songs?”

“Saltarello is more cheerful and has a lighter feeling. Paean is completely majestic. For example, like this…”

I lightly played a verse from famous songs among Saltarello and Paean. The lively melody that seemed to bounce off the strings soon settled down majestically.

“How is it?”

“Hmm…”

Gert crossed his arms and furrowed his brow as if he wasn’t sure. Soon he spoke while fumblingly retracing his memories.

“I liked the gentle song I heard last time… That, somewhat ticklish one. It was a song about nightingale calls or something.”

At first he knew nothing, but it was interesting that he had developed preferences after listening to some music. Having preferences was much better than having none. I burst into laughter and recalled the songs I had sung for Gert so far.

“Lyrics about nightingale calls usually go into songs about spring… A gentle song talking about spring? Was it Pastoral? But since you said it was ticklish… Ah, Canso.”

As I counted the songs I had sung for Gert so far, I was able to identify the song before long.

I sang a verse of the song I had performed then.

“When April buds begin to sprout… This one, right?”

Only then did Gert nod as if it was correct.

Now that I knew what song Gert wanted to hear, there was no reason to hesitate further. Sitting next to Gert, I began playing with light hand movements that were closer to touching rather than plucking the lyre strings.

When April buds begin to sprout

Flowers bloom in the meadow

When the nightingale sings

My heart awakens too

The tempo of Canso didn’t need to be very fast. It needed to feel elegant and dignified, and while melody was important, above all, clearly conveying the lyrics was most important.

Honestly, since it was enough to stick to the basics, the difficulty of the song wasn’t particularly high.

But I couldn’t let my guard down at all.

Unfortunately, Canso was the genre I was most vulnerable to.

While I was confident with most songs, even someone like me had areas that were relatively weaker.

Songs like laments or love songs like Canso, where the singer had to infuse their own emotions, were such areas.

No matter how technically perfect, there would inevitably be empty spots that could be felt.

‘I’m more confident in drawing out others’ emotions.’

Songs that stimulated hidden desires in others, calmed excitement, or stirred up crowds could be solved to some extent with observation and technique.

But laments and love songs had limitations unless you experienced them to some degree yourself. Since deep sadness and painful love were emotions distant from me, it was difficult to fully infuse emotions into the songs.

‘It’s amazing that Linos sings them well.’

According to Linos, his libertine lifestyle helped with his singing, but I still found it difficult to understand the principle. But since the results turned out well anyway, I couldn’t just criticize him.

Honestly, I was envious that Linos had such strengths.

‘But that doesn’t mean I can live like a libertine like Linos.’

So what could I do? I had no choice but to draw from experiences I didn’t have.

‘The closest experience I have…’

Just thinking of someone makes you tingle, wanting to touch them…

Though it was a bit embarrassing, what immediately came to mind was my first night with Gert. The heart-fluttering excitement when I thought Gert wanted me, the yearning to touch him…

As soon as I recalled that time, my breathing became unsteady and my heart raced. A slight trembling seemed to make even my fingertips shake, making my string-plucking hand clumsier than usual, but even that created an embarrassed feeling.

‘…Hmm, but this might not be bad?’

It felt like the best Canso I had ever sung. Feeling proud, I put more of those memories into the song. How desperate Gert’s touch had been, how I had heated up in response…

So my fingers playing the lyre became more tender, and the end of my whispering voice became wet as if sobbing.

Now I felt like I could finally get a sense of how to sing love songs.

Oh, what sweet pain this is

As the lily’s fragrance grows stronger

My heart aches even more

My longing only deepens

While I was singing like this, Gert’s body next to me gradually leaned toward me. At first I thought Gert was just concentrating on my song and didn’t think much of it, but at some point his breathing could be heard very close by.

‘…What?’

When I finished a verse and looked up in puzzlement, I came face to face with his blue-gray eyes that had come right up to my nose.

“…!”

So close that our lips would touch with just a slight movement. My throat bobbed greatly as I unconsciously swallowed.

Gert’s eyes were entranced by something, unlike usual. His gaze was dreamy, impossible to tell what he was thinking, but what he wanted was clear. His hot breath tickled my lips beneath his parted lips.

Gert wasn’t in his right mind right now. That’s why he was acting like this toward me.

If I raised my hand and pushed his face away, Gert would come to his senses, realize what he had done, and hastily pull away from me.

I just needed to raise my hand and push him away.

No, it would have been enough to just cover my lips with my hand.

But I just couldn’t…

Gert wasn’t the only one entranced. Perhaps because the memories of our first night that I had been recalling were too vivid. The barrier of reason that I should push him away crumbled in an instant.

‘Sexual frustration… I think that’s right…!’

While I hesitated like this, before long Gert’s lips, breathing roughly, touched mine.

Though rough, it was the only soft part among his hard skin. His lips pressed down like stamping a seal and completely swallowed my parted mouth without letting a breath of air in.

***

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This chapter was translated by Lunox Team. To support us and help keep this series going, visit our website: LunoxScans.com
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